LGBTQCF?

Over the past week or so I've noticed a lot of posts from LGBTQ posters and thought it might be good to have a specific thread for LGBTQ CF issues and stories. Here are a couple from me:

1. Sad story first: I had a narcissistic mother who was also Catholic and a homophobe, I was her scapegoat, and when I'd tell her "you're not getting any grandchildren from me", my sister, the goodie-two-shoes golden sprog, would suck up to her with "well, I'm going to give you LOTS of grandchildren!" I would never discuss relationships with my mother as she was just too Catholic for me to want to bother, while my sister once introduced us to her "boyfriend" and made a suspiciously over-the-top show of kissing him all the time. When we were both in our early twenties my mother died... and my sister suddenly came out as gay and having always known. The whole thing was sad for her but I was more angry that she was prepared to dupe someone into a fake relationship just to please a breeder she felt she owed something to, and that she made a huge show of being something she wasn't mainly to make me look bad in front of people. Of course there's another consequence of this- my extended family stopped asking "When are you two going to get married and have children?" and started asking me alone "When are YOU going to get married and have children?" like it was now my duty as the heterosexual one This is just one of the reasons why I don't regret disowning the lot of them...

2. On a lighter note: When a good friend of mine came out to his work colleagues, one of them took him aside for a little chat and assured him: "Look, if you and your partner ever want to have a child, I'll happily be your surrogate- all you have to do is ask". He replied "...but we don't..." He's a rather handsome chap and this woman, who hadn't even met his partner, had basically confessed that she wanted to have his baybees... she must have cringed herself to death afterwards... larious

I'm genderqueer so I have a very difficult time seeing the gender specific parts of breeding. I don't like being considered a woman at all. I'm more of a "they" than anything. So honestly, I think that was most of the problem that I had when I was a child and didn't want to do girl type things. Baby stuff was always very female to me honestly (I know it's cultural, but it's what we have done) so I felt very compelled to dislike it.

I was usually berated by my mother who felt that I should be a girl and not what I was, even to the point of gay bashing me, which was confusing because I'm not a lesbian. But I digress.. I think that being CF has definitely made my "t"-ness a lot more easily handled. Hell, most of the reason of why I want to get in shape and maybe even a little muscular is because I want my body to match me, everything yet nothing.

I used to think the Q stood for queer. Silly me. Genderqueer must belong to the acronym under the letter T, whether or not I should ever desire to transition, and not wanting to is kind of unacceptable to trans focused forums.
The only thing that currently tempts me is that supposedly some additional height can be gained by using testosterone. I already have a gigantic chip on my shoulder because I am short, but it is socially acceptable for this female body to be short. I don't want to be "that guy", many of whom I have known, itching to fight the six footer just to prove something because of the very subtle social things that happen to short men...

I can't even IMAGINE gestating a fetus. Talk about worst nightmare!
I was told from an early age that it is my lot in life, but always I was always thinking, no way! So gross!
In my head my body is not female, there's just no way around it. And also no way around the reality that I DO inhabit a female form.
I'll say, it was really nice bait for catching my husband. I made sure to tell him early on, and he is glad to be with someone who isn't like all the women he grew up around or dated. Whether he just knew terrible women or is a terrible misogynist, I'm not really sure.

Yes, I would be gay FTM should I ever eventually transition. Currently hubs likes this form, so I am fine with that for his entertainment.
I don't always understand a lot of women, but I like a lot of you all here at this forum. Man, the drama in my online life when I got into a women's forum for hair and beauty tips and advice. Put my e-foot in my e-mouth SO much!
But my curly hair finally looks good, for once in my life.

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Presto
I used to think the Q stood for queer. Silly me. Genderqueer must belong to the acronym under the letter T, whether or not I should ever desire to transition, and not wanting to is kind of unacceptable to trans focused forums.
The only thing that currently tempts me is that supposedly some additional height can be gained by using testosterone. I already have a gigantic chip on my shoulder because I am short, but it is socially acceptable for this female body to be short. I don't want to be "that guy", many of whom I have known, itching to fight the six footer just to prove something because of the very subtle social things that happen to short men...

