The 8 Stages of Egg Donor Acceptance (article)
Posted by kidlesskim
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The 8 Stages of Egg Donor Acceptance (article) January 04, 2009 |
http://www.dna-testing-paternity.com/content/5902/infertility-and-the-emotional-aspects-of.php
(entire article here)
(selected passages below)
"Infertility and the Emotional Aspects of Having a Child Through Donor Eggs
By Laurel T. Kline, Psy.D.
"...The following is a series of steps that most women and/or couples go through as they begin to consider egg donation. (Note: An assumption made in this article is that the woman’s egg quality and/or egg production is a contributing factor in the couple’s infertility.)...
Stage 1: The Hope of Success in Producing a Genetic Child Begins to Wane
After each failed cycle, the fear that you may not be able to bear a genetic child understandably increases....there exists a continued hope and a strong desire to continue your pursuit to have a genetic child. Having a genetic child still seems possible and you continue on your course towards achieving that goal.... Egg donation and adoption are not something that you consider during this phase..."
Stage 2: Anger and Frustration Build Over Continued Failed Cycles
During this phase, you intensify your efforts and begin to pursue more and more aggressive medical treatments. Infertility now becomes the focus of your life..... There is mounting frustration over the large cost of continuing to make more attempts and resentment that the amount of investment has not produced results.... The anger you have towards yourself (and your body) may increase, as well as the anger towards “other women†who seem to get pregnant so easily. You may no longer view yourself as “a complete woman,†and despair may creep in as the fear that you will never be able to have “your own child†rises.:bawl
Stage 3: Initial Thoughts About Egg Donation Arise But Are Quickly Rejected
At this stage in the process, you feel that egg donation is synonymous with failure.... You may fear that your family and friends will judge you negatively if you use an egg donor. You may also question the motivations of egg donors, suspecting that they are all financially desperate, unstable women who are donating just to make a buck. Although egg donation is contemplated during this phase, the idea is rejected. The basis for this rejection typically stems from a core fear that you will not be able to fully embrace and love an egg donor child as your own.... . Having dismissed the alternative options of egg donation and adoption, you continue with your full-force efforts to produce a genetic child...."
Stage 4: Viewing Egg Donation as a Second-Choice Option
"The ability to view egg donation as a second-choice option may offer you some relief, as it allows some hope that you will become a parent, even if you are not able to produce a child genetically. Since egg donation enables you to become pregnant..... you begin to view egg donation as a better option (for you) than adoption. The knowledge that your child will have ½ of a genetic link with its parents (if you are using the husband’s sperm) may also be comforting to you.... . Your fear about the motivation and character of the women who donate their eggs begins to subside as you speak to others who have turned to egg donors for help..... However, new concerns may surface such as the fear that the egg donor will become emotionally attached to your child or that your husband (if you are married) will not view you as the child’s mother. You may wish that you could feel as positively about a donor child as you do a genetic child, but you do not. You still view egg donation as a second choice, a choice that will bring you less happiness. In this stage, it is difficult to imagine that a donor child will feel like “your child.â€..."
Stage 5: Giving Up
This is usually the most painful step in the process. In giving up, there is a sense of failure, loss and despair. It seems that nothing will ever come close to being able to replace your genetic child. As you mourn the loss of your genetic child, you may view your future with bleakness and negativity, and you may wonder if you will ever recover from this loss. It is common, during this phase, to reflect on your own genetic strengths and to despair over the fact that these traits will not be passed down to your children. Without a genetic link to the future, you may feel a sense of disconnection. You may fear that your uniqueness in this world will “die out,†and that nothing of your existence will last into the future. Subsequently, you may experience your current existence in the world as less significant. In addition to the loss of your genetic child, you may feel a loss of the opportunity to love the “baby you.†The loss of the opportunity to love a part of you (your genetic child) in the way that you wish you would had been loved as a child, is very painful......
Stage 6: Letting Go
This is the time where the couple says goodbye to the genetic child. Much of the mourning has occurred prior to this phase, and there is a sense of being able to move on and let go. Letting go brings relief. Although the goodbye is painful, it opens up a space for hopefulness. It opens up a space to welcome in the non-genetic child.
