Welcome! Log In Create A New Profile

Advanced

A cautionary tale for the SAHMs

Posted by Dorisan 
Forum List Message List New Topic
Dorisan
A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 04, 2015
Husband of "Lean In" author dies. It caused a Slate writer to reflect on the impact of an event like that in her own mother's life.

LINK

Quote

Now, she regrets the time she took off after my brothers and I were born. “It would have been much better if I were working when he killed himself. I would have gotten another layer of support and had someplace to go that wasn’t so sad. And of course trying to prove yourself in a new job, when part of your mind is just this constant swirl of emotions, is really hard.”


I know this might compel the SAH spouses here to speak up; I have been one for a couple of brief periods; but this isn't the same. A woman with kids will undoubtedly have to examine the impact of their choice to be a SAH parent on how well they'll be able to recover if they lose their partner.
Reply Quote
Peace
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 04, 2015
I could have stayed home. Husband would be happy if I was at home, because the workplace stress can be really hard on me, as in permanent physical damage. He takes a sense of pride in being able to pay all the bills, in providing a lovely home, and still saving money every month. However, I chose not to do the SAHW. What if something happens? What if he lost his job? What about our retirement? What about my pension and benefits? My parents grew up during the Great Depression, and I've heard the stories about surviving the Depression. I won't ever be a SAHW. I work full-time, and with tenure and seniority, I could pay all the bills if the Mr. ever lost his job. Until, or if that happens, everything I earn goes for retirement. Financial security is very, very important to me. It also relieves the stress of paying everything from his shoulders. And, there's that little pesky thing called equality. If I'm equal to him, shouldn't I be bringing in a good paycheck to help fund our life together?

This is just my opinion. I know we have SAHW on Bratfree, and I'm not trying to denigrate their choice. This is what works for us.
Reply Quote
StudioFiftyFour
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 04, 2015
Quote
Dorsian
I know this might compel the SAH spouses here to speak up; I have been one for a couple of brief periods; but this isn't the same. A woman with kids will undoubtedly have to examine the impact of their choice to be a SAH parent on how well they'll be able to recover if they lose their partner.

As I'd mentioned before, life insurance plays a big role in the SAHM equation. I find it quite shocking when people who have this particular arrangement, or something similar, dismiss the idea of having a huge life insurance safety net. And for those people in particular, my sympathy is very limited for them once something bad does happen.

Whatever living arrangement one decides upon is fine with me--but choices have consequences for all of us. Counting on "Daddy will provide" forever and ever and ever might work out. Or it might not. But please for the love of God don't ask me for any kind of charitable contribution in the event it doesn't work out.

That being said, I believe many SAHMs view their husbands basically as beasts of burden and human ATMs. I've known a few through the years and the only thing they seem to know how to do is consume, consume, consume. And that's pretty much it. One guy I knew teetered on the brink of bankruptcy because his SAHW/M kept on buying and buying and buying. She bought a lot of crazy stuff that they had no use for.

I believe this ties into the idea that it's more difficult for a SAHM, rather than a wage-earner, to really understand the value of money. Whether you earn minimum wage or $500K per year, you know what your money is worth. You know that your time is valuable, and in cases of commissioned/tipped workers, performance matters. You have to be on your "A" game at all times in order to get your hands on that money. SAHMs aren't under any kind of performance contract, though, because "Daddy will provide." As a result the ones I've known were of the mentality that if they wanted the minivan with the DVD player, well, Daddy would just have to spend more time at the office and close a few more sales. It required no additional time or effort on their part.
Reply Quote
freya
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs (warning:animal abuse)
May 04, 2015
Quote
StudioFiftyFour
That being said, I believe many SAHMs view their husbands basically as beasts of burden and human ATMs. I've known a few through the years and the only thing they seem to know how to do is consume, consume, consume. And that's pretty much it. One guy I knew teetered on the brink of bankruptcy because his SAHW/M kept on buying and buying and buying. She bought a lot of crazy stuff that they had no use for.

My half brother is married to a woman who has never held a job making more than minimum wage and she has no idea of the value of a dollar. They have kids (or course!) and she has pushed him into decisions (two houses over 2,400 square foot each at the same time and $800+ car payments, new cars every other year, endless shopping, co-owning a business with her worthless brother who ran it into the drain) which have caused them to have to file bankruptcy three times in 15 years or so.

