My Many Titles

I've been entertaining myself this morning with thinking of the many inflated titles I could give myself for the various mundane jobs I do in my very low-key life, a la SAHMs:

--I have about 18 pots of herbs overwintering around the house, of the ones that didn't miserably die; I throw snips of them more or less randomly into food: botanical culinary expert

--I helped DH get ready for the training session he was to do in Toronto by finding a map on Google: travel consultant

--took out the trash: sanitary engineer

--ordered some seeds for garden: agricultural supervisor

--did the dishes: domestic expediter

--fed the pups: companion animal support team member

--cleaned the bathroom: home sanitizer

--made a post on BF: IT expert

you left out "pip".

Ooh, this could be lots of fun!

Balanced checkbook....accountant

Hemmed some pants...tailor

Made a sandwich....chef

Changed oil in car...auto mechanic

Changed a light bulb...electrician

Popped a zit....dermatologist

Poured some Drano down a clogged sink....plumber

Cleaned cat puke and shit = SAHM

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

wiped my ass properly - proctologist


cured a yeast infection - gynocologist

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Made hot cocoa - barista

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Microwaved some chicken nuggets - chef

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Stayed in bathroom while Tardleigh flushed our 25th goldfish - funeral director

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Checked the front door on the way to the bathroom - night shift security guard

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Used 'call waiting' feature - telephone operator

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Switched music CD from the Spongebob soundtrack to the Dora the Explorer soundtrack - disc jockey

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Trimmed my fingernails - manicurist

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Brushed my hair for the first time in three weeks - hair stylist

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Removed a splinter - surgeon

Heh, this is fun. :chug

Hahahahaha! These are great! I only have one to add...

-Clipped one parrotlet's wings and two cats nails - Pet Groomer

Fed several species of fish/cleaned tanks - marine biologist

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

tuned a radio = radio engineer

put a hook on the wall = builder

shaved= barber

visited library = librarian

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Delivered mail that was in the wrong box - does that make me a postman?

T wo
H ousehold
I ncome
N o
K ids
E arly
R etirement

Quote
annie35
Delivered mail that was in the wrong box - does that make me a postman?

Totally!

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

told my aunt how to download pictures from camera = computer engineer, photographer, teacher,

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I am going to spot my husband when he works out on weights tonight, guess I am also a trainer.

T wo
H ousehold
I ncome
N o
K ids
E arly
R etirement

just cleaned my glasses = optician

rubbed my sore neck = masseur

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

EGGux

Gigilo, and we'll leave it at that

I was just about to say that this is almost as much fun as the CAPTCHA game!

That's the beauty of the CAPTCHA game - you can combine it with other games.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

Made potato salad to bring to my coworkers tomorrow= caterer

Threw the cat off my computer chair (not hard)= bouncer

Brought in the mail= personal assistant

Rubbed my husband's sore neck= massage therapist

Brought home groceries= delivery driver

Heh, I should re-write my list, lest anyone think I brush my hair only once a month.

Found my way to the bathroom without my glasses on: navigator

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Did work on a frivolous Flash cartoon: animator

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Showered successfully: lifeguard/swim instructor

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Vacuumed the mat under my desk: housekeeper

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Got dressed: fashionista

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! You people fucking kill me. z

More!

Poured myself a gin and tonic....bartender

Tended to sick cats, including giving IV fluids...veterinarian

Flossed my teeth...dental hygienist

Replaced a temporary crown with that goo from the drugstore...dentist

Played "Chopsticks" on the piano...musician

Planted some flowers...landscape architect

Gave DH a couple Tums for his upset stomach...gastroenterologist

Polished some rings...jeweler

Made a paper airplane and threw it around for a while...aeronautical engineer

:sw

Answered my husband's business phone while he was on the toilet:
Receptionist


Took a message:
Secretary


Discussed with MIL my husband's 80 y/o grandfather's birthday party, offered to bring a bag of pretzels:
Event Planner


Listened to my sister complain about how her shitty MIL:
Family Counselor


Drove to Kroger and bought water, food, and emergency candles in case the power goes out again due to snow storms:
Survivoralist


Anticipated my grocery bill amount based on trends of recent past purchases while considering sale items and price increases since my last Kroger visit:
Economist


Tipped the bag boy who loaded my car:
Philanthropist


Bought a $1 scratch off out of the vending machine on the way out the door at Kroger, read the ticket odds of winning on the back
Risk taker/Statistician


Walked to the mailbox (briskly), did leg stretches on the back of a car bumper first
Marathon trainer


Ran across an arrowhead on my property that was lodged in the ground
Native American Archaeologist


Read Weather.com and then looked out of the window for more snow flurries
Meteorologist


Had a feeling that it would snow again (in Kentucky) and it did!
Psychic


Filled out an online Neilson rating survey
Movie Critic


Posted comments to an online forum:
Writer


Read comments and then posted responses to a public forum based in England:
International correspondent


Took some vitamins with breakfast
Nutritionist


Plucked a kitten off of the couch and redirected her to a scratching post:
Animal behavioralist


Played the "red dot" flashlight game with cats as well as "toss, retrieve, and return" game with bottle caps:
Animal trainer


Fed and petted a baybee raccoon:
Wildlife specialist


Phoned in a fender bender in town to police and asked, "Is everyone ok?"
9-11 Dispatcher-EMT


Flipped a circuit breaker back to the on position:
Electrician


Watched a spider scurry across the floor very closely
Arachnologist


Wore slightly mismatching red socks
Fashion trend setter


Added some canned pineapple to a pre-packaged stir fry mix
Exotic Gourmet Chef


"People watched" while shopping
Anthropologist







































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