Yes, I would be gay FTM should I ever eventually transition. Currently hubs likes this form, so I am fine with that for his entertainment.
I don't always understand a lot of women, but I like a lot of you all here at this forum. Man, the drama in my online life when I got into a women's forum for hair and beauty tips and advice. Put my e-foot in my e-mouth SO much!
But my curly hair finally looks good, for once in my life.

Hi! Don't worry, like I said I'm a T (gender queer, the Q stands for either queer or questioning) and I also don't want to do any transitional stuff, but if I wasn't celibate and was more comfortable with my physique and transitioned I would be gay male if I had to choose. So I understand not wanting to transition, as I don't either. Don't let anyone give you flack, you're among friends here.

So glad I came upon this discussion. I also am not female in my mind, I am just me, and could give a rat's ass about sex anymore. Was blessed to stop bleeding about three years ago (47 now) and live with a man who was boyfriend, now roommate. Better that way! I really think I am asexual now (after slutting it up for many years, infertile and why the hell not?) Dad was cool about it and (fond memory) railed on my Mom when she wanted me to wear my new Christmas shirt when I was about 7-8 yrs. old with two ruffles vertically down the front. I said NO and Dad said leave the kid alone! I'm still his buddy, and he even revised his living will so I am responsible for carrying our his wishes because "all these other emotional bitches in the fam would whine and I know you could handle it" LOL!! So here's to those of us who live exactly how we feel we should and not what EVERYONE ELSE thinks we should!

EDIT: for some reason I can't insert a cute smiley but THUMBS WAY UP!

Presto, I can understand wanting to be taller. I want that, but more than that I always wanted bigger muscles. Sadly, I will never get the biceps I desire without drugs (several years of lifting proved that), and my health matters more to me than how I look. I will never be able to look androgynous with my figure, but now I can appreciate my body for its functionality.

Other things that irritate me:

• The fact that every language I know has gendered pronouns, as if that were the most important thing you need to know about someone. It doesn't help disambiguate when you only have two pronouns; it's totally unneeded.
• When particular character traits are called 'feminine' or 'masculine'. No, 'nurturing' is not 'feminine'. It is a character trait which both men and women can possess, which has been associated with women in our society.
• The assumption that because I am a woman I will automatically identify with some other person, just because she is a woman. I don't like stereotypes about my tastes, but I also don't like people trying to convince me of 'sisterhood'. I'm a humanist when it comes to people in general, and when it gets less general I'd rather look at the personality than some outward physical characteristics like sex or race.

I do not get most women myself. I feel at home on bratfree and AVEN. As I was saying, I hate being called ma'am, girl, and young lady. I am femme presenting on the outside, but not very feminine. I love having long hair. I only wear chapstick for makeup. I also have many facial masques by Freeman's. I love shower gels and epsom salts. I wear a watch and two rings for jewelry. I enjoy the benefits of being a woman such as pretty accesories and handbags.

I am panromantic. I prefer women aesthetically. I used to be confused by my sexuality. I liked men with facial and muscles but also admired pretty women. I did not desire sex with any of them.

I came out to my very liberal, open minded mother about my gender identity. She is very understanding of my asexuality and childfreedom but not my genderqueerness. She is accepting of the fact that I am a tomboy and not feminine. She like most people think gender and sex are the same thing. I told her thay my pronoun of choice is they.

I was so delighted when someone called me a tomboy when I was little and then explained it to me! I went around telling everyone I'm not a girl, I'm a tomboy!
Early identifier of many things.

This place rocks!

This is a great thread!

I'm a bisexual that identifies as a non-binary person. (Like the singer Rae Spoon who also goes by the pronoun "they".) I cringe when people call me "young lady" or whatever because I like to think of myself as just a person, not male or female. I just deal with it though, I don't want to be labeled a spayshul znowflake or anything.

I'm very androgynous too. Whenever I'm out in public I always hear the Tax Returns (tm) ask their parents if I'm a boy or a girl, or adults "sir" or "ma'am" me as a question. I just smile and say either is fine.

