100+ Reasons To Have Children (and they're all stupid!)

My BF sent me a link to this mess.

Most of it's Hallmark card bullshit, but oh, is the entitlement evident in some of these.

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2. Pay less income taxes.

Yeah, let everyone else subsidize your choices.

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7. Disposable diapers. There. I said it.

Because, fuck the environment.

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8. Receive preferential treatment in grocery lines.
9. Be seated first (or last, if you prefer) on planes.
10. Park in the “stork” space at grocery stores.

It's all about moo

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18. Have someone to help you when you’re old.

It's not like adult offspring will have lives of their own or anything.

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19. Grandkids!

To hell with whatever those grown offspring might want to do with their own lives!

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32. Give your friends somewhere to send their kids’ hand-me-downs.

Oh, yeah. They're friends aren't helping by giving hand-me-downs, you're helping by receiving hand-me-downs. Um, ingratitude much?

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63. Carrying a baby? Strangers will smile at you.
64. Babies are also a great conversation starter.

Babystalk for attention!

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Your own love for your child gives you a small taste of how much God loves His children.

Worship me, for I am mom!

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Job security: moms have it.

Yep. Legally, the boss can't fire you while you're on maternity leave, having a nice, paid vacation, even if you do it every year and cost the company WAY more than you're worth.

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84. After 10 years of children, washing dishes becomes optional.

Breed your own slaves!

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Get special treatment on Mother’s Day.

And they call me selfish.

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94. Free or cheap manicures and pedicures. I pay a dollar.
95. Ditto for back/shoulder rubs.

Must be nice to have personal servants. Make kids so they can worship and serve you!

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96. Perpetually late? You don’t even have to blame it on the kids. People will assume.

And if the boss does say anything, just get knocked up again and enjoy another paid vacation.

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99. Have your bed made for $.25/day. Maid service has never been so cheap or cheerful, and there’s no need to report payments to the IRS.

Breed personal slaves.

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102. Kids with money ROCK! They buy their own clothes, treat you to Starbucks, and buy you unbelievable birthday/Christmas gifts.

Wait until the kids are old enough to work, then enjoy what they earn.

Oh, and just plain stupid and untrue:

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1. Have a happier marriage.

Statistically, no.

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35. Save money by not buying birth control.

Even the most expensive birth control on the market will cost less over someone's reproductive years than just one child will cost in 18. And then, to only have one kid, you likely will need some form of BC before and after so you only go without for 10 months or so, barring any fertility issues.

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36. Have s*x without worrying about pregnancy. It’s fun.

Unless you're using some type of BC method, the word you're looking for isn't "fun," but irresponsible.

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37. Ask anyone who has given birth: the pains of labor are worth it.

Plenty disagree.

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47. Help raise the languishing birth rate.

What planet does this idiot live on?

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60. Improved immune system. It’s a law of nature: Moms never get sick.

:BS

B-b-but we're supposed to be the selfish ones! What idiocy.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

Fucking fundie cow.

Seriously, why doesn't she just moo 100+ times. Same fucking thing.

I haven't read the complete list yet but from what I can see so far, they're all selfish reasons. Not that I particularly enjoy it, but I clean my house for free. Yes, I pay for manicures and pedicures but they look good, not like some child threw nail polish all over my hands. I adore my hour massages by a professional. I like worry-free sex too...courtesy of my free essure procedure (thank you awesome health insurance coverage and 100% paid company coverage). I could go on and on but there's nothing on her list that seems particularly selfless.

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Ask any parent you know if they regret having kids.

Total BS. Ask parents anonymously, and watch the regret flow.

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juliewashere88
My BF sent me a link to this mess.

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18. Have someone to help you when you’re old.

It's not like adult offspring will have lives of their own or anything.

I just love when they pull out this tired, old line. If that were true, most nursing homes would be out of business.

I counter with the following:

Top 100 reasons not to have kids (and remain childfree)

http://childfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/03/top-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids-and.html

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marco polo
I counter with the following:

Top 100 reasons not to have kids (and remain childfree)

http://childfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/03/top-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids-and.html

Much better list x1000000000000000. There was a commenter on the pro-child list stating that they had just read a childfree list that was basically sad and the reasons not to have kids were shallow. Commenter said the mom's list was basically deep and inspiring. I didn't get that from any of her reasons. Thank god for childfreedom.

