1327 Feeling Drained

EGADS! Run screaming from that trainwreck. In my opinion, he's testing the waters. I was in a similar situation about 2 years ago when word got around that I was getting divorced. All sorts of guys I knew started acting really strangely - it was obvious they were looking for a fling. I ignored their comments and innuendo and eventually they got the hint. For those bold enough to come out and ASK me if I was interested in a fling, I was quick with a snappy insult and sent them on their merry way.

Thanks so much for your response! I hate to think the worst of people and I didn't think much of it until this week. Even though I remain unsure about his motives because I live so far away, I need to be careful and prepared for a possible invitation. I thought I was simply paranoid because I have several male friends, but this seems a little different. I still can't wrap my head around why he just doesn't pursue something closer to home. He's workplace environment is rife with hotties. He works at a university! His wife works on the other end of town.

That's just the thing: someone far away would be perfect. No chance of rumors spreading. If he were to sleep with someone at work, word would spread like crazy. He'd probably ask if you wanted to fly/drive somewhere half way. Tell him to fix his marriage or get divorced. I hate men like that.

KidFreeLuvnLife Wrote:
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> In my opinion, he's testing the waters.

Amen, KFLL! I also had a simillar thing happen to me. I told the guy I'd rather stay friends with him & luckily he backed off, and we're still friends but I know it doesn't always turn out that way.

Cyclops, it seems to me married men/women feel alot safer in an affair where both people are married. It's because they know the other person has something to loose and won't tell. And you're already friends, so who'd suspect, right?

I think you should set him straight, and run if he doesn't get the message. Hopefully you're friendship will be valuable enough to him to back off. I don't know why guys think sex will fix everything. And in his sorry marriage, you'd think he'd need a friend to lean on and not sleep with, which is what he already has.

Definitely keep distant from this guy. He sounds like he wants to leech on, drop his burdens on you, suck the life out of you because he so much wants a life like yours - and yeah, to be with you.

Stay away from the breeder!

Don't you love how breeders treat childfree marrieds like they are just in a relationship? In their minds, childfree marriages are less exclusive or something. It's so irritating. If I cut him off completely, I'll have some explaining to do and I'll get some pathetic answer about how I misunderstood him. I want to handle this gracefully, because I think he's emotionally invested. He's pretty passive in general, so I don't think there would be any outright advances, but what he might say or hint at could hurt even more. To make matters worse, I do believe he is testing the waters now. He invited me to stay at his house for a concert and wrote his wife might joke about being suspicious. What the hell does that mean?

It's funny, in the past I've sort of made it a general rule to not be friends with breeders--male or female. I try to be a little more open minded in middle age, but I gotta wonder.

You probably know this already, but if you tell this guy nicely to back off and work on his marriage and he goes off on you ... he is not a friend. From what you just said above, I would tell him to fuck off. But that's just me.

I just got through the same thing with a male friend - except I'm single. He's been married for almost 20 years and has 2 kyds. I was perfectly happy to be "just friends", 'cause I thought he was sweet and smart and funny. But he just had to fuck it up by flirting with me. So I ended the relationship.

I too had a similar thing happen a couple of years ago. An ex-boyfriend of mine started writing me emails out of the blue and whining about how HARD his life was - wife leaving him, brand new baby, etc. Boo fucking hoo. When he asked me if we could get together and talk, I wrote his dumb cow wife and told her to keep him away from me. The dumb broad actually wrote me back and said her husband said he was having a "moment" and that it was really nothing.

I agree with the above posts though - stay away. Even just letting him continue to cry on your shoulder so to speak may make him think that there's always a "chance" that something might happen. A lot of guys also seem to think that pouring their hearts out to a woman makes them look "sensitive" and thus more attractive. I think it's pathetic.

I think this guy sounds like a passive aggressive type, the worst type of person because you're never certain of how to react to them etc.
Sounds like bad news. Yeah definetly steer away from him, he sounds like he knows how to play your emotions(for his benefit only.)

Good call! He probably is PA. After mulling it over this weekend, I realized he's not just worth it because I don't trust him. Also, I think he has a lot of hidden anger about his current situation and is likely to act like somehow he's the victim. He won't come right out and tell me, but I did the math and it appears he was oopsed by his wife before they were even married!