#1998--sad (vanishing girlfriend)

Been there, guest, and I understand your frustration & grief! Once this friend of mine got pregnant, every other topic vanished from her e-mail correspondence with me. She used to write about her parents/siblings, boyfriend, sports she played, her job...once she got pregnant all those topics vanished. I got rambling updates on her kid, right down to what frickin' shots he got at the doctor's office that day! She also sent pictures just about every other week (I was using a dial-up connection at first, too!) She had a college degree, had plans for grad school. But now she's a SAHM, and we just don't have a whole lot in common anymore. It's made me sad. It's hard to watch someone who used to be so smart, funny, and independent, morph into a totally different (and far less interesting) person.

Take comfort in the friends who've remained CF...I'm sure they're just as disappointed as you are, and can't wait to have a fun Christmas with you.

Modern Moohood disgusts me. My mom was a homemaker who raised two kids. She didn't have a dishwasher and we wore cloth diapers, yet she still managed to have a social life, hobbies and interests.

I blame Modern Moohood more than anything else. From what I hear, you are supposed to watch your chyyyyld's every move with rapt attention. God forbid that you should spend some time to yourself or even clean your house whilst Sprogley is awake. Apparently, this is known as being a Bad Mommy to the Moos of today. Couple that with a lazy Dud, as your friend seems to have, and you have a recipe for NO LIFE OUTSIDE SPROGLEY.

Ranter, I don't think it's too much to ask to see a friend once every six months. I bet this woman sees her MOO friends more often than that.

My experience with these types is that the friendship dies a slow death. Most of the time, they don't even notice you're gone.

Friendships need to be reciprocal in order to work. Many Moos forget this. Look, I can understand that having a child is a life-changing experience. I'll do things to a point. I'll even be around someone's kid, as long as it's not expected to be the norm. My relationship is with the person, not their fricking kid. .

Unfortunately, most Moos are incapable of conducting themselves as a separate person once Sprogley comes along. Sad. Sad. Sad.

It is a sorry situation when a person with a college education is reduced to a slobbering pile of diapershit when they breed. They lose all of their identity and personality and become Shitley's duhddy or Snotson's moomie instead. Using the Star Wars analogy, they cease being Aninteresting PersonWalking and become Breederbrain Vacuous. The interesting person with good conversation dies and instantly is mutated into the babbling dogshit-for-brains.

I also experienced the loss of my cousin. He lives in another country, but everytime we do instant messaging, he send photos of his fugly cross-eyed brat. I can't barely have a decent conversation about other things besides the brat. My cousin has been like a brother to me and with a brat and controlling SAHM on his side he has lost his identity and personality and is actually boring to talk to. A single CF of ours commented that he loves to hang out with DH and I because we are practically the only freinds he has who do not have kids and that all his friends with kids are boring and do not make any effort to want to drive out to see him. He is the one who has to go to these breeders' house and see the brats in tow as well. I rather hang out with CF people or tthe empty nesters with adult children who live in another state. I recently talked to one of my friends who had a baby this summer. She was on the phone with me for 20 minutes and the entire time you could here the brat making baby noises in the background. A mutual acquaintence said that 20 minutes was actually a long time to be on the phone with her because she is usually on th ephone for 5 minutes or less and she has to run because of the brat. I also hate it when older brats say of 5 /6 years are put on the phone to talk to me. I could give a f*** about talking to a brat and you have to pretend you care. It sucks to have friends with brats!

Guest Wrote:
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> I also hate it when older brats say
> of 5 /6 years are put on the phone to talk to me.
> I could give a f*** about talking to a brat and
> you have to pretend you care.

Oh Gawd, my former best friend did that to me every damn time she would call - and the brat was, like, 3. I couldn't understand a bloody word she was saying! Urgh!

Notice I said "former best friend" - because yeah, I could have written Guest's post word for word. Before I pulled the plug, 2 years ago, I would only see her once a year - and, what a coincidence, it was at Sproglina's b-day party. So I had to get a present, of course. She would say, "Oh no, it's not because I want you to buy her a gift!" Suuuuuuuuure. And: adios. After a 20-year friendship, no less. But there's only so much crap (and getting taken for granted) I can take.

At least you still have your other friends. I don't have any single friends anymore - though I do have a married one who is CF.

Anyway! You can vent all you want here, because we know how you're feeling!

Even the best-intentioned people change after breeding. It is the nature of the game. At the site I work security, one of the employees of the client is a nice lady. She has a college-aged son. C*e**l said how she did wanted a childfree-by-choice life for a long time. She and her then-husband used to brag about being able to have white carpet and nice furniture as well as the stereotype of the CF going to Europe all of the time.

Well, the woman decided that she did want one child so they had a baby. C*e**l's husband left her after she became disabled. No surprise there since most fellows...and some women, too...do not want to be around when the spouse is no longer able-bodied and attractive. The lady does not down the childfree and hates it when we are bingo'd. However, she did use the usual work bingo when she told me of how she had to leave work early a few times when the child was young due to illness.

One time, her son was in a cycling accident. No supervisor in the call center could argue her having to leave work ASAP due to the emergency. Getting to the ER was a priority. However, she did not call the job for a few days after even when the boy got home. She was lucky she was not terminated for a no call; no show but she did get a lecture. Her attitude towards her boss was, "You must never have had children to be so cold." Even many of the best people change once those babies are birthed.

A good friend of mine used to be an intelligent and interesting female, but she made no mystery about kids being her life goal. She found a spineless duh working for an unstable industry and on the verge of loosing his job for years. Once, we went out for her 30th birthday. My former bf and I were the only cf (he wanted to breed, not me). She had invited other young moos and all they kept talking about was the birth and all related kiddie stuff. I went to sit with the men to talk about computers and cars. When it was my turn to turn 30, she asked what I had planned. I told her frankly that I didn't want to invite her since all she could talk about were her kids (she was 2 years older than me and had 2 kids by the time I reached 30). Needless to say we don't speak to each other anymore.
My current best friend lives in the UK (I'm in Canada) and is married with a man 10 years older. They just bought a house and are trying for the golden sprog. It has not worked so far and I keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't. I rarely see her and only seldom get some news by email, so imagine what it would be with a sprog.
My husband used to have a cool friend here, but since his sproglina was born this year, all we get is silence.

Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to all of you who posted in response to my message. I am happy to have several CF friends who I can talk to because they make me understand that it isn't just me our friend is disappearing from, but everyone. I grew up with a single working mother who always loved me and met my needs, but she is highly intelligent, a lawyer, and always found the time to do adult things with friends and I guess it just takes me aback that someone that used to be so strong and smart has dissolved into nothing but an extension of her kid. Thanks for letting me vent and for knwoing all of you understand!!!!!! And Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

You're welcome, Guest.

My mom was also a single parent. I sometimes feel bad about pinging on the single moos because everyone says THEY are different. However, my mother did work hard and never took welfare. We always had a very nice standard of living because my mom worked hard and did well in the restaurant business as a server. Also, my mom had a life that did not revolve around her daughter. She had friends and her own interests. Mom taught me to think for myself and made it clear that sex did not have to result in children. She has always been supportive of my childfree-by-choice life and applauded my tubal as well as being more than supportive when I got an abortion after birth control failed 12 years ago.

Happy Turkey Day, Guest and All Other Friends...

You're very welcome, Guest. Your mom sounds like a great lady.