The "I hate my ex" thread

Thanks for the kudos and support, you guyz! Popcorn's story made me LOL because isn't it always the case that these shitheads have no drive and no ambition?

My ex never finished college. He had a few credits but not enough for a BA, and the entire time we were married he logged so many hours playing 1st person shooters on his custom built gaming rigs that he could have had a PhD completed.

But no - he couldn't be arsed to better himself. He preferred to bitch about my housekeeping skills while I worked AND went to school and it didn't take me long to rack up more college credits than he ever had.

Oh, and if I forgot to mention he was shitty with money, he was - INSISTED on being in charge of paying all the bills, yet we never seemed to have any money. Together we were making almost $80K a year and I was getting calls at work about my car payment not showing up. Never did figure out where it all went. I sure as fuck didn't spend it. I didn't even have full access to our "joint" bank accounts until we were married for 5 years. All my paychecks went into them though!

What kills me the most is the loss of sentimental items - stuff that got broken "accidentally" or shit he refused to give back, like my mountain bike that I bought when I was 17 so I could get to and from work. I loved that bike.

That's ok though because my new hubby is going to buy me a beachcruiser when we move in August. Like that style of bike better anyway. Even so...*sniff*

Oh, one more fun thing I meant to share about my delightful ex. When I was still with him, he let me know that I would never be allowed to see a gynecologist for any reason because he didn't want another person touching my groin. Even if it was a lady doctor, because he saw it as a form of cheating. I wonder what he'd do if he DID knock someone up - pre-natal care often involves internal exams, and what about the actual birth when the woman is spread eagle with lots of medical professionals of both genders in the room? Would he make his woman not get pre-natal care and a C-section just so no other person besides him would come in contact with her vagina? I'm tempted to ask him that now.

He also had a shit fit last year (I think) because one of his other exes was naked around her female friends. He feels that the only person his woman should be naked for is him. Now I don't know about anyone here, but most other guys I know would probably secretly hope for a little girl-on-girl action if their girlfriends or wives were naked with other women. My ex is the only guy I know who would get angry about this. Fuck, I remember he'd get pissed off when my female friends in high school would hug me or poke me. Apparently he was the only one allowed any form of physical contact with me.

The funniest thing is that he is/was so motherfucking protective of his girlfriends because he was so scared someone would steal them from him...and it's his jealous, controlling behavior that drove them away. And he never understood that.

Man there's some good(read horrible) stories in this thread!

I put up with the most garbage from my first boyfriend, ever after I just ditch em at the least sign of controlling or manipulative behavior.

I was with my "learning experience" for about two and a half years, in my head it seems longer though...
From barely 16 to about 18 and a half.
He already had a baby mama who gave birth after we became an item, and I had a few classes with her so it was always awkward, but I was also incredibly shy/quiet around everyone, so I could tell she also pitied me for being socially "broken", unlike her extroverted, drama whore self.
This quietness also set me up for this guy, although I didn't know it at the time. Dude ignored all of my leave-me-alone signals. Yeah, hindsight is brilliant.

But I'd never had a boyfriend due to being raised mormon, blah blah blah, so I was kind of excited someone was interested in me at all, like a true sucker.

We got together, I lost my virginity pretty quickly, it sucked, perfect example of his selfish ass I should have paid attention to. But I was still wrapped up in the chastity is a virtue thing, and now I thought I should stay with him forever now that I was "spoiled".

Things sucked for a long time, and then he started cheating, and here's where he's all messed up.

He would call me up to come over the day after he'd cheated, and I'd show up all unaware to find him huddled somewhere crying or beating himself for his "unworthiness", telling me he was dumping me so that I could go be with someone who deserved me.
Brilliantly, he occupied all my time so that I didn't exactly have any friends to fall back on. I didn't want to be "all alone", so I generally refused to be dumped.

