Misery loves company?

My DH has a cousin who is SAHMoo. She has two children. Her DH is a doc with his own
practice. They have good lifestyle. They live in a new house, eat only organic food etc.

However, the cousin’s mother told us that she is unhappy and frustrated because she has no career.
She sits around and over-eats out of frustration. She is not morbidly obese but definitely overweight.

Last time we saw her, she tried to bingo my DH. She constantly repeated mantras like “the best investment in life are your chyldren”, “chyldren are our future” etc.

I don’t understand how can she be that unhappy when she has everything? (The kydz are already older so she has definitely time for herself.)

But that’s not that important – my question on you is – Do you know someone who is obviously unhappy and still tries to bingo you and sell you the "happy family"?

Old old story.

just keep an eye open for a schadenfreude opportunity

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
mrs. chinaski
My DH has a cousin who is SAHMoo. She has two children. Her DH is a doc with his own
practice. They have good lifestyle. They live in a new house, eat only organic food etc.

However, the cousin’s mother told us that she is unhappy and frustrated because she has no career.
She sits around and over-eats out of frustration. She is not morbidly obese but definitely overweight.

Last time we saw her, she tried to bingo my DH. She constantly repeated mantras like “the best investment in life are your chyldren”, “chyldren are our future” etc.

I don’t understand how can she be that unhappy when she has everything? (The kydz are already older so she has definitely time for herself.)

But that’s not that important – my question on you is – Do you know someone who is obviously unhappy and still tries to bingo you and sell you the "happy family"?

My asshole brother does. Before he sprogged he referred to sprogs as "liabilities" when dating women who have them. Now, he uses every opportunity to bingo me. His marriage is a train wreck.

Quote
mrs. chinaski
My DH has a cousin who is SAHMoo. She has two children. Her DH is a doc with his own
practice. They have good lifestyle. They live in a new house, eat only organic food etc.

However, the cousin’s mother told us that she is unhappy and frustrated because she has no career.
She sits around and over-eats out of frustration. She is not morbidly obese but definitely overweight.

Last time we saw her, she tried to bingo my DH. She constantly repeated mantras like “the best investment in life are your chyldren”, “chyldren are our future” etc.

I don’t understand how can she be that unhappy when she has everything? (The kydz are already older so she has definitely time for herself.)

But that’s not that important – my question on you is – Do you know someone who is obviously unhappy and still tries to bingo you and sell you the "happy family"?

Sounds like your typical martyr moo. Even if she had a career, she'd probably still be unhappy and going on about how she has to work and raise kids. Moos are in love with their own martyrdom and if you offer a solution they'll get even more upset.

One of the worse things that can be done to a moo is to take away her martyrdom.

actually I find the happier a couple projects themselves to be in public, usually the opposite is actually the truth.

my mum went on for years about how I had to have a partner and kids to ever truly be happy, but I also had to have those things in a certain order at a certain age, or else I was just as bad if not worse than single and CL.

later all her freinds and family are remarried, she's in a crappy relationship herself, as an empty nester with ungrateful adult kids, she no longer thinks its worth the effort, its funny how that worked out for her perspective.

still she has her annoying days were she's overly concerned about my relationship lasting if I don't marry soon or give mr exile kids if he wanted them, but more often than that, I catch her saying "ugh all these screaming kids are annoying, lets go sit somewhere else, that's much quieter" or trying to knock kids that run full speed into her over with her hand bag casually.

Quote
JohnDrake
One of the worse things that can be done to a moo is to take away her martyrdom.

Great quote alertwink

Thank you all for your input.

I think that you are all right - martyrdom, projection,
even an occassional resignation due to ingratitude*
- all elements are very much present in her behaviour.

Some people, especially moos, are never satisfied.
They are never grateful for what they have in life.
They only focus on what they DON'T have and how
things SHOULD be.


