Men are 'too frightened to give women the compliments they need

what with the laws of sexual harrasment, men find it easier to not speak, and now we are getting blamed for not speaking, should it be forced compliments out of a mans mouth, damned if you do and damned if you dont.. the wonderful world of men.

when the bobbit event occured there were many jokes about it, anti male, whatever. but dare a man to say a joke thats anti woman.. he could have been fired, lost his livelihood, and she would have gotten money from the joke.

no wonder men dont compliment, or even dare speak anymore.



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=455616&in_page_id=1770


As every woman knows, a simple compliment can brighten a gloomy day.

But in these politically-correct times, it seems, gentle flattery has become something of a lost art.

Not only are men failing to compliment female friends and colleagues for fear of causing offence - but women are highly likely to suspect the motives of the individual offering the admiring comment.

Two-thirds feel uncomfortable if someone other than a partner offers praise, and a similar number mistrust the motives of the man behind the praise.

Unfortunately for women, this all presents something of a conundrum because, according to research, nine out of ten claim they love to be complimented.

Experts have set an ideal 'compliment quota' of five a day.

But even for women in long-term relationships, compliments are few and far between.

Two-thirds of women questioned for the survey by Loire Valley White Wines complained that their partners praise them less than they did five years ago.

Only 16 per cent said they received the magic five a day.

One in eight of the 1,000 women surveyed said that not a single man had complimented them in the past three months.

Relationship expert Christine Webber said: "In my experience, women do care a great deal about what people think about them. A compliment massively boosts self-esteem.

"And whilst it may seem somewhat frivolous, it is in fact a vital ingredient for well-being."

But she added that British women were often not as gracious about receiving compliments as their European neighbours.

"If a man says, 'Your hair looks nice', she should not be saying, 'It needs washing'. "Or if he says 'You are in great shape' it is churlish to reply, 'I am four pounds overweight'."

She said many men were terrified of an innocent remark being wrongly interpreted.

"I think political correctness and fear of saying the wrong thing is the main cause of men failing to compliment women who are not their partners," she added.

She recommended, perhaps not too surprisingly, that men should steer clear of complimenting breasts, bottoms and legs with non-partners.

The trick, apparently, is to make someone feel good about themselves, rather than coming over as smarmy or, worse, "a bit lecherous".

Women do not just want to be complimented on their appearance-In fact, favourite subjects of praise were being a good listener or adviser, or admiration for their ability to juggle a career and home life.

However, the age-old desire to be complimented on being well turned out is as strong as ever.

Some 81 per cent long to hear that their hairstyle or outfit is nice, followed by 79 per cent hoping to hear that they are stylish and 73 per cent that they look slimmer.

According to Miss Webber, compliments are crucial to good relationships.

"We have busy lives and people tend to assume a lot and forget to say things," she said. "And yet compliments can act like oil in an engine - they help everything to run smoother.

"Couples who give frequent compliments to one another tend to treat each other with courtesy and respect and that helps keep their relationships alive."

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Simply put, the different genders shouldn't speak to eachother at all. All inter-gender conversation should be facilitated by hermaphrodites(sp?)
No speaking = no misunderstanding = a perfect utopia

i would also say dont even look either, theres been reports that if a man looks at a woman, thats sexual harrassment. (seriously)


http://latino.sscnet.ucla.edu/nacs/sexual.harrasment.html

2. Unwelcome sexually suggested looks or gestures (of course this is very subjective thing)

http://www.equalrights.org/publications/kyr/shwork.asp

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

It is bad in the workplace as there is something called "third party" harassment, believe it or not. If two people at a company are seeing each other and give each other a kiss, another employee can report them claiming how s/he was offended. How fucking stupid is that???

Giving a compliment should not be labeled as "harassment". I worked the other side of the coin with a sexist man in a call center who whined how he could not tell a lady how she looked "nice" anymore due to certain rules. However, this asshole did not have a kindly compliments in mind as in my row at work we were all subject to hear how he thought one gal was hot because he could tell she did not wear a bra under her t-shirt or loved to look under short skirts. None of needed to hear about the young woman's breast nipples showing through. This was harassment.

