CF SAHW - And dreading the static

Sorry, this is a long one. So, in a bizarre turn of events, I landed a dream job, only to have the organization merge with another, and force me to choose between finishing my minor associate's degree, or working like a dog under a woman with unreachable expectations. I tried the new version of the job (after the merger), and after two-three weeks had an anxiety attack.

My awesome, vehemently CF better half urged me to walk away. Eventually, one morning about two weeks ago, I did. I haven't quit one job without having another in about fifteen years. But I'm only two semesters away from graduating. Later that same day, my husband has a surprise review at his work, gets praised, gets a raise, and a huge freaking bonus that will effectively wipe out our credit card debt completely. He happily encouraged me to focus on school, and only take on a part-time job if I found one I loved.

What this means in the short-term is that I'm between semesters, have no job, and am in essence a CF SAHW. And I dread beyond words the judgment and snark I'm going to receive for it. If I had kids, I would be cheered on as a good parent (or possibly damned for being anti-feminist). I may pursue getting into green gardening, or other sustainable practices. But in the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions on how I should answer the "what do you do for a living" question? Because it's only acceptable in my area to be a housefrau if you have a litter of spawn... :redface

The less you worry about other people's judgments of your unique lifestyle decisions, the happier you will be.

That said, you may want to consider making a written list of of goals, skills or projects that you wish to pursue during this interesting time.

I know you're absolutely right - I shouldn't care at all what other people think. Sometimes I do anyway, especially when it's people I care about.

As for projects - where to start! I am so ready to get my hands dirty here, and get things going creatively that I could cheer!

Due to a large number of non-visible disabilities, I am not able to participate in the conventional workforce.
After some time, you just develop a Teflon (tm) attitude to the clueless and judgmental people.

Make your own life meaningful on your own terms and laugh at the small-minded people who try to force everyone to live in same narrow box.

BTW: Just throwing out the idea for you to consider adding some time of community/charitable work to your list of "To Do's"

My opinion: *meh*

eyes2

I've been a SAHW for about a year now. I left my job Dec 29, 2010. It was that or blow my brains out. My former workplace had become hell on earth after a massive changeover in management at the top. That and the fact that I had been working third shift for 10 years and was tired-beyond-tired and sick. I heard from my former work partner that things got even worse after I left. They lost half the people in the information technology department - even the Director of IT left; she had been there for about 25 years.

It was easy keeping busy for about the first nine months; we had two houses to remodel; but I'm looking for a job now. I just need something to ... give me purpose, I guess. I was too long in the harness to feel comfortable about being home full-time.

Being a SAHW is nothing to feel down about. Sometimes circumstances force it, sometimes it's just a right choice. As long as your partner is on board about it, no other opinions should matter, even other CFs.

I agree with Cassia in that you need to stop worrying so much about what other people think.

From what I read, things are very good for you--you have the support of your significant other, and excellent options available to you. Should you choose, you could finish your coursework sooner, pursue an existing hobby or find a new one, volunteer for a worthy cause, find part-time work, whittle down your to-do list, or start that awesome garden project.

For people who need a reason, you might say the previous job wasn't what you hoped it would be, so you are taking some time to figure out what you will be doing next.

When people ask what you "do", simply say you are in college and leave it at that. If they persist or ask probing questions, make negative commentary, or give unsolicited advice like, "How can you DO that in this economy", "It must be nice!", or, "I don't see how you make it on one income", then depending on who says it and how they say it you might say, "Yes, it IS nice and we get along just fine", "Thanks for your concern, but we have everything under control", or, "We are doing well, but thanks for asking!".

Remember, it is NO ONE'S business how you pay your bills or what you do with your time.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

You are between semesters but still in school. So you're a student. I can't fathom anyone having issues with this.

You're not just a SAHW; you're working on a degree and preparing for a career. As others have said, you don't owe anyone an explanation, but preparing for your and your spouse's future is a worthy occupation on its own.

I would echo what others said about not worrying what others think and go one step further and say that you need to figure out why you judge yourself so harshly to think that being home during the semester break is such a shameful thing. This issue is in your mind, not in everyone else's mind.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

any comparison between you and a SAHMoo is ridiculous. you are in school, not sitting around watching "barney" and whining about how haaaard it is to be a moo. pursuing a degree is hard work and requires a lot of dedication and discipline. when people ask you what you do tell them "i am pursuing my degree in ______." that's all they need to know. i doubt anyone will question you further, but if they do it is because they wish they could do something meaningful with their own lives, no doubt.

congratulations!

