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Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.

Posted by ladybug2203 
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 20, 2021
Quote
yurble
Look what was posted on AITA..

They ought to read here.

Whoever posted there is getting flamed like crazy using a flamethrower

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 20, 2021
Quote
thom_c

They ought to read here.

Whoever posted there is getting flamed like crazy using a flamethrower

I thought this was Ladybug's Mom!

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 20, 2021
Wow. While my mother is not tech savvy (she just learned to text within the past couple of years, doesn't know how to use apps, only started using emails about 10 years ago, is a super slow with typing, and has never mentioned having knowledge of reddit, and she's a super sheltered housewife who's husband took care of all that technical stuff for her) it sounds EXACTLY like my family!!! My dad (last I knew) has been teaching her more about how to use the computer etc so she's gotten way better. My youngest sister IS flakey, irresponsible, immature and forgetful (someone suspected on here she may have an undiagnosed brain injury from getting smacked in head by autard several times when she was as young as 3 years old).

Wow, just wow.

If it is her (I cannot confirm as I've gone NC) I'm glad she's been vilified by strangers all over the world, I'm extremely hurt and angry that she's this desperate to look for justification for her behavior, she has ZERO capability of self reflection, and is doing everything in her power to avoid responsibility. They always held me hostage to holidays, they are probably upset I haven't acknowledged father's day for the first time in my life.

Even though the final straw wasn't about my autard sister, it was my other sister hijacking my birthday dinner that they insisted I have and my parents actively participating in it since I'm a second class citizen for not being married (as stated above they spent the whole dinner gushing over a wedding when she isn't even engaged yet, and planning her poor bfs whole life for him when he isn't even there to have any say). They spent the whole time debating between large vs small, local vs destination, brainstorming how to handle problem relatives, and deciding what kind of post med school residencies he should take for him.

My youngest sister has had the same boyfriend on and off for about 7 years and think a ring is all but in the bag, I wouldn't bet my cats life on it. I think (USUALLY, there are exceptions) if a man doesn't propose within a few years, it ain't happening. They already broke up once, but his parents pressured him to get back together with her. And when they first started dating he wanted a lable-less thing, but agreed to be bf/gf after sister gave him an ultimatum. His father is a jewelry maker, so he would get a custom ring for free (most grooms to be have to save big time). I've heard many stories where a man drags his feet for one woman for years on end, breaks up with her, finds a new girl and proposes within a few months. But then again I'm a cynic, I believe actions not promises. I don't trust anything a partner tells me until they actually follow through, and I don't even know if this kid promised her. I have a few friends who are nurses, and they all tell me they are absolute VULTURES in trying to snag a doctor, and will slit each other's throats to do it, so he will see his options open up big time once he starts his residency. Sister is not a nurse, I just mean as a bachelor doctor he'll have nurses all over him vying for his attention.

They are fucking desperate for a wedding in the family, because most of my cousins on mother's side have married, and none of us have yet, and she's dying to do all the mother of the bride stuff (dress shopping etc), "say yes to the dress" is one of her favorite tv shows.
Youngest sis is a narcissist and her bf seems like a nice kid from a distance (I haven't met him), and I hope he finds someone better than my sister, he's in med school (has a year left then does residencies)and my sister is thinking "cha-ching" and will spend that poor guys money like water. I was taught to be frugal, she was taught if she makes a big enough stink she'll get what she wants.

The only part I slightly hesitate is that we haven't discussed autard guardian ship stuff for quite some time (before going NC), parents were pretty much avoiding the whole situation and my mother even admitted to me that she hopes my sister passes before she does.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 20, 2021
All the details seem too similar to not be ladybug's mom, but when I read it, my first thoughts were that the reddit OP, even though clueless, is way more accountable/remorseful than ladybug's mother is. The OP acknowledges she caused her daughter pain, acknowledges her daughter has PTSD, acknowledges that she should have encouraged her daughter to go to therapy.

That part did not sound like LB's mom. Last we heard, mom (and dad) were still blaming LB for her feelings, expecting LB to be "grateful" for the material things in her upbringing, etc. The chances of her getting off that narrative seemed pretty low, but who knows.

There could be other families with similar situations because there are a lot of people in the world. Or maybe someone is trolling this site and borrowing the story because there are people on Reddit who make shit up all the time.

