Do parents of singletons have equitable bingoes to childfree

I wrote and then deleted a post, then thought it over again. This is from Laura Carroll, our CF blogger.

http://www.blogher.com/what-childfree-done-ones-have-common

Maybe the parents of singletons get bingoes, but they have never been in the same vein as CF folks. Childfrees are consistently viewed as an aberration; taking a path that is beyond the ken of people who have kids; rather than merely doing "less" than other parents in only having one.

Looking at the classic bingo gif that is passed around



There is nothing equitable in what might be said to a parent of an only.

HELL no. The "bingos" that parents of one kid don't compare. The parents of one kid are PARENTS. They don't deal with the shit that us CFs do AT ALL. It's stupid to think otherwise.

Yeahhh... I don't think so. They might get bingoed, but it will never be as bad as some of the shit I've been told myself.

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So.. We know that food and water are running out, with overpopulation and all... Yet people keep on poppin' out those babies! I guess they want to have their baby and eat it too...

My top reason is that parenting gives you a free license to be selfish based purely on the fact that you're being selfish for an emanation of your own self. The illusion that what you do to benefit your children benefits them solely is a fallacy. Every parent benefits from the benefits that their children receive. Henceforth, it gives one a license to perpetuate a dog-eat-dog mentality that I perceive to be amoral. Parents say that their children are their greatest loves, what they forget to add is that they are their ONLY loves and only because their children are a reflection of themselves. I prefer to be able to love multiple people and have lasting relationships of many types and possess the essential core value of empathy for all than to restrict myself to an echo chamber of ego-masturbation and self-serving chicanery.

In short: Not parenting makes you a better person.

My mother used to get "When are you going to adopt a brother or sister for Starlady?"
"Don't you think that Starlady is lonely?" "You have an extra bedroom now.(when we moved) Does this mean you are getting another?" "But you have to have more than one so they can BOTH take care of you when you're old" (something of that nature) She got those comments and more till I was about 10 and then I guess people figured I was an only child. I enjoyed it actually.

I apologize for the edit. I just realized I broke my own rule about not telling too much personal stuff about my parents out of respect for them.

I'll stick with:

Yes, they got bingoed. No, they didn't let it bother them.

It's your hell; you rot in it!

I think they do get bingoed almost as much (if not as much) as the CF. Their bingos are just different.

However, theirs tend to stop once their kid hits a certain age (I think). CF bingos go from expectation to pity.

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"Be yourself, no matter what. Some will adore you, and some will hate everything about you, but who cares?

It's your life. Make the most out of it."

I imagine they do get bingos, but that doesn't make us BFFs. Bingos are hardly the worst that society has to throw at us. They're pretty much comedy, unless they come from someone you thought you cared about*. I'm a lot more concerned about the institutionalized discrimination. I'm pretty sure parents of single children are still taking advantage of breeder privilege. Let them find someone else to wipe away their tears if a few ignorant words hurt their peewins.

* https://pinterest.com/pin/125678645821220531/

I can kind of see where the article is coming from. I have a friend with one child, and I can attest she was also bingoed RELENTLESSLY about when she was having another. It was a painful subject for her because she wanted another one and her husband did not. She was ethical about it and did not oops him.

I learned quite a few things from watching her navigate parenthood. First of all, Moohood is much like a cult. I always thought if I just gave in and had ONE child, people would leave me alone. Boy, was I EVER wrong about that. Like any cult, things look rosy from the outside but once you are IN, things become nasty, tricky and more complicated. Think of all the things Moos shred each other over: bottle versus breast; SAHM versus working; attachment parunting versus cry it out; you MUST have another child at X time so your current child isn't maladjusted, and you aren't a good mother unless you feed your child organic-ly fed, free range bison meat, sustainably harvested by Navajo indians on sacred land.

I'm so thankful I opted out of that hot mess.

However, I think childed women still get more respect than CF women, simply because they did conform and breed, even if they only did it once.

I'd say sort-of, obviously it's not exactly the same. I used to know family friends who had two kids (1 theirs, 1 adopted) who lived in the middle of Boondockistan where everyone and their cousin had birthed their own baseball team. Three guesses what they got on a weekly basis.

It has been my observation over the years that "Bingos" are what low intellect sheeple with little imagination and nearly zero creativity tend to spout on ANY given subject. These are nothing more than parroted cliches for everything they perceive to be out of the ordinary. Possibly too it's because they don't know what to say and are unable to summon up the intelligence necessary to make legitimate commentary or to ask an original question. Whoever said the thing about keeping quiet and letting people think you are an idiot is better than speaking and removing all doubt was a genius. WHY so many people feel the compelling urge to make thoughtless commentary or ask asinine questions has always been a mystery to me, but this condition only seems to be getting worse. I could think of ten or more Bingos off the top of my head for most any given circumstance or situation.

