#1369 - Spotting men who want to breed

My DH and I saw a story about this study last night on the news, and we both thought this study is pure B.S. I don't understand why people commonly link "responsible and ready to settle down in marriage" with "wanting to breed."

My DH and I will celebrate our ninth wedding anniversary next week, and I always tend to get a little mushy this time of year and think back to the weeks and days leading up to our wedding.

I remember when we went to our priest for premarital counseling, which was required by our church. Our minister - a happily married CF man in his 40s - asked DH why he wanted to marry me, and DH said that he could see himself creating a home with me. At that time, DH was living in his parents' rental home and making updates on it in exchange for rent, and he specifically said that while he was doing the wallpapering and the painting for his parents' rental house, he wished he was doing it for a home that he would share with me. He also saw us traveling together and sharing some of the same dreams.

And I mentioned the happy marriage that my parents had - they've now been married 50 years - and said that I wanted DH and me to continue to grow old together. When we got engaged, we already known each other for more than 10 years, and we had both grown up from being college freshmen to being in our late 20s. (I had just turned 30 when we married, and DH was almost 30).

I remember that neither one of us mentioned "having children" as a reason for wanting to get married. Our minister did ask us about children, and we both said that we wanted to wait a few years before having them. It was only after we had been married five years that we realized we didn't have to have children at all.

I actually think the desire to have children is a pretty bad reason to get married. A woman who goes into a marriage expecting that her partner is eager to breed may become very bitter and disappointed when she realizes that he is not - and I've seen marriages fall apart because the woman has expectations that her partner doesn't share.

I definitely think couples should discuss whether or not to have children, and when to have children if they decide to have them, BEFORE the wedding. But I also think a woman who picks out a man for marriage just because she wants to breed is a pretty stupid woman. And it's just plain dumb for a woman to assume that a man is a breeder just because of the way he looks.

There is no guarantee that any person can have children - medical problems and infertility do happen - so if having children is the only goal of marriage, what happens to the marriage if one of the partners can't breed? Or what happens if the couple has a child and the child dies? If children were the only reason for the marriage, then the marriage is not going to last if the couple isn't raising children for some reason.

My parents have friends who divorced after their children were grown because there was nothing left to their marriage once the children were no longer dependant on them. These are couples who married and starting having children right away. I am lucky that my parents were married for almost seven years before they had their first child (unusual in the 1950s and early '60s), and for 50 years, there has been more to their marriage than raising my sisters and me.

I saw this article on Tanglewood, and I was calling bullshit on it as well. It's so freaking biased that there can't be an ounce of credibility to it - you just can't base a man's views on children solely on his appearance. And what really makes a man "masculine" can vary from person to person. To one person, "masculine" could simply be a man having a penis. In the opinion of others, "masculine" may mean hairy and lacking in manners.

I agree that children are something that should be discussed prior to the wedding - kids, despite popular belief among some breeders, are not something that can be compromised. It can't be "Oh, she wants 7 and I don't want any, so we'll have 3". And what of couples who get married because of kids? I'm sure those marriages aren't happy if there isn't any real love. I know this because my aunt got married when she conceived outside wedlock to a guy she doesn't even love...just to make a good image (because she has the world convinced she's a hardcore Catholic).

My DOG, that is one of the most steaming piles of cattle dung that I have read in a LONG time!

I HATE the ASS-umption that all women want brats, and therefore all women who are looking for a serious relationship want to sprog. And that men who don't want kids are only interested in short-term, *fuck-buddy* relationships.

Well, if that is so, I wish they would explain the existence of all of the married or otherwise committed CF men I've met on this and other boards.

Another useless "news article." The proliferation of stories like these make people who feel the pressure to sprog (and don't want to) feel like freaks. Propanganda BS. Pff.

Nothing like making those who do not want kids, feel like odd balls. Back in the late 70's, my parents waited 4 years before having children. A marriage should be SO much more than children, and children should NOT be the center of a marriage. It'll fail otherwise.

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lab mom

Can't believe it.
If I am single ever again (in a happy relationship for three years now, both CF) and ever place a personal ad the CF label will have a prominent place in my ad. I just hope i wont be bingo'ed by all the single Moo's out there.