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juliewashere88
My BF sent me a link to this mess.

I hope it was as a joke and not as he's trying to talk you into having brats.

That said, that list is like throwing acid in my eyes! The stupid BUURRNSSSS!!!!

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law1204

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juliewashere88
My BF sent me a link to this mess.

I hope it was as a joke and not as he's trying to talk you into having brats.

That said, that list is like throwing acid in my eyes! The stupid BUURRNSSSS!!!!

Oh, he's definitely childfree. Has been since long before he met me. He just shared this for the same reason I did - because it's insane.

Here's a forum of Mommies who got their panties in a twist over the 100 reasons not to have children.

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1551-july-2011-playroom/2198828-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids.html

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bell_flower
Here's a forum of Mommies who got their panties in a twist over the 100 reasons not to have children.

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1551-july-2011-playroom/2198828-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids.html

I hate when moos say that the CF are somehow jealous of their lives. Ah, no.

1. Have a happier marriage.
Studies show the opposite

2. Pay less income taxes.
This is why our economy blows

3. Learn to share, and like it.
I don't know any parents who share better than their childless counterparts

4. The ultimate diet plan: morning sickness and breastfeeding.
Except you gain it all back when you're eating out of boredom and depression

5. Enjoy snuggles on demand, around the clock.
And barfing too

6. Cuteness abounds.
Kids are not cute

7. Disposable diapers. There. I said it.
This is a reason to have kids? I thought this is a reason we have landfill issues.

8. Receive preferential treatment in grocery lines.
Not from me, you won't

9. Be seated first (or last, if you prefer) on planes.
Meanwhile the screaming meemee is your problem

10. Park in the “stork” space at grocery stores.
Not if I park there first, bitch!

11. Have an excuse to buy cool toys and cute little outfits.
There goes your retirement

12. Children will love you on your worst day, and…
Even when they're stabbing you in the face, raiding your purse for cash to buy meth, and running your car into the garage door

13. they think you’re beautiful, even on bad hair days,or when you’re not wearing makeup.
A shower and a stick of eyeliner is way cheaper

14. Free entertainment: kids are hilarious.
Kids are neither free nor amusing

15. Laughter is good for your health. See above.
Go to a comedy show, save thousands

16. Have family still living when you’re old.
Unless they die first of disease or accident, but it doesn't matter if they do since you won't see them when you're old anyway

17. Have someone to help you when you’re old.
What makes you think they'll be around to change your diaper rather than off living their own lives?

18. Grandkids!
Even the ones you have to raise permanently?

19. Have someone to help care for your pets.
If you can't care for your pets yourself without getting your kids to do it, please find a more loving and capable home for your pets

20. But who needs pets? Kids are way cuter, and they last longer.
If this is how you feel about your animals, you don't deserve to have any

21. Unlike pets, kids eventually learn to take care of their own poop.
Well, unless they're retarded, but then you'll be raising your grandkids so the poop problem doesn't end for you anyway

22. Get a lollipop every time you go to the bank, along with your children.
Online banking, save time and gas money!

23. Tone your arms the old-fashioned way: tote a toddler.
Yes, your child is as much of a dumbbell as you are

24. Kids eat free at many restaurants.
Yeah, the restaurants that serve fat, lard, salt, sugar, and crap. Enjoy your diabetes

25. Have an excuse to buy junk food.
Actually kids are an excuse NOT to.

26. Sharing your junk food means less stays on your own hips.
How about not buying any at all?

27. Children will eat and appreciate your failed cooking experiments.
Children are the pickiest eaters known besides crotchety old people. Good luck with that one

28. Embarrass your kids. You won’t believe how fun it is. Displays of affection with your spouse work well for this. So you make out with your spouse just to gross your children out? Is this some kind of twisted pedophilic voyeur fetish?

29. Be better able to encourage other parents during rough times with their children because you’ve been-there-done-that.
If you have rough times it's because you spent all your money on junk food, toys, cutesy clothes no one needs, and trips to restaurants so your brats could eat free

30. Blow bubbles.
Get a cat, they appreciate bubbles just as much and unlike kids will never tire of said bubbles and constantly ask for a Playstation instead

31. Give your friends somewhere to send their kids’ hand-me-downs.
You hope your friends don't have bedbugs

32. Burn calories: play with your kids.
Or, burn even more calories by having sex in front of them, squicks them out and is funny!

