Guy decides to be cf a bit too late

https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/12/wife-late-child-regret-dad-care-and-feeding-advice.html

He and his wife really tried to have a kid for 8 years and nothing. They then decided that they were infertile and kept at it even though hubby finally decided that their cl fate was for the best and that he liked life with no kids. Of course he was as dumb as rocks to assume there was no way it could happen

The wife finally conceives and has the kid and he he regrets it so much. The kid is three and he is something like 50 or more. He noticed that being a late breeder is not the same as breeding from age 23-35. People who have kids earlier have support from friends and family, but people who are 50 with a toddler find little in common with other parents whose kids are in college. He said his wife's parents left and retired to Florida so no grandparent help and his parents entered an assisted living home and can't help anyway.

He said his life is all about regret now and goes on with the usual loving his kid to death, but wishing he wasn't here.

Call me cynical, but the wife suddenly turns up pregnasty? If I were that guy I would be swabbing the kid's cheek and sending it off for a DNA test to make sure the wife didn't pull an "All I Wanna Do" and get sperm from another guy and try to pass it off as this guy's kid. I mean, if they didn't conceive that long there must have been some kind of problem.

And as usual, I do not feel any sympathy for this guy. Apparently it's hard for most people to understand, but if you are having sex without protection, you are not preventing pregnasty. I don't care if you've been told you are infertile.

And I love the advice:

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Try your best to focus on the parts of parenting that you like the best, such as when your little one hops in your lap unexpectedly for cuddle time. Enjoy as much of it as you can while also finding other outlets for joy in your life. Though your schedule is likely busy, try to carve out time to start a hobby—maybe reading novels at night brings you great pleasure. There are three of you in the house, but you don’t have to do everything as a trio. Both you and your wife deserve to have solo time regularly that doesn’t revolve around the child.

Um, I think the guy just said he hates it all and regrets losing his freedom. And good luck on getting a pass from Wifey--despite professing how they luuuuuve to have kids, many couples are locked in a fight to the death over who gets to have a night off. Most wives are really angry when the husbands shirk the child rearing responsibilities and go out.

Let me know how that works out for you, Dud.

Being told you're infertile should never be taken as the gospel truth. Struggling to conceive just means you have diminished/impaired fertility, but it's not non-existent. Relying on alleged infertility for contraception is trying to conceive with extra syllables.

I've said it before and I will say it again and again for the rest of forever: if you regret having a child, YOU DO NOT LOVE THEM. You cannot say you love someone and then say you wish they weren't alive in the same breath. That's not how love and regret work. Stop with the bullshit already. You hate/resent your child for existing because they prevent you from doing what you want to do with your life and I guarantee if these regretful breeders could Thanos snap their brats out of existence without repercussion, they'd do it in half a second.

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bell_flower
Call me cynical, but the wife suddenly turns up pregnasty? If I were that guy I would be swabbing the kid's cheek and sending it off for a DNA test to make sure the wife didn't pull an "All I Wanna Do" and get sperm from another guy and try to pass it off as this guy's kid. I mean, if they didn't conceive that long there must have been some kind of problem.

Agreed. I'm sure these two consulted medical professionals and all that to improve their chances of conceiving, so for Moo to just get up the duff all of a sudden when she was presumably pushing 50 like Duh seems a little too convenient. The only thing I could think of is maybe Duh and/or Moo started taking better care of themselves shortly before she got pigged up. Like maybe they lost weight, improved their diets, reduced/eliminated bad habits, started working out, etc. Maybe doing those things improved fertility in one or both of them enough that pregnancy became possible.

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Try your best to focus on the parts of parenting that you like the best, such as when your little one hops in your lap unexpectedly for cuddle time.

Though your schedule is likely busy, try to carve out time to start a hobby—maybe reading novels at night brings you great pleasure. There are three of you in the house, but you don’t have to do everything as a trio. Both you and your wife deserve to have solo time regularly that doesn’t revolve around the child.

The man said he regrets breeding, so the parts of parenting he likes the best are probably the parts where he's not around the kid. Who says the kid will seek out cuddles? If Duh hates that the brat exists, he probably doesn't interact with the kid or play with it much, so the kid probably gets cuddles from Moo instead because she is the more "familiar" parent.

And if this shit progresses like it does on breakingmoo, what will happen is the Moo-wife will do 99.99 percent of the shit work and will resent Duh for not lifting a finger to raise the kid that's half his. Then when he does one single thing for the kid, he will act like he's a fucking saint for doing it and will resent Moo for making him do it. There is no solo time with a kid either because I know toddlers will invade every moment of your life. Breeders will tell you it's a common occurrence for them to not even be able to shit in peace because if they don't let their brats in the bathroom, the kids will scream and bang on the door.

Ya, I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids by a doctor when I was a teen. I did end up getting preggo in my early 20s so the first thing I did was arrange to have it hoovered out. After that it was no sex without contraception. I learned my lesson hard that even if there's a small chance it's better to protect yourself. Doctors don't know everything.

I also agree that if you regret making another person, you can't really love them. It's just not possible. People need to stop being so delusional that those two things can actually go together. "I love you but I wish I never had you" is a lie. Either you love the person and want them around, or you regret them being in your life and would rather they don't exist.

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Ya, I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids by a doctor when I was a teen.

My mom was told she wouldn't be able to get pregnant because she had a tipped uterus. It turned out to be a bunch of crap and she got pregnant like six times. She did have repeated miscarriages. (I personally think those were the lucky ones because they were spared being raised by my mother, but I digress.) My uterus was also severely tilted, probably because I have EDS and weak ligaments anyway.

Some doctors, particularly ones in the 1960's, were just dumb. And it wasn't any skin off their nose if they told a woman she was infertile when she wasn't. They were very cavalier about stuff like that. One of my mom's friends got pregnant on the famous Sequins birth control pill. The woman's husband went to the doctor's office because he was livid. The doctor just said something like, yeah, we know those pills don't work. Easy for him to say.

My mom had another friend who got German Measels during pregnancy. This lady was High society (debutante daughters, DAR, the whole bit) and she went to New York and got a late term abortion because German Measels caused severe birth defects.

A lot of the cf/reddit posters thought the guy just loved the kid he regretted so much as there are a lot of overly polite breeder pleasers on that sub.

Our cat once destroyed a hard drive and my dh was not "speaking to her" for a couple of days until he found another hard drive. She jumped and landed on the on/off button turning it off and it had to be turned back on suddenly from nothing, damaging the hard drive. DH was pissed for a while, but the kitty was never regretted.