This happened five or six times, following the same pattern each time.
Meanwhile as the years pass I realize that while we were mentally on a par when we met, me 16, him 19 minus 3 days... By the time I was 18 and a half and he's 21, I had grown way past him and he was still virtually the same, albeit holding an actual job and raising his daughter part time instead of just a high school jock.

We had gotten engaged at some point before I graduated, but I really finally had enough one day and I was planning to leave home, but he kept telling me how my plans wouldn't work, and I certainly couldn't move in with him, he still lived with mommy dearest.

So I broke up with him for the first time. Gave him the ring back and told him it was over.
He had the gall to say, "This isn't like all those other times you know."
No shit Sherlock! It's me doing the dumping for once, and I meant it. It wasn't just a ploy to get him to keep me, and I hadn't cheated, I wanted fucking out!

I confess I went back to him for a one night fling late that year, but only to see if it was as bad as I remembered. It was. (It was a full year and a half into our relationship before I ever had an orgasm with him, he was so selfishly singleminded. Also he thought a woman's orgasm was more likely to result in pregnancy and would clench and unclench his fist and say it was a cervix orgasming, illustrating his point with slurping sounds, as if an orgasm causes a cervix to hungrily suck up the semen. So he didn't really want me to have one, I was there for his relief.)

But that one night fling caused him to imagine he could have me again someday, never realizing I had completely taken control the day I dumped him. He wasn't the high school wrestling star anymore, just a loser baby daddy still living with his mommy.

I almost changed my phone number, he called me so much... He kept trying to get my address from my parents, but I was living in my car, so he was SOL. The last time he tried calling it was ten years later and I hadn't heard from him in two or three years.
The last time I had answered before that was when he called while I was driving big rigs, was terribly lonely, and figured even his lame ass would be a welcome distraction. Bleh.

I am always glad this was early in my dating history, always evaluating how much like him other boyfriends were being, and taking it as a bad sign if there was too much similarity.
Also glad I'm over the "spoiled virtue" thing. Experience is good for your partner!

(This was also my closest brush with motherhood, although I've taken plan B a few times, I've never pissed a positive pregnancy stick.
And a good thing I passed on that whole mess too! Through facebook I saw that his daughter has just been released from a two year program away somewhere where she was "learning how to be a good person". It sounded rather closed or inpatient-y, and knowing her mom and seeing some of how she was raised, I truly believe the poor girl has some real problems. I would not have wanted to be so involved with a personality disordered teen, as if "normal" teens aren't bad enough! I am the introvert to end all introverts, I can't even stand much interaction with normal social people.
Still never have changed a diaper! And I'd like to keep it that way!)

Some good reads about the subject of toxic/psycho/narc/abusive romantic partners I found.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/

http://psychopathsandlove.com/covert-emotional-manipulation-tactics

They cover both the signs OF that type of manipulation as well as ways to prevent falling prey to it in the future. I was discussing with another survivor on a forum I'm on about how we're all given the safe sex talk, but never a safe relationship talk.

Whoah, so many stories about being young and didn't realize pattern of abuse but glad to see the stories here end up good.

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gymrat
I know it is just me being sexist, but once I see a guy cry over a girl, it totally turns me off. Now, a guy can cry because his pet died, or because he is in severe pain, or when he loses a friend/relative. But crying over a woman? Pussy.

I suddenly remember my recent ex. He is not that bad... Just not for me.
Sometimes we argued in public place, no raised voice and all...but then he started to cry and throw a fit, attracting people's attention... I don't know why. Generally he was a very nice guy, no sign of craziness and all, but this is one good reason why I am not with him anymore. I cannot even answer why I would say yes when he asked me to be his gf. That should be a nice enough reason to break up. I lingered for around four years thinking 'I am not crazy about him, but he is very nice so I think I can settle for that' and 'this is how relationship would be after years together, I think, boredom os expected'. No mutual attraction. He was crazy about me, but I wasn't. It wasn't a healthy relationship. He did everything to please me, including agreeing to be CF when he was not.
Finally I have enough courage to end it! I feel liberated now, but still couldn't stop thinking I am the asshole in this whole story. Why broke up with such a nice guy?
What I didn't realize was spark between two people couldn't be revived if there weren't any in the first place. Attraction cannot be forced.

