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Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian

Posted by screaming sausage 
Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
As someone who may be about to start the Essure journey (albeit at 33) I found this rant from a CF 29-year-old interesting and utterly depressing at the same time- and it's refreshing to see a CF person being given a platform, of course!

Quote

We’re fortunate to live in a country [the UK] where women’s healthcare is mostly progressive and fair, where abortions can be obtained and contraceptives are free. But ask the NHS for a sterilisation in your 20s, and every door is slammed in your face. I should know: I’ve asked four times in the last three years and been refused every time.

The first time I asked for a permanent end to my fertility I was 26. I was recently out of a long relationship where we both agreed on a child-free life and back on the dating scene. Explaining my child-free stance to stranger after stranger was wearing, but made me think harder about why I’d made my choice. As I repeatedly explained, I’ve probably put more thought into my decision not to have children than many people put into their decision to have them.

The condescension came thick and fast: you’re too young, you’ll change your mind, who’ll look after you in your old age, how can any woman not want children, how can you be so selfish? Even people who only seemed interested in casual dating would instantly lose interest when I mentioned my disinclination to reproduce – one man walked away in the middle of a three-minute speed-dating session because I didn’t want to be a mother. Clearly, other people felt as strongly about my decision as I did.

Unfortunately, so did the first GP I spoke to. He trotted out all the usual comments (to strong opposition), followed by telling me he couldn’t “in good conscience” make a permanent decision when I was still “so young”. Having hoped for at least an in-depth discussion before being rejected, I was disappointed but not surprised. Resigned to another year of side-effects on the pill, I asked the GP to put a comment in my medical notes so I could build a stronger case later.

For the record, the reason I don’t want children is both simple and complex. I just don’t want them. I never have.

Full article here:

Why can’t I get sterilised in my 20s?

Some great comments below the line but also plenty of bingos in there, naturally angry smiley
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
From what I understand, private clinics in UK are different and will not bingo you as much.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
The author of the article has replied to comments pointing this out and it looks like she has considered going private but does not have the £1,500 it would cost her. Cue more sneering breeders telling her that if she can't afford that then she must be a feckless waster who should abstain from sex altogether because she won't be able to afford that baybee she doesn't even want...
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
Good god the comments on her page are so all over the place, bunch of whishy-washy breeders trying to have a moooo about being nearly 30 is childlike so long as you haven't bred, but being mid twenty's with muliti brats is the height of intellectual opinion, so you can be 16 and knocked up, and your suddenly smarter and more worldly than a 30yr old, my god! if only I knew that when my mum was telling me I didn't know anything about being a responsible adult in my preggo free teens, I could a taught her a thing or two if only I got knocked uphysterical laughterz

On a less morbid view, at least some real child free people are on there, pointing out some good tricks like lieing about having bred just to get their operations done young, interesting tip, so if you say hey I tried, now I don't want to anymore, their okay with that :BS but saying, hey I never wanted to try and don't want to start now, that's instant denial, go back 3 spaces and don't collect personal happines
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
Quote
exile
On a less morbid view, at least some real child free people are on there, pointing out some good tricks like lieing about having bred just to get their operations done young, interesting tip, so if you say hey I tried, now I don't want to anymore, their okay with that

Does that actually work? I was under the impression that gyns could tell if a woman has sluiced or not. It's crossed my mind quite a few times to lie (I'm in Tx, which should tell you all you need to know, it's a fucking cesspool), but I've always thought they would figure it out rather quickly and then I'd have another strike against me for lying.

If they actually can't (at least not 100%), then I'm going to 'borrow' pics of my cousin's terrors and put on an Oscar worthy performance.

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
Quote
amethyst114
Does that actually work? I was under the impression that gyns could tell if a woman has sluiced or not. It's crossed my mind quite a few times to lie (I'm in Tx, which should tell you all you need to know, it's a fucking cesspool), but I've always thought they would figure it out rather quickly and then I'd have another strike against me for lying.

