When people get nasty or undermining about your goals that should be positive

No religious debate from me, I'm not religious.

I have NO doubt that 'extremism' exists, half of my relatives are from the ME, others from E. EU. Been to various spots there for biz purposes. What's scary about *that* is alot of the 'extremism' there is fairly recent. And yes it is over oil and control of strategic regions. The 'free states' are OK, such as Israel, Lebanon, Egypt, some countries in N. Africa.

The war in S. Sudan is *over* btw.

Other places there? I would not set foot in. A female Jew? I'm usually taken as an Iranian, though. And I'm clearly guessed to be American (or European; a few times while extra tan I was taken as a Mexican (in Israel) - anyway, there are enough people in some of these places that hold grudges against the US and UK, so, you have to watch where you go.

Anybody wanna go to Morocco? At this time of year I might like to go on Holiday to Canada.

Ohwait - Yer a Humanitarian, are ye? Wanna help people? OK - like I say, Israel is OK and I saw this USD 750K Loft in Tel Aviv - it's right by the beach. So - can you buy me this?

Aw, come on - it would be helping someone out!

LOL

I do think your goals are very admirable and I wish you success! People *do* need help and you certainly can't go wrong with positive action.

Oddly enough I was shoved into both the Jewish Temple -and- the Christian Church as a kid. They have activities for kids, see. Donate and you can shove your kids into all sorts of 'school' and 'youth groups' and shit like that. Even as a *kid* I figured this out. Became cynical, at a young age.

And - these places - Reform Jew and Methodist Church - are very "light" on the Bible Thumping. And they're very "liberal" with everything. Divorce? Sure! Rabbi's getting divorced? Not a problem. Abortion? Not a problem. Gay? No problem. Jews For Jesus? Hey - Jesus is just alright with me! Brother!

I gave up on all that when I was late teens. It just didn't 'take' with me. These places came off as social clubs / networking opportunities for yuppies to me.

Golf For God!

I suck at Golf. I hope this doesn't mean that I'm the Anti Christ or anything ~

I see some of the Hard Core 'Fire and Brimstone' type Bible Thumpers commenting online and some of it literally shocks me. There are plenty of examples to be found. Look at any Far Right site. Ooooog. Some of that stuff is scary!

Consider even people like The Duggars. Sure, that's their choice - but the scary thing about many of these types is - they want everyone else to live like they do.

And - as long as you are not harming anyone - why is that so important to them? Some of this stuff really freaks me out. I have never known or associated with such people. They're out there though.

I do read quite alot about current and ancient history, as well as religion. I'm quite cynical, as I said, and not religious myself.

All that aside - how is your faith in people?

Are they even worth bothering with? And I'm not thinking of poor people in 'developing' countries here either - what popped into my mind were actually 'public works' projects - that failed. Such as the (US) Grand Teton Dam failed. And that was because of *sheer stupidity*. Hubris. Or - many countries now have cell phone service. They 'skipped right past' land lines, because that is old tech. But this one port in China - the area had the sense to do that with cell phones - they built their port, the offloading tech, 'in the old way'. Many heads were slapped in shock.

I have done tech (Eng.) and Biz work. Sure I'd like to help people too. I make things that people need and want. What's wrong with that, right? Of course I also wanted to make money, too. And what I do now is strictly for the money. (In no way do I try to take advantage of people, nor do I engage in any illegitimate biz. That's something, anyway.)

People are a losing game to me. The sheer idiocy that's out there is shocking. And I mean in fairly high level tech work. And these are supposedly smart people.

Eh. I just try to be a fairly decent person / non asshole, and engage in positive pursuits that do not harm others. The only thing I can control is the concrete action that I engage in.

I in NO way wish to discourage you! I think you have very positive ideas and should continue on with any plans that you have!

With all that said -

I actually came on here to talk about the fun eve I had - thanks to being CF!

Oh, and before I left to meet up with various people - I saw this article on Jezebel - referencing some other study about women being 'stressed at home' / The Harried Housewife and all that - and I was SO GLAD it wasn't me! And of course much griping and hand wringing in the comments -

http://jezebel.com/women-are-more-stressed-at-home-than-at-work-1580619626

I went out to eat and then stopped off at this other friend's house for a bit. On the way back from there - to go back home I have to take this twisty road, which is a truck route also, and the speed limit is 40, 45, which means 55, 60 -

So you're driving this, you have large trucks on either side of you - like walls of Semi's at times - and you're going to maneuver through some fairly tight S curves.

