Just another breeder drama: a foray into parenting

This article describes how a mother sought to limit her children's internet access in order to create more family time. She "banned all technology at home for six months" and offered her children cash to bribe them into going along with it. She is the parent, they are living under her roof--why does she need to pay them to follow her rules? The youngest one ended up moving in with her father for the first six weeks, but then adapted and found that her erratic sleep patterns improved. If a 14-year-old was having erratic sleeping patterns, why didn't the mother step in sooner and do something about it? Why did she let her daughter sleep with the computer on? Why did she let her son use his cellphone when she was trying to talk to him, and let her daughter text at the dinner table? If she'd applied some reasonable rules to begin with and enforced them, she wouldn't have needed to go to the other extreme of banning technology at home (which sounds quite unbalanced, as her daughter had to go to the library to do her schoolwork).

She heard a lot of objections from the parents of her childrens' friends, who felt that the children would become "social outcasts or idiots" from the time offline. So now peer pressure has reached such a pitch that parents are pressuring other parents on behalf of their teenagers?

I agreed with some of her points: "Today, kids are often low-level stimulated when they're online," she says. "It's kind of like running a low-grade fever. I draw the parallel to never really being hungry either. They snack so much that they're not ready for a proper meal. That lack of boundaries, that 'blobbiness' ... it's not a good way to live." Well, yes--so why did you raise them like that for the first 18 years? Oh, maybe it is because, like most of your peers, you aren't parenting: Moreover, she says, her generation of parents is particularly "wimpy", and finds it hard to be seen as authority figures: "We want to give our kids everything. And everything these days includes all the gadgetry and the 24/7 internet access."

Maushart realised how much better she fared if information was not hurled at her en masse. When she went to the cinema during her experiment, she says she "milked every second" of the film, adding: "It just doesn't happen like that if you're installed in front of a TV screen with narratives coming at you constantly." For this reason, she laments that teens today "have lost touch with what it's like to do one thing at a time". This looks like just another example of how most people are never really looking around them. I pay attention when I go to the cinema--I don't need to be offline for six months in order to focus on some form of entertainment.

While I agree that parents should "not be afraid to set boundaries," I don't see how this woman is any kind of a role model. She said a few sensible things, but if she'd been parenting all along such drastic measures would not have been necessary, and of course there wouldn't have been an article written about her.

Oh, and there was of course a book: The Winter of Our Disconnect (har har). Because for today's attention-whore breeders, everything, even a 6-month attempt at parenting, must be documented and sold for profit.

She may have mentioned Thoreau as her inspiration, but I bet she wasn't willing to cut herself away from the pattern of consumption. Did she plant a garden and grow her own food? If so, she didn't mention it. Did she retreat into the wilderness to live alone? No, she moved to New York because Perth was too isolated for her.

Just another breeder drama...documenting the shocking six month attempt at parenting.

It's disturbing that the biggest objections came from breeders. It seems that the kids actually lined up behind the idea.

goddamit, i like maushart most of the time, too :eh?? (she's a a pretty well-known columnist/author in australia)

this new book looks like wank.

Texting at the dinner table? Excuse me?

If she had been parenting properly from day one then this sudden and extreme "ban" wouldn't have been necessary. I can't imagine that something so drastic would be an effective teaching tool because like everything else in life, it just needs to be done in moderation. Fasting for 6 months isn't a healthy way to lose weight, going from couch potato to Olympic style workouts isn't a good or practical idea, and selling all of your possessions and living in a tent isn't the best way to save money either. An all or nothing mentality just isn't a good idea for long term lifestyle changes. In fact, in the long term it could cause more harm than good because once the ban is lifted, what then? This woman sounds like an idiot drama queen extremist.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

When I was a child my school instigated the "No TV for a week" challenge in which nobody in the family was allowed to watch TV or videos for an entire week. We thought that was extreme but this was before the internet and it was fairly easy for us (after the first day or so) to find other things to do.

I think that boredom is actually a very important thing for kids to have because it fosters creativity. This media bombardment 24/7 is not good for anybody, kids, adults or otherwise.

I agree that had this mother been a good mother and said "Hell no you're not texting at the table and the screens go off at 9:00" she wouldn't have had to do this 'hair brained scheme' .

I never was allowed to watch TV as a kyd. I was allowed to pray and watch my siblings. I didn't die.

