Women getting screwed over by DNA companies

I am reading a fiction book now about this guy trying to solve a murder with some connection to a DNA company like "23andMe"
In it an older woman admits she had a kid in her mid teens and gave it up for adoption. She then married and never told her husband, but one would think he would notice stretch marks.

Her and the husband have one daughter when they were in their mid-twenties. Years later when the daughter was about 35 she signs on to a DNA company to "find her heritage" and finds a half sister that the mother never planned to tell anyone about. The husband leaves her for a marriage based on lies and then the daughter becomes besties with her new half - sister and absolutely demands that her mother develop a relationship with the kid she gave up over 40 years ago, so they "can be a family."

It may be a fiction book, but this sounds like what could happen when women can't abort and want to put the kid in the past and then relatives can stir the pot bringing decades old shit to the surface again.

I mean facts are not that far off. I've read plenty of stories of families that were ruined because someone decided to do a 23andMe test, only to find out their uncle was their biological father rather than the man they called Dad, they aren't related by blood to either of their parents, or they have multiple half-siblings because Dad had an entire second family the first family never knew about. In such cases, the parents or grandparents of the people looking to do the test would get really butthurt and beg them not to do the test.

I think you can opt out of sharing your information so you don't get contacted by people who are related to you, but much of the time when people take these tests, it's to locate family members.

DNA tests like those definitely have their uses, but they also have the potential to unveil skeletons in families' closets like kids given up for adoption or children born out of affairs.

one reason I will never ever get involved with any dna sites or geneology

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

No one is more arrogant towards women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious (insecure..my word) about his virility. Simone de Beauvoir

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children. The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Yes, I’ve definitely seen real life stories of adoptions being exposed via at home DNA tests. A lot of the time it’s women who were promised closed adoptions decades ago who are now being discovered via unknowing family members who have also taken these tests. And of course, the “happy reunions” never go as planned. Adoptees are left aghast when (shocker!) the birth mother who went to great lengths to stay hidden refuses a relationship with them, and family rifts open when half of them side with the adoptee and the other half do not.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

I always felt that those adoptions of kids birthed by kids would result in funny business. The same for donating eggs/sperm, just had a bad feeling that it could somehow come back and haunt me in the future. At least with the egg there is a higher chance I could prove I didn't give birth if I had to but that sounds so invasive.

I won't give my DNA to these companies because one, I don't trust their security, and two, I want to keep rights to my DNA. However, some members of my family have done this, and as a result new relatives have been discovered. Fortunately, the incidents in question took place some 70-odd years ago and the people who might have felt shame are all dead. Nobody my parents' generation or later cares about the "scandal" so it hasn't been disruptive.

But yes - another argument for abortion over adoption.

Two years ago I got my cats DNA tested just for fun. They don't have to worry about family secrets or other disruptive bullshit, like finding a new family member who turns out to be a total asshole.

I would never get myself tested for privacy reasons.

ondinette, did you discover a rascal tom in the results??

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

No one is more arrogant towards women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious (insecure..my word) about his virility. Simone de Beauvoir

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children. The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
twocents
ondinette, did you discover a rascal tom in the results??

LOL

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Wisdom Panel does not have relatives for cats. I know Natasha has a sister who was also adopted in the Tucson area.I did find out some interesting things. Apricot was 6% ragdoll. I thought she was something cuddly, but I guessed British shorthair. Sadly she died in February at the age of 16. Natasha is now 16 and seems okay. The two of them are not related.

Sorry for the necromancy.

Here's a good reason not to send your DNA to these sites. They have become notorious for sending results to federal and state investigators upon request to "solve crimes". The DNA of close relatives can pinpoint you if they're looking for you badly enough.