Among the commenters is a man claiming he got a vasectomy in his twenties by pretending to have sprogged and lying about his age, but he adds that this was in Australia at a time when background checks weren't done. It certainly wouldn't work on the NHS, where all doctors would be able to see a patient's medical record. At least it wouldn't work for a woman...
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
What about the nutty angle? State that you are at high risk for postpartum depression or have other mental/medical issues risk keeping you childless. The key word CHILDLESS. State you will adopt when the urge to procreate hits you. Keeping the CF in pocket is a dirty trick but this is a dirty game.

Also, if you coach your argument in language that isn't "I" you will have better luck with doctors who are inclined to think they know you better than you do. "I do not want children I don't want to put out the care + time + money" will go over like lead.

Your typical paternalistic doctor who thinks a woman is a big kid with all the brains of a hamster will fall for a bit of his or her own game in reverse.

"You don't think I risk children as I've not the health to tend to them myself do you? + If I cannot care for my tots why should I burden the taxpayers, and yourself? + and "My children would cost the system money the system would unlikely get back as I'd probably have defective/dead kids."

While it appears very self serving and very simplistic, I've pulled a lot of CF shit in a very ass backward conservative breeder happy state.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 28, 2015
Good GAWD the comments! smile rolling left righteyes2

I always call my Mom on Wednesday eve's because she goes out to play Bingo and I want to see if she won.

She didn't - but WE SURE DID!

And on the age biz here / 29 is 'too young'. You know what I find funny? Is that at 29 you're too young, but at 30 - as a woman - you're OLD.

Oh and another funny thing is - it's just recently that women started reproducing in the late 20s and 30s. Look at all the people on there saying that 'you'll change your mind' / the bio clock will begin to strike between 30 and 35!

100 or so years ago Cows were blasting loaves out at 14, 15, and were likely Grand Mothers at 30. Oh but now all of a sudden 30 is the Magic Moo Age. Because - a) Everybody KNOWS that! Just let me tell you about the 2 or 3 women I know that make it so! b) Science.

Just look at the Breeding Populace - they're non sensical MORONS!
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
I'm not sure where the rumor got started that birthing at 14, 15 was ever common. It wasn't. Puberty didn't happen until about 17, 16 would have been early, on average, a hundred years ago.
I've looked into it because... pet personal issue, mormons again! They like to say it was just fine for their first prophet Joe Smith to marry 14 year olds because people did that back in the day.
Well if you actually look at census data, it was rare, less than 1% of marriages happened that early. (And it was to age peers, not 38 year old con men!)
Marriage happened on average at 21-23, and yes first children tended to come right along because the pill wasn't available.
But it's hard to pop out babies at 14, 15, when you are still two or three years away from menstruating.


But I am in agreement with finding it absurd that we "don't know our own minds" until we're well into our 30 while today's 16 year old with a toddler and a bump is "making the smart choice". Excuse me??? They're serious. Ugh.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Umm... who are these girls who don't start periods till 14 or 15? I was 12! That was 50 years ago. Girls now days start as early as 9....but I think that may be because of hormones in food.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Quote
starlady
Umm... who are these girls who don't start periods till 14 or 15? I was 12! That was 50 years ago. Girls now days start as early as 9....but I think that may be because of hormones in food.

Critical fat hypothesis too.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Quote
starlady
Umm... who are these girls who don't start periods till 14 or 15? I was 12! That was 50 years ago. Girls now days start as early as 9....but I think that may be because of hormones in food.

Same for me, age 12, and, yes, it was almost fifty years ago. But Presto specified more than a hundred years ago and in the 1800s, age 17 would have been quite normal. In the book Little Women, Jo's comment "Why can't we stay as we are and be little girls forever?" used to draw criticism until it was pointed out in studies that she was only 16 at the time and had probably not gone through puberty.