And why are all those Moo's dissing the fuck buddy situation? Can't handle te freedom it beholds? Not the freedom to screw around but the freedom of living your own live at your own place and still have a stellar sexlife to boot. I have had a fuck buddy thing on two occasions. In stead of lying to ourselfs about all things romantic and love is in the air bla bla bla we were both adults enough to admit there was a strong physical attraction but no great relationship stuff so being two single adults we did the sensible thing. We screwed each others brains out for about six months. We still get along really well and get a big smill on our faces when we think about that time. Moo on the other hand moves in with loser BF after the first half decent fuck, gets preggie after two months, and BF high tails it out of the pig hole around month six. But hey, in their case it wasn't lust. Nooo, it was loooove and they have the little miracle to prove it. And how dare other people have fuck buddy's, the dirty, dirty, perverted sick people

Don't want be the big advocat to fuck buddy's here but it's one of the many choice we have as a CF and i hate hearing stupid Moo's dissing it. The cF adults in that type of relationship are mostly a hell of a lot more honest to each other then the average Moo and Duh lying, cheating en yelling to each other. they just hate us for having the choices they don't have anymore.

CF-Europe, I think a lot of women "diss" the f*ck buddy situation is because most females are raised to believe that sex is only for marriage or at least they must be "in love". Women are also taught to save their bodies & sell to the highest bidder -- who has the biggest engagement ring to give or which husband would make the most money.

Babies-as-punishment for sex is also a major attitude among both of the sexes but especially women. Most movies, TV shows, or soap operas will have the female characters get pregnant after sex, whether it was married sex and especially casual sex. The female character almost always keeps that baby with a gleeful attitude even if upset at first. The networks don't want to anger the pro-lifers so the writers further this attitude due to fears of boycotts.

Even with many women who don't want children, the sexual hang-ups about casual sex is still there. Even CF women will move in with a man they don't know very well because the sex was good and the male may whine how he does not want this to be a "flash in the pan". I've been there and done that! Blah... Regretted it BOTH times...rather than admit to myself and the reluctant male, who had sexual issues, that being was to be short-lived or just fun rather than make out a good one-time thing into a "relationship".

I had a short-lived thing once but ended it when the guy started playing games with his live-in girlfriend. I did not want to be party to that nonsense. Then, he contacted me a couple months later with some lame text message. I said, "No thanks..." I harbor no hard feelings but there was nothing to re-start. Another one wanted a f*ck buddy situation while I remained "faithful" to him yet he could still look for other women.

I do believe the Europeans are more open about sexuality than us Americans...

"I have had a fuck buddy thing on two occasions. In stead of lying to ourselfs about all things romantic and love is in the air bla bla bla we were both adults enough to admit there was a strong physical attraction but no great relationship stuff so being two single adults we did the sensible thing. We screwed each others brains out for about six months."

Damn, that's worth repeating because other than being funny as hell, it's sensible.

"Moo on the other hand moves in with loser BF after the first half decent fuck, gets preggie after two months, and BF high tails it out of the pig hole around month six. But hey, in their case it wasn't lust. Nooo, it was loooove and they have the little miracle to prove it. "

I personally think this is why many kids are living a fucked up existence. I know so many people who have kids who don't even like each other. They are together simply because they were horny at one time.

Horniness alone makes a shitty basis for marriage. I was raised Catholic and I know so many couples with nothing in common because they married the first person who made them hard or wet.

One of my husband's greatest selling points was his vasectomy.

bell_flower Wrote:
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> I personally think this is why many kids are
> living a fucked up existence. I know so many
> people who have kids who don't even like each
> other. They are together simply because they were
> horny at one time.

My aunt is one of the pitiful ones who fell into that abyss. While she was dating her high school sweetie back home, she was having more fun on the side with a guy she met through her line of work. She got herself knocked up by the second guy and married him when she found out so she could uphold her flawless hardcore Catholic image. From what I can tell, she doesn't love the guy. It seems to be one of those marriages that will stay together for the child's sake, but I give them a few more years before they call it quits.

My cousin isn't too fucked up yet, but she's got many more years to grow in insanity.

I'd say that the breeders are bitching about their sex life, probaly b/c they don't have one period.

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lab mom

How true, Water Lily! There was a fundamentalist man online on an abortion debate group years ago who screamed about how evil it was when a male politician commits adultery. Face it...most men would LOVE to have something on the side regardless of how happy they claim to be in their marriage. Even if a guy does not mess around, he will often admit to fantasizing about being with other women regardless if his wife/girlfriend is "drop-dead" gorgeous. I think this man was only screaming about extramarital affairs because he secretly wished for the same...

Exactly.

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lab mom