Entry #1995 -- Bingoing

I have also witnessed how it is not just our own homegrown American breeders who do the Breeder Bingo on the childfree-by-choice people. Eons ago at my first security job, the Puero Rican cleaning woman did the same to me. I really liked the lady because she was nice to me but her attitude changed over the sprog issue. She asked if I had any kids. When I said, "No," she then veered to the next question of if/when I was going to birth that baby. The response I got when I told her that I was NOT having any children and took steps to prevent that was Bl**ca shrieking, "No ninos????" Please...

I don't mind people asking if i want kids if they're actually open-minded about the answer. But i just feel that a lot of people ask the question and don't like it when i answer that i don't plan on ever having children. And that that's the way i want it!
I would relish having a really intelligent discussion on the subject with somebody who feels the opposite way about kids, but it seems to me that it's a very divisive issue, similar to the abortion issue. People get really narked when you won't change your mind to the way they're thinking.
I don't understand why anybody would want to have kids; it's a lot of aggro for very little reward. And i like my life the way it is anyway. But i have yet to have a discussion with a parent/prospective parent that is intelligent, logical and good-humoured about the whole subject. Maybe we should start bingo-ing back? Make them explain why they DO want kids!

Hey D-H-P, I'm not surprised you were bingoed by a Latina...Latin people are the ethnic group most likely to have children. It's really sickening sometimes the way Latin women don't consider themselves "real" women until they've popped one out, and Latin men who haven't donated sperm aren't "real" men. My stepmother is from Mexico, and she gave birth to my (unplanned and unaffordable...don't get me started on that subject!) half-brother. All the Moo's Day cards she got from her siblings a month before she delivered were incredibly f*cked up..."Now that you're going to be a mother for the first time..." blah blah bullshit. Why does this irritate the shit out of me? Because my stepmother is more of a real mother to my other brother and I than our mom ever was. She raised us (me from the age of 9, him from the age of 4), loved us, cared about us, and sacrificed for us the way a good mother does. I remarked the cards she received were ridiculous, and she agreed, but in her words, "My family doesn't consider you and your brother to be my kids because I didn't give birth to you, even though I feel that way."

I had some supermoo-type uberbreeder at my old condo tell me that she it was sad that I never had children, because they were "life-affirming" and kept her young. Looking right into her bloodshot eyes, I told her that her brats had aged her at least twenty years and she looked like hell. The stupid cunt never talked to me after that. That was the intent, and it worked!

Yay, CFBitchfromLA! Truth hurts, doesn't it, moos?

CFHistorian, it is awful how your stepmother's family acted as if parenting you and your brother did not matter to the lady because you two were not her bio-children. They should have been proud to have a family member who could love another person's kids and treat them as her own. Perhaps, her pregnancy was not that "unplanned" but subconsciously planned due to her cultural upbringing of how women are to be mothers. I worked with a young girl, age 20, who possibly was infertile. She said she wanted kids. I mentioned adoption as there are a ton of unwanted children out there. Of course, this self-centered young woman said she wanted her own bay-bees.

"Perhaps, her pregnancy was not that "unplanned" but subconsciously planned due to her cultural upbringing of how women are to be mothers."

My stepmother was 36 when she had my half-brother, and if he had come along earlier (5 years or so), it wouldn't have been as much of a shock. I was already out of the house, and had been for more than 3 years when she found out (I was a senior in college when this happened last fall, and I'm now in a Master's program), and my brother had less than 2 years of h.s. left and he would have been gone. My dad is 10 years older than my stepmother, and it's bad enough that he has a physically demanding and potentially dangerous job (he's in home improvement), but he doesn't have a retirement fund or even health insurance. One of the only times I've truly been upset, angry, and ashamed of my dad was when he told me my stepmother had caught pregnancy. He told me over the phone (knowing full well how I feel about kids, his lack of a retirement plan, and the fact that it was hard enough being closer to a stepmother than my biological mother, even without her having any kids she gave birth to), and was an ass about the whole thing...like, "Oh, I'm 45 and my dick still works!" My stepmother was considerably shocked by the news (she thought she couldn't catch pregnancy), and even upset, because she and my dad were so close to being empty-nesters. She's wonderful with kids, and not just us...being a Latin immigrant with only a h.s. diploma, she held a slew of babysitting and daycare jobs (including running a daycare out of our house when I was in h.s.); we met her when she was the nanny for my best friend's family. And to her credit, she worried so much about my reaction...once, we were hanging out and she (jokingly) told me she was pregnant. I told her that if she ever did get pregnant, I'd never visit them again. Of course, I was speaking hypothetically, never guessing that she would have a kid. After we talked about it, we were on better terms...I was the only person throughout her entire pregnancy to see through her condition enough to ask her how SHE was feeling, rather than exclaiming about her uterus working. And she's been pretty sensitive with regards to me and my lack of interest in all things kid...she left him at home with her sister for my wedding (which was 5 weeks after he was born), and when she came to visit my husband and I in our new apartment, she also left him at home. And oh thank heavens, she uses a breast pump behind a closed door, rather than letting it all hang out in public. She doesn't have as much time for me now, but since I live 85 miles away, that's to be expected. They're coming to our place for Thanksgiving, and she'll be bringing the baby, but I expect he'll sleep most of the time...I asked her to bring a blanket for him so we can spread it out on our bed and let him sleep in our room. My dad doesn't understand my position like my stepmother does, and so has gotten angry with me because when I talk to them, I don't ask about the baby. It's not a malicious thing, it's just that I don't think about it...and I don't want to think about it. My parents work hard, and watching them miss out on good things because they weren't more careful (and refused to exercise their right to an abortion...they live in a solidly blue state and there's a Planned Parenthood clinic not 35 miles away from them) is going to be difficult. My stepmother is very intelligent, and was only a few credits away from an Associate's degree, which would have lead to a B.A. and a good job (she wanted to be a high school or middle school Spanish teacher). And my dad is 46 years old...I worry about him climbing around on roofs and ladders, and crawling around on his hands and knees (a knee injury landed him in the hospital for a week a few years ago). It's hard, you know?

CFHistorian, I am sorry your dad was so insensitive about your stepmom's pregnancy. From what I read, most married women are less likely to consider an abortion compared to single women so the refusal for your stepmother to abort does not shock me. Before my birth control failed twelve years ago, the man I was seeing at the time made some comment of how he wished he could make me pregnant to prove his manhood. The jerk was from the Middle East. Yet, he had made his former wife have many abortions during their marriage. I immediately aborted when I missed my period and the test came back "positive".

I too wish it were possible to have a conversation with a person who wants to be a parent just so I could find out why it's so important to them to have a child, and see what reasons, if any, they have for it.
I doubt I'd be surprised, and I doubt any of the reasons would make logical sense, but I'd still like the chance to discuss with them.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

I got partially bingoed earlier today. DH and I were visiting an appartment downtown, as we plan to purchase our first property. The couple living there had two girls 5-6-ish and were leaving us in care of their real-estate agent. They told us that the neighbourhood had many possibilitied for kids, thus assuming that we wanted kids (duh, not everyone wants kids). I refrain from answering. The real-estate agent had already asked us if we had kids or were planning to have them, but only to assess our needs.