As for guys taking 14-tear-old wives then, well, why do pedophiles go after 5-year-olds today? Their first interest isn't babies; it's dominating and getting pre-adolescent flesh.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
I'm sorry, I'm a geek. I got mine at 11 personally, continuing the downward trend, and that would have been in 1989.

http://www.mum.org/menarage.htm
Scroll down to see the various graphs and conclusions, etc.
Plenty more from Google when searching "change in age of menarche".


I just had to quibble with Zelda quipping that they were popping them out at 14-15 not so long ago. Sure there were probably exceptions just like the youngest mothers we occasionally see mention of having them at 9, nowadays. It just wasn't a regular occurrence.
I still hope it is a rarity to give birth at 14-15 now, but I'm sure it is becoming more and more common. Still it shouldn't be considered a regular thing, even today with grade schoolers on the rag.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Quote
starlady
Umm... who are these girls who don't start periods till 14 or 15? I was 12! That was 50 years ago. Girls now days start as early as 9....but I think that may be because of hormones in food.

There's an article just out (too lazy to Google it, sorry) that links early puberty with overconsumption of high-sugar beverages.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Meanwhile, an 11 yr. old girl gave birth in august after grandpa raped her. "Montana man gets 200 years for impregnating his 11 yr. old granddaughter." I am useless when it comes to linking, but google is a friend.::brbl
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Since I don't want to start a new thread and this one is related, I have a bit of a CF victory from my visit to the gynecologist today. I asked about permanent sterilization and I wasn't bingoed, she just simply asked why I was seeking a permanent option. I was just asked some questions of my general health and how I dealt with anesthesia. Then she outlined three options: tubal ligation, Essure, and an IUD. After the checkup, she gave me some literature on Essure and the IUD and said that we'll go over it more when I return in a month.

So, finances willing, I could be sterilized with no hesitation! I've already exhausted my deductible and most of my out-of-pocket maximum with a surgery earlier in the month, so it might be relatively inexpensive. So fingers crossed. smiling smiley

------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Quote
Presto
I'm sorry, I'm a geek. I got mine at 11 personally, continuing the downward trend, and that would have been in 1989.

http://www.mum.org/menarage.htm
Scroll down to see the various graphs and conclusions, etc.
Plenty more from Google when searching "change in age of menarche".


I just had to quibble with Zelda quipping that they were popping them out at 14-15 not so long ago. Sure there were probably exceptions just like the youngest mothers we occasionally see mention of having them at 9, nowadays. It just wasn't a regular occurrence.
I still hope it is a rarity to give birth at 14-15 now, but I'm sure it is becoming more and more common. Still it shouldn't be considered a regular thing, even today with grade schoolers on the rag.

Presto, I was maybe thinking of the Biblical and Medieval eras. Which is fairly 'recent' to me anyway.

Mohammed married Aisha when she was a young child.

In more recent or closer to our present era - I suppose I was thinking of 'the pioneer days' up til - maybe the advent of BC - when (US) people did marry younger, and in fact it was uncommon for many to even attend high school. If they attended school at all - during WWII the US Military had to start taking the illiterate because they were running out of draftees.

Think of the "homes for unwed mothers". It was fairly common IMO. And people did marry young too. Such as Jerry Lee Lewis who married his - what was she, 13? Cousin. Loretta Lynn started cranking them out young too.

I did also remember this depressing thing I saw - I think the same type of homes for unwed mothers went on in the UK and Australia. I saw a video about that and it was depressing. Because I am Pro Choice I think that women (including teens) should be allowed to keep their babies if they want to. It was sad. The women were distraught and crying because their babies had been forcibly taken from them around that time (50s, 60s).

I found an article about it - Here.

And look at the *present* US minimum marriage ages.

As low as 13 in some states. Right now. Today.

And yes, they are still popping 'em out young - last time I saw the Maury show, anyway.