This would be scary to some - I LOVE IT!!! And I have a KICKASS! Sports Car and I am an *excellent driver*! I took racing courses. And why not say what you're good at? Why should women feel the need to conform and be 'humble'? And worse - even act stupid or clueless?
I'm a good driver, I can handle these cars. I love cars - they are almost like a living being to me, a mechanical pet. It's really fun too - to drive a fast, finely made and finely tuned car, built for speed. It ain't Yo Mama's Minivan, that's for sure!

(I, and various colleagues are also engaged in alternative fuel research, me - from the biz end.)

Anyway, on my way home, on the Twisty Road - I heard this song on the radio and was thinking of The Over Stressed Cows ~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTwnExGWsAY

Haven't heard that one in awhile! wink Will crank up radio for this.

Super FUN!

So, Thundergirl, you're going to buy me that condo in TA, right? Oh, and we'll have to import The Car. I also *really need* one of those new Jaguar F's. The R one. That's only another 100 so it shouldn't be a problem.



I try to have a sense of humor about things. It keeps me sane.

Again, I encourage you, and anyone, to strive for any plans that they have!

Late to this dance, Thundergirl85, but I wonder how much of this is based on gender? Women seem to get bingoed more than men and in my experience are pressured to live their lives a certain way more than men.

I am 51, male, CF, single, and an outlier in so many ways, from being CF, an atheist, being retired since age 45, not owning a cell phone or being on Facebook. I can't say I have been bingoed in person (on line, sometimes). But I can tell you for sure that living well is always the best reply to any criticism of your life choices. THEY are all jealous of ME!

Hey guys, thank you all for the replies. Zelda, I get what you're saying, and I don't think there's anything wrong with having a different mindset of course, I only have a problem who get all negative and shit about how my goals/ideals are naive and futile. As long as someone doesn't bingo/undermine/disrespect me, then kudos if they have different views and want to focus on different things, that's what makes the world go round.
Deegee, I'm not sure, I hadn't thought of it that way before. I guess it's a possibility, but I see it as more of a general thing than a gender thing because it comes from the same people who DON"T bingo me about kids or gender related issues.

I'm bumping this thread because something happened that is a total example of what I mean. There's this motivational speech by Eric Thomas (I think), the "how bad do you want to succeed" speech, that basically talks about how if you really want to achieve something then you have to push really hard, but it's done in a very intense and motivational way. I had to do an all-nighter last night for a math test in my class, and I looked up that speech to listen to it. The comments were fucking infuriating. A bunch of fucking losers like "if you really go without sleep and make sacrifices then you're just hurting yourself, there's nothing wrong with giving up goals, at the end of the day just strive to be content with the little things in life, bawww."

Don't get me wrong, there's NOTHING wrong with wanting to be someone who just has a simple routine and makes the joy of their life all about appreciating the little things. Nothing wrong with that AT ALL, if you want that. But I"m so fucking sick of it being shoved around that EVERYONE is supposed to want to limit themselves to that, and that having a bigger vision or purpose for your life is somehow conceited or wrong.

Also I'm fucking sick of everyone equating the concept of wanting more etc., with solely money/being rich. Some people's purposes are for things like helping people, animals, improving the status quo on things like equality issues, or promoting the sciences or arts for the sake of itself...why the fuck do people have this idea that wanting to be rich is ONLY inclusive of getting rich for money/status, and thus selfish or whatever?

Nothing wrong with wanting to be rich either, but I'm fucking sick of all these fucking pigeon-holers, bingo'ers, naysayers and fucking losers.

Being chill and non-ambitious doesn't make one a loser. But the people who naysay to other people and want to drag them down ARE fucking losers.

And it's a perfect example of what I mean. Going on a motivational video that's designed for people who push themselves and bust their ass to achieve their dreams, and then bleating about how they are more enlightened or transformed or whatever pretentious word they spin it with, because of the stupid "I've learned to give up" thing.

This is actually a theme in the fantasy book I"m writing right now.

GAHHH.
*Blows up*

I want to re-iterate one more time that I don't think there's anything wrong with being someone who's not overly ambitious and just wants to lead a simple easy life. My mom is like that, a chill Type B person and is a total PNB and my biggest supporter. Some of my best friends are like that too, and they're happy for me and my dreams and have never been naysayers ever. My issue is only with the ones who bingo other people to not have big goals, and/or who act like they are somehow more enlightened or transcended or "realize the way it is" because they gave up and think everyone else should too.

The people who are like that, and are so hung up on "teh most important dream is teh babby," what are they going to do if THEIR kid is someone who wants to take some risk and live a non-Lifescript life?

