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evilchildlessbitch
If you have no rent or car payment, ANY job is better than none. Go from restaurant to restaurant and temp agencies to see who is hiring. Minimum wage is better than being your mother's perpetual child. Honestly, it is time to start taking steps towards being an adult. Your mother also doesn't have any right to know you applied for Medicaid. You MUST start taking steps to get away from her. She sounds nuts but in all honesty, anybody in my house is going to live by my rules so until you are on your own, I don't see how you can dictate that your mother not act like a loon.
I'm going to disagree.
Cambion is an adult and has a right to be treated as an adult. A 14, 15 year old kid should be monitored on car usage - not a grown woman. And the same thing with C's "Tampon Tales". It's too much. Even in someone else's home this is too much.
IMO what Cambion needs to do is to learn how to *stand up for herself*.
And, from here, I will address you, Cambion, directly -
You *do need* to learn how to do this because otherwise? You'll be dealing with the same shit the rest of your life. I *strongly suspect* that your Mom is no where near as batshit nuts as she comes off, either. Because - how could she hold a job? And didn't she have the same job for a long time? Why wasn't she fired?
I'll tell you why - because she's the type who knows when to turn it off and on. Do you really think she checked on her co workers periods? Shouted and yelled at them? If so - she would've been fired. She knows enough to 'tone it down' and knows what she can get away with. She knows she's got you 'demoralized' or beaten down and you will do as she says.
You have to stand up to her. But not yelling - you're going to have to outsmart her. I had to do this with my Mom - who was also kind of nuts. But, as far as I can see not as bad as your Mom. She certainly WAS very overbearing. Instead of going into long boring stories, half of which I don't remember - put it this way - her favorite TV show right now is
Judge Judy. I myself cannot stand that insufferable witch and think she's mean and obnoxious. I can see it in the context of a TV show or even as a Judge - but who in the Hell would wanna deal with someone like that IRL? NOBODY. And I will BET CASH MONEY that Judge Judy does NOT act that way with her family or friends. She isn't stupid, she knows better.
My Mom was an over bearing bitch on wheels until she went through Menopause. I got a glimpse of The Old Her the other day when she phoned me up and I had barely said Hello before she RIPPED INTO ME. Why? They have issues at her work. They're getting a new system and going on a "cloud". It's all fucked up, she's aggravated and pissed, she decided to take it out on me.
Instead of yelling right back I said - you don't need to bitch at me, *I* didn't do anything to you. CLICK. Hung up on her. And she called me back and
apologized.Now let me tell you - I have had several discussions with her about this "cloud" - and I explained it to her. And I am in no way a "computer person" really. I am a bit more up to speed, and know what this means anyway. And I did explain to her how it worked, from the surface things I knew. THAT she listened to because she knows I'm a bit more up to date than she is. And as far as I'm concerned - moving financial data onto something like this is abject
madness. You (her work) already have your own servers - you should work off of that. Get upgraded, more, servers - you do NOT put any financial data on any "cloud". This is straight up lunacy. Why not just put a sign out front that says WELCOME HACKERS! I even discussed it with my work mates - they agreed with me. WE are locked down so tight here that I have to use the neighbor's wifi (I have our work system at home and that must remain CLOSED.)
So she will listen to me on certain things. Cars, too, because I did study Eng. at school and you all know I'm big into cars. One time she came to see me, had not cleared her car of snow enough, how the rest didn't fall off from MI who knows? Most did blow off (other cars behind you were cursing you, for sure!) - but not on the front by the 'grill'. I told her - YOU HAVE TO CLEAR THAT! The engine has to breathe! You *have to* keep that clear - engine will seize up on you! Same with exhaust pipes. Well, she listened on that too. Probably did double check that with some man at her office - who would be a biz guy who don't know shit about cars - but a few days later she did concede that I was right on that.
Now that could be an example of what I'm saying -
You don't yell, like - WADDAFUCK YOU DOIN! YOU GOTTA CLEAN DAT! WHATTAYA, STUPID?
No, you explain, calmly, and say *why*.
And you stand your ground and don't run from yelling. Nor yell back.
Consider this -
Going to use old TV show characters here ~
Ralph and Alice Kramden. Ralph yells alot, threatens and bullies, but Alice just stands there calmly and says NO Ralph. She is calm, cool, and collected and does not give into his bullying.
Now compare them to Archie and Edith Bunker. Archie yells - and Edith jumps. She rarely contradicts him and scurries off to do as he says. She fears his yelling, she assumes SHE is wrong, and runs to do as he says. Eventually she starts sticking up for herself but mostly because the kids are there who back her up.
Now - should you be fearful Edith, or collected Alice? You should be Alice! She doesn't fall for Ralph's bluster, calls him on it, but also stands her ground, doesn't yell back (engage at their level, which really doesn't solve anything), explains her side calmly, and puts her foot down on what SHE is or is not going to do.
And both of these men (characters) neither is really mean or bad. Both do 'see the light' on issues eventually. The difference is in how others
react to them.
Meditate on this. Maybe you could take an "Assertiveness training class". You know what? I bet you can learn it online. Or get library books. And Communications in general. Read up on these things, they WILL help you.
And you NEED to learn this! Because you're going to meet these types again and again and again. Bullies. You need to learn how to deal with them.
You are clearly an intelligent person and all you need to do is apply your intelligence to this realm. Communications. Assertiveness. Having confidence. Learning how to say 'no'. You CAN learn these things!