Up until the widespread availability of birth control (in the US - 60s?) I think it was fairly common to have kids young. In some countries in Africa - still happening. And world wide in under developed areas.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 29, 2015
Checking for typos on the above - I thought of something else, kind of the opposite end and more sinister ~

Propaganda encouraging teen girls to breed. Such as the "Teen Mom" and "16 and pregnant" TV shows.

And before this, back in my child hood - Madonna's song "Papa Don't Preach".

The encouragement of the young and ill equipped to breed. Sickening. And IMO Madonna only got famous because she agreed to disseminate Propaganda. Why else did she? She was never really that great.

And who else at that time was making songs about being a young, unmarried, single parent? What a bizarre song. Thing of it - most songs are 'love songs'. Or, for some of the 'heavier' of the 'heavy metal' - they are songs about kicking ass or cars. That's pretty obscure too. 95% of mainstream music is love songs.

How many Young, Single Moo, songs - have you heard before? Or since?

IMO Madonna agreed to play ball with the Propagandists which is how and why she got famous. Ditto for Huey Lewis. It's hip to be square? Dafuq? Even as a little kid I remember hearing these songs and thinking they were weird. And trying to push some agenda. His name alone might've been an attempt to 'cover over' or distract people from the name of Black Panther Huey Newton. Give people a different association. Who in the hell writes a song with lyrics about 'watching what you eat'? And these things became mainstream "hits"? PROPAGANDA.

I think that was about the time that I began to question things. That's what I was doing as a Tween. Not fucking. Despite all the Propaganda I saw around me. And for the hold out 30 somethings there were TV shows like "30 something" (BARF), and Comfort Foods, and Nesting, and Famblee Values spewed from Saint Ronnie and his slag wife.

Huey Lewis did a song for her anti drug campaign, too. smile rolling left righteyes2

I decided to go for the drugs, not sex grinning smiley

/ end tangent. Is relevant because I think Propaganda is still coloring Doc's sterilization opinions today. The middle aged Docs grew up when I did. Same age range. They were exposed to the same Propaganda about Famblee Values and Bio Clocks. Goes for the UK and Ronnie's pal Iron Lady Thatcher too - they got the same shit at the same time.

Notice too - how the stubborn resistance to Propaganda has the Right now looking to OUTLAW birth control. Notice also the promotion of adoption (over abortion.) - We're sliding back into the 50s. How soon before "Homes for Unwed Mothers" start popping up again?

Jack Nicholson just popped into my head. Many, back in the day, who kept the kids - their parents raised them as "siblings" to the birth mother. Aileen Wuornos. I'm sure there are plenty more ~

Or the kids were given to another family member, a childless Aunt and Uncle, or maybe to a family friend. Thank Jah you weren't CF in those days either - because you might have had a child that you did not want - foisted upon you. You might've been coerced to take it in.
Not sure, but I think that was fairly common also.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 30, 2015
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paragon schnitzophonic
So, finances willing, I could be sterilized with no hesitation! I've already exhausted my deductible and most of my out-of-pocket maximum with a surgery earlier in the month, so it might be relatively inexpensive. So fingers crossed. smiling smiley

Good luck! Keep us posted. :beer
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 30, 2015
Though the thread has been hijacked over the teen puberty issue, I'd like to chime in about it too.

On some men's and conservative (i.e., right wing nutjob) sites, a toxic little meme has appeared often over the last several years that age of consent and statutory rape laws are "unfair" because girls were supposedly being routinely married at age 13–15 100–200 years ago. Every time I see this, I do my best to demolish it. The men posting this garbage seem to have fantasies of having been able to marry and bang a 14–year-old girl had they only lived in 1900 instead of 2015. In other words, these guys have secret pedo fantasies.

The puberty age was much higher in the mid–19th Century, when it was at an average age of about 16.5. That means some girls turning 17 still hadn't hit menarche (first period, onset of puberty) yet. The age has been on a decline since for reasons not fully understood, but all the factors mentioned here such as better food, hormone use in meats, etc., seem to play some role.

