The “Easy†Gene
July 31, 2007 | Filed Under Parenting
What is it with men*? Why do so many of them think that because we are women, we have some built-in, innate, genetic wiring that makes it easy for us to work full time, keep the place clean, feed the rugrats and then load the mess of them in the car along with diapers, toys, change of clothes, drop the daughter off at dance practice and get to that little league game on time? Oh, and pick up coffee along the way while we are at it.
Yep, if you are a woman, this sort of activity is a breeze. Effortless. Sweatless. Stressless. But for a guy, WELL. You get him to pick up the slack and it’s a major ordeal. It needs to be recognized for the herculean effort it is. It’s deserving of a medal or at the very least sympathy and appreciation for all he’s just done. Never mind that you do that shit almost every single day.
It’s like when they expect praise and thank-you’s for washing the dishes, never mind that you bought the groceries (on your way home from work), after picking up the kids from daycare, picking up the drycleaning, dropping off the recycling at the depot, and made dinner. That was easy for you. You’re female. Doing dishes is HARD WORK. If you are a man, apparently.
I remember the summer I decided to ride my bike to work and actually get some exercise. For a whole 12 or so weeks, my husband had to get the kids off to daycare in the morning, complete with diapers and bottles, clothes, and lunches (I still rode back in time to pick them up after work - so he only had the morning routine). Basically, he had to do the same thing I had been doing for the last 3 years EVERY WEEKDAY. After just one week, I got an exasperated, “Do you know how STRESSFUL this is for me?!†As if, somehow, I had NO idea how much effort was involved. As if it was easy because, you know, I have breasts and a vagina and that magically makes those kinds of parental activities a breeze.
I recall the first time he said, “The kids don’t have clean pants for daycare.†I replied, “You know where the washing machine is. If they need clean clothes for tomorrow, then make sure they get washed.†The same went for food for lunches. Make a list and give it to me before I go to pick them up so I can get things at the grocery store, or get your ass out there and buy them yourself after work.
Unfortunately, mine was not an isolated experience. I hear similar stories from female friends and family all too often.
I find it ironic, (Ok, ok, I find it fucking FRUSTRATING) that guys whine and moan about women treating them like children, and yet, when it comes to playing an equal role in parenting - and I mean truly equal - all of a sudden it’s just too much work and too stressful. Guys, how about if YOU figure out how to make 5 nutritious (non-boring) lunches in a row, that they will actually eat. Oh, and make sure you actually go out and buy the food too, since you are taking on that responsibility. How about if YOU volunteer at the school for headlice check? How about if YOU check their backpacks every day after school for rotting hidden sandwiches (oops. Didn’t like THAT one), or juiceboxes that are about to explode, or homework that the child “doesn’t have†but has somehow been scrunched into an unrecognizable ball in the bottom?
How about if you notice the floor crunching under your feet before she hands you a broom, and actually sweep under the table before the baby consumes last week’s Kraft Dinner and stale dog food, has the runs for the next 24 hours? Why is always her job to notice these things and do something about it?
I remember cooking for a large family gathering. My brother walked by as I was juggling two items on the stove, pointed at the floor and said, “You spilled some foodâ€. Ah yes, the one bearing the vagina should clean up the spills. Even if the one with the penis is doing nothing more than holding his magnificent dick in his hand and watching TV.
It took every ounce of personal restraint not to immediately CLOBBER him with the sauce spoon.
While I spared his head from the receiving end of a hot and heavy spoon, I did however, verbally REAM him out and told him that it was obvious to me why he wasn’t getting laid by his wife.
If you see a mess, FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Don’t point it out to the woman.
I also can’t fathom how men can be so oblivious as to think they have just discovered something amazing about the kids, or are the only ones who find things stressful, when you’ve been hauling and feeding and cleaning and clothing the rugrats, er, I mean “little darlingsâ€, day in, day out, for years. I remember with my first son, I had to go to an appointment when my son was 4 weeks old. I left him with my husband for an hour while I went to the doctor’s. This was his first time actually having to change the baby’s diaper. When I got back he said, “Do you know how much that kid shits!? Oh my god! I saved it for you so you could see!†As if I hadn’t been changing, oh, TWELVE of those a day since the kid was born.
And don’t even get me STARTED on the whole “single father†as a martyr thing. Nobody rushes to the aid of a single mother, but the moment a guy is the custodial parent, well! People are bringing over casseroles, offering to babysit, offering to “help outâ€. The double-standard is sickening.
I don’t think men are from another planet. I just think many men don’t INHABIT this one most of the time. I think it’s time they put their feet on terra firma, preferably in their spouse’s figurative shoes, and stopped thinking that women have some “easy†gene that makes domestic chores and childcare effortless. They need to notice when shit needs to get done and step up to the plate without having to be asked, or heaven forefend, nagged. They need to quit whining and stop looking for a medal every time they hold up their end of the stick and do something we have been doing, unappreciated, every damn day.