I never have liked traditional feminine stuff even when I was a young larvae. Other than my moo pushing a hyper-feminine appearance, my parents let me and my sisters have fairly gender neutral toys.

I found a local LGBTQ group (in a rural area in the bible-belt this is a BIG deal!) but everytime I've gone I'm just baffled at all the people that have larvae! I was hoping that there would at least be some childfree folks!

I just don't understand why everyone has baby-rabies when it's obvious that the more people in the world = more crazy diseases. There are more bodies for each virus to mutate into a super sickness to wipe out a majority of the currant population. Gaaa!

Oh wow this is such a wonderful thread!

I'm grey-asexual and my gender is "I am an Elaphe" because I've always fluctuated between the two. When I was little I always used to pretend to be a girl disguised as a boy, or a girl who everyone thought was a boy because she did non-traditional gender role things and then surprised everyone when they found out she was female. These days I do...both, whatever suits me at the moment. Not really fitting into either stereotype, and gender roles make me angry more than I find them helpful! The only time I'll be like "oh yeah that's totally true, it's a girl thing" is when I'm with a client and they say something to that extent, but that's only because I work with the elderly and the median age of my clients is...around 88 I'd say.

My friend and I had this discussion sort of the other week. I'm an Elaphe, but I'll tick off "female" on the box. My friend is trans, FTM. He was unfortunately having female reproductive issues which is terrible when you're male-identifying, poor dude. We got on the topic of reproduction and I mentioned how the idea of being pregnant is absolutely HORRIFYING to me. Like, it legit skeeves me out and makes me nauseous, and the thought of me being pregnant literally makes me want to claw off my skin or throw myself out a window or something, it's such a visceral response. He has the exact same response and was really interested that it's not just a male-identifying thing, it can be females (or at least "I'll tick the 'female' on the box") as well.

I am still an Elaphe and it doesn't particularly matter. It weirds out my clients when they ask me about boys and relationships and I answer "oh I don't particularly care" and it's TRUE. I don't. I'm not saying "oh woe is me, forever alone!" I'm saying that it honestly doesn't matter to me and there is SO MUCH MORE in my world that is infinitely more important than whatever my gender is (Elaphe gendered!) and whatever my sexuality is (grey-ace, but took forever to figure that out).

Idk if any of this made sense, this is the first time I put it out of my head and into words XD

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elaphe_guttata
My friend and I had this discussion sort of the other week. I'm an Elaphe, but I'll tick off "female" on the box. My friend is trans, FTM. He was unfortunately having female reproductive issues which is terrible when you're male-identifying, poor dude. We got on the topic of reproduction and I mentioned how the idea of being pregnant is absolutely HORRIFYING to me. Like, it legit skeeves me out and makes me nauseous, and the thought of me being pregnant literally makes me want to claw off my skin or throw myself out a window or something, it's such a visceral response. He has the exact same response and was really interested that it's not just a male-identifying thing, it can be females (or at least "I'll tick the 'female' on the box") as well.

Remember that "pregnant man" that was making the talk-show rounds a while ago? I could not comprehend that at all. I am cis, and I do not know any FTM trans people, but that seemed to me to go against everything I understand about being trans. As a CF woman, I have a pretty strong horror of the thought of being pregnant, and I imagine it must be at least as ghastly a thought for someone like your friend.

Usually I have no problem with accepting someone's pronoun preference without stumbling (if it's one of the three I'm used to), but if there's one thing that I consider exclusively associated with women (although not, of course, associated with all women), it's pregnancy. I cannot think of that breeder as a man, only as a woman who's playing at something for notoriety.

Side note: I'll tick the "prefer not to say" box whenever it's available. I consider myself female, but I don't see how that's fucking relevant, unless you're my gynecologist.

Plain ol' lesbian here. ongue2 My mom reacted worse to me being CF than being gay, though she isn't too thrilled with either one. (I'm from a conservative redneck Bible-thumping region, though my parents aren't religious...thank Jeebus). I've never officially "come out" to anyone in my family or home town, but I assume they know. Been with my gf for 10 years now.

