Ford's new MyKey system... for the chiiiiildrun

Yesterday's tyrannies came to us in the name of the people - or the race or the nation. We may get ours in the name of the children.

At least, when it comes to our cars and what we're allowed to do with them.

Ford has just revealed a new system it will include as standard equipment on many of its 2010 model vehicles - and eventually, all of them. The new system - called "MyKey" - is described as a tool for parents of teenaged drivers. It lets Mom or Dad electronically limit the vehicle's speed via a programmable key fob to no more than 80 mph. But that's not all folks. The system can be set up to trigger an annoying buzzer if the teen doesn't buckle up for safety - or exceeds any preset speed - and even limits the volume of the stereo (ok, maybe this last item's not such a bad idea).

"Our message to parents is, hey, we are providing you some conditions to give your new drivers that may allow you to feel a little more comfortable in giving them the car more often," said Jim Buczkowski, Ford's director of electronic and electrical systems engineering.

But the speed limiter thing is creepy - because you just know it will not end with "the children." It may start with them - just as mandatory seat belt laws began with them. But eventually, the same inexorable logic will be applied to everyone.

Who, after all, needs to drive faster than 80 mph? It's illegal speeding! And speeding, as we all have been taught to pretend to agree, is unsafe. Why, therefore, should the possibility of speeding be permitted when technology can keep us safe?

If Ford does it, bet your bippie GM will, too. Automakers have fully embraced what you might call Mom Culture - each trying to outdo the others as providers of the "safest" cars on the road. Style, sex appeal and power used to sell cars. Not so much today. The most popular cars on the road are S-moo-Vees and family friendly "crossovers" that are just minivans in drag. Most new cars come standard with at least four air bags; some six or even eight. It adds thousands of dollars to the bottom line price, but all those moms out there demand it.

How long before the moms in the state and federal Politburo seize upon this new technology and make it mandatory? Not just that your next new car come equipped with it - but that either the automakers or the government pre-program the car so that it can never be driven faster than the posted limit?

With GPS technology, it is now possible to do this in "real time" - as the car travels. Leaving your driveway/neighborhood, a roadside transmitter sends a signal to your car's computer, limiting the speed to the 25 mph maximum; once you turn onto the secondary road that leads to the highway - where the limit is 45 mph - the car receives new instructions and allows you to go that fast. But no faster. Enter the highway, and you're allowed 55. That's it. Wherever you go - and no matter how much horsepower you're packing - you'll go only as fast as The Man (or more accurately, Mom) says you may.

Ironically, the only hope this darkness may not descend is that it would cause a major cashflow problem for the local and state governments that depend so much on the "revenue" generated from our system of routine non-compliance with purposely under-posted speed limits. We're talking hundreds of millions of dollars; a bonanza not just for the various governments involved but also for the insurance cartels, who profit handsomely from the almost-unavoidable premium "surcharges" that come with a blotch on your DMV record for "speeding."

But if speeding becomes impossible, radar traps - both manned and automated - become pointless. No money in it.

And that we cannot have.

So, it's even money how this will come out. There's a battle brewing between the safety fetish of millions of moms, the automakers who are desperate to please them - and the edifice of organized highway robbery that makes it possible to keep the money flowing into the government's pockets from ours without the politically less palatable need to impose an overt tax.

Who will come out the victor? It's a tough call. But of one thing there can be no doubt whatsoever.

You and I will lose.

www.ericpetersautos.com

Oh, I'm sure the mommies will scream loud and long about this - they'll want EVERYBODY to be electronically controlled in their vehicles FOR THE SAKE OF THE CCCCHHHHIIIIILLLLDDDDRRREEEEENNNN!!!!!!!

These same mommies are the cunts on their cell phones while driving, yabbering away, coasting thru stop signs and running red lights.

I wish they would expend their energies to design vehicles that can get 60+ mpg. The volkswagon Lupo (available in europe) gets 98 mpg.
However, these probably wouldn't sell due to the fact that there are no dvd screens for their brats. They might actually have to sit there and watch scenary.