@Law: I am glad you can escape the crazy fundy. Holy shit. Thanks for sharing your story! Congratulation on your new relationship!

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cosmictraveler
Some good reads about the subject of toxic/psycho/narc/abusive romantic partners I found.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/

http://psychopathsandlove.com/covert-emotional-manipulation-tactics

They cover both the signs OF that type of manipulation as well as ways to prevent falling prey to it in the future. I was discussing with another survivor on a forum I'm on about how we're all given the safe sex talk, but never a safe relationship talk.

Thanks! These are some good resource!

Well, I don't exactly hate my ex, and I only had one in my life to far, so yeah...

He was a bit weird though. He is a fundie, as far as I'm aware, but at least he doesn't reject evolution completely and seemed to be more liberal, but...
I was 16 when I got together with him, and it was a long-distance relationship. I only met him twice, once when he came over to visit me in Germany (he lives in Texas), and once when I came over to visit him in return.
Well, like I said, we had this long-distance relationship, which consisted mostly of daily emails and webcam videochats on weekends. He would get a bit pissy if I wouldn't write him back, but I was busy with school, and then later the graduation exam and the entrance into university. I kinda enjoyed writing with him, if only to argue with him about various topics. Looking back to it, I think we both tried to change the other person with the help of these arguments. I hoped that he would let of his black and white view of the world, that he would become more pro-choice instead of a pro-lifer, and he hoped that I would end up becoming bible-abiding wife-material. He said he dreamed of having 4 kids with me in the future, and I remember telling him that only after I had a chance to live my own life at first.
Well, we discussed topics like "Do animals have souls?", "Will abortion really stop once made illegal?" "Why teh gay is evil", things like that. (ah, talking about that kinda makes me want to dig through the old emails. I wonder if I should post the best quotes here or something.)

Anyways, when he came for a visit to Germany, the first thing he does, while my mother is standing right there is to dive in for a tongue-kiss out of the blue, taking me by surprise so much that I kinda felt violated, but I chalked that up to my inexperience, because hey, I wasn't used to having a boyfriend.
When holding him in my arms, I remember thinking how fragile and thin he felt, and that I better touch him with consideration, or he might break like glass.
What was also weird about him was how he was lost in so many details that he saw around here. He was amazed by the pavement, amazed at the doctor's office across our street because it had plant tendrils on the housewall and he asked me if a witch lives there. He was amazed of all the green parks we have here and the little flee market.
My confusion only got explained after I was in Texas myself - where there literally was no pavement for walkers to be seen, only street concrete up to the horizon, and never ending heat.

More than hating my ex, I rather pity him. He is not a bad guy and desperately wants to do good, but the problem is that he is brainwashed and not able cut himself off of this. I know that he doesn't really want to lifescript, he wanted to become a detective or become an english teacher in Japan, or a Jujitsu-master, which are all things that he cannot do once a loaf is in the picture, much less 4 loaves.
I pity him because he is religiously brainwashed so much. Once he had an episode, almost like a seizure. Suddenly he would pull himself into a fetal position, while only muttering in sheer desperation "I will go to hell! Oh God, I am going to hell!". I was shocked and confused, asking him why he thinks that and reminding him that he is the one of us who is living by the bible the most to cheer him up, and he asked me if I am afraid of hell. To which I said that I would claw my way out of there if I ever landed there, so no, I am not afraid and neither should he.

In the end, I broke up with him because I cannot lifescript with him. If he wants 4 loaves, he needs to find a more suitable partner. Though I am still kinda sad for him. If only he wouldn't be so brainwashed... he would realize so many things. I know he will regret being a father, and will regret buying into myths. ( Like the myth that sex is this magical thing that is only reserved between husband and wife because during the act, apparently your souls merge or something. God, he will be so disappointed).