Sometimes I believe this nonsense is spewed forth because they don't have anything better to say, but I wish they'd learn it's okay to simply remain silent. Below are some of the more common topics or situations that come to mind where people often are overwhelmed with mindless Bingos:

1)When someone has died-Typical Bingos
Call me if you need anything
Was he drinking(for accidents)
Was he a smoker(for cardio-pulmonary-cancer related deaths)
Did he have life insurance
He's in a better place
He wouldn't want you to be sad
It was for the best/he isn't suffering anymore
It will get better in time
It was God's will

2)When you're having surgery
My aunt-cousin-step uncle-friend of a friend, etc......had that same surgery
Stories of similar surgeries gone wrong
Questions relating to is it really necessary
Reasons the surgery is no big deal
Reasons the surgery is very dangerous
Did you get a second opinion types of questions
You'll be fine types of responses
You'll never be the same types of responses
Call me if you need anything
Why did you not have it done sooner or why not wait until later responses
Have you tried.........instead

3)When you lose your job-business
Don't you have savings, severance pay, etc........
You'll find/start another one
What did you do wrong types of questions
Things will get better
It was for the best
Let me know if you need anything
I did such and such when I lost my job back in 1974


4)When you are a "night timer"/keep late hours-work at night-sleep during the day
If you'd train yourself to go to bed and get up early, you'd be better off
It isn't healthy to sleep all day and stay up all night
You need more exercise and you could sleep at night
You need to make yourself go to sleep early-wake up early
It isn't normal to sleep during the day
It's not good for you to work at night and sleep in the day, you should find a day job with "normal" hours

5)Weight loss without much effort
If you'd just eat breakfast, you'd lose weight
If you just cut out dessert, you'd lose weight
If you took vitamins, you'd lose weight
If you stopped skipping meals, you'd lose weight
You just need to get out and walk after meals
You need to drink a glass of water before you eat
You need to not drink any water before you eat
If you went on Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc....diet you'd lose weight easily

6)On long hair after age 30
Older women should not have long hair
You'd look younger if you cut your hair
You'd look more professional if you had short hair
Short hair is easier to care for
Long hair dates you

among MANY others on most every topic........

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I get bingoed so much about my hair.

Having short hair, I always get bugged about growing out my hair. I am trying to grow it out a little, but some people seem to think my hair should be six feet long!! I won't even get start on being bingoed about how I style my hair.

You're right, kidlesskim. Everything gets bingoed.

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"Be yourself, no matter what. Some will adore you, and some will hate everything about you, but who cares?

It's your life. Make the most out of it."

I believe that parents of one child get bingoed but i don't think they've ever been told that their life is meaningless or called a whore.

I'm an only child. My parents were bingoed so frequently that I even started answering questions for them. It was bullshit, and the people who bingoed my rents were fucking rude. I remember these questions very vividly, and they happened when I was very young, right up til around when I was 12 or so.

Then the adoption bingos started. That eventually stopped when I was 16 or so. These people made my rents feel like they were not good enough parents. I was a witness to it, and it still angers me to this day, and I'm 41.

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I miss my little feather baby.

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blackpearl
I believe that parents of one child get bingoed but i don't think they've ever been told that their life is meaningless or called a whore.

There ya go.

I doubt that a mother to an only child has been told by someone that they hope she's raped so that she'll have to give her child a sibling. Or that the parents should pay extra taxes to make up for not providing the requisite human replacements to the population and/or economy.

There is a particular viciousness and wishing-for-harm against people who don't have kids that I doubt many parents of singletons experience.

Kim - along those same lines, it drives me nuts when someone is going through something difficult, and they get told "this too shall pass." And when someone or their loved one gets a cancer diagnosis, there's always at least a couple of dolts who have to chime in with "my so-and-so was given 6 months, and 8 years later he's cancer free!" That sort of crap isn't helpful.

My parents had two and THEY got Boy Bingos because they-gasp-limited their family size to what they could provide for and-double gasp-didn't breed like rabbits hoping for the GoldenPenis.

I am an only child. I don't recall my parents ever getting bingoed for it. I have, though: "Oh, when you have your children I bet you'll have a whole bunch to make up for being alone during your childhood!" Yeah, fuck you.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

I think parents of single people do get the same types of bingos as the childfree. Mom and dad certainly did about me.

Among other things that were said about me to my mom and/or dad were:

a) asked if they were "prepared" to deal with life with a lesbian daughter (no bigot, but I'm not a lesbian)

b) was there something "wrong" with me physically or emotionally (being a bitch doesn't mean I'm crazy)

c) could I just not have children (mom REALLY took umbrage at that one) and

d) was I just an alcoholic, drug-addicted whore who partied every night.