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ShimmyMuse
It's disturbing that the biggest objections came from breeders. It seems that the kids actually lined up behind the idea.

Having to deal with the other breeders is a big part of the reason that I don't want kids. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have to constantly defend every single little decision you make.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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LoveToLurk

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ShimmyMuse
It's disturbing that the biggest objections came from breeders. It seems that the kids actually lined up behind the idea.

Having to deal with the other breeders is a big part of the reason that I don't want kids. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have to constantly defend every single little decision you make.

So this, and it's also one of my main *personal* reasons (most of my reasons are ethical) for not becoming a parent. If one becomes a pahrunt, EVERY breeder will tell you how to have kyds, how many kyds you should have, you should try this or that, you're not doing this right, what they did as a new pahrunt etc. ad nauseam. WHATEVER a pahrunt does is ALWAYS criticized by other pahrunts. Not only that, but breeders also like to brag about THEIR brats and think fellow breeders are SO interested. I like not having to associate with breeders nor being criticized for my pahrunting.

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kbc
I never was allowed to watch TV as a kyd. I was allowed to pray and watch my siblings. I didn't die.

Sounds like hell

The tv thing is manageable. We haven't had access in about 7 .. maybe 8, years. Don't miss it. We do have Netflix and internet access to some shows, but that just makes us more selective in what we watch. I think some people get stuck in front of the tube simply because it's there.

We do have a lot of books; something I took for granted until just recently. They're all over at our old house, which is in the process of going up for sale. Our agent has insisted they be left there for "staging". It's only a few miles away so if we want a particular volume we just tootle over and get it. However, I miss my books; the new house feels too damned empty without them. I miss grabbing a book - any book - to read in the bathroom or take to bed. Today I told Dh "fukit. I want my books!" I'm going to leave one bookcase, stocked with the Time Life books Dh collected 30 years ago that are primarily bathroom reading material, and bring the rest of our books home.

When we were kids/teens, we were allowed certain minutes/hours of watching tv/internet time, but back in the 80's/90's (the good old days for us upper 20 somethings) we balanced this out with play time indoors/outdoors. Our parents did their job, and there was NO need for such asinine extreme measures.

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lab mom

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Dorisan

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kbc
I never was allowed to watch TV as a kyd. I was allowed to pray and watch my siblings. I didn't die.

Sounds like hell

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The tv thing is manageable. We haven't had access in about 7 .. maybe 8, years. Don't miss it. We do have Netflix and internet access to some shows, but that just makes us more selective in what we watch. I think some people get stuck in front of the tube simply because it's there.

We do have a lot of books; something I took for granted until just recently. They're all over at our old house, which is in the process of going up for sale. Our agent has insisted they be left there for "staging". It's only a few miles away so if we want a particular volume we just tootle over and get it. However, I miss my books; the new house feels too damned empty without them. I miss grabbing a book - any book - to read in the bathroom or take to bed. Today I told Dh "fukit. I want my books!" I'm going to leave one bookcase, stocked with the Time Life books Dh collected 30 years ago that are primarily bathroom reading material, and bring the rest of our books home.

It was. Not so much the no TV part, but raising kyds and praying surely sucked ass. I love TV now. I will pay through the nose for 400 channels...LOL!

My parents used to go on a no TV, radio, listening to music, etc. kick every once in a while. They went through this period where they thought TV and everything else caused all the problems we had, when in reality, it was their psychotic, irrational, inconsistent behavior in which what was right or wrong changed one day to the next. The bans would fade and life would go back to normal after a while. They also used to say TV was the worst invention ever. As far as I'm concerned, they were just scapegoating it, like people scapegoat the new media now.

When I have the day off these days, the TV is hardly ever switched on. I do spend time on the net, but I also have my hobbies like my ham radio and I get on the net. My wife watches TV, but I seldom do. There's just nothing on I'm interested in anymore.

JD

Reminds me when Oprah did a ban technology for a week event, where some people volunteered to do it and have their changed life shown on Oprah. All it really is about is indulging parents in their fantasy belief their childhood was better without technology, and allowing them to ignore the reality that technology is needed in this world, such as in needing to finish a school assignment e-mailed to their kid.

It really showed the height of parental selfishness, that they would take from their children so they could re-live their childhood. Yeah, steal away the kids childhood, so you can live yours again, sounds like someone shouldn't have been parent!