33. Kids will help hone your reactions with obstacle courses on the stairs.
The average adult falls five times a year, you might consider having your brats put their shit away before someone ends up at the hospital

34. Save money by not buying birth control.
Birth control is cheaper than kids

35. Have s*x without worrying about pregnancy. It’s fun.
That's what IUDs and sterilization are for - and why are you censoring the word sex in an article aimed at adults who are supposed to have it so they can produce baybees???

36. Ask anyone who has given birth: the pains of labor are worth it.
If it was so worth it, why is it still a topic of conversation?

37. Pregnancy reduces menstrual cramps in subsequent periods.
Tylenol and a heating pad works just as well and is cheaper - plus I always have an excuse to sit on my ass once a month and make my boyfriend do dinner

38. Pregnancy lowers your risk of ovarian cancer.
I'll take my chances

39. Breastfeeding lowers your risk of breast cancer,
No, that's early detection

40. and uterine cancer,
hysterectomy for the win!

41. and osteoporosis.
Calcium supplements

42. Not using birth control lowers your risk of ectopic pregnancy.
Actually risks of ectopic pregnancy include previous ectopic pregnancies, infections, FERTILITY TREATMENTS, and pre-existing structural issues. An ectopic pregnancy is easily treated - with an abortion covered by my insurance.

43. Think pregnancy dooms you to getting fat? Take a look at my mom with her 14 kids. Can you even tell which one she is?
Yeah, she's the fat one

44. Pregnancy requires you to eat more. I can appreciate that.
I thought you were just on about fatness?

45. Be motivated to be a better person. Little eyes are watching.
Yeah, they're watching you stuff your face with junk food

46. Help raise the languishing birth rate.
We just reached 7 billion. Fuck you.

47. Learn alongside your children.
If you're an idiot, don't breed

48. Read books you never would have discovered on your own.
True, I don't normally hang out in the toadler section of the library

49. Reread your childhood favorites with and to a new generation.
If you weren't a selfish cunt, you'd have done this for kids that weren't yours

50. See the world through new, unjaded eyes.
Being jaded can save your life.

51. See yourself through your baby’s eyes. It’s amazing.
What if your kid is born blind?

52. See yourself through your children’s eyes. You’ll never be the same again. Yeah, they see you stuffing your face with junk food and how fat you've gotten, maybe that will motivate you to stop eating so much crap

53. See your flaws reflected in your children. It’s enlightening and humbling.
You'll totally love it when your teenage son tells you how cute your turkey neck is. Oh, to be a fly on the wall that day

54. Kids will make you proud and keep you humble.
No parent I know is humble - that's why they had kids in the first place

55. If you make a mess while eating, everyone will assume the kids did it.
So you're a slob who stuffs your face with junk food, makes a mess and blames it on other people? I thought you were supposed to be setting an example?

56. Kid will say what you wish you could say, but can’t.
Yeah it's always hilarious when your kid uses racist, sexist slurs in public

57. Strengthen your relationship with your own parents by becoming a parent yourself.
You'd better, who else is going to give you that much free childcare? Not I said the cat!

58. Stay physically active. It’s much harder to be lazy when little ones depend on you.
The popularity of Farmville gives the lie to that one

59. Improved immune system. It’s a law of nature: Moms never get sick.
The fuck they don't

60. If you do get sick, you have someone to take care of you without your spouse taking time off work.
Your toadler takes care of you when you're sick?

61. Baby smiles.
Baby screams at 3:21 am

62. Carrying a baby? Strangers will smile at you.
They're not smiling at YOU, shitwit

63. Babies are also a great conversation starter.
Once that conversation starts, it can end thank you

64. Learn to delight in everyday occurrences.
I'm CF and had an amazing BM yesterday, it was delightful

65. Translate toddler gibberish with ease for puzzled onlookers.
How fucking hard is it? They either need a nap, a bottle, or a diaper change

66. Your own love for your child gives you a small taste of how much God loves His children.
There is no god

67. Live vicariously: remember that toy you never got as a child, but you’re too old to want it now? Let your kids try it out.
My favorite toys were ones with choking hazards

68. Relive your childhood: remember the toy you did get as a child? Let your kids try it out.
I don't have any more toys from my childhood, I got rid of them a long time ago