The debutante age was 18, not 14 or before. Novels of the 19th Century give 18 as being the magic age when an upper-class girl was first considered eligible to marry, hence debutante balls to meet potential suitors at that age.

Church and family Bible records from the 18th Century until the first part of the 20th Century do not back up any notion that girls were marrying at 14. Instead the age when both genders actually married was pretty steady at 18–24. US Census data from the late 19th Century confirm this as well. In some areas in the western and Deep Southern US, a few girls married earlier, but they were exceptions, not the rule. And as mentioned, mostly they were marrying someone close to their own age, not a man 20–40 years older.

These men also fail to account for legal marriage ages in English–speaking countries. In my state (eastern US), the legal age to marry when the age of majority was 21 was—get this—18 with parental consent, 21 without. After the age of majority became 18 around 1970, the law was changed to allow marriage at 16 with parental consent, 18 without. A judge could order an exception for pregnant minors, but this seems to have been rare. In many jurisdictions, then, marrying before 18 would have been illegal.

Two well known cases involving music stars in the mid–20th Century muddied the waters. Loretta Lynn long claimed that she married when she was 13, just before her 14th birthday, but recently revealed she was actually 15. Rockabilly artist Jerry Lee Lewis married his first wife when he was 14, but his third marriage was to his 13–year-old cousin. Contrary to what the men's rights advocates would claim about such marriages being "common" at one time, Lewis was hounded out of Britain during a concert tour in the late 1950s when the news of his marriage to an underage cousin hit the media there, and his career here tanked for years as well. That should show that marrying at 14 was uncommon and frowned upon.

These are the same facts I present to men's and conservative forums when that stupid meme pops up. Usually I include links to some of the data, but I think my fellow Bratfree members are smart enough to confirm my comments on their own. smiling smiley
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 30, 2015
When we talk about "the past" we're talking about different eras, I think. From the mid-19th century the age at which people married increased, and in the 18th century it was already typically within the range we would consider normal.

But if you look at the 15th century and earlier, there is certainly evidence of earlier marriages, although that doesn't mean consumation at the time of marriage was the norm (one hopes not, with all the marriages between 7 or 9 year olds). However, there are examples of women giving birth at 14 or 15 (e.g. Catarina Sforza) and from this it can be assumed that it was not uncommon for menustration to start well before 16 in that era.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 30, 2015
Age IS the point Kman - that's why Doc's routinely deny sterilization. For women and men. And, even if you're older - if you *haven't had kids* - they will routinely deny you too.

Eg. a 27 year old might get denied. But a 27 year old with 5 kids might get the OK.

Age as well as parental status factor into the Doc's decisions.

Another angle to this all that just came to me - YOUNG girls who are severely retarded and are in nursing home care. They are routinely sterilized at the onset of puberty because it's not a question of if they'll be raped - it's a foregone conclusion. Which is horrifying ~

And also women, including young women, attempting to cross borders - I am thinking of Mexicans trying to get into the US - they often try to get some kind of BC before attempting this - because they probably will be raped. I would guess it's the same anywhere.

Now on your thoughts here -

Quote

On some men's and conservative (i.e., right wing nutjob) sites, a toxic little meme has appeared often over the last several years that age of consent and statutory rape laws are "unfair" because girls were supposedly being routinely married at age 13–15 100–200 years ago. Every time I see this, I do my best to demolish it. The men posting this garbage seem to have fantasies of having been able to marry and bang a 14–year-old girl had they only lived in 1900 instead of 2015. In other words, these guys have secret pedo fantasies.

Yes, this really creeps me out too! And - such thinking is more common than you think. Otherwise that "To Catch a Predator" show would've never existed.

The lust for "young girls" seems to be very common. "Barely Legal" porn is huge. Look at your local CL personal ads - I've seen 50, 60 year old men looking for 18 year olds. And you know they'd take even younger if they could get it / they only say 18 because that's the law.

