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Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint

Posted by Dorisan 
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Dorisan
Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
Not in so many words but, basically, potty training, including all the sights, sounds and smells therein, trumps the comfort of visitors.

ETA: and a pox on MM for the snarky last line. Bitch angry flipping off

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with a couple for almost 20 years now, and I count them among my closest of peers. They have a 2-year-old child who is an absolute doll, hilarious and cute all the time.

Time has become somewhat of a rarity for us over the past years, and we attempt to have a semi-monthly get-together for a few hours, where we eat, chat and hang out. But now they have begun potty training their son, and while I am over, they will allow him to run around the house wearing only a shirt, and encourage him to bring his potty into the living room with us, and pee or poo when necessary.

I brought up my discomfort with this with them once, but I was firmly rebuked and told that was how it was going to be until his potty training concluded.

While I agree it is their house and their "rules," I confess I am not particularly interested in going over again next week, knowing the situation I will be in. How should I inform them that I won't be coming over, in a way that is both honest but the least offensive possible? Also, am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable in this situation?

GENTLE READER: No, but it is not for you to express this discomfort. Miss Manners need hardly point out that when you shared it the first time, it was not received well and didn't solve the problem.

There are disadvantages to being treated as an intimate member of the family. But the good news is that surely this is a temporary situation. If you feel that you simply can't stand it, wait for a few weeks to see these friends again. And hope that they -- or you -- don't have a child again soon.
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bell_flower
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
That is completely disgusting and I'm quite disappointed in Miss Manners, who obviously has dementia.

It's not acceptable to pee and crap in front of a guest.

These people sound like idiots and I wouldn't dare eat a morsel in their house anyway. Everything, including the parunts' hands, is probably covered in feces.

two faces puking two faces puking
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cj
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought Miss Manners was unmarried and CF. What was the point of the last snarky line? Geez, as if everyone has to approve of stupid childrearing practices (or just STFU otherwise).:headbrick

On a semi-related topic: one of my nephews was allowed to run around butt-naked when he was being potty-trained. He would also hump the floor in front of guests, including his grandparents. He wasn't reprimanded for it either. Shouldn't some things be private? And is a little bit of shaming such a bad thing?shrug

It takes a child to raze a village.
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selidororous
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
The Gentle Reader just has to tell her breeder "friend" that she is busy next week with other plans, that's all
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bell_flower
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
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Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought Miss Manners was unmarried and CF.

No many years ago she had a husband and kids.

ETA: She has a daughter named Jacobina and a son. She and the daughter co-authored a book about weddings.
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mumofsixbirds
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
What bitchy advice! Obviously anything to do with not wanting to be around a chyllld is offensive to Miss Manners. I surely wouldn't want to be around a kyd pissing and shitting, either. Who would? shrug
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skyeyes
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
Where did this idea come from, that kids have to be potty trained by eliminating in parts of the house other than the bathroom, and in front of other people? My mother potty trained both me and Kid Brother without involving anyone else, and she did it in the bathroom. Where do these stupid ideas come from, anyway?

(To hear my mother tell it, I crawled to my potty at the tender age of 10 months. Not sure I potty trained that young, but according to my mother I did.)
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Cambion
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
Potty training is something between the parents and their kids, not the mailman or Uncle Bernie or random guests. Encouraging a kid to run bare-assed through the house while carrying around his potty chair is not potty training. A pivotal part of toilet training is teaching the little bastards that there is one place that's acceptable to piss and shit, and that is the bathroom. Why is his shit bucket not in the bathroom where it belongs? I get that he's likely too small for a normal toilet, but he needs to learn that his mini-toilet has to stay in the bathroom with the other one, and the parents are doing a huge disservice by letting him carry the potty around the house with him. Plus I think this will create an attachment to the potty chair to a point where a kid won't want to go in a normal toilet because he can't take the toilet with him. I foresee him learning to just shit in the nearest bucket-shaped vessel when he can't have his potty.

If the famblee is comfortable being in various states of undress and watching one another do their business, then fine. But act like semi-civilized human beings when in mixed company. What about when he discovers his genitals and walks around all day with his pud in one hand? Will the parents do something about it or just tell everyone who's uncomfortable seeing it to shut the hell up?

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I brought up my discomfort with this with them once, but I was firmly rebuked and told that was how it was going to be until his potty training concluded.

Well then, I'd be telling them that I wouldn't be coming back over until potty training was over with. And DEFINITELY do not invite them over because they'll bring the toadler and accompanying shit bucket along so he can relieve himself in the living room. I agree that I would not eat anything prepared in such a house. There's no way this kid hasn't had a few accidents around the house and breeders just become used to being covered in various bodily fluids. Them and their possessions have most likely been pissed and shit on several times.

