Serious need to vent--church-related

My better half and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in June. Have been a member of my church for ten years, and since hubby's and my family all live out of state, we thought it would be nice to renew our vows in our local church. Seemed a good idea, anyway. Since our pastors are being transferred at the end of June, I agreed to move up the vows to earlier in the month. Nothing big, just a few minutes within the service. And yes, we talked this out with our pastor.

So now I find out from the church newsletter that June 8 is Pentacost AND Confirmation AND congratulating the high school graduates. Oh yeah, and It's church clean-up day. None of this was mentioned to hubby and me when we agreed to, you guessed it, June 8. Ya know, it sounds like it will be a three-ring circus that day, and renewal of vows (of a childfree couple) just won't fit the mood. I don't know whether to ask my pastor if we should scrap the whole idea and make other arrangements. Actually, we have a friend who could officiate (and he has offered to do that). It wouldn't be in church, but then hubby and I don't really feel we belong there anymore.

Still wondering if this was just an oversight, or were we really supposed to get "squeezed in" to all the kyd-centric activity? Thank you all for letting me vent, this is about the only place I can post this stuff.

If you don't have strong feelings about doing it at the church, I would probably save yourselves the stress of trying to be crammed in amongst the kyd-centric events and have your friend do it at another location.

I would ask the pastor. I'm also wondering if you have to pay for the ceremony.

Have your friend do the ceremony at a location of your chosing. What you described to occur on 8-June will be a friggin goat rope. Save your self the headaches and head this sucker off at the pass.

OMG... don't do it there.. especially on THAT day. Nobody will care about you're little service and you'll feel so let down afterwards. We did our reaffermation with a few friends at a B&B on the beach.. and a minister from a local church came over and officiated. Very nice.. and quiet.. and romantic.

Well, I guess now you know how much the church values you. That is to say, not at all.

My husband and I had a close friend officiate our wedding. We rented a vacation home on Purdy Key (WA) from VRBO and had a house party. It was amazing. We had an AWESOME time, it was perfect, exactly what we wanted. We could not have been happier.

It was low key and fun, we had food, friends, wine, and amazing conversation.

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

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satansbitch
I would ask the pastor. I'm also wondering if you have to pay for the ceremony.

Fortunately no payment is involved. I'm so tightwad that I'm wearing a nice dress I've had for a couple of years, and hubby would wear one of his suits. We both clean up nice. Will talk to the pastor about this, I'm leaning toward other arrangements at this point.

Is there a nice public park with a garden or lake nearby you can use withou a lease agreement as long as there are a small number of people and no chairs, tables or tents hauled out. If you still want your minister, would he be willing to do the ceremony off-site? Also, some bed and breakfasts or boutique hotels will let you use their lovely old parlors or lobbies for free if you are staying therem

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cj

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satansbitch
I would ask the pastor. I'm also wondering if you have to pay for the ceremony.

Fortunately no payment is involved. I'm so tightwad that I'm wearing a nice dress I've had for a couple of years, and hubby would wear one of his suits. We both clean up nice. Will talk to the pastor about this, I'm leaning toward other arrangements at this point.

If I was in your position I would still talk to the pastor. I would also phrase it jokingly. Ask him if he forgot about you. As a previous post stated, this shows how much your church cares about you and that's not much. I would seriously consider that.

I agree that having your friend officiate at the vow renewal in a relaxed, pleasant setting is the way to go. Do as you will regarding your church and your future, but I have to agree, you will be second-tier members, at best. Just my own humble opinion.