69. Rediscover the joy of crayons.
Crayons suck

70. Job security: moms have it.
No you don't, that's why there's welfare

71. Learn and believe that happiness really doesn’t come from material wealth…
And yet so many points on this list are about toys, crayons, clothes, and junk food

72. …yet be amazed at how much joy you can buy your child with a quarter.
I'd rather take that quarter and buy YOUR child a toy that's REALLY loud and annoying

73. Kids are cheap.
The fuck?

74. Marvel that 2 people can produce children that are better-looking than either parent. Heredity is a strange and wonderful thing.
Babies are fugly and so are their parents

75. Be welcomed home like a returning war hero every time you go grocery shopping or to the post office.
I ignore bitches like you

76. Be looked at like this:
If I wanted to be looked at like that, I'd buy a hooker

77. Soft little fingers and toes. They’re cute on other people’s children, but utterly priceless on your own children.
Toes and feet have their own set of problems and hands are meant to be WASHED as often as possible, as the germ spreaders they are

78. The unbearable cuteness of newborn-size diapers. (credit: Deanna)
Why not just volunteer at the crack baby ward? Plenty of infant diapers there, and plenty of shit to go in them

79. Discover your super powers: make milk, and heal mortal wounds with a kiss.
Cows can make milk too so apparently your superpowers are also found in masse at the local dairy. As for mortal wounds, if you think a kiss heals them, you all deserve to die a Darwinian death

80. Ask any parent you know if they regret having kids.
Yeah that was my favorite experiment, its easy to get parents to tell the truth if you probe the right way.

81. Learn to appreciate simple pleasures: ice cream cones, a single M&M, homemade cookies.
No childless person has ever enjoyed ice cream, M&Ms, or cookies...ever!

82. Do you love your spouse? Experience a miracle: a new person who looks like both of you.
That's what computer mashup programs are for - and they're never as fugly as the real thing, which is really saying something

83. After 10 years of children, washing dishes becomes optional.
So much for "it's so haard being a moo!" You bitches only had kids for the free labor

84. Get special treatment on Mother’s Day.
I already have my own special day, it's called my birthday

85. Breakfast in bed is fun, even when it’s cheerios and multi vitamins.
This is why you tore your cooter asunder? This??

86. Experience the triumph of potty training.
Until then, nothin' says lovin' like shit found in the oven!

87. Have the advantage of a youthful memory again: have your kids remind you about important things.
Repeatedly, and at loud volumes, of things normally involving an Xbox

88. Expand your wardrobe: share clothes with your teens.
I stole my mom's favorite Calvin Kleins and cut them up. She was not really very thrilled

89. Gather candy from the piñata without getting funny looks.
You get funny looks, they're just behind your back, fatass

89. Have help cooking.
Cooking is not that fucking hard that you need an assistant, unless you're running a gourmet restaurant, and there are laws against child labor.

90. Be a safer driver,
Pahrunts and their exhaustion are the worst drivers on the road besides drunks and teenage boys

91. In a safer vehicle.
Your Moo wagon is a desolate black hole of filth and decay

92. Free or cheap manicures and pedicures. I pay a dollar.
With all that time you saved making your brats bring you breakfast, do dishes, and cook dinner, why not stick that dollar in their college funds and do your own?

93. Ditto for back/shoulder rubs.
Children should not be massaging their parents. Ick. Get a fucking boyfriend

94. Perpetually late? You don’t even have to blame it on the kids. People will assume.
Only narcissists are perpetually late, and the less tolerant will dump you as a friend over it

95. Vanity? You’ll look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
Please, if you're a narcissist, and you are, you're looking at yourself and you think your kid is an extension of you anyway

96. Paint your kids’ nails in a color you like but could never wear yourself.
Does that also go for the hooker wear, high heels, and bad makeup?

97. Have your bed made for $.25/day. Maid service has never been so cheap or cheerful, and there’s no need to report payments to the IRS.
And yet you think your kids are going to take care of you when you're old. Apparently they're already doing it, but don't worry, once they make their escape you'll be lucky to see them once a month unless they need you for free childcare

98. If you’ve never had a baby fall asleep on your chest, you just don’t know what you’re missing.
I'm sure that wreath-shaped puke stain goes right well with your Christmas tree brooch

99. Homemade friends. My children are some of my favorite companions.
There's nothing more pathetic than people who jettison all of their friends when they breed, and make "friends" out of kids with whom they have virtually nothing in common but DNA

100. Kids with money ROCK! They buy their own clothes, treat you to Starbucks, and buy you unbelievable birthday/Christmas gifts.
It's a shame your ravaged cooter didn't make this list...