The first one always made me chuckle because of the number of lesbians who have gaybee rabies worse than some hetero womben we all know. The second one also made me laugh, because it always came from breeders of some of the butt-ugliest, whacked-out brats I ever met. Mom let me know about the third one and I told her that she should just tell people that I don't allow "uninvited guests" in my vagina--she laughed but that's not exactly her style to be so blunt. The fourth made me laugh so hard, because I barely drink, I avoid taking any medications except those prescribed for my recovery from lymphoma a few years ago and I dated one man at a time and for very long periods of time.

As usual, a bunch of ASSumptions made by the 2.4 kids and a spouse lifescripters.

Hummm... how would being an only child make one a lesbian? Who thinks up this stuff?

My mother was bingoed for only shitting out one child.

I have been bingoed for being an only child. I'm evil, spoiled and selfish don't you know? eyes2

But, it is nothing like the hatefulness that is spewed at the childfree. A mother of an only child is still a mother. If a woman is not a mother, her life is worthless in this culture and is not as important.

However, that still does not making bingo-ing moos and duhs of only children okay. My uncle used to talk about his sister (my aunt) all of the time for being selfish because she only had one child and was married. My mother was divorced so it was "okay" if she only had one. He did this behind her back of course. She also was bingoed for homeschooling her kid. They also bingoed her because of her weight. This same uncle has been in and out of the jail since I was shitting in my diapers and has three grown daughters who talk to him like he is dirt. But yet, this POS thinks he is entitled to tell his sister what to shove out of her vagina.

The stupidity of breeders never ceases to amaze me!

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brown-eyed diamond
I get bingoed so much about my hair.

Having short hair, I always get bugged about growing out my hair. I am trying to grow it out a little, but some people seem to think my hair should be six feet long!! I won't even get start on being bingoed about how I style my hair.

You're right, kidlesskim. Everything gets bingoed.

Jeez, WHY am I not the least bit surprised people with short hair get the Bingo treatment too?

Advice from a mean, hateful, bitter, middle aged, childless woman
Sometimes, I wish people would just STFU and keep their opinions to themselves! I don't really get too many Bingos anymore of any nature and I believe it's because over the years I have developed a sort of "aura" or encapsulated myself with a, "Don't fuck with me" attitude. If they DO Bingo me about something, it's usually just the one time! One helpful(I hope!) piece of advice I can give to the younger of you who don't have the extent of life experiences I do yet due to my SHEER age, is that sometimes we inadvertently INVITE Bingos-unwelcomed "advice". We don't even mean to, but sometimes simply by offering up too much information about ourselves, we make ourselves prey and an easy target for those intent on Bingo related offenses. My younger sister is PLAGUED by weight related Bingos, but it's because she sets herself up for it most of the time!

Personal story on the subject of self inflicted Bingos
She was rather slim and extremely athletic up until this sudden and huge weight gain in her mid thirties. She was diagnosed with Diabetes and the weight battle began. It was even worse on her, as far as the unwanted commentary, due to the fact that she had always been thin PRIOR TO having developed Diabetes. She was Bingoed about the causes of it, which of course people assumed were self inflicted, ways she could simply change her diet and "cure" her Diabetes, etc.........Now, a decade later, she has gained so much weight she is a candidate for gastro-intestinal bypass surgery, it's gotten THAT out of hand. However, she puts HERSELF on the chopping block due to that self deprecating behavior which is so common among people who feel guilty for their own plights. Not that some of it ISN'T "her fault", but that's completely beside the point!

I have tried to make her understand that when people offer up all of their seemingly unsolicited advice, which is hurtful and offensive to her, it's because she opened the door with the, "I KNOW I shouldn't be eating this" commentary, letting people KNOW about her health issues regarding Diabetes, and by confiding in people anything at ALL to do with her health issues, diet, insulin intake, sugar levels, etc........It is NONE of their fucking business and when she MAKES it their business, the Bingos will ONLY become more frequent and intensify in their severity. Since she heeded my advice, she has had less problems. When they DO offer up truly unsolicited advice, a simple, "I appreciate your concern, but MY DOCTOR and I have it under control:, generally works wonders to shut them up.

Most people ONLY care about themselves and what YOU can DO for them
We can't expect to complain about our problems, concerns, worries, or troubles, including health related, and not expect people to make Bingo commentary. The LESS people(in general) know about our personal lives, the better. It's a damn shame we can't make our lives a bit easier and our emotional burdens a little lighter with communicating our worries, voicing our fears and "venting", but it absolutely IS an emotional risk to do so because sadly, MOST people will pounce on it like a cat on a mouse in an effort to make themselves feel better. One of the best poems EVER written which illustrates part of my feeling on this subject is the following well known one, but usually only for that one line, "...Laugh and the world laughs with you, but cry and you cry alone...".