Never mind that this man was written up before when a woman complained and got in trouble a second time when an employee left over being sick of hearing his mouth along with this gal who egged him on with the talk. By the way, this man could not keep his mouth shut when a co-worker was outside with her 14/year-old granddaughter. He had to make a sexual comment about her but said he was only saying how she looked "nice". I ended up getting my seating changed so I did not have to hear this stupid fuck all night long.

Odd thing is that the idiot got promoted to a floor walker position...

Oh, PLEASE. I have never seen a woman who was given a true, innocent comment get offended over it. Every time I've seen a woman get pissed over a "compliment," it was because there was something behind it (sarcasm, a little "winkwinknudgenudge," etc.), or the "compliment" was downright offensive.

I'm getting so tired of this "OMG a man can't even open a door for a woman anymore without getting bitched at" bullshit. And even if it were true, why would that stop a man from complimenting HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

it happens in work places, you cant tell risque jokes, well men cant, but women can.

there was many jokes about john wayne bobbit getting his penis sliced off. that was bad for men, imagine if they said something similar about women.. the outcry.

since men cant speak in work without watching every little thing they say, its hard not to have that bleeding through into the personal life,its very hard to seperate work from personal

as ame says " It is bad in the workplace as there is something called "third party" harassment, believe it or not. If two people at a company are seeing each other and give each other a kiss, another employee can report them claiming how s/he was offended. How fucking stupid is that??? "


theres cases of young children(boys) being arrested for sexual harrasment.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11252421/


BROCKTON, Mass. - A 6-year-old boy is getting a lesson on the meaning of sexual harassment long before he’ll be able to spell it.

The first-grader was suspended for three days for sexual harassment after he put two fingers inside a classmate’s waistband, school officials told his mother, Berthena Dorinvil. The boy told her he only touched the girl’s shirt after the girl touched him.

Experts say only in rare, troubling cases can children that young truly sexually harass one another.

“The connotation is you’re getting some kind of sexual gratification, or wanting sexual gratification, or are putting pressure on for some kind of sexual gratification, when a 6-year-old doesn’t have that capacity,” said E. Christopher Murray, a civil rights attorney who has handled school discipline cases.

Dr. Elizabeth Berger, a Philadelphia-area child psychiatrist, said this case seems to be an overzealous attempt to ensure students feel safe in school after years in which society was not attentive enough

There have been similar cases. In 1996, a New York second-grader was suspended for kissing a girl and ripping a button off her skirt — an idea the boy said he got from his favorite book “Corduroy,” about a bear with a missing button. Earlier that year, a Lexington, N.C., 6-year-old was separated from his class after kissing a classmate on the cheek.**

so how do you explain that..

ask any man and they will say its better to not do anything than risk anything. thats why men dont compliment people,

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

K12144 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh, PLEASE. I have never seen a woman who was
> given a true, innocent comment get offended over
> it. Every time I've seen a woman get pissed over
> a "compliment," it was because there was something
> behind it (sarcasm, a little "winkwinknudgenudge,"
> etc.), or the "compliment" was downright
> offensive.
>
> I'm getting so tired of this "OMG a man can't even
> open a door for a woman anymore without getting
> bitched at" bullshit. And even if it were true,
> why would that stop a man from complimenting HIS
> SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

Exactly, Kat! It is just as I said with the issue of a former sexist co-worker who said that it was so horrible that the rules at work made it impossible for him to be able to tell a lady that she "looks nice". Why didn't he want to save those compliments for his older live-in that he was with because the young sweeties did not want his dumb ass???

I have never been offended at a true compliment on the job. When I was younger, I did have to deal with the contract cleaner supervisor's harassment when his compliments DID turn into harassment. I honestly felt I brought it on because I said, "Thank-you," to what were originally, "You look very nice today," comments that turned into cat-calling.

I was 22 at the time so I had no clue how to handle it. My department manager had to take care of it but I was so mortified every time I had to pass this man in the store. Thankfully, my manager was a man who recognized this shit for what it was and ended it.