101 apparently pahrunts can't count. World domination through militant fecundity!
May all of your children adopt views opposite yours, especially views you find morally reprehensible

102. Children are part of God’s purpose for creating marriage:
There is no god but if there were, he'd be laughing at how stupid you are

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bell_flower
Here's a forum of Mommies who got their panties in a twist over the 100 reasons not to have children.

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1551-july-2011-playroom/2198828-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids.html

Those moos are so full of shit it's not even funny, especially Kelsie. I don't buy a single word she says, especially about their educational goals and they have a houseful of six kids. Fucking right!

From justmommies.com

"Chat with other pregnant moms due in July 2011. Find a due date buddy". HAHAHAHAHA!!

Now I've heard everything!!

I have co-workers who have done some time in NICU. The stories they tell would curl your hair. The "guilty" mummy whose neonate was withdrawing from methadone? Yeah, you should feel guilty, bitch. Especially if you've been on the dope for 9 years. Straighten the fuck up and look for sympathy elsewhere.

Made me feel better about my own "My mom made me sweep the floors!" upbringing, though.

I can't believe that people actually believe this sort of :BS

Kyds cuter than pets? I don't think so....I think most kyds are double-baggers...and they usually grow up to be entitled assholes.

Morning sickness / titfeeding as a diet plan? How come all moos in my neighborhood are peaking the 250 pound mark? Totally sloppy and fat...at least 90% of them are.

This is the longest bullshit list I've read in awhile, and if they actually think that infant-sized diapers is a reason to sluice a loaf, they're completely

I guess they have to keep convincing themselves and others to sluice...and toss in a few reasons why not to hang themselves from the shower rod, even if they are lies.

If there happened to be a grain of truth to that list at all, moos and duhs would be a damn sight happier, more considerate and better at parenting than they are.

Law1204, thank you for posting your excellent rebuttal to that asshole list, I enjoyed reading it, and share your insight!

Law1204, those replies were awesome!

I sure hope that damn list was written as a joke. Some of the "reasons" for shitting out brats (infant diapers, the "languishing" birth rate, kids are "cheap", etc) are so poorly thought out that it might as well be a sick joke.

law1204's debunking of this horse caca was brilliant.

If you didn't have kids you wouldn't need any diapers.

That's like saying that a reason to have cats is scratching posts, it makes no fucking sense.

Has her brain fell out of her gaping cunt?

Of course these pathetic moos are just trying to reassure themselves so they can live with their shitty choice.

“I don’t have pet peeves, I have major, psychotic fucking hatreds.”
— George Carlin

Oh, man that list is stupid. Law, thanks for writing replies to all of them. I only replied to a few, but if I tried for all the stupid would have been too much to take. My rebuttals would have each just been a string of swears.

My BF found another list. It might even be worse. There's a forward in the beginning explaining how the author used to be one of us childfree-by-choice people, until she turned 30 and turned babybee-brained, so she knows better. eyes2

Here are a few:

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1. Desiring children with the man you love is as natural as breathing.

Heterosexual childfree couples would disagree.

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3. Breastfeeding: it's not only economical, efficient, and good for the baby, but it releases hormones that relax and calm both mother and child, lulling both of you to sleep. Who wouldn't want a natural nap-inducer?

If you didn't have a kid, you wouldn't need to do it. Basically what I get from this is this person wants an excuse to have her breasts sucked whenever she wants.

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6. A child is an unbreakable bond between husband and wife. Love breeds love. And more love. And more. There's nothing more desirable than the father of your children.

Which is why parents never break up or divorce or cheat. :BS

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7. A couple becomes a family -- the whole becomes greater than its parts.

Remember folks, you're not a Real Family (TM) until you have kids.

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30. Success is not defined only in terms of what one does for money. To succeed as a mother is beyond worldly success.

A variant of "a woman can have no higher achievement."

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31. When your husband becomes the father of your children, a new man appears: fiercely loving but practical and still-logical, nurturing but fiercely strong and protective. You will fall in love with him all over again.