I think this is a RIDICULOUS feature as well as potentially unsafe, which will only add to the sales prices of new cars for the REST of us who don't give a DAMN about such stupid features. Immediately I envisioned potential life threatening scenarios should they have some cap on the car's speed. Suppose their kyd is fucking around while driving and talking to someone in the back seat and looking at him in the rear view mirror and does'nt notice a train approaching the tracks? Suppose it's too late to do anything but speed up to avoid collision and the speed needed to clear the tracks was 85 mph? Yet, the car stalls out at 80 and that places them directly on the track as the train crosses it?

Then there's the cases of FREAKS who are out on the roads who will actually speed up when someone tries to pass. Suppose this happens to them and they are too far ahead to slow down and get back in the line of traffic, but an oncoming car is approaching and the only hope they have is to speed up and pass the asshole on their right? Suppose that speed needed to pass and avoid a head on collision is 81, or 82 mph? I see a minimum of a 3 car collision here. Then there's always the rare, yet possible, chance that they are being chased by a criminal intent on robbing them, rape, etc......I doubt a criminal would have a speed limit set on his vehicle, so that would put them at a distinct disadvantage. Then there's always the chance of a medical emergency where driving 90 mph to get to help could be the difference in life or death. I have actually had the first two things happen to me in the past, so these scenarios are not far fetched.

These breeder assholes would likely sue the auto makers if Shitford got hit by a train, which would only cause the cost of insurance AND new cars to rise even further. In one form or another EVERYONE else pays for stupid breeders and their kyds, as usual.

kidlesskim Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Immediately I envisioned potential life
> threatening scenarios should they have some cap on
> the car's speed. Suppose their kyd is fucking
> around while driving and talking to someone in the
> back seat and looking at him in the rear view
> mirror and does'nt notice a train approaching the
> tracks? Suppose it's too late to do anything but
> speed up to avoid collision and the speed needed
> to clear the tracks was 85 mph? Yet, the car
> stalls out at 80 and that places them directly on
> the track as the train crosses it?

Meh...is it any great loss to lose a teen, or any, driver who doesn't have the sense to pay attention and slow down when approaching train tracks at the very least? I think not.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Yet another device to insure the survival of the stupid. Let evolution weed out the stupid.

I see this escalating into moo's wanting us to all drive slow for the sake of the babies.
Screw em, I am drivng it like I stole it.

Eric, you've hit the nail on the head with a pile driver.

Our government LOVES to start Big-Brother-spying programs this way - it's popular as hell since there are tons of voting breeders. Then when program XYZ is in place, it slowly gets expanded...

It takes a village alright - a village idiot.

No, I think you all are worried about nothing here. Speed governers have been around for a long long time. They have been on every work truck I ever drove.

New in the shops this Christmas. CuntKey.

Every model of stupid cunt will have equipped as standard an electronic limiter to prevent speeding and over-use of said cunt. If consistently and gainfully employed, the CuntKey will shut down reproductive process of each individual after the production of two children. If the individual is of no discernable intelligence or ability, or if addicted to welfare handouts, CuntKey will spring into action and ensure even the most determined cunt engages in no illegal activity.

"We believe this device will aid national GDP and foster trust and respect between stupid cunts and the rest of the general population," says its inventor Ms Amethyst.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Quote

New in the shops this Christmas. CuntKey.

Every model of stupid cunt will have equipped as standard an electronic limiter to prevent speeding and over-use of said cunt. If consistently and gainfully employed, the CuntKey will shut down reproductive process of each individual after the production of two children. If the individual is of no discernable intelligence or ability, or if addicted to welfare handouts, CuntKey will spring into action and ensure even the most determined cunt engages in no illegal activity.

"We believe this device will aid national GDP and foster trust and respect between stupid cunts and the rest of the general population," says its inventor Ms Amethyst.

