I'm in a tough spot- How should I proceed?

Apologies in advance, this is probably going to get a bit long.

Hi there. I've been lurking here for a while and posting some, too. I am an early articulating cfer. I'm nearly 19, but I've known I didn't like children since I was 6 and I've wanted to be sterilized since the high school sex ed teacher mentioned it in passing a few years ago. I've been researching this option since I was about 16.

Yesterday was my un-birthday/chosing to live type day (long story short, I nearly committed suicide this time a year ago, but for some reason didn't and later I decided to give it a year. I'm come a long way since then.) I've been working on furthering my plans for a future and make better life for myself, and I have a strongly renewed interest in getting fixed. I actually do hate children, and I do not want to ever be stuck having one, particularly in this scary political climate. I've been looking up all my old bookmarks, reading through pages of info, and I've finally gotten enough courage to call my (parents') insurance provider and ask if they cover it, and it seems they do cover most of it. I'm okay with saving up the rest. I have been saving up for an IUD that won't show up on the insurance (I'll get to that later), and it's pretty close in price. I'd only have to wait a little bit longer to have enough money.

I am interested in a tubal ligation, not the essure, if that is relevant.

I've found a lot of information online, and it looks like the next step is to start looking for a doctor to do it. I've read so many of the difficult fights cf women face to get sterilized, and I figure it's good to start asap, so that maybe I'll get it done before menopause hits. I've found an online search engine for doctors who preform this procedure as well as tfcl's doctor list.

Unfortunately, I've got a bit of a problem.

My parents are the uber-conservative type nutjobs who watch Rox, listen to Rush Limbaugh, Chris Plant, and Glenn Beck as their gods, and parrot all of those views, including those on women. Women need to wait until marriage to have sex, birth control doesn't need to be covered by insurance (mine is, but I can't exactly have it showing up on their bills, not that I currently need it.), you will have grandchildren when you get married, be a Good Amurican (TM), etc. I am covered by my mom's health insurance plan right now.

I am totally fine with saving up for things. I'm working really hard to become independent from them as soon as I graduate from college, possibly sooner if I am lucky. I have a job on campus during the semester, though my summer job is currently paying for me to live 12 hours away from crazytown and get some good experience in my field. I can save up for what I need in time. I just need to make sure that it can happen.

How do I get a gyn apointment without my parents? I do not have a car, nor a driver's license. I guess I could pay for a cab, but I need to make sure that when I go, that it won't just be a dead end. Not getting a "yes, we'll get you fixed, here's the papers and come back in a month." would probably mean that a gyn apointment would show up on their billing and waste my savings for nothing.

I could still get an IUD and put this off for a while, provided the thing doesn't cause me problems, but the amout I would have to pay is so close that I might as well just start looking for someone to fix me. Do you know any way that I could do it without detection, at least until it's too late to change it?

You should be able to get a free or sliding scale consultation with Planned Parenthood, and I'd think that would be a great place to start. It makes sense you'll only want the bill to show up when it's already done, but it may be worth considering if they might do something in retalitation, like cut you off from school funding or something.

I agree that Planned Parenthood is a good start. Also, does your college have student health services? Mine did and it was free. I'm sure that procedures wouldn't be free, but perhaps they can arrange rides to specialist doctors or ob/gyns for things like this. Check into that.

About your appointment showing up on your parents' insurance billing... You are a woman, right? And you need to have an annual pap smear, right? For your own health and safety, right? Just tell your parents that you went for your annual pap/check-up. What you discuss in that appointment with your doctor will NOT be on the bill and it's none of your parents' business. When you go to this first appointment, explain your situation to the doctor. Explain that you have researched IUDs and tubals and that you will not be using insurance to pay for whichever you get, and tell them your preferences.

