Former childfree person has kids and then tries to convince everyone tthat "it's different when its your own"

Screenshots here: https://imgur.com/a/O83IIQq

Former childfree person desperately tries to convice others "its differnet when its your own"

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Former childfree person
I'm one of them. Had my first at 35.

Never babysit, never played with dolls, never swooned over babies. Never offered to take a baby in my arms, seemed awkward & unnatural to me. I don't specially like kids (I don't hate them either). Some are little shits, some are awesome. I spent my twenties happily CF, then I decided to have children (can't really explain why) I still hate Disney stuff, Frozen, dumb cartoons, and I don't like being around children for too long because incomplete brain development makes conversations less interesting.

But, I love my children, I loved being pregnant, even loved giving birth. I had no problem handling my baby, but still felt awkward wihen dealing with other babies (they didn't smell like mine). Since I had mine, I'm more tolerant towards other children, but I'm not magically transformed (being a kindergarten teacher is one of my worst nightmares). oh, and I still love my cat to bits.

I thought I was childfree until 28/29, and then, I found myself thinking about having a child a lot. But it was not a rational thought, more of an instinct thing.It was funny because all my close friends were childfree (most of them still are). I was not bingoed by my parents. It was a slow process but it ended with me being certain of wanting children (even if I was terrified). I waited until my life was stable enough to have one though.

Is it different when it's your own?

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Former childfree person
Me. Never babysit, never liked being around children. Still don't like other kids much even if I'm more tolerant now. I really really love my children.

Why is it ok in our society to not like or care for old people, but if you dislike kids in the slightest it's "OH YOU MONSTER!"

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former chilfree person
Because children are the future, for good or bad. And disliking human species future is counterproductive in an animalistic, purely instinctive point of view. Old people in Japan used to comit suicide not to be a burden on younger generations.

This was the persons response to a post about someone claiming they'd be a bad mother if they were forced to have brats

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Former childfree person
The truth is you don't know what kind of parent you would be. Nobody does. Some believe they'll be the best parents and they turn out being the worst. Because it depends on hormones, on the relation you'll get with the child. You would not magically become a person who likes being around children, but you cannot say you'll be a bad parent.

Later in the thread casey anthony is mentioned
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/3h9i55/comment/cu5rzds/

There's something else people don't grasp when they breed either. Sometimes you wind up with a kid you just don't click with, you just don't get, and you just don't get on with. Your child could be a totally different child from the kind of child you were, or the kind of child your niece/nephew is or the kind of child your favorite student is. But guess what? You still gotta raise the fucker!

I wonder how many of the formerly "childfree" (because they aren't truly CF if they change their minds) were only children. Like if they grew up parentified and had to help raise their own siblings against their will and share and get told to "set a good example," would they still want brats of their own? Obviously there will be exceptions if there is a correlation - I'm an only child and I have never once even felt the slightest tinge of longing for a brat.

Probably because unlike many wanna-breeders, I'm realistic about what parenthood entails. I know it's thankless, exhausting, expensive, and fucking AWFUL. I have the sense to know that if I don't like anyone else's kids, I sure as hell won't like my own. I have the sense to know that if I can barely handle a pap smear without squirming, I sure as fuck can't handle pushing an infant out my cervix. I know the world is overpopulated and the last thing it needs is MORE people. I live paycheck to paycheck as it is with no dependents - animal or otherwise - so how could I afford a brat?

At the very least, it's good to see people with the sense to wait until they can afford a child before having one. Most people don't bother waiting until they're ready for that responsibility and just jump in without a plan or a clue. I'm guessing that first comment came from someone who believes in the "biological clock" myth where women think that they must suddenly have babies in their mid-thirties, I assume as part of a midlife crisis.

It's fine to change your mind about any big life decision. I just hate that it will be used as fuel against those of us who do not change our minds. Because when you tell someone you don't want kids, they'll have an anecdote about their friend or relative who was staunchly CF until they turned 35/found the right spouse/had a spiritual epiphany/found God/forgot their pill and then went full breeder, implying it's only a matter of time before the rest of us follow suit.

The reddit poster who was doing this is off Reddit now or has a different user name.

A few things I've noticed:

1. many of the most evangelical "formerly childfrees" are in the baby years. They are awash in hormones and they have small children and they are crowing about how it's the Bestest Thing Ever. I want a recount when they have a surly and expensive teenager.

2. This seems to be validated on the I Regret Children page.

3. I also noticed the Reddit poster says she loves her CHILD but does not say she loves her LIFE. That seems to be a common theme on the IRHC Facebook page. Or they absolutely cannot stand their spouse or their relationship fell apart or they are women who discover they are married to Man-Babies but of course they Luve their kids.

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redrat33

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Former childfree person
The truth is you don't know what kind of parent you would be. Nobody does. Some believe they'll be the best parents and they turn out being the worst. Because it depends on hormones, on the relation you'll get with the child. You would not magically become a person who likes being around children, but you cannot say you'll be a bad parent.