Before or after he's banished from the family bed?

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32. The child to whom you give life may be the one to fight the culture of death and the notion of a brave new world.

Oh, great. Let's breed some misogynists.

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33. "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers." -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Obviously Teresa knew nothing of gardening. But I'm not surprised that bitch would say something like that, as she saw poverty and suffering as "blessings" (as long as she wasn't the victim herself.)

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34. Children whittle away your time in ways that are ultimately beneficial: they have an uncanny knack for getting rid of the meaningless hobbies that used to consume you.

:goggle
Wow. That's some rationalizing there. "I don't really have a life anymore... but I have baybees! So... yeah, that's better, right?"

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40. Worried about money? What's worth more than a soul?

It's not like kids need to eat or anything, right?

1. Desiring children with the man you love is as natural as breathing.
Well, then, call me unnatural! What in the world am I ever going to do with myself?? By the way, remember that "natural" comment when you're stuffing your face with artificial crap every time you sit down for a meal, and every time you watch television, drive a car, wear socks, or go to the doctor

2. The experience of delivering a new life to the world is singularly exhilarating. If you fear pain, there's this lovely thing called an epidural.
I read a story a few months ago of a woman who had staph bacteria mainlined into her spine via epidural when she went into the hospital to shit her kid. She was dead within a day.

3. Breastfeeding: it's not only economical, efficient, and good for the baby, but it releases hormones that relax and calm both mother and child, lulling both of you to sleep. Who wouldn't want a natural nap-inducer?
Those of us who have jobs, but if I wanted a natural nap inducer, I'd just talk to you

4. The world doesn't revolve around me and my daily desires.
Now why can't ALL parents realize that? It doesn't revolve around your brats, either, just for the record.

5. Every human being has dignity and worth.
Well, except that guy who killed himself by having anal sex with a horse. There's dignity for you

6. A child is an unbreakable bond between husband and wife. Love breeds love. And more love. And more. There's nothing more desirable than the father of your children.
I'm sure you'll be singing a different tune when you're negotiating custody in court like so many other millions of loving parents have to when they decide they hate each other

7. A couple becomes a family -- the whole becomes greater than its parts.
Single people have dignity and worth, asshole

8. Having a child is a cooperation with the sacred.
Having children is merely cooperating with the stupid, lazy, irresponsible side of one's brain that can't be bothered with the complexity of a condom. There is nothing sacred about something that happens millions of times every damned day

9. Children are some of the most charming little people I know: full of wonder, curiosity and innate kindness. Properly nurtured, they become equally charming adults.
If children are so innately kind, why must they be actively civilized not to steal from one another, why are they natural born liars, why do some parents end up dead at their children's hands?

10. You get to read all the favorite books of your childhood all over again.
Why do I have to shit out kids to do that?

11. Children naturally grasp the lesson that people are more important than things.
As evidenced by their constant fighting with each other over toys and the incessant need to insist that they SHARE.

12. Children teach us the freedom that comes with self-discipline and self-sacrifice.
Only a dumbass would insist that slaving after a tiny tyrant all day long is "freedom." Black is white and white is black when you ask idiot religionists about concepts like freedom. As for discipline and sacrifice, CPS and the courts remains overloaded with cases of child abuse, child murder, missing kids, etc.

13. The biggest drudgery is facing no one but myself day after day.
I can't disagree with you there - if you're so horrendously boring, maybe you shouldn't have kids

14. I am not ideal ... why should I expect my children to be? Kids teach us the joy of unconditional love and acceptance.
Did you sleep through the Menendez brothers trial?

15. I will inevitably disappoint my children because I am not perfect. But, along the way, I'll be able to teach them that -- while nothing on this side of heaven is perfect -- the journey and the perfection that awaits us are worth every moment of trial on earth.
In other words, you become perfect when you are dead. I thought only God was perfect. Are you teaching kids that they become gods when they die? I thought that was only the domain of mormons and other culty sects. By the way, when you die you become worm food.

16. To remain or become a self-centered, self-enclosed egotist: what horror!
I'll take your word for it, since you appear to be speaking from experience

17. Taking time to care for the gifts I've been given ... yes, thank you.
Shauna, is that you?

18. Motherhood is a vocation: fulfilling, rewarding, and full of unpredictable surprises.
Motherhood is not a vocation. If it doesn't pay, it is not a vocation. And of course you're surprised, you went into the endeavor blindfolded because you put more thought into what to eat for breakfast than you put into what it takes to be a parent. Parenthood is only "surprising" to someone who has either never been around kids a day in their life or who is too retarded to ask

19. Families: they are a reflection of the Trinity.
Whatever that means, I guess famblees with more than one brat don't count. LOL!