Now that I think of it, giving up on your dreams IS a part of the lifescript.

The whole "used to have pipe dreams, heh heh, but now I'm happiest in the suburb with my white picket fence and all my credit card debt to pay off my Beat the Joneses lifestyle and telling myself that my best years are behind me" bullshit.

Not all parents are like this - my own aren't and lots of my PNB friends aren't - but the ones we bash on here, the ones who turn into whitebread cookie-cutter Lifescripters with dead souls, they DO have some element of "give up your dreams" as an item to check off on the Lifescript Plan. Or, if they had none to begin with but feel the need to act like it makes them holier than thou.

Quote
thundergirl85
I want to re-iterate one more time that I don't think there's anything wrong with being someone who's not overly ambitious and just wants to lead a simple easy life. My mom is like that, a chill Type B person and is a total PNB and my biggest supporter. Some of my best friends are like that too, and they're happy for me and my dreams and have never been naysayers ever. My issue is only with the ones who bingo other people to not have big goals, and/or who act like they are somehow more enlightened or transcended or "realize the way it is" because they gave up and think everyone else should too.

There are plenty of people out there who have worked themselves into the ground, pushing themselves the point of a nervous breakdown, gone above and beyond, and the only thing they got for it was taken advantage of. Some wise up and decide that it isn't worth it, and seek out a quiet life.

And if they are happier that way, great for them.

I keep saying that my only problem is with the ones who get under-mining with others who don't take that approach, or who act like the ones who do keep at it are losers/inferior for trying.

Quote
satansbitch
I dealt with the same crap from my mother. On the bright side, she never bingo-ed me. She thought I was too stupid to do any more than take a bus to my fast food job and never missed a chance to tell me this. The best advice I can give is to quit engaging the moron who does that. All you ever have to do is shut down the conversation and try not to let it go to your heart. I know that's all too often easier said than done.

I've had famblee members tell me this too. "Oh, you should work at McDonalds!" Not that I think that working at McDonalds is a bad thing, but it isn't for me. It's like they don't want me to achieve anything in life but to be miserable, working in a fast food joint, being covered in grease all day long.

The worst part is, I already HAVE a job, but they hate what I do, so they feel I should do something else, ignoring the fact that I'm fine with it.

I loathe the fact that they think I'm not good for anything more than slinging burgers in some greasy joint where I don't even eat, because I hate the food there.

Quote

The worst part is, I already HAVE a job, but they hate what I do, so they feel I should do something else, ignoring the fact that I'm fine with it.

Because standing up for a long-ass shift in a hot sweaty greasy environment, with gross fried oily heart-attack crap all around you 24/7, while also dealing with rude customers and a stressful non-stop constant multitasking pace, is preferable to coming up with creative kinky sex scenarios while sipping a nice drink on your couch in the privacy of your home with your birds? Bwuahahaha!

Quote
thundergirl85

Quote

The worst part is, I already HAVE a job, but they hate what I do, so they feel I should do something else, ignoring the fact that I'm fine with it.

Because standing up for a long-ass shift in a hot sweaty greasy environment, with gross fried oily heart-attack crap all around you 24/7, while also dealing with rude customers and a stressful non-stop constant multitasking pace, is preferable to coming up with creative kinky sex scenarios while sipping a nice drink on your couch in the privacy of your home with your birds? Bwuahahaha!

larious

If I knew years ago what I know now....

^ larious


So I saw another example today. This girl I knew from school -- she was a few grades behind me and around 20 now, with a baby and another one on the way -- posted this long, paragraph-sized chunk of a Facepuke post about how she has no friends now, and her husband and babies are her only friends. Okay. Then she goes on about how having friends is just a low priority for her now and "all a part of growing up." What the fuck?

It's one thing if someone just happens to be more introverted or selective or whatever and would rather just spend time with an S/O and not friends. I personally would never want that for myself, but everyone is different and I get it. But it irritates the shit out of me when I see people talk about how losing friends, or having zero desire to have/make friends, or only wanting to do boring things with your friends, etc. is "part of growing up," as though those who DO have/want/value friendship and late-night outings and fun are somehow immature, or less transcended than they are.

I get that she's probably just insecure, but I've seen this type of anti-friendship "self righteousness of the hum-drum" attitude a lot.

