Wedding turns everyone I know into idiots.

I'm getting married in a month. My betrothed and I are paying for the entire thing ourselves, so it will be a relatively simple ceremony with a wild party (with people buying their own drinks after the first keg), because I like to throw parties and can't in our small apartment. We're utilizing the VFW because it's about 10 times cheaper than any other place, parks included. Everyone knows we're paying for it our selves, and yet when they ask about the honeymoon, they express amazement that the closest thing we'll have is a couple nights at a hotel, up north where it's cold (and thusly cheap.)
Everyone, I mean EVERYFUCKONE (including people whose opinions and advice I value) has said "but you HAVE to go somewhere", and when I say we can't afford it, they say "just use your credit card, or get a loan". Trust me when I say their heads almost explode when I tell them we don't have a credit card, are paying cash for everything, and aren't willing to go into debt for this.

Have we fallen so far that people can't even comprehend denying themselves things they can't afford? How'd I get into this basket? And why's it so hot?

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Wow, why do people think that one has to have some lavish wedding and a honeymoon? It sounds like you and your fiance have good heads on your shoulders and don't want to live outside of your means. I guess being responsible and frugal causes other people's brains to malfunction and explode.

I know what you mean about the materialism of people; I feel the basket getting hot too lol.

This may offend but it is not meant to...honestly. Why don't you just get married at City Hall and just go about your business? It is often easier for the couple. After all, marriage is about sexuality between a man and a woman being sanctioned by society. Is the hassle of these people worth it when they may not even remember the 'wild' party the next day? As for the honeymoon, I know a couple who got married and the husband got laid off. There was no honeymoon as they felt it ridiculous for a socially sanctioned fuckfest. Guess what a well-meaning friend said despite the man having a year's salary saved and worries of the future. "Take a small weekend honeymoon!" Why would anyone think that while the guy is seeking work? Even with the $$$ saved, that is for living expenses rather than paying for a hotel room to sleep and have sex in as well as going out to eat in restaurants.

I'm not offended, just confused. I didn't claim any sort of hardship due to the wedding, because there isn't. I was expressing amazement that even my sensible friends seem more than willing to encourage others to go into debt for, in my opinion, silly reasons.

We're having a party because we want to, have the money to pay for it, and already have the VFW rented for feeding folks like my Grandparents. We are getting married in the state capitol, and it's not the big huge affair you seem to be assuming. Even if we were to have eloped in county clerks office, we'd still need to have a couple people there as witnesses, and we'd still have a party because we're that kind of people. We've saved money for this express purpose and have cut back on buying things like CD's and books, but as I've said we're not going into debt. I know it all sounds CRAZY, but as I do pay my taxes, rent and provide for myself without any assistance from the state or my partner, I'm pretty sure that I have the right to use the remainder of my money in any way I want.

I know you personally don't like marriage, and seem to see it as state sanctioned prostitution, but you've already experienced that and made your decision. I feel differently about marriage, and personally know many people do indeed have a fine time in their marriages. I don't try to talk you out of, or judge, your life choices, so I don't know why you are trying to talk me out of mine, or seem to be judging them.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

I got married, in the court house, with 2 witnesses which we didnt need, Her dad, and her friend. her friend caroline, was my best man/bridesmaid..

we said to the clerk we want the shortest ceremony.

we would have loved it to have been do you, yes, do you yes.. your married.

but it did last a bit longer. we didnt need much, her dad then surprised her with a trip to england when i was going home.. we were on the same flight, when she arrived she got ill. cold. we had what we wanted, it was just a thing to confirm to us what we knew. and to get the legal stuff sorted.

we are having a blessing over here, when she is here.. so that people over here can experience a bit. but would rather spend money on things we need rather than a party. but i can see how in a band of close friends, it can be a good thing.

so good luck feh.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Feh, anything I said about marriage was said out of anger due to the divorces, looter males, and guys acting like you are a whore for being married to them & actually benefiting from their $$$ despite a woman putting a lot into the marriage. I am still PO'd. I did not want to offend you. Yeah...I have "issues". People can be real assholes when it comes to friends/relatives getting married. Often, they show up just to 'eat and drink'. I am not trying to talk you OUT of your marriage. Do what makes you happy but be wary of those who feel you need to celebrate 'more'. Yes, you have the right to spend your $$$ as you see fit. My bitch is I get tired of people adding their $.02 when it comes to someone else's party on that person's money. I hope it is a good day for you and this man is someone who shows to be a good partner after the "I do's" are said.

Weddings are one of those expenses that people truly get irrational about. It is now seen as normal to spend $30K on a wedding, and to take out loans to pay for it. Not to mention the overpriced rings and obligatory honeymoon. My husband and I eloped, paid for our two simple wedding bands, and honeymooned in Canada for what it costs most people to pay for flowers alone!

When a coworker of mine got engaged last year, she was showing off her huge engagement ring to everybody. Another coworker of mine said to me, "You should tell your husband to make more money so he can buy you one of those!" I think it ranks of one of the absolute stupidest things anyone has ever said to me, ever.

Exactly!!
It's so weird how seemingly rational people will lose their shit and make completely nutso comments and suggestions in regards to someone else's life. That said, my Mom always says "It's easier to spend someone else's money than your own.", so that's probably more like it.

Now that I think about it, I've been to 4 weddings in the past couple years, and 3 were totally paid for and planned by the parents (okay, the mother). They were totally bland, boring and very expensive (now that I know how much that crap costs). These are the folks who are really pushing for the "go into debt for this" (even though they didn't - their parents did) mentality, and the whole "but you have to do x,y & z bullshit things, they're tradition". At the same time, seem to regret now that their weddings were basically the same.

The 4th wedding was of my best friend, and was just how she wanted it, since they were paying for it. No expensive flowers, church or other bland bullshit, just a quick ceremony and a fun time. She's the only one who hasn't expressed any regrets, and hasn't made even the slightest mention of how we "have to do this, because everyone else does" mentality.

I think it's just more proof that if you live your life as you see fit, you will be happier and more satisfied in the long run. If you try to shove yourself into holes you don't have any desire to fit in, you will be miserable in the end. So, if marriage isn't for you, it isn't for you and you shouldn't try to force yourself into that. If monogamy isn't for you, again, you shouldn't try to force yourself into that...and if children aren't for you, there is no reason in the world why you should feel like you have to have them.

YAY FREEDOM!

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me