And your Mom is not as insane as she appears. She wouldn't have been able to keep a job, otherwise. She knows what she can and cannot get away with - and who it will work on. Or, she knows how to push your buttons. Which sounds like being an overbearing obnoxious monster like my Mom's Fave - Judge Judy.
These people probably feel powerless and take it out on those they know they can. THEY never learned good communication skills either.
You can do this! I DID! And my relatives basically "ran my life" until the age of 21. They picked out what school I would go to, and sent me to live with my one Gram in order to do so. Oh no - no dorm or apartment for you! And how could I argue because I was 16 (got into Uni early). I had no leg to stand on. They did not argue with me on my choice of major because a) it's a common occupation in these parts, and b) they didn't really understand it. I was also brow beaten to keep up with Tennis so I could get some scholarships.
By the time I was 18, 20 - because I wanted to go to school in EU - I was getting better at negotiations and they had promised that I *could go* once I finished the first BS. And then - they even tried to back pedal on that! Hey - YOU PROMISED! AND - I AM GOING - because I did get in and I saved my own money too! If I have to go live in a shit hole there - I WILL! I called their bluff. See - by then I had figured how to leverage *their fears* and they threw in the money *they promised* so I wouldn't wind up living in some ghetto.
I reflect back on these things - the immediacy of memory is gone, but I do remember. And now I think - this was EXCELLENT training for me too - FEW people can 'get over' on me and I am not afraid of ANYONE. I can see through bluster and BS, and I'll call you on it. I'll fucking laugh right at you! You don't scare me!
It's a DAMN good thing I figured all this out too because I've had to use it time and time again. In work situations, with men, with friends. If I hadn't put my foot down with my exH - I'd be a MOO right now! I 'stuck to my principles' and left him. There was plenty of familial and peer pressure to breed as well. People REALLY leaning on me!
I left him, I was
unemployed, I had no car either - sold my Beamer, and went to Grad School. Moved to the S. Side of Chi for that and everybody thought I was OUT of my MIND! Yeah? Screw you. I know what I have to do. My parents thought I was crazy, and would be shot on the street - yeah, in Hyde Park? (Neighborhood of Chi where UChi is) - uh, NO. That's mondo swanky. Familiarize yourself. The whole of the South Side is not Gang Bangin. Business? Why? But you have a good career? US Mfg is *going away*. I know what I'm doing. There were tears and pearl clutching. But you have so much now - why throw it away? Why not stay with exH? I AM
NOT having kids!!!
I'm sure his parents thought I was "Uppity". I did get that sense by how they interacted with me. So? Like I'm going to ruin my life to make them smile at me more. I DON'T THINK SO.
We all have such things. And we are all constrained by things too. Such as for myself - I might like to move - but for the work I'm in I need to stay close to financial centers. OK, do different work. I'm not really sure what I would want to do. I do have some ideas that I am working on. Move to a more harsh climate and I'd have to get a different vehicle. It's all inter connected and you have to puzzle it out. Weigh things out and try to think. We all have such things, various constraints.
We all have these issues. Few people have complete freedom to do anything they want. And even if they do - they have issues too. Look at poor Bobbi Kristina in the coma. Money and fame can't buy happiness either. 21 years old and she tries to kill herself - why? I wish I had that kind of money. But I'd know what to do with it - she didn't. The difference between us is *intelligence*.
Anyway, I'm rambling on here. LEARN about communications and assertiveness! Gain confidence. Go on a diet. Why do I suggest that? Because it's something you *can do* that will make you feel better about yourself and you will see results - it's a fairly easy thing. It will improve your health and sleep too (exercise). This is what I'm doing (and have done before). I too would like to 're invent myself' and get into new things - an easy start to get me rolling is to undertake diet and exercise - I will see results and it will give me a boost. It's also for my health. And also because - one of the things I do want to do is rehab junk houses. Being fit will help me to work on that.
Go out for walks. Go shovel snow. The Super Bowl Blizzard has probably hit you by now!
If your Mom trots after you - walk faster. If she questions why - keep it short and sweet. Gotta get out, be back in 45 minutes. BE VAGUE.
You do NOT owe everybody an explanation of everything you do. And instead of arguing with them - just be vague. It's one thing to try.
What if I told my Mom - I'm thinking of going into real estate? She's cool with that because any money making thing she's cool with.
But let's say hypothetically she was a paranoid screecher and started yelling: YOU'LL LOSE ALL YOUR MONEY YET! YOU'LL GO BROKE! I ain't supporting you! Why should you torment me this way?
That would be emotional black mail off of fear - I thank Jah my Mom is not THAT bad. And if she were? First of all I'd keep specifics to myself. Second of all I'd CALMLY remind her - um, Mom, you do know I have a biz degree, right? From that place you were horrified about me going to? And I'm just learning right now. Calm down please. Everything I have got so far has worked out. Right? Relax. I'm not planning on trying to obtain crazy loans to buy the Taj Mahal or anything, jeez.
And oddly enough, using that as example, the one *construction guy* who I get to work on my house - I talk to him about my plans and HE tries to talk me out of them! OK,
Dad. LOL. And it's crazy too because - uh - HELLO! Anything I buy means MORE WORK FOR
YOU!Parents and older people are more fearful IMO. And yes I AGREE that one should not be reckless - but neither can you live in abject fear and do nothing.
Learn how to communicate. And don't let their fears get you down.
I have faith in you Cambion!
I know you can do it!