I'm bumping this tread because thanks to legacy.com I've found out that my two college boyfriends, who incidentally shared the same first name, are both dead. The one from college #1 died at age 50 and the one from college #2, who was 9 years older than I was, died at 59.

College #1 Boyfriend was kind of a bonehead and self-centered, but I don't have ill will for him. We were young and dumb. The second one whom I'll call Boyfriend#2, or B2, is another issue. Because of our age difference--I was 21-24 and he was 30-33-- I hold him to a higher behavioral standard and he didn't have one. This guy was a real Og type. I didn't know the term then but it fits. His obituary made sure to mention that he was a "lifelong Conservative" --guess what, Dude, you're still dead and nobody gives a crap that you listened to Rush. (There was no Rush back then but I'm sure he was a devotee.)

I stayed with this guy way too long. Let's just say I had questionable taste in men when I was younger. I had also transferred schools to move back into my dysfunctional home because I was broke and struggling. He had a good job and an apartment and I stayed with him a lot to get away from my family.

He was from a "good Catholic family." Incidentally he was also divorced, no kids. He blamed his wife for the divorce but I found out later that he cheated on her and he basically left her when she got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. (That's some real good Kristian Values--I guess the "in sickness and in health" didn't apply to him.)

When we first got together marriage wasn't an issue because he was getting an anullment. He got one after a couple of years and he started pressuring me for kyds. Anyway, now that he's gone I was thinking why I hated him so much.

1. He used to keep me off balance and berate me. One time he told me I was "poor as a church mouse." I was like, duh, Dude I'm a full time student. (Of course, I wasn't too poor for him to fuck and BTW, I was also working 35 hours a week while going to school. It's not as if I was a slacker. And we both came from middle class families. His remarks were completely stupid.)

2. He knew I wasn't interested in children. Once we were watching a Barbara Streisand interview on TV. Streisand told the interviewer that she wished she had more children. He said to me, "see, it's every woman's dream." I suppose so in Og land. :crz

3. One time when his brother was visiting and I was staying over, his brother walked in on us having sex. He said he was "sleep walking." I think it was a set up.

4. let's get back to that "good Catholic family." His mom was a SAHMoo who waited on his dad hand and foot. One time when I was eating dinner with them, his father needed more tea. His father's chair was closest to the refrigerator; it would have been really easy for him to get his own drink, yet his mom went to the other side of the room to refill the Dud's glass. She was an indentured servant to the family. The father also called his wife "Mother" which I found sick and creepy. Nobody thought any of this behavior was unusual.

5. His mom never worked outside the home, ever. She was ignorant of so many things. When BF2 was about 10 or 11 he started getting severe pains in his right side. He had appendicitis of course, but she didn't know what that was--she just thought it was a stomach ache and gave him Pepto. The Dud was at work and SonnyBoy almost died. This is the problem with Og husbands--they want really dumb wives who know nothing about anything, too bad when your kid dies because Moo is an idiot.

As if there weren't 1,000 red flags on his family, the Moo had one child after a 10 year break. BF2 told me the doctors had instructed her not to have any more kids because the penultimate one almost killed her, but she had a "mirakul baybee." The kid was a spoiled little snot.

6. After the annulment, he started pressuring me to marry him. I broke up with him over the kid issue. He told me that he'd discussed the issue with his mother. :crz He told her that if he wanted kids and I didn't, he was just going to poke holes in my diaphragm, problem solved. :crz

I can't believe anyone would be that arrogant, controlling and stupid.

He called me one night when he was drunk a couple of months after I broke up with him. He told me he wanted me back. I played along and asked him if I could get the engagement ring back. (He gave me one and it was a surprise.) Once I said that, he switched up and said if I came back I'd get a "proper" engagement ring--the one he gave me the first time was "too big." Oh, sign me right up for that..I'd be more than happy to have your dumb ass back with less jewelry!

What. A. Freaking. Tool!