This whole subject intrigues me from the Psychological aspect - I do wonder WHY? It isn't Pedophilia either - because that's a lust for pre pubescent children. Teen girls with boobs, hips, and periods are not children, they're teens, or young adults. Adolescents. Pedophiles want pre pubescent children and in fact are not attracted to those who have matured.

So then we have to wonder - WHY do grown men want a young girl / woman like this? And it can't be just looks because plenty of older women look just fine such as Demi Moore, Jennifer Anniston, etc.

So WHAT is it? They must want someone young because they think they are "trainable". Naive. And in fact I've seen this exactly stated - I will look at some of these Conservative sites too, mostly the political or news ones, but you will see men bring up these topics too. And they will often state that they 'want one' that 'can be trained'. VOMIT. In a sim vein they often talk about "over seas women" who "aren't corrupted by Western ideas". Some go farther to say that if you want one of those - you best *move to that country* - so the woman does not get 'infected with' Western Feminazism.

It's got to be Ageism. And fear. They can't keep up with a peer - they want a younger person that they imagine will be easier to control. I've seen the same thing in the Gay (male) community - the guy's who want "Twinks" - that's not all about 'young and good looking' - a good part of it is control. Most of what I know of this is from reading online and the older guys say the same - you want the Twink because he'll fall for your BS.

And the same ageism is reflected in the medical establishment's refusal to sterilize young people - it's the *same thing* - these men (Medicine is still mostly men) - think the same thing - that the young girl (or guy) doesn't know her own mind. (It is, from what I've seen, mostly directed at young women though.)

What it all boils down to is really ageism.

And those looking for the super young - yes, they are predators. They're weak minded people looking to control someone. And the more controllable the better. And as you can see, from what you say of these MRA types - there sure is a great lot of interest in very young women. And it isn't Pedophilia because the qualifier on that is - the young person must be a pre pubescent child. No, they just like 'em young and it can't be just for looks. IMO what these people are looking for is someone inexperienced and naive.

And on the flip side - Docs consider the younger people - inexperienced and naive.

It's ageism.

And how funny / ironic is it too - that these people think that young people are too young to say NO - but they are old enough to say YES.
How fucked up is THAT? You're too young to be sterilized, but you're old enough to fuck some old goat and have his babies.

smile rolling left righteyes2
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 31, 2015
Quote
Zzelda
This whole subject intrigues me from the Psychological aspect - I do wonder WHY? It isn't Pedophilia either - because that's a lust for pre pubescent children. Teen girls with boobs, hips, and periods are not children, they're teens, or young adults. Adolescents. Pedophiles want pre pubescent children and in fact are not attracted to those who have matured.

So then we have to wonder - WHY do grown men want a young girl / woman like this? And it can't be just looks because plenty of older women look just fine such as Demi Moore, Jennifer Anniston, etc.

So WHAT is it? They must want someone young because they think they are "trainable". Naive. And in fact I've seen this exactly stated - I will look at some of these Conservative sites too, mostly the political or news ones, but you will see men bring up these topics too. And they will often state that they 'want one' that 'can be trained'. VOMIT. In a sim vein they often talk about "over seas women" who "aren't corrupted by Western ideas". Some go farther to say that if you want one of those - you best *move to that country* - so the woman does not get 'infected with' Western Feminazism.

If you want to read about that being taken to the logical extreme, read How to Create the Perfect Wife. It's the true story of über control freak Thomas Day, who, in the 18th century, decided that while only in his 20s that women were not properly trained and so decided to raise two orphans to his specifications with the aim of eventually marrying one.