His choice, I say. He wasn't forced at gunpoint to give in to her ridiculous extravagances or demands. Boo hoo.

Warning: animal abuse
This is the same a-hole brother who threw my cat into the next door neighbors yard with a German Shepherd "for fun" which permanently damaged her and changed her into a cat which didn't trust anyone and tried to claw anyone who touched her. He wasn't caught doing this, he told my parents about it well past the age of 21 and he laughed while doing it because it is just sooo funny to abuse animals for a giggle. I think he did it knowing my parents would tell me, to hurt me. He is the only direct relative which breeder bingos me anytime he sees me. Honestly, I listen to the sob stories about his famblee with popcorn!
Reply Quote
StudioFiftyFour
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs (warning:animal abuse)
May 04, 2015
Quote
freya
My half brother is married to a woman who has never held a job making more than minimum wage and she has no idea of the value of a dollar. They have kids (or course!) and she has pushed him into decisions (two houses over 2,400 square foot each at the same time and $800+ car payments, new cars every other year, endless shopping, co-owning a business with her worthless brother who ran it into the drain) which have caused them to have to file bankruptcy three times in 15 years or so.

His choice, I say. He wasn't forced at gunpoint to give in to her ridiculous extravagances or demands. Boo hoo.

Warning: animal abuse
This is the same a-hole brother who threw my cat into the next door neighbors yard with a German Shepherd "for fun" which permanently damaged her and changed her into a cat which didn't trust anyone and tried to claw anyone who touched her. He wasn't caught doing this, he told my parents about it well past the age of 21 and he laughed while doing it because it is just sooo funny to abuse animals for a giggle. I think he did it knowing my parents would tell me, to hurt me. He is the only direct relative which breeder bingos me anytime he sees me. Honestly, I listen to the sob stories about his famblee with popcorn!


My condolences on your cat. I can't say that I'm a pet owner, but I do understand the attachment.

Your half-brother seems like an incredible asshole, and I really don't have sympathy for him or really any other guys who agree to the SAHM living arrangement. I think it's a recipe for disaster. Knowing all of the potential pitfalls, I just shake my head when guys, this day in age, tell me that their plan is the SAHM/Breadwinner arrangement. confused smiley

Your SAHM example is a good one. Maybe a bit over the top, but not as extraordinary as many may believe. Have you ever heard anyone say, "Yeah the wife is a SAHM. Let me tell ya the house is immaculate, kids are taken care of, there is a hot homemade dinner every evening, all my laundry is taken care of, and she's quite frugal. She looks for bargains and really makes sure we save money each and every month."

I'm not hearing that. No wait, scratch that, I've NEVER heard that. Ever. All I've heard from the husbands is excuses like, "Well it doesn't make sense for her to work." And all I've from the SAHMs is of course, "It's sooooo haaaaaaard!" :Violin
Reply Quote
mrs. chinaski
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
@ freya: now, your half-brother is the "abused animal"...

To the MT:
I would compare being SAH spouse to having a kyd - it is always a gamble, you never know how things will turn out (exception: you as a SAH spouse are so rich that you have financial security to the rest of your life but that's definitely the minority).

According to the statistics, there is a probability 1:1000 that your child will have DS.
When the mother is between 25-40 y-o, it is 1:100. -> But the statistics is not going to
help when it is YOU who has that particular problem.

I didn't manage to find any figures for SAH spouses like cases gone wrong.
I think it will be the minority but as I said, it's not gonna help when it's YOU who is affected.
Reply Quote
mrs. chinaski
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
I am SAHW. I am frugal:
I don't buy any branded clothes.
I don't buy any branded cosmetics.
I have long hair which I don't color - I go once in 6 months to a hairdresser.
Other personal grooming like manicure, pedicure, facial and waxing -> DIY.
I exercise at home -> no expenses for a gym memebership.
I cook from scratch. I always make a lunchbox for my DH. I serve
a homemade meal every evening.
I rarely eat out - Last time, I was eating at a restaurant 10 months ago.
My mobile phone is celebrating his 5th anniversary.
I live like a hermit - I barely leave the house.