Quote

I'm bumping this thread because something happened that is a total example of what I mean. There's this motivational speech by Eric Thomas (I think), the "how bad do you want to succeed" speech, that basically talks about how if you really want to achieve something then you have to push really hard, but it's done in a very intense and motivational way. I had to do an all-nighter last night for a math test in my class, and I looked up that speech to listen to it. The comments were fucking infuriating. A bunch of fucking losers like "if you really go without sleep and make sacrifices then you're just hurting yourself, there's nothing wrong with giving up goals, at the end of the day just strive to be content with the little things in life, bawww."

Ah, this brings back fond memories of when I was in graduate school while working full time. As you can imagine, I didn't have a lot of leisure time. I had two friends I'll call C and G. They were a lesbian couple. G really got on my nerves and I'd classify her life as pretty screwed up or needing a correction. (She'd left her alcoholic husband to be with C and she had addiction problems herself.)

Anyway, every time I saw G &C, G would instigate a conversation of how I needed "balance" in my life. She'd draw out the syllables, BAL-AAAAAAAAAAANCE. So annoying! I don't remember C contradicting G or telling her to butt out--I got "silent agreement" from C.

After this happened a couple of times I told her, look, I may not have a lot of time right now, but this is a CHOSEN condition. I'm living this way because I want a graduate degree. I'm single, so who exactly am I hurting?

C and G eventually broke up and lo and behold, C, who had a high school education, started attending night school and having an "unbalanced" life herself. larious

It all comes back to being respectful of other peoples' choices.

I had a co-irker who seemed to take anyone else's self-improvement goals or learning of new things as a personal affront to her. Like I got kind of addicted to Pinterest and I quit going on there for awhile because it was eating up too much time. She was a "friend" on there and asked me why I wasn't on there, and I told her why. She got all defensive about it, going on about how cool it was and also defensive as though I were accusing her of wasting time on it. As though she were a small child, I had to explain that I was referring to myself.

Another thing was when my husband and I took up cycling as a hobby last Summer. He actually hadn't learned to ride a bike as a kid, so he bought one and learned in a few days by practicing in a big parking lot near our apartment. I also started riding the bike around as well to get better at it, as I hadn't ridden in years. We figured it would be a fun way to work on our physical fitness. We bought a second bike so we could both ride. She was all jealous that we were riding bikes, because she feels she's too fat to ride a bike. She does weigh about 300 lbs and is 5 feet tall, and claimed she would need a "kid's bike" because she's so short. I ride a 24 inch and I'm the same height, and perhaps she's right that it might not support her weight. So? That's not my problem. So I shouldn't be able to enjoy cycling because YOU can't? :headbrick Furthermore, if she really wanted to take up cycling, they do make adult trikes that can hold a lot of weight and you don't have to worry about balance, so it's not like she couldn't cycle because of her weight.

Also with my healthy eating goals she would bingo me about how I didn't have to worry about my weight because I'm 100 lbs lighter than her so I shouldn't care. Bitch, what I bring to lunch at work is my business. She accused me of "snapping" at her the one day I'd finally had enough with trying to just brush her off and I asked her to mind her business about what I'm eating or not eating. It's like these people have no concept of personal boundaries. I was SO glad when she stopped working there. It's like the atmosphere in the office got a million times better, instantly.

Quote
bell_flower

Quote

I'm bumping this thread because something happened that is a total example of what I mean. There's this motivational speech by Eric Thomas (I think), the "how bad do you want to succeed" speech, that basically talks about how if you really want to achieve something then you have to push really hard, but it's done in a very intense and motivational way. I had to do an all-nighter last night for a math test in my class, and I looked up that speech to listen to it. The comments were fucking infuriating. A bunch of fucking losers like "if you really go without sleep and make sacrifices then you're just hurting yourself, there's nothing wrong with giving up goals, at the end of the day just strive to be content with the little things in life, bawww."

Ah, this brings back fond memories of when I was in graduate school while working full time. As you can imagine, I didn't have a lot of leisure time. I had two friends I'll call C and G. They were a lesbian couple. G really got on my nerves and I'd classify her life as pretty screwed up or needing a correction. (She'd left her alcoholic husband to be with C and she had addiction problems herself.)

Anyway, every time I saw G &C, G would instigate a conversation of how I needed "balance" in my life. She'd draw out the syllables, BAL-AAAAAAAAAAANCE. So annoying! I don't remember C contradicting G or telling her to butt out--I got "silent agreement" from C.

After this happened a couple of times I told her, look, I may not have a lot of time right now, but this is a CHOSEN condition. I'm living this way because I want a graduate degree. I'm single, so who exactly am I hurting?

C and G eventually broke up and lo and behold, C, who had a high school education, started attending night school and having an "unbalanced" life herself. larious

It all comes back to being respectful of other peoples' choices.