20. Relive childhood and all of its innocent wonder and mirth.
I would rather not relive my childhood, I'll most likely do that when my Alzheimers gets bad enough

21. To persist in saying "me first" is a sign of immaturity.
According to you there is no such thing as immaturity, since children are perfect little angels who love everyone unconditionally, etc. If children are not immature, no one is.

22. A child will ignite the fond memories of your own childhood.
My childhood sucked donkey balls, thank you drive through

23. While you cannot ensure that your child will be happy 100% of the time, the desire for her happiness is a good, admirable and unselfish thing.
No, ensuring that children who are not your own are happy is an admirable and unselfish thing. Creating more humans the world doesn't need and then asking to be labeled charitable by doing your duty in seeing to their needs is what's selfish and there isn't a single thing admirable about it.

24. The enchantment of being with one's children outweighs any and all other difficulties.
Yeah, tell that to the people who are starving to death in Africa

25. If you worry about sending them off to school, homeschooling is a delightful, intellectually stimulating option.
Homeschooled dorks are social retards, why would you want to do that to a kyd?

26. Do something to change the world. Have a child. Raise a saint.
More than likely you'll raise a criminal but only the Catholic church appoints "saints" and this is the same institution that covers up child molestation so that "saint" label isn't saying much, now is it?

27. Revel in the simplicity of a child's unconditional love and trust.
Enjoy it now while they're too small to stick a knife in your back or dump you in a retirement center and never visit you

28. Parenting will soften your hard edges and sharpen your compassion and empathy.
Have you read the news lately?

29. Motherhood is an insight into one's soul. It's better than analysis.
And yet so many mothers end up in analysis. I wonder why that is

30. Success is not defined only in terms of what one does for money. To succeed as a mother is beyond worldly success.
This is what poor people tell themselves to make themselves feel better

31. When your husband becomes the father of your children, a new man appears: fiercely loving but practical and still-logical, nurturing but fiercely strong and protective. You will fall in love with him all over again.
Yeah and then he leaves you so he can go bang his secretary. Bahahaha!!

32. The child to whom you give life may be the one to fight the culture of death and the notion of a brave new world.
But really, your child is the one who licks windows and won't stop fingering his own asshole

33. "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers." -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
I'm allergic - and Mother Teresa was a cunt who did nothing to alleviate suffering because suffering in the Catlick church is sacred

34. Children whittle away your time in ways that are ultimately beneficial: they have an uncanny knack for getting rid of the meaningless hobbies that used to consume you.
I almost needed a new keyboard for this one. Sure, giving up all of one's hobbies is completely emotionally healthy. Selling out one's personality for another human being, nothing wrong with that

35. Watching a child grow into a caring, sensitive soul is a reward that cannot be measured in book sales.
Is Jeffrey Dahmer's dad still alive? I hear he wrote a book. Ahh, here it is! Let's start a book club!
http://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Story-Lionel-Dahmer/dp/068812156X

36. It's an awe-inspiring thing to have a child and the experience of feeling, "I didn't think I could ever love anyone that much."
I'm pretty sure you could have the same experience with a tab of X for a lot cheaper

37. Already have a child? Have another. Siblings are the best birthday presents, Christmas presents, Father's Day presents, Arbor Day presents ....
My sibling has done nothing with his life and the only times he ever calls me or our dad is to beg for money which he then squanders. Yes, he was a great lifetime present. NOT. My other sibling has no contact with me despite the fact that we have had no issues; he just doesn't care.

38. Baby toes. Need I say more?
No, you really don't

39. Okay, I'll say more. Watching your baby sleep: You didn't know that angels could be held in your arms.
I didn't know angels were capable of vomiting - but if you like bodily fluids on you, a koala bear must also be an angel, I hear they piss and shit on you as well

40. Worried about money? What's worth more than a soul?
I dunno, ask the Catholics, they're the ones who offer indulgences and take payments to save said souls from Purgatory. I understand the payment varies, and that they take cash and checks.