Delusional mods in the EDS subreddit

As a zebra, I follow the Ehlers Danlos Syndrome subreddit. Someone posted the other day wanting reassurance about being pregnant a second time with EDS (risk of pregnancy among EDS patients is ramped up significantly), and today (I'm guessing in response) someone asked an actual sensible question about whether people who've been pregnant/given birth would change that choice if they could. Did it make symptoms worse? Was life worse after birth? And the mods locked the fucking post.

According to their rules: "The decision to have children is an extremely personal one—Ehlers-Danlos syndrome or not. Discussions about pregnancy (and related topics, such as abortion) are allowed on this subreddit; however, posts/comments on the morality of having children with EDS (or other medical conditions) are prohibited. Furthermore, unwanted comments on pregnancy in general are also prohibited." They got three comments-- THREE out of 65-- that they felt violated the sub rules, and that was enough for them to shut down the conversation entirely.

So this person, who was trying to make an informed decision about whether to get pregnant, was essentially told to shut up and stop asking questions. They did get some good replies before the post got locked, but the overall message is angering.

How can we expect people to make informed decisions if we won't allow discussion? I'm always amazed at people who "didn't know how hard" pregnancy or raising kids would be, but damn, if we don't let people tell the truth about pregnancy and parenting, we're just going to get more people being blindsided by reality...and more kids raised by people who realized too late that they weren't cut out to be parents.

Typical Reddit Mods/Breeder Brain on power trips with faux "justifications" for shutting things down.

Nobody is asking to comment on the "morality" of having children--they are asking for feedback from people who have done it. And what are "unwanted comments about pregnancy in general?" Lemme guess, it's someone who saying, don't do it.

I am also a zebra (Type 3, hypermobile) and I'm over 60. I did not want children, and my physical state just sealed the deal. And yet, I got such a ration of shit for wanting to be sterilized, despite having spinal stenosis, a collapsing spine, chronic migraines, injuries and chronic pain most of my adult life.

I knew life was about choices. The ONE choice that I stuck by was that I refused to be financially dependent on another person. That meant I was going to work and I knew having brats would make working harder. I had limited energy and it was going to be spent dragging myself to work and working through pain. I didn't take the "socially acceptable" and economically unwise route of cranking out some brats and being supported by a man.

But back to topic, I'm so glad we have this site where we can tell it like it is. To me, if these cows want to have a "moral" discussion, let's discuss the morality of bringing a child into the world to suffer. I am on the FB group and it's enraging to me to read posts from people who have EDS, knew they have EDS, and brought a child into the world anyway, and now their 14 year old child has joint damage and has to be in a wheelchair because he/she keeps having dislocations.

There need to be spaces where people can be honest about pregnasty and child rearing.

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bell_flower
And what are "unwanted comments about pregnancy in general?" Lemme guess, it's someone who saying, don't do it.

That would be my guess. That, and people commenting that they choose not to risk inflicting their hypothetical offspring with a potentially debilitating disease. That smacks too much of telling the breeders in the sub that they shouldn't have had kids.

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bell_flower
But back to topic, I'm so glad we have this site where we can tell it like it is. To me, if these cows want to have a "moral" discussion, let's discuss the morality of bringing a child into the world to suffer. I am on the FB group and it's enraging to me to read posts from people who have EDS, knew they have EDS, and brought a child into the world anyway, and now their 14 year old child has joint damage and has to be in a wheelchair because he/she keeps having dislocations.

There need to be spaces where people can be honest about pregnasty and child rearing.

I am 100% with you on all of that. When you know you have something terrible and heritable, and you choose to roll the dice with your kids' lives anyway, I just don't see how that isn't abuse. Or at least neglect. You are opening the door for something horrible to happen to them and shrugging your shoulders with an, "Oh, well, if it happens, too bad. I want what I want."

We as a society need to let people be more upfront about their parental regrets, and we need to be more judgmental of breeders who inflict heritable disabilities and diseases on their kids.

There was a family years ago that was media-worshipped (I think by Oprah?). They had like 13 kids and all of them with this horrible genetic disease. The young boy, who was already in a wheelchair and needing all sort of support, was a poster child of " Bravery", and was highly wept over when his inevitable death happened. Their "virtue" was wildly admired for continuing to turn out defectos who suffer untold pain and cost ....someone...us?? untold $$