So much for Christmas frugality this year...

Well, I'd hoped things would be different, but I doubt it will happen. My mother (as I mentioned in another thread) goes way overboard on Christmas gifts, making such a big deal about it that it's almost embarrassing.

After Thanksgiving, when she asked us what we wanted for Christmas, I thought I had finally talked some sense into her when I advocated that we keep it very simple and small this year, let's exchange one gift each, and she, apparently in either a moment of weakness or pure deception, agreed.

I called her about a week later to let her know that I had ordered the accessory that DH wanted, as well as picked up the gloves I'd had my eye on. She then starts in with, "what restaurants do you want gift certificates from? Here? There?," and I reiterated our earlier conversation of ONE gift each.

And then she tells me she really doesn't want to do that. I told her that we had made an agreement and she needs to be a person of her word, and as we got into it a bit more, she actually tells me, "well, I'm the mom."

WTF. Thanks for not dealing with me like an adult, but treating me as if I'm three. What's really nuts is that I never remember her saying anything so utterly ridiculous when I WAS little!

If she wants to do that, give her a list of animal charities, or donate the restaurant cards to animal charities.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

That's a good idea, Poofy. I mentioned to Mom how I was making a donation to our favorite kitten rescue program for another friend, so I really hope she was paying attention.

Yes! That's a wonderful idea, poofy. I have a few overdoers on my list as well. Why not give it to the 'mules?

I've donated to The National Wildlife Federation in lieu of gift grabs- it's always a great idea.

I have this problem with relatives too, so this year I asked for an Adoption Gift Card from the World Wildlife Fund. It's to late for this year but you could suggest it to your Mom for next year.

Kaia

Good ideas, all. Thanks for helping out.

I have the same problem with some of my famblee members, specifically my mother in law, one of my grandmothers, and my mother. My mother is the worst one because SHE will start the "let's don't exchange or give gifts, EXCEPT for the kyds" (which leaves EVERYONE out except one sister who has the kyds, btw)which always gets me pissed. THEN, she will send a huge check in the mail anyway. My grandmother who is nearly 90, has been saying, "don't get me anything", and "let's don't trade gifts", for as looong as I can remember, but she always sends a check at the last minute or shows up unexpectedly with a back seat full of gifts and/or an open checkbook as well. The MIL is new to me with this only being the 4th Christmas that I have been exposed to her. While she doesn't do like the others and say "Let's not trade gifts" and such, she must have to buy gifts ALL YEAR LONG, judging by the embarassing number of presents she gives to me and everyone else.

I have decided that this "Let's not trade gifts" and "Don't get me anything", said over and over, year after year, must be some psychological problem rather than a true wish or desire, or they wouldn't keep showing up with the loot or sending the damned gifts anyway! Personally, I am SICK to death of it. I will continue to buy what and for whom I want to and completely ignore their protests of "I TOLD you not to get me anything!!!!", and just walk off when they "start up" with the tell tale symptoms of their Christmas psychosis. This year when the MIL stacks up 20 or 30 gifts in front of me, I will not say that it's too much, you really shouldn't have, you really outdid yourself this year, or any other enabling and cliche' phrases. FROM NOW ON, I will simply open everything with NO fanfare and without comment and simply say, "Thankyou SO much", and be done with it.

Then, I will do what I always do which is "regift" a lot of it. Maybe I am contributing to their mental illness which I have labeled, "Guilty gift givers psychosis" by over thanking or making a big deal out of the presents themselves or saying how I will enjoy each one or something like that, which us what I was taught to do out of politeness. From this year forward they get the one and it will be a simple and quiet, "Thanks so much" (and I might even "mouth it" from across the room, too) and that is ALL. Maybe if they don't get as much attention then their illness will go into remission. If it does, then I can be certain it was an attention getting mental illness much like Munchausens, hypocondria, or preggo related "illness'". I'd like to think that by not reciprocating or enabling them by feeding them with thank yous or extra attention, that I am helping to cure their illness.

I have realized while writing this that the VERY ones who are sufferring from this "Christmas psychosis", are the ones who taught me and others to profusely thank people when they give gifts. Therefore, I have to conclude that in addition to their illness, they have also created a built in "drug" of sorts for it by teaching their young to feed them the compliments. Those moomares are gooooood at what they do as this is obviously a generational thing. I intend to be the weakest link in this gift giving illness and break the chain of insanity.

I think there are worse things in the world then to like to give gifts. I think of old people like to give a lot of gifts because its one of the few times a year they can feel needed/important. If it makes an old lady happy to give me something I don't need, so be it. I'll just smile, thank them, and return for credit.

As long as you are not expected to reciprocate with a gift mountain, I would just go along with it.

KK, you explained it perfectly, and I do think Mom suffers from guilt--when I was growing up, there wasn't much (if any) money after groceries and the bills were taken care of, so any extras, like gifts, were extremely difficult on their budget. Now that their financial situation is better, it's as if she's making up for the past, and it really bothers me because the entire exercise just seems so wasteful.

Your post also has me thinking of her over-doing and overgifting throughout the year as simply ways to attract attention to herself, and this describes Mom so closely it's almost scary. Perhaps it is a way she can feel needed, as I'd bet (she's never come right out and said,)that she's disappointed to not have an entire litter of grandpups to lavish attention on, so she does it with the people she does have, namely DH and me.

Sometimes it takes fresh eyes to lend perspective to what we've been seeing all along.

Tiquer Wrote:
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> >
> Your post also has me thinking of her over-doing
> and overgifting throughout the year as simply ways
> to attract attention to herself, and this
> describes Mom so closely it's almost scary.
>
I know for a FACT that this is why my mom did it.