You're going to school. You're not claiming SAHW and a career path, it's just a temporary state while you attend to your business.

I might be called a SAHGF. I'm currently unemployed, and was enjoying my transition leave from the Army (It's a lovely paid vacation that comes at the end of the contract.) Now that's up and I'm sitting on my severance while I attend to a few personal matters.

Thanks, everyone. You're all fantastic, and I knew you'd be voices of reason, which is why I asked. Also, to be honest, this isn't my first time at the rodeo. When my ex-h and I announced our amicable divorce, his mother and I got into a nasty debate over the phone.

She told me I was a selfish person, who had used her son for a lifestyle. I can remember laughing, and asking her what lifestyle was that? The eating ramen noodles every day one? The dealing with collections calls because he's run up his credit cards again one? The spending blood money from an accident I was in to pay down debt solely in his name one? That shut her up. I never spoke to her again. But it still stung.

And when I went to part-time about three years ago at a prior company, people I thought were at least 'work friends' got incredibly catty about it. I honestly hadn't seen that one coming, and was stunned by how ugly they were being.

So, while I'm obviously oversensitive to the opinions of others, :redface I wanted to be ready for any future 'ambushes' by people around me. Including my husband's co-workers at his Christmas party. Thanks for weighing in...

"I'm studying ________/ to be (a) ________." Always an acceptable answer.

I agree with the other posters. You are doing something, you are a student. I've stopped worrying about what other people think, because people ALWAYS judge others who live differently, make different choices...or just for the fact that they're just plain envious.
Now is a great time to do what you like, and tackle projects that you haven't had time for in the past!
I get judged too, because I have a weird job and lifestyle that some people don't understand or agree with. It happens to everyone, because people in general are jerks.
Enjoy your time and do what makes you feel happy - screw anyone who doesn't like it.

Yeah. Fuck 'em right in the ear.

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myrna minkoff
any comparison between you and a SAHMoo is ridiculous. you are in school, not sitting around watching "barney" and whining about how haaaard it is to be a moo. pursuing a degree is hard work and requires a lot of dedication and discipline. when people ask you what you do tell them "i am pursuing my degree in ______." that's all they need to know. i doubt anyone will question you further, but if they do it is because they wish they could do something meaningful with their own lives, no doubt.

congratulations!

I second this. You are doing something meaningful with your life, which is school. I also have nothing against SAHWs who volunteer and take up charitable causes. There is a big difference between that and some lazy SAHmoo who hasn't showered in 3 days and sits around on her ever-growing ass while the kids are in school all day.

Do not feel for one second you need to validate your life/time to anyone - and good luck with school!

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kidlesskim
When people ask what you "do", simply say you are in college and leave it at that. If they persist or ask probing questions, make negative commentary, or give unsolicited advice like, "How can you DO that in this economy", "It must be nice!", or, "I don't see how you make it on one income", then depending on who says it and how they say it you might say, "Yes, it IS nice and we get along just fine", "Thanks for your concern, but we have everything under control", or, "We are doing well, but thanks for asking!".

Remember, it is NO ONE'S business how you pay your bills or what you do with your time.

+1

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nobodylikesyourkidbutyou

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myrna minkoff
any comparison between you and a SAHMoo is ridiculous. you are in school, not sitting around watching "barney" and whining about how haaaard it is to be a moo. pursuing a degree is hard work and requires a lot of dedication and discipline. when people ask you what you do tell them "i am pursuing my degree in ______." that's all they need to know. i doubt anyone will question you further, but if they do it is because they wish they could do something meaningful with their own lives, no doubt.

congratulations!

I second this. You are doing something meaningful with your life, which is school. I also have nothing against SAHWs who volunteer and take up charitable causes. There is a big difference between that and some lazy SAHmoo who hasn't showered in 3 days and sits around on her ever-growing ass while the kids are in school all day.

I second both of these posts. I also commend you for finishing your degree and wish you the best.

Thanks, everyone. You seriously inspire me!

You owe no one any explanation whatsoever; it's your life. I agree with the posters who say that you should just reply with "I'm pursuing my degree in _______" and leave it at that. This time is a great opportunity to seize some extra education or training. But don't apologize to anyone----it's truly none of their business. Pursue your goals for future success and enjoy it. Don't waste time worrying about what anyone says. Best of luck!

Secret agent. :smoke

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jezebel_daisy
Do not feel for one second you need to validate your life/time to anyone - and good luck with school!

+1

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lab mom