Oh, I absolutely can. I know exactly what kind of parent I'd be, and there's no way in hell I would have a kid hoping I was wrong. That is an absolutely asinine thing for this "former childfree" breeder to say.

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kittehpeoples

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redrat33

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Former childfree person
The truth is you don't know what kind of parent you would be. Nobody does. Some believe they'll be the best parents and they turn out being the worst. Because it depends on hormones, on the relation you'll get with the child. You would not magically become a person who likes being around children, but you cannot say you'll be a bad parent.

Oh, I absolutely can. I know exactly what kind of parent I'd be, and there's no way in hell I would have a kid hoping I was wrong. That is an absolutely asinine thing for this "former childfree" breeder to say.

I know what kind of parent I'd be, and it wouldn't be a pretty site. I'd be miserable and unhappy, and that child would be unwanted, unloved and given only the bare minimum to survive. It would know it's unwanted, too. So why would I willingly bring a child into this world knowing all this?

Breeders are fucking idiots.

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The truth is you don't know what kind of parent you would be. Nobody does. Some believe they'll be the best parents and they turn out being the worst. Because it depends on hormones, on the relation you'll get with the child. You would not magically become a person who likes being around children, but you cannot say you'll be a bad parent.

Pretty much a pant load.

One time, when I said I was happily CF, a Breeder Brain told me, "you don't know what you are missing."

Um, any thinking person can get a pretty good idea of what he/she is missing by opening his/her eyes and looking around.

And judging by what I read on the "I regret having children" site on Facebook, a lot of Breeders lacked imagination, and that's how they ended up where they are today.

So many are MYSTIFIED that children require constant attention! And they cost money! And they want to be around you CONSTANTLY. And they strain your relationship.

How could anyone not know that?

And I've seen enough to know I'd be miserable.

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kittehpeoples

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redrat33

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Former childfree person
The truth is you don't know what kind of parent you would be. Nobody does. Some believe they'll be the best parents and they turn out being the worst. Because it depends on hormones, on the relation you'll get with the child. You would not magically become a person who likes being around children, but you cannot say you'll be a bad parent.

Oh, I absolutely can. I know exactly what kind of parent I'd be, and there's no way in hell I would have a kid hoping I was wrong. That is an absolutely asinine thing for this "former childfree" breeder to say.

Ohhh I can too. My patience with kids is microscopic, if not non-existent. I have no patience with kids and their constant whining and "gimme gimme gimme," my eyes visibly twitch when a child screeches within earshot of me, and I have zero interest in cleaning up bodily fluids constantly. I know I would be one of those parents who neglects their kid half the time, and the other half I would spend spanking the brat to make it shut up and then spanking it harder when it didn't. Probably not so much out of disciplinary reasons, but because I would be taking my anger and resentment out on the child for existing and I would probably feel justified in doing so for all the misery it causes me.

Not to mention the mental fuckery I have floating around in my head from being raised by a narcissist that I would need therapy to undo. Any kid of mine that survived childhood would probably grow up to become a serial killer or a school shooter. No, I do not need to reproduce to know what kind of awful parent I would be and I will never ever roll those dice on the off-chance I am mistaken. No one who dislikes or hates children should take a chance by having one in the hopes that they MIGHT love their own biological offspring. It's a gamble that will most certainly fuck up a totally innocent kid who gets forced into existence.

The sad reality is people who did not grow up in a happy family are unlikely to create one. I've seen tons of examples both online and in real life, including my own family. I broke a generational curse of unhappy motherhood by not having my own kids.

@ondinette, that's very true because when someone grows up with dysfunction, it can be very hard to figure out what is okay/normal. At best, someone who grows up in such a home might realize how their parents treated them was wrong, but they still might not know what is considered the right way to treat a child. So they could very well fuck their kids up in a whole new way, but they'll think it's fine because they aren't doing the exact same thing their parents did to them.

Whatever the source of the unhappiness or dysfunction was: neglect, abuse of any kind, poverty, obvious favoritism, parentification, etc. the odds of perpetuating the cycle is FAR higher than the odds of breaking it, and often times the only way to break the cycle is to not breed.

But a lot of people who grow up with unhappy childhoods are so damned and determined to make unnecessary children for the sole purpose of proving they can provide a good childhood to them in spite of their upbringing. Then they just wind up screwing their kids up anyway because they never got their own trauma dealt with.

Having a shitty childhood was only one reason I never wanted them. I mostly don't want the financial and mental stress, and I can't stand chaos. I need a lot of quiet in my everyday life. Kids just don't work like that and I'd be an idiot to think anything I birthed would be different.

There have been some rare instances of kids I thought were pretty good, respectful, and well behaved, but I consider that to be partially luck and great parents raising them properly. Most of the kids I've met are the opposite and I can't wait to GTF away from them.

The good ones are pretty rare from what I could tell over my lifetime.