HAHA! Now THAT'S a wonderful invention!!!

Amethyst Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> New in the shops this Christmas. CuntKey.
>
> Every model of stupid cunt will have equipped as
> standard an electronic limiter to prevent speeding
> and over-use of said cunt. If consistently and
> gainfully employed, the CuntKey will shut down
> reproductive process of each individual after the
> production of two children. If the individual is
> of no discernable intelligence or ability, or if
> addicted to welfare handouts, CuntKey will spring
> into action and ensure even the most determined
> cunt engages in no illegal activity.
>
> "We believe this device will aid national GDP and
> foster trust and respect between stupid cunts and
> the rest of the general population," says its
> inventor Ms Amethyst.


I like that invention! Perhaps we could also sell the male counterpart, "The Nutlock ", or sell them as a package, "The cuntkey/nutlock combo." The "nutlock" will basically lockdown their nuts in a painful way in order to render their fucking a potential welfare whore impossible, using the same criteria as the "cuntkey". Thereby, keeping the sluts and worthless pieces of shit baby daddy's from self replicating.

As always, the BREEDERS have to have everyone else pay for their stupidity or that of their spawn. Sure the moos will be screaming for this shit...then, they don't have to worry about really DOING TMIJITW namely teaching their hellspawn to act like normal civilised human beings--off-road AND on.

We're getting my mum's G-6 and since DH is in auto tech institute, we're keepin' said G-6 till it falls apart or parts can no longer be gotten for it.

When I get a car for myself to drive, nothing post 2006 or so and with no GPS shit. If I need a fucking GPS thing to get where I am going, then they can put me away for being fucking retarded!!!

Here's Ford's (and GM's) problem:

Their entire marketing plan for over a decade was "You need a bigger SUV." For the duhs, it's about compensating their manhood issues. For the moos, it was "your kyyyyyds won't be safe in a car if you get hit with one of our other giant products". In the meantime, Toyota and Honda were actually thinking about more than the next quarterly report.

Then oil stopped being cheap. At that point, Detroit was fucked. They can't give away their Gargantua and Humonga and whatever else they've got.

So now they're desperate. They'll try anything, however useless it is. And their debt and equity are really, really in the toilet; GM is now worth less than at any time since the Great Depression. Their bonds are hitting new levels of junkiness.

The result is craptacular ideas such as described here.

For going to places you have *never been before* a GPS can be a good thing so one doesn't get lost. As for this stupid MyKey rubbish, someone will find a way to get rid of it (disable, remove); it's like the stupid copy protections they have on PC Games these days: someone always cracks them... and this thing will also be smashed to bits.

KidFreeLuvnLife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh, I'm sure the mommies will scream loud and long
> about this - they'll want EVERYBODY to be
> electronically controlled in their vehicles FOR
> THE SAKE OF THE
> CCCCHHHHIIIIILLLLDDDDRRREEEEENNNN!!!!!!!
>
> These same mommies are the cunts on their cell
> phones while driving, yabbering away, coasting
> thru stop signs and running red lights.

this. As a mere speeder, I am far less dangerous that the fat mawn with the cell, cig and extra large diet soda tooling 5 - 10 miles under the speed limit.

Acme mentioned 'craptacular ideas' and I think by jove that's it.

Next season, a car that at the switch of a button has seats that slide forward and away, taking your pants off in the process, and leaving you sitting on an in-car toilet. You do your business without even moving your toe from the accelerator, hit the button again and it cleans your bottom, and the seat and your pants slide back up and into place.

May require a bit of side-to-side butt-rocking on your behalf at that final stage, but otherwise a seamless process.

What a boon for paaarents who otherwise have to stop at every flippin service station along the turnpike just so their brats can check out all the bathrooms.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

If Ford puts this stupid and, as kidlesskim pointed out, potentially dangerous device in their cars, not 5 minutes later there will be a hack posted online and every kid will know how to bypass it.