Mercurior, I do notice how women at certain jobs will say off-colour jokes and get away with it. On a job that I was on for maybe five seconds, this married pro-lifer was talking sexual with one of the male employees. I was appalled because the same woman said she worked in the same business at another office but could not even wear a skirt because of how nasty the men spoke to her and the other female employees. Yet...she acts this way at this place??? Then...she tried to encourage me to talk the same to this electrician. I was like, "NO way!!!"

Good news is that some workplaces are firing people for gossip. On FNC, these women were suing to get their jobs back after gossiping about a supervisor having an affair. That was a lie but could affect the man's professional life and his marriage. The bitches do not deserve their jobs back or any back pay. From what I heard on last night's news is how more companies are terminating gossipers' employment. This is another insidious form of harassment. What is said can never be taken back even if it comes out later that the busybodies were lying.

Little boys should not be charged with sexual harassment. However, all kids in school need to learn to keep their hands off of each other. What is learned in childhood will escalate in adulthood regardless of gender. Same goes for bullies. They will become the people who threaten co-workers or go postal on the job.

Kids caught doing stuff like that should probably also be given counseling...because if they are exhibiting sexual harassment behaviors (the true sexual harassment behaviors, not kissing another kid on the cheek), they probably learned them from somewhere.

yes but there is a fear that, every action by a male, is sexually based.

just recently theres been a school thats banned all touching. i dont just mean sexual touching, shaking hands, high fives, everything that requires touch, so i ask what if someone is choking. this fear of being called a pedophile, or a sexual monster, is what most men fear, and thats why a lot dont get involved, there was a story a year or so back a man stopped a child walking dangerously in the street, i mean she could have been killed, yet, he is now on the sex register for "holding her" against her will.. he grabbed her arm and moved her out of the road.

there was a story about a child going missing a male driver saw her but didnt stop because he had the fear that he would be called a pedophile this kid later drowned.

and thats why there are less male teachers in schools, at least in the junior ones. the fear of being labelled a sex fiend, pedophile, makes men avoid children. (now in the UK there is plans for a new law that ANY job that has contact with a child, that person needs a police check)


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/17/AR2007061701179_pf.html


All touching -- not only fighting or inappropriate touching -- is against the rules at Kilmer Middle School in Vienna. Hand-holding, handshakes and high-fives? Banned. The rule has been conveyed to students this way: "NO PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!!!"

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I thought the story of the guy who grabbed the girl's arm was, she was a teenager, was being an idiot and walked out in front of his car, he tried to stop her to talk to her and she just tried to walk off and he grabbed her arm?

this is the story, and people wonder why men do not go near kids,


http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4155/is_20050701/ai_n14807336

***Fitzroy Barnaby said he had to swerve to avoid hitting the 14- year-old Des Plaines girl who walked in front of his car.

She said he yelled, "Come here, little girl," before getting out of his car and grabbing her by the arm.

He said he simply lectured her.

She said she broke free and ran, fearful of what he'd do next.

In a Thursday ruling, the Appellate Court of Illinois said the 28- year-old Evanston man must register as a sex offender.

While acknowledging it might be "unfair for [Barnaby] to suffer the stigmatization of being labeled a sex offender when his crime was not sexually motivated," the court said his actions are the type that are "often a precursor" to a child being abducted or molested.

Though Barnaby was acquitted of attempted kidnapping and child abduction charges stemming from the November 2002 incident, he was convicted of unlawful restraint of a minor -- which is a sex offense.

'Most stupid ruling'

Now, he will have to tell local police where he lives and won't be able to live near a park or school.

"This is the most stupid ruling the appellate court has rendered in years," said Barnaby's Chicago attorney, Frederick Cohn. "If you see a 15-year-old beating up your 8-year-old and you grab that kid's hand and are found guilty of unlawful restraint, do you now have to register as a sex offender**

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I don't do well with compliments because flattery never fooled me...

This is just BS.Men and women get long at work by complimenting and flirting with each other.Period.Everyone loves a sweet compliment.Yet,we are really trained to remember all the negative things people say to us and forget the positive things.

I am so tired of dumbasses that stand around waiting to be offended.They will always get their wish.

I always tell people (men or women)whether I am at work or anywhere that I am the least offendable person you will ever know.This is why people open up to me all of the time at work and other places because they know I am not out to get anyone in trouble,ever or repeat what they tell me and add to ofice gossip fodder.