His requirements were pretty specific and somewhat contradictory. She had to be capable of withstanding extreme physical hardship, as he didn't intend to have any servants and expected her to do all the housework. She had to disdain fancy clothing and food and socializing, while he went about with his scientific friends. She had to be fearless. She had to be educated and capable of discussing philosophical ideas at the same level as his male friends, but willing to defer to his view in all matters. Finally, she had to fit the beauty standards of the day, which meant white arms and plumpness. "At 21, Day knows exactly the kind of woman he wants for his bride: pure and virginal, tough and hardy, willing to live in rural seclusion and attend to his every whim."

Spoiler: His training methods were horrible. He did things like make one of the girls wade into a pond in the winter, and then wait outside until her clothing dried. He fired his gun at her skirts to see if she would flinch. He dripped hot wax on her arms and expected her to stand perfectly still while he did so. Meanwhile, he became quite famous for writing tracts opposing slavery. Oh, and it didn't work out for him with either of the orphans, though he did eventually find someone who mostly met his criteria, and spent the rest of his life letting her know she wasn't good enough.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 31, 2015
Yurble, those early ages for marriage from hundreds of years back are disturbing for me too. But as a number of discussions about the issue mention, nobility and royalty might well have been the main ones affected by that due to the asserted need for arranged marriages to protect family fortunes and keep the commoner riff-raff out of the family. Historians simply don't know that much about marriage ages among those who weren't in those exalted groups at that time, and what evidence there is seems to indicate that serfs and the like in western Europe weren't usually marrying off daughters at age 9. But we simply don't know for sure. What was taking place in 1400 AD was long irrelevant for US and western European society by 1800 AD, which was a good thing.

Zzelda said, "Another angle to this all that just came to me - YOUNG girls who are severely retarded and are in nursing home care. They are routinely sterilized at the onset of puberty because it's not a question of if they'll be raped - it's a foregone conclusion."

More doctors and courts are refusing to perform or allow sterilizations of girls or, for that matter, boys in such circumstances on the grounds of "violating their rights". Yeah, I know, makes no sense to me either. You've got to have the ability to be responsible for yourself and your actions for the concept of "rights" to have any meaning. But we've seen this with story after story here of autard boys who become dangerously aggressive as they reach puberty, and no one will permit their parents to get them sterilized or castrated to curb their impulses. The parents aren't given the choice for mentally handicapped young adults either, just as normal adults in their 20s are still routinely denied the choice for themselves.
Re: Excellent sterilisation rant in the Guardian
January 31, 2015
Yurble,

That looks pretty good and I have put it on my 'book list'. When I come upon good books mentioned I write them down and then get them from the library.

Your description of this case reminded me, oddly enough, of this guy who kept a mummy for a wife. I forget the name of the book I read but I found info on the case here -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Tanzler

I believe there have been several books written about that. Yes, perfect = stuffed to him I guess.

I am also reminded of something more recent, a woman called Alice Crimmins who was accused of killing her children. I think this is the book I read on that -

http://www.amazon.com/Alice-Crimmins-Case-Kenneth-Gross/dp/0345250729

What was intriguing about this case is that it happened in the mid 60s when people were still kind of - not sure how to say? Socially Conservative? At least 'old fashioned' about the role of women, mothers, etc, and this woman was viewed as - I suppose kind of 'loose' for working as a cocktail waitress, wearing too much make up, etc. It was interesting from that angle - the mores of the times I suppose.

And also this book, about the List murders -

http://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Carnage-List-Murders-Westfield/dp/0595007201

Where it seems the man didn't think *he* was doing a good enough job of providing enough money. That was quite an odd tale and I felt sorry for them all, including him. SPOILER for that one -

Their monetary problems, that precipitated the killings, could've been solved by the sale of the Tiffany stained glass ceiling in their expensive home. The guy knew the home was expensive, he was a 'keep up with the Joneses' type - but he had no real idea of the worth of something - right over his head. How ironic and sad.

Anyway, back on Alice Crimmins - that book was really interesting from the standpoint of how women were viewed 'back then'. Which wasn't so long ago. And these views did affect how this woman was treated by the justice system.
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