* kydz get expensive courses like horse riding, music lessions
with private teachers. They are lazy, unmotivated etc.
Moo is disappointed for two reasons.
1. When they were younger, she was of the opinion
that her kydz are genius, exceptional. etc.
The usuall moo delusions.
She always emphasized some "progress" they made.
Then the reality bit her. She found out that there is nothing
special about them, they are just average like any other kydz.
2. She is disappointed that they have no interest in anything.
Those courses are expensive and kydz don't appreciate the effort
and the possibilites they have.
They only want to play computer games and surf on net.

there is a website called 'agingcare.com'. I go there on occasion for information, I post sometimes.
You would not believe the family dynamics that come out there. It would hurt my arm, typing now really really hurts due to an old neck injury, where family is just plain dung hill shit.
Mostly 'siblings do not help'. Siblings sue over inheritence. Brother stole all moms savings and now I can't take care of her.
Talk about train wrecks. Some 'family' works, other doesn't.
I am reminded constantly of the Toxic series that psychologist wrote. Talk about living examples.
Go there and think about the bingos... especially when some old geezer whom someone has been taking care of for the last decade or so, ignores a piece of shit sibling and keeps bailing out, sending money, undercutting the care taker. Holy crap.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Yeah, sound like typical martyr mommy syndrome.

One thing I've noticed: 1. kids are not automatically going to show appreciation for ANYTHING unless they're trained to do so. Yes, lurking parents, I said "trained". Suck it.

2. Kids are going to be more appreciative for lessons, etc in areas that they choose, paid for by THEIR money. I took horse riding lessons as a kid, but I used my own money to pay for the instructor's time. I drew from my allowance, dug dandelions from the yard, and did extra chores around the house (usually cleaning gutters, sweeping/cleaning the garage, vacuuming the cars, and polishing my parents' dress shoes). My parents would drop me off at the barn and pick me up later, but didn't hover over me. They didn't even stay! Horses were MY thing, and I was okay with them not being interested.

3. The sooner parents realize their kids are wholly unremarkable to the rest of the world, the better off they are.

4. Having TOO many options and opportunities is just as bad as having none. The behavior you describe (apathy, lack of follow-through, self-interest, etc) is a combination of having too many opportunities and not having to really work for/invest themselves in any of them. Limit their TV and game time, and let them earn their way, and they'll probably improve somewhat.

@ twocents: I come from a shitty family so I can imagine how far "family things" can go :-(
One of the reason I am CF is that I don't want to deal with a mess which a family can be.
I want to live in peace and harmony, not in a stress and negativity.

Do you have the link to the Toxic series you mention? Thanx in advance :-)

@ randomcfchick:
That all sounds smart and reasonable but you know,
a breeder will never appreciate any advice from a CF person!
In addition to this, I actually don't want to help her in any way :-)
1. I only want to stop her bingoing my DH.
2. She always has had a nice and convenient life since she was born.
She is snotty and entitled.
I think that those kind of people somehow "deserve" to get some shit.

Agreed, Mrs. Chinaski. I wasn't suggesting that you go and DO anything for/with her, or give her advice. She doesn't sound like one who would listen to it, unless it's something she likes. She's just as entitled as her kids. I was just commenting on what I've observed from my time on this planet.

ETA two cents might be talking about "Dealing With Toxic People"...it's a book by Susan Forward. It's pretty good for handling the really nasty ones in your life.

@ randomcfchick:
I understood it wrong. My bad :-(
I agree with all you posted.
Thank you for the book reference.

Breeders usually react allergically to any kind of suggestions made by CF
so I always avoid to make any. However, I expect them to do the same, i.e.
no bingos.
Some of them try to get my opinion, maybe because they want to play the smart
ones. In the past, I expressed my opinion when I was asked and then the answer
was always something like: "You'll see when you have your own chyldren..."
So I smartened up. When a breeder ask me, I always say: It's sooo difficult to raise
chyldren, I really don't knowwwww...
like - I don't have any kydz so it's not my fucking problem :-)))))

I feel a big disappointment from her that her chyldren aren't exceptional.
She gave up her career to be SAHMoo, she invested a lot of money and
time into them and nothing great came out of it.

Quote
mrs. chinaski

Some people, especially moos, are never satisfied.
They are never grateful for what they have in life.
They only focus on what they DON'T have and how
things SHOULD be.

My own mother was just like this.

:-(

I feel you. My in-laws are like this.