There are too many stories around now about long-ago infidelity being exposed using the genealogy sites. Sometimes people are better off not knowing about something that occurred 70 years ago.

it is a double edged sword. dna finds old murderers? I have no problem with that. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when these creatures are finally caught.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

No one is more arrogant towards women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious (insecure..my word) about his virility. Simone de Beauvoir

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children. The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

ondinette, in light of the 'rascal tom' .. I was brought to mind of a real tom cat we had the pleasure of knowing for years.. He was a fixture not only in the neighborhood but at the local VA hospital. We called him, no imagination, 'tough tom'. He was smart enough to avoid the cat round ups that went on periodically at the VA. the VA was about 1/2 mile away, give or take.. as the crow flies..

he also had siamese genes. the up the street neighbor, who also remembered this same cat when she was a girl, had pure bred siamese and sometimes would sell the kittens. Somehow 'tough tom' got in and, as the neighbor put it. "Politely strolled in and politely knocked up whatever queen was in season." Some of the kittens had complete Siamese colouring.

You had to be a little careful with him, if he got overstimulated he would scratch but no real bad attack. However, time moves on and eventually age caught up with him. He came home with a hole in his leg. By this time he trusted us enough that we were able to put him in a carrier and take him to a vet for treatment. While we had him there we also had the 'seat' of the problem removed permanently.

He became the 'cat of peace'. Absolutely NO cat fights in his presence. One day, two cats got into an altercation and 'TT' was lying dozing on a countertop. Mom said he flew off sideways at the two combatants and knocked them apart. They were absolutely stunned and shocked. He returned to his perch and nap.

He also chose to stay around our house, going out on occasion, but he ceased roaming around. I forgot what final illness took him out but, according to the up the street neighbors calculations, he had to have been well over 20 when he passed. Big old black and white tom. I can still see him sauntering down the cross street. Tail up. confident, 'I'm walking here, don't mess with me'. I miss all the old kitties.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

No one is more arrogant towards women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious (insecure..my word) about his virility. Simone de Beauvoir

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children. The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Not that I necessarily have any skeletons to reveal, but this is one great reason i'm glad to be CF. Everyone's adult-ish and older kids get these done for fun. Fuck that. Hopefully my nieces and nephews dont do this and we find some rando kid my hub sired and wasnt told about from his HS days or early college. Everything about this would be appalling to me. That others want to meet ppl just becz same blood line is dumb to me. Youre strangers and meeting even a few times, doesnt really make you family if you didnt know and live w/ each other. You have nothing in common when push comes to shove.

There's this guy on SXM who he knew his dad would always be cheating on his mom I guess back in 60-70s NYC, well his dumb sister did one of these tests and they found like 20 half siblings. She met w/ them all becz she 'wanted to know all the truth out in the open'. As a 50+adult, IDK why she did all this as the mom and the dad are still alive and married. IMO all she did is rub the truth in the elderly mom's face and obviously this is totally appalling. At 70-80y.o., what is she gonna do, get a divorce and be broke in her old age? The sister got to vent to the half-sibs what a terrible man the dad is, but what did it really solve?

They had several get-togethers w/ these different half sibs(some who never knew the dad and some who had the dad visit for a few yrs when they were rather young), and made the rest of the family meet them and go all along w/ the young grandkids that are in the fam now. IDEK why this guy went along w/ it becz it made him very uncomfortable and he had to explain to his young kids about grandpa's several secret families. I woulda opted out of it. If the sister wanted to go, fine, but he shoulda said No, as he didnt want to do it. IMO this sister was very selfish in pursuing this, the other sibs within the actual family didnt want it and obviously the elderly parents didnt want/need this bullshit, I dont see how any of this bettered the family's life whatsoever.

On another talk show I heard tons of stories where people were related to someone famous, said they wanted nothing from them (which I'm sure is a normal scam) but if you want to talk/meet let me know and were immediately blocked. Sometimes that would happen w/ not so famous people too. Its like what did you expect, you left the option to be contacted open, and when someone actually does, you're shocked and only then turn it off and block people? All this to find out you're 17% Norwegian or something. Which doesn't really matter at all, just mildly interesting but not worth it to take these test and ruin your life, or your brother finds out he's a dad from 40 yrs ago. I'm glad to be CF and have this control over my life.