I find this a very interesting thread to read about different ideas and perceptions of gender. hankyou

I suppose I do identify as female, although I would say I have never conformed to a traditional female identity. I grew up tomboyish, was friends with boys more than girls, which never bothered me until I hit puberty and was bullied for not conforming. In high school, girls who wore trousers were bullied for being lesbians, so I took to wearing skirts and makeup to fit in. I was not allowed to play my beloved football any more, had to play netball and do dancing and gymnastics in skin tight leotards and little short skirts, while the boys got to wear shorts and t-shirts and trackies. I was sent home from school for turning up to PE in a tracksuit like the boys had and refusing to change.

I embraced punk and alternative female appearances as a form of rebellion also - expressing it through hair colour and body art and clothing. While I'm still a tomboy, like football and extreme sports, I also like the pinup/rockabilly look when I go out and have done a bitof alt modelling. I have had some odd comments from people at work who think that my appearance, the way I do my hair and makeup etc is incongruous with my hobbies and interests, and I have always found it fascinating that people expect each other to be so one-dimensional.

Sexuality wise I've never wanted to label either. People fall in love, not genitalia, so never say never to anything!

This is quite the interesting thread. I'm FTM personally. Coming out to my mother went mostly smoothly, though I did nearly die laughing when I found out that she had thought me a lesbian for my best friend. I simply reminded her that what I had told her in high school was still true, that being that I'm not attracted to women.I haven't started to actually transition yet since it cost so much but hope to start therapy in the next couple of weeks.

I hate to hear that others were given a hard time over not wanting to transition. It is a long and expensive process and brings to mind the phrase "if it isn't broken don't fix it". If you are happy the way you are then personally I see no reason to change that.

I don't know if what I am has a name, but while I look absolutely feminine and behave within the realm of what society expects as female, that is I dress like a woman, wear make up, have the remnants of the 1970's Southern style "big hair" going on, although it's greatly toned down yet easily fluffed back up if desired, I have ALWAYS identified with men and most of my thoughts and many actions are considered "male", by societal standards. I have also always wished I had been born male for a variety of reasons which include they don't have to worry about getting knocked up, they are taken more seriously in most all fields of endeavor regardless of what it is from everything to music to sciences, and up until very recently had an automatic power of greater earning potential. Men also just have more "comfortable" bodies with no DD sized boobs getting in the way of everything from what they wear to playing sports and no messy biological bullshit to deal with and put a damper on their everyday lives either.


Other Things About Men of Which I Am Envious

1)It's much easier for a man to remain fit because biologically he has less fat and more muscle. Even when a man "lets himself go" he doesn't have to worry about his titties ending up on his knees after a time. He can consume more and more easily burn off calories too, just by being.

2)Men are almost always much taller which enables them to do many more things easily from simple tasks like reaching the product on the high shelf to being able to paint the ceiling without a ladder. Few men will ever have the worry of not being able to reach a gas pedal unless the seat can be moved up mechanically or ask for help at the grocery store, although when I can get away with it I climb and scale grocery shelves to reach what I want, like the little fucking monkey I can be. I am extremely agile for a 5 ft 2 inch tall middle aged woman, but it would be easier if I was 6 ft.

3)Men can get and stay clean and crisp better than women because they don't have the running makeup syndrome going on when it's hot, they can get away with cotton based clothing even in office settings like with Khakis and button down shirts, and because they can wear a hairstyle that's almost bald and doesn't require hair spray, scrunchies, and other sloppy looking accessories when their hair gets blown and/or starts losing it's style from the morning. They also don't have to deal with bras that harbor sweat and tampons and pads and all the mess that comes with dealing with that either OR the jewelry, accessories, and silky blouse styles that trap(and show) sweat which is typical of a well dressed woman's wardrobe, at least in my area. Trying to stay clean and un-sweaty while living and working in the Deep South, for a woman, is near impossible.