Just... yuck. If you can train a cat to go in the proper receptacle in a specific room, you can teach a kid to do it too. Gods, breeders are filthy slobs.
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rudeawakening
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
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Cambion
Potty training is something between the parents and their kids, not the mailman or Uncle Bernie or random guests. Encouraging a kid to run bare-assed through the house while carrying around his potty chair is not potty training. A pivotal part of toilet training is teaching the little bastards that there is one place that's acceptable to piss and shit, and that is the bathroom. Why is his shit bucket not in the bathroom where it belongs? I get that he's likely too small for a normal toilet, but he needs to learn that his mini-toilet has to stay in the bathroom with the other one, and the parents are doing a huge disservice by letting him carry the potty around the house with him.

Preach. thumbs upup

The Internet tells me that some methods of potty training advise having the kid bare-assed at home all the time, for MONTHS. That is not potty training. If the kyd doesn't understand the concept of removing one's pants and underwear to use the toilet, (s)he is not potty trained.

A crucial part of being a good host is making your guests comfortable. Most people would not be comfortable watching a friend's kyd shit and piss (or SMELLING it!), or seeing the kyd's private parts.
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learnernotlurker
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
Miss Manners is Judith Martin, a longtime columnist for the Washington Post. She is married and has adult children. She now only writes about one-third of the Miss Manners columns; her son and daughter write the rest.

The columns seem more breederific these days, but they were always pretty bad on that score. I remember Miss Manners decades ago calling people "grinches" just because they didn't want coworkers bringing their stinking infants and destructive toddlers to the workplace. Even then, her "advice" was to smile at the brats and offer to watch them for the mother. Hey, none of us has ever had anything else to do at work, right?

Postscript: I looked up the original letter. It's published in Judith Martin's book Miss Manners' Guide to Rearing Perfect Children (Penguin Books: 1985, pp. 125-126). It's worse than I remembered: when the letter-writer ends with "Why can't those people stay home where they belong?" Miss Manners snarks, "Why indeed? . . . [Why don't] the babies go out and get jobs like decent people, instead of loitering where they don't belong and making trouble for honest working folk."

Miss Manners then suggests that everyone in the office contribute to form an on-site cooperative day-care. More snarking: "If Miss Manners were there she could come around asking you to help pay, on the grounds that children are the responsibility of everyone and that this would be in your immediate interest as well, but she doubts that anyone else would have the nerve."

Miss Manners continues that children should be brought regularly to the workplace because (1) it is reassuring to them to see where their parents disappear to each workday and (2) it lets them view productive work (HOW, when their very presence precludes the work?)

She ends,"If Miss Manners agreed that babies are not allowed to play with your toes while you are trying to concentrate, would you soften up enough to give them one of your grisly smiles on a day set aside for holiday family visits?" Right away, she's pretending that the visits are one day a year, whereas one paragraph earlier she was snipping that we should all fund day care and welcome frequent visits. We're not fooled, Miss M.
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Zzelda
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
People can still be discreet while acting as, or considering others as - 'ntimate members of the Famblee' smile rolling left righteyes2

I got The Rag right now - would you care to hear about it?

Or what happened to the home made 'Chinese' food I made the other day? Including the brain meltingly hot mustard I slathered on freely?

Would you like to know how these things all 'came out' ?

I will guess NOT.

Backed up toilets, much yelling and howling in pain, a veritable blood bath - hey - it almost sounds kind of interesting!

But - I am not completely uncouth. So I will keep it to myself.
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trance formation usa
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 05, 2014
Their house, their (stupid unsanitary) rules.

But there's no need to mince words or pretend that's not why you're avoiding them. Maybe you just have an aversion to bodily waste? Or feel uncomfortable watching an ass-naked baby voiding its bowels 2 feet away while you nibble on fingerfoods? That's your prerogative. If they're such "close friends" they'll understand and not take offense.

This advice lady sounds off her rocker.
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yummynotmummy
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 06, 2014
Erm, GROSS. two faces puking

I freaked out at my friend changing her baby's nappy on the dining room table, where they bloody well eat, for Chrissake! She's mostly PNB and was a bit embarrassed when her teenage step daughter said "oh, you didn't just change B's nappy on the table again did you? I'll go get the Dettol" My friend giggled and just said "whoops, baby brain"

Pahrunts are so in love with their sprogs they don't care about the whole not shitting where you eat thing any more. E-coli with your dinner, anyone?