"Solitude" (1918)
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,—
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.


It took me over two decades to learn this:
In summation, MOST people really don't care about you and only attempt to tear you down in an effort to make themselves feel better. In fact, it is the average person's motive of building themselves up, even on a subconscious level perhaps, when they spout Bingos. Most people really do NOT care about your loss or misfortune, except for how it will benefit them or their situations. In addition, MOST people don't want to be your friend UNLESS there's something in it for them. MOST people also won't hang around you when things are on the down swing, hence the common term, "fair weather friend" abounds. GOOD, true, and loyal friends are few and far between and should anyone ever be lucky enough to have these types of people in their lives, it would behoove them to hang onto them tightly and do everything in their power to reciprocate. The sooner anyone learns this truth, the better off they will be, IMHO.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I have a PNB friend who gets bingoed a LOT for not 'giving her daughter a little brother or sister' or 'trying for a boy'.

A. Her pregnancy with her only left her in the hospital for about half of the gestation period. She will probably die if she gets pregnant again.

B. It's no one's fucking business what she and her husband do or don't do with their reproductive organs.

She's one of few parents I know who is totally ok with my being CF and sympathizes with me when I get shit about it. Is also totally supportive of me eventually getting my tubal (eventually only because I can't afford one right now) since she feels it's a safer option than relying on BC pills for the rest of my fertile life because of all the extra hormones I'd be pumping into myself.

But she's always getting people telling her she's selfish, that her daughter will grow up sad and lonely and resentful, or that she'll end up a spoiled brat. Nice people, huh?

It's even the same though with people who have multiple children of the same sex, because they apparently should just keep trying for the other one! It's just such a pro-natal society anymore, no matter what people do, there is always someone who wants you to HAVE MOAR.

"I'M A VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMPIRE, OK??"

I sleep during the day too. Hello fellow vampire!:1wv

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I miss my little feather baby.

Kim,

That makes so much sense. In my early 20s, I realized that most people are selfish cretins and I have learned to keep my business as my business. I don't know how I discovered this at such an early age. Perhaps I was overly sensitive to bingoes whereby some young people don't care and just let it roll off of their back. But, stupid comments out of people bothered me deeply.

Here's an example: a few years back, my mother and I used to catch the bus out to shop and eat. People figured out that we were moo and sprog. We were living in a more "small town" type city at the time. When people found out that we were related, they pounced on me. I'd be talking about something that had nothing to do with my mother and they would drop a bingo in there like "I know when you get out of college, you're going to look out for your momma right? She has been looking out for you all deez years!". One woman just ran up to me at the bus stop and screamed "what choo get yo momma for Mother's Day!" like I was supposed to worship someone for shitting me out into this polluted and cruel world. I was so sick of the dumb comments that implied that my mother was on the same level as the author of the Koran simply because she didn't rape me or abort me. When you drag a child here, you cause them to need to be cared for.

Anyway, I now live in a larger city that is right beside the smaller city and there is more anonymity here. You know what they say about small towns. I keep my business as my business. Few people know that my mother is my mother. I'm sure the people who see us on public transit probably think we are just coworkers or friends or cousins. And that's the way I keep it. I am not ashamed of my mother. But, the less shit people know about you, the better. Keep your business as your business. People suck.

Short answer: NO. When it comes to reproductive status, CFers get the most and the worst bingoes because we have no kids. Parents of only children get bingoes, sure, but not as much or as harshly as we do. I'm not trying to make us out to be some kind of social victims or anything, but most people simply judge childless and childfree people and since most of these people are dumb, they aren't at all ashamed over being vocal about their judgments to us.

But sometimes, you just cannot please people. If you have no kids, you get told what a waste of space you are for not having them. If you have one, you get told that kid will be messed up because they have no siblings. So you have another one - if both kids are the same gender, you get told to try for the "missing" gender. If you have one of each gender in your little bio-collection, people start asking when - not if - you're going to have more once the existing ones are all in school. If you date or marry someone who is not the other bio parent of the kids, you'll get told you need to have a kid with the new partner and then the cycle starts all over again.

But as Kim has already said, people get bingoed for just about everything, not just about kids. If you decide to share something with someone, you risk hearing potentially ignorant responses and opinions. I think it's because a lot of people feel they have such a worldly view when, really, they have little more than a slightly less narrow mind, if they're lucky. Along with the ignorance is also arrogance - people feel their opinions are so important that they can't possibly be wrong, which is why these assholes will get huffy if you disagree with them or offer a good retort to their "suggestions."

Bottom line is a lot of people are dumb as shit, but consider themselves intelligent enough to try and control the lives of others.