4)A quick and simple shave is all men need in the morning to get rid of facial hair and when it starts growing back by the end of the day in dark haired men it's even considered sexy. When women get unwanted facial hair it's an ongoing saga of plucking, waxing, and/or stinking and burning depilatories for life, unless she can afford laser removal, but that can cause scarring. I never heard anyone say a woman looks sexy with a five o'clock shadow either, so shaving facial hair is out of the question for women. I know many dark haired women who have unwanted facial hair, so it's just one more of the hidden annoyances MANY women face on a daily basis and keeping it in check is very time consuming for many..

5)Gray hair in men is considered attractive by most but rarely in women is it desirable over another color. SO, like with the unwanted body hair the covering of gray hair is an ONGOING, costly, and inconvenient process..Women who start losing their hair or suffer thinning hair have it even worse than men without a doubt. It isn't acceptable for a woman to just shave her head like so many men do when they start balding and still be considered attractive.

6)Men can go most anywhere alone and no one thinks they are there to pick someone up, look for a partner, or to flirt. There are so many places a woman can NOT go alone lest she be considered trolling for a man. This includes most any bar, most restaurants except maybe fast food, a party of most any type except perhaps a wedding or loaf shower, MANY gyms and work out places, and in many cases this includes church or other place of worship. Although it's been awhile, I have NEVER EVER been to a bar alone, including for 30 minutes or less when I was waiting on someone else to arrive and join me, that I didn't get "hit on", ever. This includes restaurants with bars in them, airport or hotel bars, or bars at the edge of casino gaming floors. "No thanks, I am waiting on my husband" is the standard answer I have always used, even when it wasn't true.

WHY can't a woman sit alone at a bar without men thinking she wants them to join her? My having gotten older has NOT slowed it up one bit either, I might add. I still get "hit on" whenever I visit a church, "Is your husband not with you today?", sometimes at the grocery store, "Excuse me, is this something you can make for ONLY ONE person?", at the gym, "I've never seen your husband here, is he a member too?" , etc........Last year when I traveled 8 hours to Atlanta to visit my sister, alone, I got pick up lines at two separate places I stopped; At a state travel center standing at a fucking vending machine and at a Marathon gas station. Men don't have to endure this nuisance.

7)Men aren't the ones expected to do the calling, staying in touch with, visiting, and making sure everyone gets cards for their birthdays and Christmas presents. Sure, you can just refuse to do it, but the inlaws always blame the wife, at least in the South they still do.

8)Men can just have sex and roll over and go to sleep, whereas women have to get up and clean everything out or risk getting a UTI. Men can go to almost any store and pick his clothes off a rack and move on, where as women have to "shop", which I DESPISE with a purple passion. If a man wears a 34-30, then THAT is what he gets! I, on the other hand, can wear a 10 OR a 14, depending on the style, designer, or the cut of the material. It is fucking RIDICULOUS a woman can't just walk in and pick out clothes according to the size on the tag! It's the same with underwear. I can wear a 6 in some brands and a 9 in others. which is BULLSHIT. I think it's set up that way to FORCE women to have to shop, and that, in and of itself, pisses me off.

9)Although it's gotten a bit better, in general men can go to the hospital or their doctor and complain of chest pains or other serious symptoms and they are taken seriously and many tests are ran. When a woman does the same, all things being equal, she will be diagnosed with "anxiety" or some "female" related problem. That's another thing, even though a woman might have serious fibroid tumors and cysts covering 75% of her ovaries, and have surgery for a fucking complete hysterectomy, people refer to it as, "Oh, she had FEMALE surgery", sort of minimizing the severity of it. Let it be dick related surgery though, such as with prostate surgery or a urological related surgery, and the world is much more concerned lest he lose function of his penis. THIS is why no one gives a shit when moos' uterus' are literally falling out their holes or they get vagina-buttholes. What could be MORE serious than shit leaking out your twat, yet it's "just female troubles".

10)Even today, when a woman earns as much as or more than her spouse, a messy or disorganized house is STILL considered HER fault and the home HER domain. All men are expected to do is run a lawn mower over the grass and drag the trash to the curb once a week and their "job" is complete, in the eyes of society.