When I was a kid, I took an interest in electronics technology, reading about it, even trying to build a kit, but sadly, my own parents, who originally supported it, did whatever they could to take me away from it all in the name of "balance," which to them meant I had to drop whatever I was doing to go do what my sister did, who would complain of how sick she was of my wanting to build some kit. When I was working on those things, I was actually happy, I found it interesting, and took pride in the fact I was building something, but that was no good to them.

I did get my kit built eventually, but then kind of gave up on it all, not wanting to fight battles I didn't understand. Just because I'd rather do something educational instead of go swimming and lay around by the pool getting tanned, doesn't mean something is wrong with me.

I'm really sorry about the fact that your parents were like that. I hope that the discouragement and insecurity they inflicted doesn't get you down anymore, and that you're able to do what you want and be yourself without letting their naysaying effects hold you back.

Your parents remind me of these weird neighbors I had growing up. They were these two kids, age 7 and 9 or so, boy and girl. The parents were super super overprotective and had this rule that wherever one went, the other had to go too. Not just "walk together for safety." Not "oh, you're going to the park, take your brother too." Literally EVERYTHING...i.e. if the girl got invited to a disney princess birthday party at another little girl's house, the boy HAD to go too, even if he didn't want to and wasn't invited (and vice versa). Also, whenever they came to my house to play, their moo or duh would walk them..holding their hand...TWO HOUSES AWAY. This was in the 90s, too, before all that overprotective shit became a norm. My other friends and I biked everywhere, didn't have cell phones, roamed the neighborhood all day after school til the streetlights went on etc. and I felt so bad for those poor kids. They were homeschooled too, which made the forced bubble-world even worse. To this day I sometimes wonder what happened to them.

Quote
thundergirl85
I'm really sorry about the fact that your parents were like that. I hope that the discouragement and insecurity they inflicted doesn't get you down anymore, and that you're able to do what you want and be yourself without letting their naysaying effects hold you back.

Your parents remind me of these weird neighbors I had growing up. They were these two kids, age 7 and 9 or so, boy and girl. The parents were super super overprotective and had this rule that wherever one went, the other had to go too. Not just "walk together for safety." Not "oh, you're going to the park, take your brother too." Literally EVERYTHING...i.e. if the girl got invited to a disney princess birthday party at another little girl's house, the boy HAD to go too, even if he didn't want to and wasn't invited (and vice versa). Also, whenever they came to my house to play, their moo or duh would walk them..holding their hand...TWO HOUSES AWAY. This was in the 90s, too, before all that overprotective shit became a norm. My other friends and I biked everywhere, didn't have cell phones, roamed the neighborhood all day after school til the streetlights went on etc. and I felt so bad for those poor kids. They were homeschooled too, which made the forced bubble-world even worse. To this day I sometimes wonder what happened to them.

My parents did engage in similar behavior, but not that extreme. With me, it was whenever my sister wanted to me to do what she did, I was to drop what I was doing for her, yet she never had to give up any of her time for anything I wanted to do. If I tried to do something she didn't like, regardless of what it was, she'd all of a sudden decide she wants me to do something else, and our parents would support that. I would ask why she couldn't do what she wanted to do and I do what I want to do, but I'd never get an answer or would be told something like "We can't have one go and one stay."

It created some difficult moments, mainly with me being someplace I had no interest in doing things I had no interest in, which of course made me unhappy. After the fact, I'd get screamed at for that and told I had to learn to like these things she did and if I kept doing them, I'd start liking them. It never happened and I've actually become more of a homebody since moving out on my own than I was back then. I honestly prefer staying in over going out.

OMG I hate hate hate people like that! The only scenario in which stupid comments like that can be justified is when the person doing the commenting is negatively affected by your actions. If that's not the case they should just keep their opinion to themselves.
I used to live in London (banker-infested cesspit) and it drove me insane how people kept asking me 'where do you see yourself in 5 years' time' as if they were interviewing me and bingoing me to hell and back for not wanting to work in finance or law or anything like that. Well, I have no ineterest in that sort of thing, what can I do? It was so weird how so many people would get all worked up about stuff that didn't concern them at all. Sometimes I felt like commiting suicide would be the only way to placate them.
I got all these stupid comments for going to dance classes and not drinking. Again, what can I do if I get panic attacks just thinking of having to ingest liquor? I got so fed up I just started ignoring nonsense like that and that really helped.
Seriously, just ignore these dumbasses, do your own thing, be the best you can be and enjoy every minute of it!