Aging without Children

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" There is actually a type of older person whose overwhelming need to have all their own needs met in their own homes by their partners or their children, can result in a sequence of relatives driven to despair, breakdown and even death. They are what I call supreme survivors, surviving by using others to meet their own needs at all costs. As each carer or partner dies or breaks down, they move on freely to the next "victim" to be used in their never ending pursuit of surviving in their own preferred environment in their own preferred way. They use every trick in the book to get their way, emotional blackmail, whatever it takes. To the outside world they cultivate an affable, sociable persona and are often held in great esteem by strangers who have no idea of how miserable they make the lives of their relations and carers. "

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anti-offspring
@Yurble - great article find! ArchieMcBeastie sums up my parents to a T:

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" There is actually a type of older person whose overwhelming need to have all their own needs met in their own homes by their partners or their children, can result in a sequence of relatives driven to despair, breakdown and even death. They are what I call supreme survivors, surviving by using others to meet their own needs at all costs. As each carer or partner dies or breaks down, they move on freely to the next "victim" to be used in their never ending pursuit of surviving in their own preferred environment in their own preferred way. They use every trick in the book to get their way, emotional blackmail, whatever it takes. To the outside world they cultivate an affable, sociable persona and are often held in great esteem by strangers who have no idea of how miserable they make the lives of their relations and carers. "

And he's right again here:

"Yet there remains both social and government pressure to provide that care, a responsibility that invariably falls to the female child living nearest. Those at a distance invariably visit from time to time or not at all while at the same time decreeing that the caring child dare not have the parents admitted to residential or nursing care under any circumstances."

I'll lose a day of work tomorrow and $55 in gas (4 - 5 hour drive) to visit for a few hours. I've managed to limit this trip to twice a month, and sometimes I feel like the neighbors and caregiver think I don't do enough. When my mother was alive, she demanded I take off work (I'm a freelancer, but it still requires work) to take her to different hospitals in the tri-state area.

Also, I visited my mother in a nursing home when she fell and broke her leg every other day for 6 months. She told all the workers no family ever visited.

Read the comment section. They're really good, by people who are taking care of their parents. It is hard.

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blondie
I was listening to some local talk radio show and the hosts were discussing how many retirees are refusing to plan to leave their homes ever, to downsize, as much as we keep hearing about that. Many of the callers agreed and say no one is going to tell them to move. Some of them have huge houses on big lots. Fine, but it is inevitable that eventually you cannot care for the home - then what? Who does? Think it will be easy to sell it and find another place, and go through the moving process, at that point when you may be too disabled. Who will do maintenance? Some of these people still have mortgages that will continue into old age.

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selidororous
Gee and I thought having children aged one faster than normal.

If only I had a dollar every time someone told me I look 15 years younger than my real age I'd be richer than Bill Gates and Warren Buffet.