Women are expected to be automatically nurturing, I am not. Women are expected to automatically get up from the dinner table at a famblee gathering and start washing dishes while the men relax, I don't do that every time and only usually when it's painfully noticeable I am the only one, "not helping".. Women are expected to be the ones to cook, clean, and plan parties and holiday celebrations. I haven't done one of those in over a decade and didn't want to when I did, most of the time. Women are expected to dress all feminine and always look attractive, and although I still do this most of time because otherwise everyone would think something was "wrong" and pester the shit out of me, I resent it and resent I am expected to do it. Women are expected to like chick flicks and soap operas, I absolutely do not. If ONE more female relative starts blabbing about her "story" to me as if I am interested, I might blow a gasket...

:sbx
Women are not expected to plan ahead or imagine worse case scenarios, like "doomsday" or emergency supply needs and whatnot, I do and am well stocked and it's an ongoing process. Women are expected to want to have children and/or play with-babysit other peoples' kids, especially babies, I don't and never have. I once was chastised by a set of inlaws when I balked at a SIL constantly checking with my HUSBAND if it was "okay" for her to dump her two kids on us for a weekend because I stood up to her and finally had to get ugly about it after she had SHIT on me a half a dozen times. After that, my little nieces(ages 5 and 7), when I'd INVITE them over would say, "We can't go to your house anymore, mama said you don't like kids". Did their UNCLE bear any of the brunt of his sister's anger, of COURSE not because, after all, he's a man and isn't necessarily supposed to WANT to baby sit other peoples' kids. I might add when he volunteered "us" HE wasn't even there! He'd be on a gambling trip or had to work and stick ME with those kids on MY off days....


Women aren't expected to know how to do anything or be interested in home-vehicle maintenance and DIY repairs and projects, I am and do. Women are thought to be hormonal and over emotional, unable to "stay strong" during emotional events or emergencies, and I am as cool as a cucumber and RARELY even cry, let alone do all that hysterical bullshit so many women do or are expected to do.. It just doesn't come natural for me to burst out crying at the drop of a hat and I never have, although it seems to be expected for women to do that and behave that way. God, the list goes on forever how I relate to "maleness" over being a woman. Honestly, I wish I had been born a man for many reasons, but have accepted I am not a man NOR could I ever "pass" for a man. There are parts of being female I like, but they are far and few between. If I had a magic wand and could transform myself into a man, I absolutely would.

I don't Know WHAT I Am
I like men, I prefer their company most of the time, I understand how men think without trying, I tend to share more mens' interests than womens' in general, men seem to like being in my company, and I like to have sex with men. However, I have several very close female relationships too and once had a girlfriend back in my 20's for a short period of time, which got ended for all the obvious reasons women didn't have open relationships with a "girlfriend" in the 1980's. I have also dated gay men, or I suppose they'd be "bi", but they weren't straight. Dating or being married to straight men is just much easier, but the ones I choose generally have what would be considered feminine characteristics, although they aren't effeminate and tend to be tall but generally slender, MOST of the time, but unmistakably "manly", just not overboard. I like thin-medium build guys without much body hair or obvious "muscle" and am intimidated by big hairy he-man types of guys one might see on that World Wide Wrasslin' show or riding in motorcycle gangs.

So, I don't know what I have is called. Maybe it's just good old fashioned Penis Envy.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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kidlesskim
So, I don't know what I have is called. Maybe it's just good old fashioned Penis Envy.

I agreed with almost every point in your post.
I think you have 'Male Privilege Envy".

Pretty much every thing that you mentioned, Kim, with the exception of height, breast size and fitness, is social. I loathe it too. There's no reason it has to be part of the female experience, except that people are still stuck with these archaic notions of gender differences. I ignore as many of those things as I can, which is easier when you live in a larger city (and not in the south, clearly) and refuse to compromise to make other people comfortable. But while I can, for instance, fail to send cards or insist on only being responsible for half the housework, I can't change how people perceive me in the workforce.

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cassia

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kidlesskim
So, I don't know what I have is called. Maybe it's just good old fashioned Penis Envy.