Who knows.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 20, 2021
Quote
bell_flower
All the details seem too similar to not be ladybug's mom, but when I read it, my first thoughts were that the reddit OP, even though clueless, is way more accountable/remorseful than ladybug's mother is. The OP acknowledges she caused her daughter pain, acknowledges her daughter has PTSD, acknowledges that she should have encouraged her daughter to go to therapy.

That part did not sound like LB's mom. Last we heard, mom (and dad) were still blaming LB for her feelings, expecting LB to be "grateful" for the material things in her upbringing, etc. The chances of her getting off that narrative seemed pretty low, but who knows.

There could be other families with similar situations because there are a lot of people in the world. Or maybe someone is trolling this site and borrowing the story because there are people on Reddit who make shit up all the time.

Who knows.

Regardless of who it is, it was still pretty triggering, but I feel better after a long bike ride.

And what my parents did is what most tard breeders do (having their head so far up tards ass to the detriment of their other children, and most expect them to care for tard after they die). So really my parents aren't all that unique nor original in the world of autards.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 21, 2021
There are definitely people who make up AITA posts, and it could well be someone saw the story here and decided to repackage it. On the other hand, people who are oblivious in AITA posts often try to include details that make them look as if they are sympathetic to the other person, such as "acknowledging" the person's trauma. Or it could of course be coincidence.

LB: I'm sorry it was triggering; I was thinking it might be a validation of your choices to see someone who resembles your mother being raked over the coals for her actions, by people other than us.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 21, 2021
Quote
yurble
There are definitely people who make up AITA posts, and it could well be someone saw the story here and decided to repackage it. On the other hand, people who are oblivious in AITA posts often try to include details that make them look as if they are sympathetic to the other person, such as "acknowledging" the person's trauma. Or it could of course be coincidence.

LB: I'm sorry it was triggering; I was thinking it might be a validation of your choices to see someone who resembles your mother being raked over the coals for her actions, by people other than us.

No hard feelings I know you meant well.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 22, 2021
Hey guys I just thought of something, when the time comes for me to move, change my number, email etc, I wouldn't put it past them to hire a private investigator to find me.

Anyone have good tips on how to make myself unfindable to a PI? I would get a Po Box and list that address for the DMV and all my bills, anything else I can do? Or is a PI able to find me no matter what?
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 22, 2021
wow, you really looking to go off the radar...
I don't have any really good ideas, if the mother fuckers are that desperate nearly everyone can be found. Main thing is to move as far away as possible. The more distance, the better. No forwarding address given out. You will probably have to drop friends and acquaintances: bastards would pull some jackass boohoo stunt.
I think google it, there are posts interspersed through Reddit on hiding, I really don't know but it would definitely involve losing contact with everyone. also, give out false information, send the stupid jerks down a few rabbit holes.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 22, 2021
Quote
twocents
I think google it, there are posts interspersed through Reddit on hiding, I really don't know but it would definitely involve losing contact with everyone. also, give out false information, send the stupid jerks down a few rabbit holes.

And making them spend money going down those rabbit holes would make them less inclined to seek you out.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 22, 2021
Quote
twocents
wow, you really looking to go off the radar...
I don't have any really good ideas, if the mother fuckers are that desperate nearly everyone can be found. Main thing is to move as far away as possible. The more distance, the better. No forwarding address given out. You will probably have to drop friends and acquaintances: bastards would pull some jackass boohoo stunt.
I think google it, there are posts interspersed through Reddit on hiding, I really don't know but it would definitely involve losing contact with everyone. also, give out false information, send the stupid jerks down a few rabbit holes.

Fortunately they don't know who any of my friends are, and I'm not in touch with any extended relatives. I'm just too emotionally fragile to handle their gas lighting is all.
Counterintuitively...I wonder if consulting a PI would actually help with disappearing? I'd pick one not local in case they do try to hire one. PI might have suggestions.

If they do find you, hire a shark of a lawyer to write up a letter telling them to fuck off. Get a restraining order if needed.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 24, 2021
at this point, look around, there is advice out there. only way you can avoid gaslighting or anything ese they do is refuse to communicate with them in any way, shape, or form. delete emails, voice mails, 'return to sender' on letters, etc.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 25, 2021
Quote
yurble
Look what was posted on AITA..

well I'm shocked (not really), the post is deleted . Guess they found out they were the asshole.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 25, 2021
AITA bot makes a copy of the post though, and you can generally see it by sorting by oldest.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 26, 2021
there is a way of finding these old posts but I have never been successful.
imagine the manipulation and gaslighting and abuse to force a free person to be shackled to an awtard by daddy dickwad and moo

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 27, 2021
Quote
twocents
there is a way of finding these old posts but I have never been successful.
imagine the manipulation and gaslighting and abuse to force a free person to be shackled to an awtard by daddy dickwad and moo

I was groomed as a young child, in fact I wasn't even asked. My earliest memory was like about 9 years old, I was told "you will one day need to make medical decisions for her" "you'll need to look after her when you're gone" and of course as a young child I said "okay" because I would've been punished for saying no.