But when I look around, I am aware of the fact that I am an exception.
F.e. when we lived in an another city, we had neighbours with a baybeh.
They both bought themselves the newest iPhones, they had Nintendo Wii
Console a plenty of games for it. They had very often food delivered to their
door. They constantly received parcels with clothes and "things".
Then I met the wife's mother. She complained to me that the apartments
in the city are so expensive, that they have no money to buy so they have
to rent and that the state doesn't do anything for the families....:-((((
Reply Quote
blondie
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Quote
StudioFiftyFour
Quote
Dorsian
I know this might compel the SAH spouses here to speak up; I have been one for a couple of brief periods; but this isn't the same. A woman with kids will undoubtedly have to examine the impact of their choice to be a SAH parent on how well they'll be able to recover if they lose their partner.

As I'd mentioned before, life insurance plays a big role in the SAHM equation. I find it quite shocking when people who have this particular arrangement, or something similar, dismiss the idea of having a huge life insurance safety net. And for those people in particular, my sympathy is very limited for them once something bad does happen.

Whatever living arrangement one decides upon is fine with me--but choices have consequences for all of us. Counting on "Daddy will provide" forever and ever and ever might work out. Or it might not. But please for the love of God don't ask me for any kind of charitable contribution in the event it doesn't work out.

.

ITA with the life insurance, those with SAH spouse need to have a lot of it.

Stu, has someone in your family asked you for money in this type of situation? Just wondering because you have brought the charity aspect up before. I have a sister who is voluntarily under employed and seems to think family members with more money should contribute to her.
Reply Quote
kidlesskim
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Although there are many reasons not working to be a Stay at Home Moo is a bad idea, the main one that affects most of us(especially women) is when, for whatever reason, they decide to reenter the workplace. They "come back"(like a bad rash) after 5, 10, 15 years or longer later, have no current work or educational experience, and behave as if they can just swoop right in and pick up where they left off. When this doesn't happen they start whining about inequality in the work place for cows and fuck up everything in their paths for everyone else with their demands. Cows returning to work after loaf related absences are nearly solely responsible for unfair scheduling changes, the cessation of many flex time plans, and the overall view of women in the workplace, in general. What they aren't responsible for fucking up is where their working-moo sisters pick up the slack.

I don't think the size of the litter, ages of the cubs, health of the brood, etc...should play ANY ROLE AT ALL in determining their pay or schedules, but it continues to which hurts everyone else who didn't take a decade long sabbatical to, "have it all", including the handful of good moo workers who don't play the, "I squatted a loaf and therefore deserve superior treatment", card..thumbs updown

I recall speaking up at my job back in the 80's when the 7th cow took off on moo-ternity leave at how I was getting sick of picking up their slack, month after month, year after year. I was told by the boss(female)and several other co-workers that, "You'll get your turn one day!". When I brought it to their attention this nonsense was very likely why most all of the women were dumped into "customer service" and other easily filled and notoriously LOW PAYING positions, rarely promoted, and not taken seriously in supervisory roles, I was labeled as "immature" and just a "young girl" who'd change my mind when the stick turned pink.eye rolling smiley

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
Reply Quote
jmc
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Quote
Peace
Financial security is very, very important to me. It also relieves the stress of paying everything from his shoulders. And, there's that little pesky thing called equality. If I'm equal to him, shouldn't I be bringing in a good paycheck to help fund our life together?
/quote]

I don't think women will ever truly be considered equal until there are no more SAHM/W, or until at least there are as many SAHD/H. Finances are a part of every household and unless you are physically/mentally disabled get your ass in gear and start contributing to your own living expenses. Who are you, Prince William? No? Oh, then you can damn well pay for your own living expenses. Everyone should contribute at least something to feeding/clothing/housing themselves. No working, whether you are lower class or upper class, is a huge privilege and being someone who has to work everyday or I don't eat, I don't really have much to discuss with a person who has someone ELSE go to work everyday to put food in front of them.

I don't care if you live in a grass hut, if someone ELSE goes out to get food for you, you live a kind of privileged life I don't even understand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby. And don't think maybe, if you can't feed your baby."
- The wisdom of the late Michael Jackson
"The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children." - Paul Ehrlich
Reply Quote
navi8orgirl
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
There is a difference between SAHs with and without kids. Quite often, those sans kids are volunteering, and getting involved. Some have hobbies such as writing or photography and hone their skills...all of which looks great on a resume.

Most moms do not. Even the non-lazy don't have the time to devote to other things.

So when the shit hits the fan, whether through widowhood or divorce, who is going to be prepared? Wiping noses and asses, and watching endless reruns of Disney are not marketable skills except in day care and you still have to be certified.

I would encourage any woman, married or not, mother or not, to find a marketable item and hone it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
Reply Quote
mumofsixbirds
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Yes, I agree about the marketable skill thing. I still work from home as a phone ho, although I am part-time now due to esophageal problems. I have also started my own online store and sell vintage and antique items. I am busy most of the day with these things, and when my husband is home, I spend time with him.

I don't know what I would do if I couldn't phone ho anymore. I am worried that I may have to eventually quit. If I do, I will find something else to do.

Husband has made provisions for me in case something happens to him. I am glad about that, because it means I won't have to be a poor widow in case his time comes.

Moos who spend all their years wiping Snotleigh's nose and taking Princess to ballet class aren't going to have anything they can market. When they DO enter the workforce, they will feel entitled to go back to the same positions they had before, despite being out for so long. Then they cry about things not being fair.

Sorry honey, life isn't fair. And sluicing is an OPTION. Disability is not.

Captcha: vcn BJ: Shoulda given your husband one, and you wouldn't be in this situation right now. bouncing and laughing
Reply Quote
Dorisan
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Quote
mumofsixbirds
Moos who spend all their years wiping Snotleigh's nose and taking Princess to ballet class aren't going to have anything they can market. When they DO enter the workforce, they will feel entitled to go back to the same positions they had before, despite being out for so long. Then they cry about things not being fair.

Even if a SAH parent keeps up their skills, or advances them with additional education, that doesn't guarantee that the break they took to SAH won't be noticed.

I have to wonder if potential employers don't have a thought in the back of their minds: "yeah, they caught up on their education, but this is a person who has been out of the workforce for 5 or 10 or 15 years. Have their team skills degraded, can they re-adapt to a work culture at this age?"

There's more to being employable than simply waving a new diploma or certificate.

Quote

So she used the life insurance money to go back to school and get another master’s degree. But even with her skills and more up-to-date résumé, it was a major struggle
Reply Quote
Dorisan
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Quote
StudioFiftyFour
As I'd mentioned before, life insurance plays a big role in the SAHM equation. I find it quite shocking when people who have this particular arrangement, or something similar, dismiss the idea of having a huge life insurance safety net. And for those people in particular, my sympathy is very limited for them once something bad does happen.

I was poking around, doing some research to go along with what I read in the article. Googling keywords "stay at home mother+life insurance" brings up pages and pages of insurance companies who shill their products not just at the wage earner, but for the SAHM.

The provider apparently uses that crap survey one reads every Mother's Day
:::: big freaking eyeroll::::

Quote

Despite the importance of the stay-at-home parent, there's little research to quantify its value. In its 2012, Mom Salary Survey, Salary.com reported the ten most popular functions performed by mothers equates to $115,431 per year vs. a working mother's salary of $63,4471. It further states the stay-at-home spouse works a 96+hour week, serving as housekeeper, teacher, cook, psychologist, and van driver - in short, functioning as a CEO at home.

But then brings it down to earth

Quote

When calculating an amount for a stay-at-home spouse, the annual financial value of the services they provide should be used. Let's say you determine that the financial value of the services a stay-at-home spouse provides for your family equals $50,000 a year. If your youngest child will finish college in 15 years, the appropriate amount of insurance protection needed for the stay-at-home spouse would be approximately $750,000, depending on other available income or resources.

$50,000 sounds close to what a widower would need to replace the services of a spouse when children are young. Taking into account daycare, housekeeping, what would amount to a personal assistant to take care of all of the ferrying duties. However, it's not likely that a man would need to pay for those services to an extant that they'd need a 6 figure policy. Numbers show that a guy is not going to be without a partner for long and illustrates why it is more important for the wage earning husband to have insurance

Quote

In the first year after a spouse’s death, 54% of men have a sexual relationship, compared with 7% of women. By 25 months after a spouse’s death, 61% of men had a new relationship, versus 19% of women, and 25% of men had remarried, versus 5% of women.

A man who loses the mother of his children will likely have a replacement before long. A SAHM who loses her wallet - she's gonna be up a brown creek without a propulsion device.
Reply Quote
Peace
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Quote
jmc
Quote
Peace
Financial security is very, very important to me. It also relieves the stress of paying everything from his shoulders. And, there's that little pesky thing called equality. If I'm equal to him, shouldn't I be bringing in a good paycheck to help fund our life together?
/quote]

I don't think women will ever truly be considered equal until there are no more SAHM/W, or until at least there are as many SAHD/H. Finances are a part of every household and unless you are physically/mentally disabled get your ass in gear and start contributing to your own living expenses. Who are you, Prince William? No? Oh, then you can damn well pay for your own living expenses. Everyone should contribute at least something to feeding/clothing/housing themselves. No working, whether you are lower class or upper class, is a huge privilege and being someone who has to work everyday or I don't eat, I don't really have much to discuss with a person who has someone ELSE go to work everyday to put food in front of them.

I don't care if you live in a grass hut, if someone ELSE goes out to get food for you, you live a kind of privileged life I don't even understand.

Not sure what you meant here, but I hope you don't think I'm a SAHW. I work full time, tenure and seniority.

I've been working since i was 16 years old.

maybe it's just how you quoted, and wrote the reply.
Reply Quote
StudioFiftyFour
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Quote
blondie
Stu, has someone in your family asked you for money in this type of situation? Just wondering because you have brought the charity aspect up before. I have a sister who is voluntarily under employed and seems to think family members with more money should contribute to her.


blondie,

Our tales have some similarity.

My extended family is VERY into the LifeScript (TM). And I don't say that in jest. It's quite tiresome. A few years back during the hellidays I got into a verbal skirmish with them when the topic of life insurance came up.

My claim was that parents should absolutely have life insurance so that they could provide for their own children in the event that an untimely death occur. One of my cousins' claim was that "the premiums are too hiiiiiiiigh for us!" And yet this is a family that "has it all." McMansion, three kydz, private schools, brand new leased cars... and two parents in debt up to their eyeballs.

So I asked, "Well what should happen if one of you guys die?" Their answer was twofold: 1. That won't happen. (Which demonstrates how delusional they are... in their world, accidental deaths don't happen. Young people don't die. Not until they're at least 100. smile rolling left righteyes2), and 2. In the event of a family crisis, other family members should "help out"--specifically those without children because "they have more to give."

In so many words, I told them that they're morons, their line of thinking is delusional and irrational, they're completely irresponsible people, and that I will not be contributing one penny or one minute of my time in the unfortunate event that I'm asked to "help out."

Merry Christmas? LOL. And they wonder why I have no interest in attending these events?
Reply Quote
jmc
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 05, 2015
Quote
Peace
Quote
jmc
Quote
Peace
Financial security is very, very important to me. It also relieves the stress of paying everything from his shoulders. And, there's that little pesky thing called equality. If I'm equal to him, shouldn't I be bringing in a good paycheck to help fund our life together?
/quote]

I don't think women will ever truly be considered equal until there are no more SAHM/W, or until at least there are as many SAHD/H. Finances are a part of every household and unless you are physically/mentally disabled get your ass in gear and start contributing to your own living expenses. Who are you, Prince William? No? Oh, then you can damn well pay for your own living expenses. Everyone should contribute at least something to feeding/clothing/housing themselves. No working, whether you are lower class or upper class, is a huge privilege and being someone who has to work everyday or I don't eat, I don't really have much to discuss with a person who has someone ELSE go to work everyday to put food in front of them.

I don't care if you live in a grass hut, if someone ELSE goes out to get food for you, you live a kind of privileged life I don't even understand.

Not sure what you meant here, but I hope you don't think I'm a SAHW. I work full time, tenure and seniority.

I've been working since i was 16 years old.

maybe it's just how you quoted, and wrote the reply.

Sorry, I didn't mean you at all! I was thinking of several other people I know, and how I think we won't have true equality until we lose the expectation that the wife won't work, but expected that the men will always work. Everyone should always work (if able)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby. And don't think maybe, if you can't feed your baby."
- The wisdom of the late Michael Jackson
"The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children." - Paul Ehrlich
Reply Quote
kman
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 06, 2015
A former boss who took a buyout at work, because he feared he might otherwise be laid off, bounced from job to job for a while until finally landing something comparable to the one he had had with my company. His SAHW had made fairly good money as a school teacher, but she had had three kids and was a flaming fundie on top of that (went to Liberty University, for example, which the late Jerry Falwell started). While her husband struggled to find work, she actually posted on Facebook, "Pray for me so I won't have to go back to work."

StudioFiftyFour said, "I believe this ties into the idea that it's more difficult for a SAHM, rather than a wage-earner, to really understand the value of money." In fact, some investment advisor types will tell you this when they are willing to discuss this honestly: they know of countless times in which an elderly SAHW who never worked outside the home inherits her husband's life's savings after he dies—and then no matter how much it is, she blows through all of it in no more than 2–3 years. What these advisors see is that these elderly women spend the money on cruises, expensive vacations, unneeded luxury goods, and most typically big gifts of money to the adult children and to grandchildren.

People who never worked outside the home, or did so only briefly before marriage, seem to have no concept of what it took to earn and save the money. As S54 said, they know only how to spend it.

Of course, after you make large monetary gifts to the adult kids, once you're broke, the kids usually don't want to help or reciprocate... Contradicts one of the biggest bingos we hear, which is that the kids will take care of you when you get old.
Reply Quote
StudioFiftyFour
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 06, 2015
Quote
kman
His SAHW had made fairly good money as a school teacher, but she had had three kids and was a flaming fundie on top of that (went to Liberty University, for example, which the late Jerry Falwell started). While her husband struggled to find work, she actually posted on Facebook, "Pray for me so I won't have to go back to work."


Some Christian Fundamentalists are Christian Fundamentalists. They really believe in it, and have a deep understanding of the Bible. While I don't share their faith, I can at least respect their dedication and knowledge.

But... MOST Christian Fundamentalists aren't that at all. So what is their actual religion? Their religion is actually whatever happens to be comfortable for them at that particular moment.

The idea of praying in order to be able to avoid work is exactly the opposite of just about every Biblical verse regarding work and worth ethic.
Reply Quote
mrs. chinaski
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 07, 2015
I think this detachment from reality is maybe due to lack of education and IQ in general.

I know an erderly SAHW. She has no education and worked as a waitress. Then she met a government official and got married. She got 3 loaves. Today, her husband is dead
and she has a big part of his pension.
I feel she is very entitled, she lectures everyone and is so above it all. She simply doesn't realize that she was just lucky in life...
Reply Quote
twocents
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 09, 2015
I often think a way to deal with people like asshat brother who threw cat into yard is to plot a good revenge. May take a while, and you ahve to really catch them off guard, and you need a good sizable garment to pull down over them so they can't see, sort of like pulling a stocking hat down over eyes... and use a baseball bat.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
Reply Quote
StudioFiftyFour
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 09, 2015
Quote
twocents
I often think a way to deal with people like asshat brother who threw cat into yard is to plot a good revenge. May take a while, and you ahve to really catch them off guard, and you need a good sizable garment to pull down over them so they can't see, sort of like pulling a stocking hat down over eyes... and use a baseball bat.



That suggestion could land you in prison with an attempted murder rap.

The best revenge is distancing yourself from toxic people as much as possible, and living the life that you want to live, without regrets.
Reply Quote
mrs. chinaski
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 11, 2015
@ Studio54: Yes, but sometimes it's just not possible to get rid of them.
The constallation doesn't allow it. In that case you must develop strategies
how to deal with them and not to go crazy :-(
Reply Quote
alana
Re: A cautionary tale for the SAHMs
May 13, 2015
I don't understand people who choose to take themselves out of the workforce for years at a time and make no effort to keep up any marketable skills. My mother was a SAHM for ten years until she was forced to go back to work, not by a death, but because of layoffs and having our family's one paycheck suddenly gone. And I got to spend years watching her struggle to integrate herself back into the workforce. We didn't need her to stay at home, and hadn't needed that for years. She would have been better off at least having a part time job once we were in school, but she refused until her hand was forced. And now, all these years later, she wonders why I don't want to get married and go the SAHM route when I have the education and work experience needed to make my own way. She tells me I'm being an overbearing feminist because I don't want to depend on a man's paycheck. smile rolling left righteyes2
Reply Quote
Newer Topic Older Topic
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login