I agreed with almost every point in your post.
I think you have 'Male Privilege Envy".

Yup, sure sounds like it to me! And it's a reasonable thing to have, too.

Very nice post!:beer
"Gender nonconforming" tends to be easier on other peoples sensibilities, but delicate flower types will still wilt to hear they can't draw their preconceived conclusions all over you just because you happen to have matching genitalia.

This must be why I like it here. So many people who understand not really being "one of the girls".
I too understand and relate better to what gender conformists think of as stereotypically male ways of thinking and being.

I know I really am queer or potentially trans because my mental map of myself does not fit the body I inhabit. I confuse small children even though I try to pass as female just because that is how I am living now.

That's an interesting facet to explore, what sort of person I prefer to date. I like em big and rough, myself. I would make a fine twink to my bear. And I have always picked this sort. I mean, I tried dating some shorter guys, and it is soooo nice to kiss someone on my level! But it just didn't do it for me, all in all.
He is twice my weight and 9" taller, but I once threw him over my shoulder just to prove that while there are ways he can overpower me, there are also ways I can overpower him. I made sure he had a bed to land on.
5'2" little fucking monkeys unite!

Kim, PREACH IT SISTER! :yr

What you just described is me, in a nutshell! If I could go back and be born a man, I'd do it in a heartbeat, for all the reasons you described.

I also have the big hair. I have body waved, layered, fluffy, Miss America hair from the 80's, but it's toned down a bit. I can, and do fluff and curl it up on the sides and top for date nights with husband. You don't have to live in the South to do that

Interesting thread! I identify myself as bisexual (leaning straight - about a 2 on the Kinsey scale - though I was almost exclusively gay as a teenager, oddly enough). As far as gender identity... I don't know. I've never really "felt" like either, plus I've always got along better with guys and boyish girls. The hyper-feminine types give me hives. ongue2

There are some biological aspects of being female that don't sit right with me, though, mainly whelping-related things. It's like I genuinely can't wrap my mind around the idea that I could actually gestate and give birth to something. I doesn't seem right, if you see what I'm getting at.

At the same time, I wouldn't want to be male. I can't really explain why, but I don't really feel too bad about being female. It's got its advantages, after all. Sure, I get days where I'm mad about it and hate it but it passes.

Anyway, I don't really think men have it "easier". No one has it "easy", and I'm sure being the other gender would have its own difficulties and disadvantages.

ETA: I should also mention that my parents don't know about my sexuality. That is, I haven't told them myself. I'm sure my mother, being who she is, has already guessed or at least has an idea. Oh well. She's not the type who'd hate me or disown me for it, anyway.

My father, though... I wouldn't tell him. He's a conservative, albeit quite an easy-going one (he doesn't disagree with gay marriage and is pro-choice). He wouldn't hate me if he knew, but I think he'd be weird about it. Like he'd see me as... defective, somehow?

I probably won't tell either of them. I don't even see why I should.

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Some random YouTube uploader

@kidlesskim

The big source of your problems is living in the backwardsazz South (I am not being mean to you because I am from the south myself but folks there including my own relatives are ignorant as hell). Your post was on point though and quite funny.

Reading what you wrote lets me know that I am right to think what I think in my siggy. Most people ain't shit. Biological issues aside, the source of women's problems is other people (both male and female) expecting them to bow down to what society says a woman should be or do. I don't associate with too many people and as a result I have avoided a lot of the bullshit you describe. I don't have to send cards or do anything. The only thing I have to do is die and my parents sentenced me to that the moment they decided to breed me.

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

Just to give you a view from the other side as it were.

Regarding #3 I was actually jealous of the woman in the last hot spell, couldn't get away with khakhis/ cut-offs had to be professional and would have liked to have been able to get away with a skirt suit (purley for cooling) and still look profesional. I did briefly consider a kilt till I learnt they were expensive they were.Perhaps I should have turned up in a skirt suit and called sexism since they let the women wear trousers and skirts..


