entry 626

run like the very hounds of hell are after you m8.

maybe you need to speak to her about all the reasons why we dont have kids, there are hundreds some are personal reasons but some are general reasons.

like does she know when she has a kid, her metabolism slows and alters, things start to droop, then theres the flatulence problem, the bleeding aftewards and maybe for years after, the hemorroids, the cost of brining this child up, the effects having a child will have on a relationship, the lack of free time to do anything, and how about the BIG one, you would be the worst kind of father, you would resent the kid, as you dont want it, would you want to be the kid of a man who didnt want kids. if you explain why you dont want kids, and why they are not a good idea in your circumstance, then tell her this is a option thats non negotiable. its you or a kid, thats it if she wants a kid then she can do it with someone else..

I'd say, don't even bargain.

Just get out! I know it's much easier said than done, to let go of someone you love like that. But honestly, even if, in her desperation to hold onto you, she "agrees" to go without babies, trust me, she'll be resentful, and it'll show. Every time one of her friends or relatives sprogs, she'll experience that twang of wanting to have one herself. Maybe she'll be silently resentful and take it out on you in subtle ways, or maybe overtly, and she'll shout and cry and complain and try to pressure you into giving in. Who knows? But the prognosis is ugly. Then, unless you're fixed and EXTREMELY cautious with all things sexual, she could very well oops you. I've heard of this happening (my mom oopsed my dad to get pregnant with me, for chrissakes--and the outcome was a wreck for everyone involved!!) Yes, it happens, and, oh, how you'll feel deceived... then you'll resent her and your new kid.

There is no way this will work itself out... trust me. It's hard, but the only sensible thing is to swallow your pain and let go. Agreement on whether or not to have children is the supreme dealbreaker in a relationship, as far as I'm concerned.

The Professor is right. If she wants a kid that badly, she'll find a way to have one. If you split up over it, you'll still be liable for child support, and all the fun that goes with being a divorced dad. Please think this through very carefully. It isn't fair to either of you to pretend that this issue will just go away. It won't. She will not stop wanting a kid just because you tell her to. Good luck with this.

ITA, it's ripcord time.

I must admit, I am curious about your post. People can debate the merits of kids vs. no kids, but the bottom line is that everyone has the right to live life as he/she sees fit, and that includes not reproducing. Your post indicates you don't respect yourself enough to take a stand when it comes to what YOU want out of life.

Kids are not inevitable. I've ditched more than a couple of men over this issue and while it was sometimes painful, I'm so fucking glad I did.

It's not going to get better...there is often a progression from engagement to marriage and in your case, kids are likely in your future if she wants them. Baby rabid women can be evil bitches when it comes to oopsing..they'll oopse you, then act all indignant because, after all, YOU WERE HAVING SEX and baybees are always a possibility when you are having sex.

The only way I would stay with this woman is if you get snipped. Get snipped, then ask her if she still wants to get married.

SAVE YOURSELF.

Please do NOT marry this woman...don't even fuck her ever again. If she is hell-bent on having a kid, she will find a way to have one, you just need to make sure that it will never be with you.

Trust me, marriage to her will NOT work out. I was married to a guy who decided he wanted kyds after all. I refused to budge on the matter, and he ended up leaving, partly because I would not give him a child. Good riddance!

I have since met and married a CF man who got the snip. CFers are out there...please take the time to look, and never settle for something you don't want.

Good luck to you!

Moved from the rant page: Date: 11-23-05 18:14

To the man engaged to a baby lover--you must stop the madness now.

Be true to yourself. When she says she'll do anything to have a baby, that means she sees you as a sperm donor, and imagines those big, fat child support checks coming in for 18 years.

There are so many flawed people in the world because they are born for the wrong reason. Don't stay another minute with this person.

You are doing her no favors--let her find someone who can give her what she wants. And go find yourself someone who wants what you want too.

It sucks stinky royal balls to break up with someone, this we all know. You know what sucks even stinkier, nastier balls? Being a parent when you don't really want to. You resent the mom and the kid. The Mom resents you because she knows you aren't into it, and probably won't trust you enough to let you leave the house to work without a fight, because she figures one day you'll never return. The kid will grow up to hate everyone, and probably be one of those folks who snaps and goes postal, or gets knocked up at 13 (or knocks someone up) because it grew up the unwanted product of a loveless relationship. Gee, doesn't that sound great?

Wow, bell_flower's response gets my vote.

Baby-crazy women have no compunction getting pregnant, with or without your consent. Ooops dear, but you'll learn to wuv the widdle dribble monster! Uh huh.

Saw an ad for a CF dating service, do a search.


Best of luck to you.

I agree with catmommy9 - DON'T risk the ooops! She's bound to ensnare you - then you're stuck for life! Breaking up is awful - but it sounds like she's not your to-the-death-never-part-friend to begin with if she's choosing a non-existant future snotligh over you..... Your relationship with each other should be the first main priority - I like the saying "having a kid is like throwing a hand-granaid into a marraige"..... I'm 51 - happily married for 17 years - life can be wonderful without brats! You'll see..... good luck!

The guy's a sucker. He doesn't care about our advice. He's not even reading this. He's weak and pathetic. He thinks he'll never find a replacement for this woman he's so attached to, and he'd rather let her get her way than risk losing her. They'll have a kid, and as the years drag on, he'll be more and more depressed and disgusted about the situation. They'll bicker all the time. Maybe there'll be some domestic violence, for good measure, or a perhaps a blossoming drinking problem. They'll start sleeping in separate bedrooms (or, more likely, one of them, probably him, will end up on the couch). The kid will be getting in constant trouble at school...

This guy'll either out himself to escape it all, or leave his wife for some childfree co-worker half his age. He'll be on the hook for child (and perhaps spousal) support, but, hey, that's life. Don't you just love happy families?

The end.

I hope he's reading this. Hey, guy- we aren't trying to be mean or jerk your chain. Seriously, though- it would be better for everyone involved to end this relationship. It sucks, it hurts, but you'll both be miserable. She wants kids, you don't. You're priorities are different, and this will tear you both apart. Don't wait until disaster strikes. I wish you both the best.

From what I see at 'paternity fraud'.com, he may be on the hook, even if she sproggs with someone else 4 years down the line.

its possible, and thats the scariest of the lot for us cf men.

nothing is safe

One might say casteration is.