Repeat after me: Shit and piss belong in the BATHROOM, no matter what vessel it is contained in!
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craftyzits
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 06, 2014
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rudeawakening
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Cambion
Potty training is something between the parents and their kids, not the mailman or Uncle Bernie or random guests. Encouraging a kid to run bare-assed through the house while carrying around his potty chair is not potty training. A pivotal part of toilet training is teaching the little bastards that there is one place that's acceptable to piss and shit, and that is the bathroom. Why is his shit bucket not in the bathroom where it belongs? I get that he's likely too small for a normal toilet, but he needs to learn that his mini-toilet has to stay in the bathroom with the other one, and the parents are doing a huge disservice by letting him carry the potty around the house with him.

Preach. thumbs upup

The Internet tells me that some methods of potty training advise having the kid bare-assed at home all the time, for MONTHS. That is not potty training. If the kyd doesn't understand the concept of removing one's pants and underwear to use the toilet, (s)he is not potty trained.

A crucial part of being a good host is making your guests comfortable. Most people would not be comfortable watching a friend's kyd shit and piss (or SMELLING it!), or seeing the kyd's private parts.

My mother did leave me to run nude in the house when I was about two and a half, about the time I was adopted. I had an absolutely wicked bunch of diaper rashes. Some were food alergies at the time that they were trying to nail down. Others I was just a kid with a very sensitive butt. The open air helped.

There were no people other than family about.

After about three days and as about as many accidents, I got disgusted (according to my mother) and was potty trained. I was a fussy little kid that way.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
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kman
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 06, 2014
When I read this shit (no pun intended) in Miss Manners, my first thought was, is Judith Martin still writing this stuff, or has she gone senile and turned it over to others as Ann Landers had to do? I knew she was getting old. Thanks to LearnerNotLurker for providing the answer about her adult children taking over some of it.
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evilchildlessbitch
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 06, 2014
Yes, it is disgusting.
She is also a guest that is free to leave, which is what I would do.
I have no right to control what goes in other people's homes, only my own.
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paragon schnitzophonic
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 06, 2014
Their house, their rules. However, knowing how they conduct themselves in their home, I wouldn't invite them to mine. Not to mention, breeders do not respect the " X house, X rules" when it comes to others (hence acting entitled to breastfeed wherever they want, bring their children uninvited, etc.).

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learnernotlurker
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 07, 2014
The Miss Manners column is online three days a week (just Google "Miss Manners" ) and the advantage of reading the online form instead of the print newspaper is the readers' comments. We seem not to be alone: just about every column elicits a round of "Dump her! She's not up to it any more and her kids were never any good at it."
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the noodler
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 07, 2014
If someone allowed their kid to bring their potty in the living room where I was sitting as a guest, and acted all "Oh, this is they way it is", I would proceed to dig out all the nose gold that collects in my nasal cavities throughout the day and then follow up by wiping it on the kitchen table, underneath the coffee table, the drapes, under a cushion,.... ALL while in FULL VIEW of such foul breeders.

Hey, it's natcheral. What can I say? I can't help it if my nose is all blocked up and needs a good digging. Seems the living room is a good place for a guest to groom oneself.
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Zzelda
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 07, 2014
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Cambion
Potty training is something between the parents and their kids, not the mailman or Uncle Bernie or random guests.

Weekend At Bernie's 4: Potty BoogaLOO
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Dorisan
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 12, 2014
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Zzelda
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Cambion
Potty training is something between the parents and their kids, not the mailman or Uncle Bernie or random guests.

Weekend At Bernie's 4: Potty BoogaLOO

LOL

This is from a message board. TLDR version: Moo is annoyed because her stepmother doesn't want Moo's kid to go pantless during a visit to their (father and stepmother's) house during the period of potty training. Moo justifies the practice, basically saying "hey, your dog takes a shit on the floor and you just clean it up. Why can't I do the same with Poopley?"

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a52905790/how_could_i_do_this_to_heeeerrrrrrr

Warning: it's a lonnng ass post. I don't know why these moos think their gripes need to read like War and Peace
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catharsist
Re: Miss Manners: I don't want to watch Friend's kid take a dump. She says "tough shit." :faint
October 12, 2014
When I am in another persons house, they can do what they want. But I also would state that "I don't want to see your child's privates" and I would excuse myself immediately. I wouldn't bitch about it online because what is there to bitch about? Don't piss/shit in front of me nd I won't walk out the front door. I only associate with people and not uncivilized animals. Succinct.
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