Stage 7: Welcoming the Egg Donor Child
As you search for the appropriate donor candidate and begin to identify donors with whom you are comfortable, you will likely feel a welcomed sense of renewed optimism.... As you reflect on some of the donor’s characteristics, you may come to value many of her unique strengths, strengths that are not necessarily a part of your own genetic make-up (i.e. less heart disease in the family, more musical ability). As you near the end of your journey, you come to realize that egg donation is a good choice for you. You no longer feel that a donor child is inferior to having a genetic child,......
.
Stage 8: Embracing the Donor Child As Your Own
From the very first sight of your newborn baby, you melt into the joy that is your child. As you hold your precious, fragile little miracle and take inventory of all her fingers and toes, you realize this child is yours: yours to love and guide; yours to hold and comfort through the laughter, tears, joys and sorrows; yours to impart your insights and wisdom; yours to prepare for the world in which she will live. This child is yours forever and always. The knowledge of her genetic origin serves only as a testimony to the wonders this life has to offer, and to the extraordinary kindness of one very special woman who helped make your dreams come true...."
This ENTIRE article re-enforces my belief that there really are "TRUMPS" in the "IVF/Adoption" breeder category that was discussed on another topic recently. This is clearly geared toward infertile WOMEN not their husbands, because the SPERM used is still their husband's, but they are acting as if there is no biological connection what so ever because it was an EGG donor. Also, number 5 is nothing more than a variation of a combination of bingos and is probably the most common reason (and the most selfish) that people want to breed. They want to self replicate AND they have the delusion that if they sprog then they will somehow "live on" and have eternal life on earth, or something. I just can't wrap my head around his level of blatant selfishness as it is truly mind boggling. This desire to pass on "uniqueness", is absurd because if it's casually passed on, then how is it "unique", ya know? Then this wanting to "love the baybee you", or "yourself as a child", is RIDICULOUS as well. Do these women not understand that a child, REGARDLESS of it's DNA, is a completely different individual and is just as likely to NOT act and look like they do? Any cursory glance at how different identical twins can be ought to clear this delusion right on up.
(entire article here)
(selected passages below)
"Infertility and the Emotional Aspects of Having a Child Through Donor Eggs
By Laurel T. Kline, Psy.D.
"...The following is a series of steps that most women and/or couples go through as they begin to consider egg donation. (Note: An assumption made in this article is that the woman’s egg quality and/or egg production is a contributing factor in the couple’s infertility.)...
Stage 1: The Hope of Success in Producing a Genetic Child Begins to Wane
After each failed cycle, the fear that you may not be able to bear a genetic child understandably increases....there exists a continued hope and a strong desire to continue your pursuit to have a genetic child. Having a genetic child still seems possible and you continue on your course towards achieving that goal.... Egg donation and adoption are not something that you consider during this phase..."
Stage 2: Anger and Frustration Build Over Continued Failed Cycles
During this phase, you intensify your efforts and begin to pursue more and more aggressive medical treatments. Infertility now becomes the focus of your life..... There is mounting frustration over the large cost of continuing to make more attempts and resentment that the amount of investment has not produced results.... The anger you have towards yourself (and your body) may increase, as well as the anger towards “other women†who seem to get pregnant so easily. You may no longer view yourself as “a complete woman,†and despair may creep in as the fear that you will never be able to have “your own child†rises.:bawl
Stage 3: Initial Thoughts About Egg Donation Arise But Are Quickly Rejected
At this stage in the process, you feel that egg donation is synonymous with failure.... You may fear that your family and friends will judge you negatively if you use an egg donor. You may also question the motivations of egg donors, suspecting that they are all financially desperate, unstable women who are donating just to make a buck. Although egg donation is contemplated during this phase, the idea is rejected. The basis for this rejection typically stems from a core fear that you will not be able to fully embrace and love an egg donor child as your own.... . Having dismissed the alternative options of egg donation and adoption, you continue with your full-force efforts to produce a genetic child...."
