Go ahead and give in because it's a "primal urge"

Quote

DEAR MARGO: I have been married to my husband for two years, and we have been together for seven. My husband is almost four years younger than I am. When we met, he was adamant that he did not want a child of his own, ever. I have two teenagers from a prior relationship. I asked him more than once if he was sure, because I would rather have a child sooner than later. He assured me: no children. Now that I am 35 and have almost raised my children, he has decided that he really does want a child of his own. I am afraid if I do not give in he will resent me later. I have been a mom since I was 18 years old, and I was looking forward to some time for me. What do I do?


--- THOUGHT I WAS DONE

DEAR THOUGHT: There are two conflicting desires here that will require a great deal of thought and discussion. I am sympathetic to your position, as I think many women will be, and find it totally defensible. While today's fathers are much more involved than the previous generation, raising kids winds up the primary responsibility of the mother (in a two-parent household). Your husband's change of heart is not that unusual. The thing is, while such men can be reminded of their earlier declaration, when they change their minds, there is almost a primal longing that comes over them. It can become a source of friction. (Do not ask me how I know this.) I think that if you decide this man is your heart's desire and he seems determined (and you are certainly young enough to belt out another child), then perhaps you can negotiate things so that you somehow maintain some time for yourself, whether it's his pitching in or hiring a helper. As a woman, I can tell you this will not be an easy decision. Good luck.

Quote
Amethyst
Hang on.

They've been together seven years -- since she was 28ish and he was 24ish, maybe 23ish. Seven years and a pair of wedding bands later, the honeymoon is over. He's itchy.

Apologies if I offend any of our CF fellas on the board, but perhaps you can confirm a cynical suspicion I'm having. After claiming for several years not to be interested in children, he 'suddenly' is? I think the only thing hubby 'suddenly' decided is not that he loves kiddies but that he is bored with his missus. He doesn't know what to do with her, but has settled on trying to put her into cow pasture. Find some use for her. Keep her busy. "Make one of ME, honey." What do you think? Two years down the road, and the squalling infant and flabby lactating breasts at home drive him to -- oh just let me guess! -- start banging the hot 27 year old next door? I think he's trying to set himself up so he can use the friction and unpleasantness that fatherhood entails to back out of his situation because he has the seven-year-itch.

Quote
Catabat
Nope, sounds to me like early onset mid life crisis. As in, ZOMG, I iz getting old, better make a mini-me to carry on the DNA and all that crap.

I'm with Konkurrent - if he was gonna bail, then he'd be a shitload better off doing it before child support kicked in.

Better believe it, guys get baby rabies as bad as and worse than women.