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kbc
I never was allowed to watch TV as a kyd. I was allowed to pray and watch my siblings. I didn't die.

I'm still shocked that today's kyds have their own personal TVs, computers and cell phones. Over which they appear to have complete control, usually. Some of my friends had TVs in their rooms, but that as about it. If I had to be their teacher my head would probably explode.

We had a TV (one, not one in every room like today's screen-worshiping famblees) and I was only supposed to watch parentally-approved programming. My parents even got the cable company to block us from picking up Nickelodeon because they decided the character Angelica from "Rugrats" was insolent and a bad influence.

One of my parents' friends has a super-spoiled 12-year-old son who apparently accused her of "child abuse" for taking away his cell phone for a few days. She told this story like it was funny and charming of him. My jaw dropped and I told her to tell him that even 10 years ago he probably wouldn't have had one of the damn things to begin with and his friends wouldn't, either. How did we get to a point where some kids think personal tech devices (are and unlimited use of them) are a right?

My mom did away with the basic cable when I was about five...she was told that either the cable goes or the house does since she couldn't afford it all. And for a while, we were able to get ABC with the antenna, but it was sooo snowy. But then everything went digital and now we can't even get that. My mother's co-workers always as her how she can manage to not be bored without television...well, we've been being not bored for several years now. I entertain myself with movies, video games, sewing, and (gasp) reading and drawing. Sometimes I'll just put on a movie for background noise while I draw or sew. I didn't get a cell phone until I was halfway through college and that was because I had to - my mother got sick of calling the school and the dorm office looking for me. Otherwise, I would have no need for one.

And even when I was younger, I had no internet and no computer. Sure, I had games and TV at my grandma's house, but nothing good was ever on once my favorite shows were cancelled. So I was outside playing in the dirt and playing with the cats that found their way into the yard. And when my cousin would visit, we'd invent games - hell, we made up a game involving slapping one another. We'd draw all over the driveway with chalk. We'd paint tree branches in the yard with crushed berries (everyone wondered why the hell the trees were purple, but it came off when it rained). You do not need to think too hard to have fun.

I agree - the key really is moderation. I hate to say it, but sometimes we do need technology for our lives to move forward. I personally use my laptop a lot for work purposes, so if someone up and told me "no computer for a week" when I had a deadline to meet, I'd be pretty fucking pissed off. Abstaining from all technology won't do any good, but having it rule every second of your life won't do any good either. If you take away all of someone's gadgets and electronics, they will go stir-crazy since they don't know what the fuck to do with themselves...and they may get violent. It's just like taking drugs from a junkie or booze from an alcoholic. If Mommy had a spine at all, she could enforce this without having to pay her children to heed her words.

It is not child abuse to tell a kid no texting at the table or no computer time after a certain hour. It's called setting boundaries, which children these days are sorely in need of. It just sucks that the current belief is the more you indulge your child, the better a parent you are...meanwhile, the PNBs get labeled as child abusers for telling their brats "no" now and then.

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nachtfuchs

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kbc
I never was allowed to watch TV as a kyd. I was allowed to pray and watch my siblings. I didn't die.

I'm still shocked that today's kyds have their own personal TVs, computers and cell phones. Over which they appear to have complete control, usually. Some of my friends had TVs in their rooms, but that as about it. If I had to be their teacher my head would probably explode.

We had a TV (one, not one in every room like today's screen-worshiping famblees) and I was only supposed to watch parentally-approved programming. My parents even got the cable company to block us from picking up Nickelodeon because they decided the character Angelica from "Rugrats" was insolent and a bad influence.

One of my parents' friends has a super-spoiled 12-year-old son who apparently accused her of "child abuse" for taking away his cell phone for a few days. She told this story like it was funny and charming of him. My jaw dropped and I told her to tell him that even 10 years ago he probably wouldn't have had one of the damn things to begin with and his friends wouldn't, either. How did we get to a point where some kids think personal tech devices (are and unlimited use of them) are a right?

I did have a TV in my room growing up. I later had cable TV, 12 channels including HBO, which was kind of cool. None of it blocked, fortunately, but I often had to deal with my parents' TV bans, which never made sense to me. Being able to watch what I wanted to watch was nice, it helped keep me sane.

JD