It's disgusting to lay this on a CHILD, in fact it's child abuse.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 27, 2021
I know ladybug. Parents, many are despicable and yours are at the top of the list.

my own whackamoo remarried after I left and the husband had been told all his life he had to take care of his fucking mental brother. this is one who would have been homeless had moms hubby had done what needed to be. frankly, he needed institutionalization but they are all closed down, and they won't sterilize them either. however, my mother also behaved in a way that guaranteed this whackjjob would hate her. But that was her modus operandi. She ended up with everyone hating her. I tolerated her later on, but she did calm down. But that was all this guy heard from his idiot family. He was the smartest of the lot, had a good job working on the ny subway system. Told me some corker stories about it as well... But.. from his dumbass famblee? you gotta take care of nasty drunken mental bruuudeeerrr... notice, no other famblee will take them in either. God I hate famblee. but I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum there...

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 27, 2021
One of the biggest bummers was when I wanted to do extracurricular activities outside of school, I had to do the tard versions so mom could take both me and tard sister and not have to make two trips (she admitted to exaggerating my "learning disability" (which I don't believe I ever had but that's a debate for another time) so they would take us both. These facilities weren't mainstreamers that included tards, they were SPECIFICALLY designed for tards, so mother basically had to pretend I was a tard too to get me in, so she could kill two birds with one stone and not have to make two trips to separate lessons, and wouldn't have to mind tardlina during my lessons.

Swimming lessons? Had to go to a special Olympics swimming facility. In the women's locker room mother forced me to change in the stall bc moos bought their teenage tard sons into the women's locker room.

Horseback riding lessons? Had to go to a horseback riding facility for tards.

During most of my years there I was too young to notice, but quickly lost interest once I became old enough to notice I was different from all the other riders and swimmers.

Karate lessons? Not allowed (but I think it's cuz when I was a child I asked if I could use karate on tard, not to attack her but to defend myself, was told no I wasn't allowed to do that to her) but was never given a straight answer on why I couldn't do karate lessons, I suspect it's cuz they didn't want me defending myself against tard.

And they wonder why I was so damned socially awkward as a kid (and still am to some degree)
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 28, 2021
Quote
ladybug2203
Quote
twocents
there is a way of finding these old posts but I have never been successful.
imagine the manipulation and gaslighting and abuse to force a free person to be shackled to an awtard by daddy dickwad and moo

I was groomed as a young child, in fact I wasn't even asked. My earliest memory was like about 9 years old, I was told "you will one day need to make medical decisions for her" "you'll need to look after her when you're gone" and of course as a young child I said "okay" because I would've been punished for saying no.

It's disgusting to lay this on a CHILD, in fact it's child abuse.

The only smart thing Dr Phil ever said was "No child should be born with a job."

It's amazing just how much time this has taken in my own PTSD therapy.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
June 28, 2021
it will take decades to get over the pro natalist bullshit imo.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
July 06, 2021
Quote
ladybug2203
Quote
twocents
wow, you really looking to go off the radar...
I don't have any really good ideas, if the mother fuckers are that desperate nearly everyone can be found. Main thing is to move as far away as possible. The more distance, the better. No forwarding address given out. You will probably have to drop friends and acquaintances: bastards would pull some jackass boohoo stunt.
I think google it, there are posts interspersed through Reddit on hiding, I really don't know but it would definitely involve losing contact with everyone. also, give out false information, send the stupid jerks down a few rabbit holes.

Fortunately they don't know who any of my friends are, and I'm not in touch with any extended relatives. I'm just too emotionally fragile to handle their gas lighting is all.

This is good. Moving thousands of miles away is a big help, unless the family has unlimited funds.

It can be a simple as staying away from any social media with relatives to legally changing your last name (especially if your current last name makes you easy to locate) and having a cell phone where you can block people you don't want contacting you. Or it could be complicated: filling a restraining order and going without any credit for years. I don't know if the records can be sealed once you change your last name, so you'd definitely want to consider if it would be public record if you think you'd be interested in changing your last name. Check with your state if you're considering it.