When someone comes up to me and says "Excuse my french but..(and swears) or "No offense but.."or "I hope you don't mind if I tell you/say something to you"I always reply the same way :
"Go ahead and speak your mind,Honey.Our American Soldiers fought & died so we can keep the freedom of speech here in America".

P.S.God Bless the USA and Happy Independance Day.

Rapunzel111 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This is just BS.Men and women get long at work by
> complimenting and flirting with each
> other.Period.Everyone loves a sweet
> compliment.Yet,we are really trained to remember
> all the negative things people say to us and
> forget the positive things.

It is not about being offended. I understand people are going to flirt and act out in those ways at work. As long as all parties are fine with it, there is no problem. What is more than B*S is when a co-worker feels s/he can talk about his/her sexual life to you or make comments about another person's body parts that invades my personal space. As long as I did not encourage the talk or even start the conversation, I do have the right to be offended at such "compliments" and tell that person to take a hike or else risk getting reported to HR.

Too many sexual harassment lawsuits have been filed because a guy cannot keep his fucking comments to himself or even a woman who is extremely touchy. I can see how companies are extremely careful of talk of this nature. I, too, have been a person at work where others felt comfortable telling me their personal business. I do not mind unless it involves sexuality or gossip about another person. Then...the conversation stops really quick! Funny how the same people wonder why *I* don't spread my personal biz to them...

Unfortunately, I did deal with harassment shit on a job that I left even after asking the two people (same people who had been reported before for same behaviour) to stop the overt sexual talk...and I worked a security site where a guard got sent OFF the site for giving "compliments" to the young ladies. It got the point at the first job I mentioned where I did not want to go in every night as it was a very small answering service where the agents were right next to each other. Freedom of Speech does not give a person the right to harass someone at the job or anywhere else. After all, we cannot use that freedom to yell, "Fire," in a crowded movie theater or to incite a riot.

Most harassers at work do complain how they "cannot give a lady a compliment anymore" when they mean like the male co-worker of the duo I dealt with, who really meant that he could not make crude comments without being held accountable by the office manager. The sexist young guard at the other job felt it was "his right" to come on to women and felt that he was "God's Gift to the Females" but complained when the young ladies felt very uneasy as him working security when they should feel safe with a guard on duty. One co-worker, a retired cop, predicted that this guy would probably be in the news for an attempted sexual assault. That would not shock me...

I've also worked in a large call center where a young man was given "fag" comments during the training class. Our instructors and HR worked on resolving the issue; however, this fellow could not wait for class to be over so he did not have to see the same people who would still talk trash on the sly to him. Why should the women...or a man...just "deal with it"? Sure...we have Freedom of Speech but we also have to accept the consequences that go along with any freedoms we engage in. My former co-worker certainly did not deserve the shit that was said to him under the guise of "freedom of speech" when there were company policies against such talk. What happened to him went beyond being "offended" and affected his job. He quit shortly after.

As for the "God Bless", I really do not care if someone says that to me despite me NOT being a Christian but I notice people only use that phrase as a weapon to be damned certain that they get their point across. What a lovely way to promote their deity...

My entire job revolves around talking to people about sex. As a result, my friends feel the need to tell me about their sex lives too, I guess because it's what I do and I am accepting and basically unoffendable. I kind of wish they'd stop, I try really hard to NOT do things related to their jobs in our free time.

there is a line that gets crossed, i dont like people in my personal space.

i am very protective of my space, (rowan is a different matter), and if theres no other option, but i hate people touching me, friends and family anyone, i hate shaking hands, i would never touch anyone. (i hate hugs from other people and detest people who kiss me on the cheek) if someone gets too close i bristle.

but a lot of work places, men cant touch women, (which is fine) but women can touch men.. (which isnt). at work when bobbit happened, i heard lots of penis jokes, and castration jokes, it made all the men uncomfortable. but mention a similar joke for women.. and you would be fired..

i have seen calenders of semi naked men at work, but semi naked women are wrong.

if they baned both that would be fine, if they allowed both that would be fine as well.. but to have one rule for one..

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein