Rant 1548 - 10 ways to be a great dad bullshit

What a vomit inducing article.
Firstly, if you don't want to be a dad, I do not believe you will ever be a great dad. However, here's some ways to fake it.

1. Don't worry about being a great dad.
It's easy, just get your wife pregnant, and stay outta her way.

2. Try to live your normal pre-child life as soon as possible.
Your wife will love it when you return to hanging out in the bar with your buds the week after she births the fruit of your love. As soon as she heals up, the both of you will have PLENTY of time and energy to have sex, just like before the baby. Take the baby EVERYWHERE, because it's perfectly appropriate to bring baby to the concerts, plays, resturants, bars and other places you used to visit before it was born.

3. Give the mommy some time for herself.
In fact just let her do everything that has to do with the baby by herself.

4. Get up with Mom for late-night feedings.
Because that will help. The baby will instinctively know that you're up at the same time and grow up to be a fine, upstanding citizen with no further encouragement. And hey, they don't make anything to hold liquid in, so there's no way she could possibly ever sleep while you feed the baby.

5. Be affectionate with your baby, especially as they get older.
In fact, let them sleep in your bed while you and your wife take turns sleeping on the couch. This will teach 'em that they're even more important than you or your wife are to each other.

7. Don't ever abuse your kid. Ever.
In fact, don't ever offer your child any sort of education on how to behave properly, or how to treat other people.

8. Advice on raising children is everywhere, and it's all contradictory, so be very careful which guide you follow.
Never use your common sense, or learn lessons from your own upbringing. Read whatever parenting book is in the best seller list, or better yet, just follow how your favorite celebrity is raising their kid.

9. Enjoy yourself.
Spend as much time as possible out of the house. Caring for children is women's work, and you should only be around for punishment and making sure your son doesn't turn out gay.

10. Learn what kids want most from their dad.
Stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. Most of it won't make sense to you, but just give in, it'll shut them up and teach them the valuable lesson that you are the provider they can always count on.

The author sounds like just another duh who didn't really want kids but didn't have the spine not to follow the herd. There's no going back for him, so he has to convince himself, and others, that being a dad is really great. Nice try. You can write all you want about how great fatherhood is, because there's no going back now. Kids are for life.

I was talking to my male cousin via instant messaging yesterday. He commented that he has time for nothing because he works a lot and because of his baby he and his wife (who he knocked up and had to marry) never have time to go out and have fun, but they are so happy with the baby! Of course he says this. He stuck with a baby and can't get a refund or return it. Whatever!!

You're a trapped sucker and too fucking wimpy to get out of it (and certainly not manly enough to have avoided that whole nightmare to begin with). Just admit it already, you stupid duh!

The sperm donor must be pissed off b/c his wife "oopsed!" him.

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lab mom