I hope you won't need to resort to the hard core off the radar tactics. A simple internet search on your name would be a good start to see what is out there on you currently. You can request certain things to be removed (searches that show your name) but it depends on what it is as to whether or not the SEO company will remove it. And it may require it being removed from numerous SEOs. This can be done with a simple letter if the SEO has a privacy statement which gives you leverage. Some of these letter forms are available on the internet.

It would probably be good to come up with a plan, if certain things happen then you will do this in response. If you decide to go more hard core it might make sense to contact a PI or someone in law enforcement to see what is recommended.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
August 13, 2021
Not a troll, just an update.

My 14 year old cat recently passed away from a very aggressive cancer (oral squamous cell carcinoma) that I was unaware of until her annual (no symptoms until about 5 days before her annual, she made sounds that I thought were sneezing, I figured she just had a cold or got dust in her face from closet or under the bed, I let vet tech know but I wasn't alarmed, and they found a lump on her neck that I didn't know about bc it was in an area where she isn't normally pet. Radiation and chemo doesn't work on this type of cancer, and it was in a spot that couldn't be safely operated, all we could do was give her Prednisone for inflammation til she could no longer eat and needed to be euthanized), made a post about it on FB, I'm friends with an uncle who told my parents (he was unaware of our estrangement), my parents sent me a condolences card in the mail encouraging me to call or visit, I just wrote a simple card back saying "thank you for the card" and nothing else. It pissed me off to no end they were trying to use my cats death to weasel their way back into my life with no accountability, I will not let them use my cats death to sweep everything under the rug. If I have to be alone with no support then so be it.

I found a place, moving mid November. Many will disagree with me, but I've chosen to stay in the northeast (albeit way further from my family), I'm currently only an hour away from my family, but where I'm moving to I'll be about 4 hours away from them (more with traffic).

I really, REALLY like the northeast, this is where all my friends are, I'm in the best spot in the country for my work, and I feel the northeast is where I best fit in. It is NOTHING to do with my family (if they were to move to a different part of the country I'd be a happy camper and still stay in the north east, I absolutely would not follow them). They've already taken so much from me, I shouldn't have to give up living in an area I love for them.

But I am at peace with this decision and am happy/comfortable with the distance. 4 hours is nothing to most of us, but in my parents eyes (I haven't told them anything) they think an hour is super far away, 4 hrs to them I might as well live on another planet in their eyes, since they would consider it super far away that's good enough for me.

On top of that, I got friggin bingoed by a prospective mover when getting a quote. I'm moving into an awesome two bedroom, he was getting details on my new apartment to get an accurate quote he's like "a two bedroom? You must have a kid!" I'm like "nope no kids" he was flabbergasted, this dick couldn't comprehend a woman wanting an extra bedroom sans baybeee, "a two bedroom just for you?!" I said "I fail to see how this is any of your business" and hung up, even though he was the lowest quote, guess who lost my business (bummer bc it would've saved me $500, but bingoers don't get my money). I wish I told him it was for my cat to shock him even more.

Forget home offices, having a bedroom for guests, your own library, or your own kinky ass personal dungeon if you're so inclined, a second bedroom MUST be for a loaf
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
August 15, 2021
Sorry on the loss of kitty.. I had one that passed from cancer. I knew for a year that something was wrong, but he was almost 15, won't go into details but he lost his meow and then had small funny little seizures. He also became more 'clingy', wanting to be around me as much as possible. Which he got, he had priority, he would nap in front of keyboard. He had priority. ....

I love the northeast as well... cried when I left it actually.. I hope you are far enough.. sounds like you have a nice place there. I tend to ignore comments like that guy because it is sorta normal sometimes. it is the assumption that is annoying but y'know, breeding is the brainless norm.

Good luck. And make sure you have security of sorts in place. Simplisafe makes nice systems and are portable. Just watch your back. And cams.. and make sure landlord and other people are aware that 'famblee' is not welcome. Tell them not to let anything labeling itself as such in. trust me, I think you will have problems in the future... take care.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
Re: Better late then never, finally cut ties with my toxic family.
August 15, 2021
I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved senior cat.

I can understand not wanting to let toxic people drive you out of your favorite neck of the woods. I was operating under my own scale of distance/travel, and I come from a family that went on a lot of multi-day road trips. Your parents' sense of scale will definitely work to your advantage!! Hopefully four hours is enough to keep them away.

That mover was an idiot. Fuck that guy.
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