I need to vent

in a nutshell, my 19 year old sister isn't much on work. My parents bought a new car for college, pay for all college expenses, and give her $500 a month to live on.
She feels that she can do what she wants, when she wants. She feels that she is young so therefore, no responsibilty required.
She wants to spend Christmas break with her girlfriend, no out of the closet yet is a whole other issue. Only I know and she doesn't think I know. I don't care, I feel you are born gay and should never apologize for it. But my family will disown her and embarass her about it.
Well the parents are threatening to take the car away, stop funding college, and givng $ if she goes away with her "friend"
I actually agree with them. she is driving the car they pay for, spending money they gave her, and doing as she pleases. I also disagree because she is old enough to support herself with a part time job, but they enable her to be lazy.
I am so glad I do not have kids.
All this conflama is too much for my peaceful and quiet life.

I told her to be an adult, get a job and stop depending on them for stuff. Now she isn't talking to me and thinks I am being mean. I am trying to teach her what my parents never did.

IMO, if your parents are taking away the car/tuition/living expenses to teach her some personal responsibility, then they're doing the right thing for the right reason. But if they are really doing it to punish her for her sexual orientation, and honestly would continue giving her money if she were straight, then I think they are being rather cruel.

You agree with your parents, but for different reasons. You say she is not out of the closet. But, I bet that if she were going away with a BOYfriend, your parents wouldn't be threatening to cut her off. They KNOW.

You are simply saying that she shouldn't play unless she can pay, regardless of the gender of her chosen playmate.

Never underestimate the power of denial.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

My parents did the same damned thing to me when I moved in with my boyfriend at age 19. They didn't approve, therefore they took away a car they had given me for my birthday 2 years prior and claimed that it was a famblee car, they then gave the same car to my younger sister. She got drunk and totalled it, so they "punished" her by buying her a new one with the insurance money.They then claimed that they couldn't afford my college tuition anymore too, so I took out student loans. I also bought a car, but my boyfriend had to help pay for it. However, I was already working so they only had the car and my tuition looming over my head. They had made a final appeal of sorts to me about my moving in with the boyfriend and how embarrassed they were about it, etc.....and I almost moved back home, but decided against it.

Basically, I ended up marrying the hateful bastard out of pure spite and it ended up being a really bad few years of my life. In retrospect, if they had continued to pay for school and not taken the car away, I am convinced that I would have recognized the guy I was living with as the asshole that he was instead of as security and I would have likely moved back home within a few months or at least out with room mates. The expense of a carloan and the student loans and other school related stuff made it nearly financially impossible to leave him. I would have had to find 5 or 6 other girls to have been able to have afforded the rent. I resent them for doing this to me, but then again I should have sucked it up and stayed at home in the first place.

Parents often think that they are doing the right thing when they take away school money and transportation, but it generally just makes things financially difficult on their kid and they have to end up shacking up with a lover in order to make ends meet AND continue on in school, or they have to quit school and get a full time job which we all know is a catch 22. I am so glad I do not have kyds.

I agree with Puff. They know. If she's willing to talk to you, tell her the truth- she's selling out- whoring a "straight" lifestyle to M & D for the schwag. She owes it to herself and her gf to get off the teat and be real.

Rose Red Wrote:
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> I agree with Puff. They know. If she's willing to
> talk to you, tell her the truth- she's selling
> out- whoring a "straight" lifestyle to M & D for
> the schwag. She owes it to herself and her gf to
> get off the teat and be real.


I told her that if she is willing to take money she did not earn, she needs to be prepared to be indebted to the parents. That if she wants to be independent and an adult, she needs to support herself and stop relying on them for everything. She is 19 years old and needs to realize that there comes a time when you must earn your way or suffer the consequences.
While I agree with my parents about making her responsible, I think they could have started before now. It is a bit too late to make her see the light, when she has never been taught anything other than ask for it and you will get it.
Her coming out of the closet will be hard, my parents are part of that devil hating religious fundie group. you know the ones, who will kill an abortion doctor in the name of GOD.

God, this is so hard. I want to say something along the lines of not understanding how she can take the handout with a smile and still go home and be herself, I mean she's a total sellout- when she joins the gay community it will be hard- and her community's rejection of her if she comes out but continues to "pretend" for convenience will be worse than your mother saying a few madre mios.

Rose Red Wrote:
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> God, this is so hard. I want to say something
> along the lines of not understanding how she can
> take the handout with a smile and still go home
> and be herself, I mean she's a total sellout- when
> she joins the gay community it will be hard- and
> her community's rejection of her if she comes out
> but continues to "pretend" for convenience will be
> worse than your mother saying a few madre mios.


I am right there with you. But today's youth seems to always seek the easy path.
She is just doing what she knows. I am older than my siblings so I was gone before they were even 5 years old, so they don't remember me as a teenager. They grew up with mom and dad coddling them and giving them everything, so they have never had an example to follow. My brother is grown with a family and my parents still pay his car payments, house payments, and grocery bills.
My parents are trying to compensate for not helping me and asking me to leave when I was 16 because there was no room left in the single wide trailer. They have over compensated and raised some useless kids with no self respect.