Men can go most anywhere alone and no one thinks they are there to pick someone up, look for a partner, or to flirt. There are so many places a woman can NOT go alone lest she be considered trolling for a man. This includes most any bar, most restaurants except maybe fast food, a party of most any type except perhaps a wedding or loaf shower, MANY gyms and work out places, and in many cases this includes church or other place of worship.

As to number 6 errm no.

Everytime Ive been to an event on my own it's been assumed I'm there to pick someone up. This is especially true if your doing something conidered 'girly' I happen to like theatre,samba and have a penis, no I wasn't dragged here,, no I'm not lookig for a girlfriend. Maybe not in a fast food place, but yeah, of course some guys are but not all. I think the real diffrence your picking up on is unless your Justin Timberlake the guy isn't getting hit on, but he's expected to hit on someone any time. I think it's the same impulse that makes people see a man and woman at the cinema and think couple but then the same comments/questioning at their cinema co-viewer is just 'stupid' because same sex couples don't like films I guess?? True story


I think all the others are perfectly true though.

Wellll....not sure exactly where I fit. I know I am not female in my spirit and all but I can't use the hormones or have the surgery. But I am a gay man inside as is my hersband (the Wold).. She is in the same lot that I am having a ton of issues that make actually transitioning a very bad idea. Top that off with I am something of a drag queen and well, it does get interesting at times. Identifying as female doesn't really fit so we just say we are transmen even if we can't transition.

We're both firmly CF--both of us since pretty young. This whole thing with the gay parenting shit really squicks me out. Why the hell would you WANT kids if you're gay? I guess I can deal with them adopting, but to go out and just add to world overpopulation? That's just idiotic IMO.

We are looking to move to SF in a couple of years. I lived theire for about 15 years and want to go back. Hopefully breeders haven't screwed up the Castro too badly or the lesbian neighborhood on Valencia.

Anyhow. glad to see this thread up here.

Geez Louise, this is fun! I can put a check mark by most of the things on kidlesskim's list as well. I'm asexual, though, so I can cross #8 off the list nowadays (though I remember those nuisances all too well, and with a similar lack of fondness).

Always envied boys for their physical ease and the activities they got to participate in. I remember quitting Brownies in a huff because we didn't get to do any of the outdoorsy stuff that the Cub Scouts did because girls are supposed to be afraid of snakes and useless at constructing things. s

Never got into stereotypical "girly" stuff like makeup, shoes, purses, sewing, shopping, cooking, cleaning, gossiping, screaming, pastel colors (gag), or carrying around baby dolls. Hate wearing skirts to this day. Never dreamed about getting married or wanted to be a princess. In fact, all of my daydreams as a kid involved fantasies of "saving the day" in some fashion usually reserved for boys in the adventure stories I'd read. :cigar

I guess you could say I'm a neocon MRA's worst fucking nightmare. Totally useless to them as a female in every single way and not at all bothered by this fact.

All of my "maternal" tendencies have been directed specifically at animals, who generally take to me pretty quickly (whereas kyds don't seem to like me any more than I like them). Oh, and I have a very girly figure, but hate it, and always wished I looked more androgynous. Weird thing, though, is that I have long hair that I take pretty good care of, and have a fairly girly face, and have never been bothered by those 2 things at all.

Most important thing is that, like many of you, I've always considered myself a PERSON first, and a female second, and have always been extremely independent and confident of my ability to take care of myself. :sam

To the other asexuals on the board- I'm thinking of joining AVEN because I don't know any asexuals IRL and am actually still "closeted", if you can call it that. I'm sure you've heard these kinds of stories before, even from people in their mid-30's like me, but I only stopped dating a couple years ago because I didn't know that what I was experiencing had a name. Asexuals have a visibility issue, much like child-free folks do, but my story was complicated by the confusion of being heteroromantic and by also being led to believe some old endocrine issues could be resulting in a temporary absence of libido. Come to find out- not temporary at all. But I couldn't be more thrilled. Its positively liberating to finally be who you've been all along and to know there's even a name for it. A lot of parallels to child-freedom, come to think of it, and the two compliment one another quite nicely, I might add. wink