Here's my line of thinking about your choice between getting an IUD and getting a tubal ligation. You could save up for both, but because the tubal is an actual surgery, a doctor may not be willing to perform the procedure if you don't use insurance. Not sure how that is viewed in the medical world, but I feel like that could be an issue for them. IUDs are (according to the literature) as effective at preventing pregnancy as sterilization, so don't lose hope if that is all you can get right now. By the time you need an IUD replaced, you will be financially independent and stable and you can get your tubal then. Not that I want you to have to wait and get TWO procedures done, but an IUD is certainly effective and I don't want you to lose your childfree hopes and dreams if that's what you have to go with at first.

Good luck to you, let us know how things work out. Oh, and even though you won't be able to get pregnant, don't forget to still use condoms!! People are petri dishes.

Do you have public transportation in your area? If you do, call the company and see how to get there on the bus/light rail/train.

Also, Craigslist has a "ride-share" section. They offer some bootleg taxis which cost less than regular taxis. It all depends on your area.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

CF people, our time has come.

STERILIZATION IS FREE UNDER OBAMACARE!

As long as your plan is not "grandfathered," Essure and tubals are both covered. This is a requirement.

So the only thing you need to know is whether you have a "grandfathered" plan sold before sometime in 2010. Even if you parents have been on that plan longer, it might still be free -- plans have changed a lot, and if it changed significantly after 2010, it wouldn't be covered under grandfathering.

If you are willing to share your general area, I can see if I can dig up a doctor who is known to be CF-friendly.

I get where you're coming from. PAPs are only for nonvirgins, to fundy types.eyes2
I got so much grief when my depo injection showed up on my parents insurance.
Nevermind that I dealt with debilitating cramps, only whores take hormones.
I went to PP after that. They really are a great place to start, especially when you are poor.

I have no advice, but I can commiserate about the parents part of thing.
Good luck!

My best advice is to get off your parents' insurance. While the doc can't reveal the details of your medical visit, anything that is billed shows up on the insurance statement. Things like STD testing or birth control done in the office like Depo or an IUD are going to show up. I worked at a walk-in clinic in a college town for a few years. We weekly dealt with some princess who was mad that her visit for something sexual showed upon Mommy or Daddy's insurance statement.

If you are a student, use the student health center and pay cash, use Planned Parenthood and pay cash or use the local health department and pay cash. Bottom line-as long as somebody else is paying for it isn't ever really totally private.

To add to what evilchildlessbitch said above - your school might and probably does offer some kind of student health insurance at a discount. I used to have this when I was a student, and it was paid by the semester instead of monthly. See what the plan covers and like lillin said above, it's possible that this kind of plan will cover sterilization.

But wait, don't get off of your parents' insurance, just don't use it for this. If you get hit by a car or come down with meningitis from the icky school dorms, you are going to need that insurance coverage.

I don't know the details of this procedure, but if it is a surgery in which you go under general anaesthesia, you should have a ride home planned from someone you know and trust who can help you into your house. You will be in no condition to defend yourself if a taxi driver decides he wants to have his way with you when you are loopy. Also, general anaesthesia can affect your ability to walk, and you may need help into your house -- perhaps even having someone stay with you that day. Ask a lot of questions beforehand.

I second what others have said about using an insurance that isn't your parents'. Also, while you might not want to hear it, it might be wisest to just wait until you're no longer dependent on your parents before you get this done. Use an IUD and/or The Pill (and always make sure the guy uses condoms, so there's always 2 forms of birth control at once, just in case one of them fails), and you won't get knocked up -- and, in the 0.00001% chance that you do, there's always abortion. While the idea of being completely independent (financially and your own place on your own) might seem really far away, it's probably just another few more years. At that point, you won't have to worry about parents finding out, either via the insurance bill or some other way (for example, what if you have a bad reaction post-surgery and the truth comes out then, or if a friend/relative blabs and creates a ton of awkwardness while you're still under their roof?)
On the other hand, if you are living on your own and supporting yourself, then 1) the likelihood of them finding out is pretty much zero, and 2) if they DO find out, nothing bad can happen because you're not depending on them for support and are not stuck living with them under their roof.