Stage 4: Viewing Egg Donation as a Second-Choice Option
"The ability to view egg donation as a second-choice option may offer you some relief, as it allows some hope that you will become a parent, even if you are not able to produce a child genetically. Since egg donation enables you to become pregnant..... you begin to view egg donation as a better option (for you) than adoption. The knowledge that your child will have ½ of a genetic link with its parents (if you are using the husband’s sperm) may also be comforting to you.... . Your fear about the motivation and character of the women who donate their eggs begins to subside as you speak to others who have turned to egg donors for help..... However, new concerns may surface such as the fear that the egg donor will become emotionally attached to your child or that your husband (if you are married) will not view you as the child’s mother. You may wish that you could feel as positively about a donor child as you do a genetic child, but you do not. You still view egg donation as a second choice, a choice that will bring you less happiness. In this stage, it is difficult to imagine that a donor child will feel like “your child.â€..."
Stage 5: Giving Up
This is usually the most painful step in the process. In giving up, there is a sense of failure, loss and despair. It seems that nothing will ever come close to being able to replace your genetic child. As you mourn the loss of your genetic child, you may view your future with bleakness and negativity, and you may wonder if you will ever recover from this loss. It is common, during this phase, to reflect on your own genetic strengths and to despair over the fact that these traits will not be passed down to your children. Without a genetic link to the future, you may feel a sense of disconnection. You may fear that your uniqueness in this world will “die out,†and that nothing of your existence will last into the future. Subsequently, you may experience your current existence in the world as less significant. In addition to the loss of your genetic child, you may feel a loss of the opportunity to love the “baby you.†The loss of the opportunity to love a part of you (your genetic child) in the way that you wish you would had been loved as a child, is very painful......
Stage 6: Letting Go
This is the time where the couple says goodbye to the genetic child. Much of the mourning has occurred prior to this phase, and there is a sense of being able to move on and let go. Letting go brings relief. Although the goodbye is painful, it opens up a space for hopefulness. It opens up a space to welcome in the non-genetic child.
Stage 7: Welcoming the Egg Donor Child
As you search for the appropriate donor candidate and begin to identify donors with whom you are comfortable, you will likely feel a welcomed sense of renewed optimism.... As you reflect on some of the donor’s characteristics, you may come to value many of her unique strengths, strengths that are not necessarily a part of your own genetic make-up (i.e. less heart disease in the family, more musical ability). As you near the end of your journey, you come to realize that egg donation is a good choice for you. You no longer feel that a donor child is inferior to having a genetic child,......
.
Stage 8: Embracing the Donor Child As Your Own
From the very first sight of your newborn baby, you melt into the joy that is your child. As you hold your precious, fragile little miracle and take inventory of all her fingers and toes, you realize this child is yours: yours to love and guide; yours to hold and comfort through the laughter, tears, joys and sorrows; yours to impart your insights and wisdom; yours to prepare for the world in which she will live. This child is yours forever and always. The knowledge of her genetic origin serves only as a testimony to the wonders this life has to offer, and to the extraordinary kindness of one very special woman who helped make your dreams come true...."
This ENTIRE article re-enforces my belief that there really are "TRUMPS" in the "IVF/Adoption" breeder category that was discussed on another topic recently. This is clearly geared toward infertile WOMEN not their husbands, because the SPERM used is still their husband's, but they are acting as if there is no biological connection what so ever because it was an EGG donor. Also, number 5 is nothing more than a variation of a combination of bingos and is probably the most common reason (and the most selfish) that people want to breed. They want to self replicate AND they have the delusion that if they sprog then they will somehow "live on" and have eternal life on earth, or something. I just can't wrap my head around his level of blatant selfishness as it is truly mind boggling. This desire to pass on "uniqueness", is absurd because if it's casually passed on, then how is it "unique", ya know? Then this wanting to "love the baybee you", or "yourself as a child", is RIDICULOUS as well. Do these women not understand that a child, REGARDLESS of it's DNA, is a completely different individual and is just as likely to NOT act and look like they do? Any cursory glance at how different identical twins can be ought to clear this delusion right on up.Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.