The child-free opted out of parenting because we respect how hard it is and know we're not up for it.

Has anyone read the "Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed" collection of essays?

I was reading about the book by Daum and came across the article seen below.

Daum argued that: "People who choose not to have kids do so because they respect the job of parenting so much that they know not to take it on if they know it’s not something that they’re up for, and I don’t know what to be a bigger tribute to parenting than that."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/31/meghan-daum-self-shallow-self-absorbed_n_6972414.html

Hm...I'll admit that one reason I am opting out of parenthood IS because I know how hard and draining it is but is that the only reason? Nope.

Do I have respect for parents because they're parents and are doing a very tough job? Nope. I respect people as human beings, though. They don't get special treatment and more respect than others because of a role they chose.

I'd still like to take a crack at this book, and her previous one, despite that somewhat irksome comment.

Care to share your views?

It sounded very apologetic and I have no intention of reading it. I read an excerpt and she implied that those of us who didn't struggle with the decision are probably lying to ourselves about it.

I don't respect "the job" of parenting and know I'm not up for it. I have no interest in it, and I have little respect for the crappy job I see so many doing.

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yurble
It sounded very apologetic and I have no intention of reading it. I read an excerpt and she implied that those of us who didn't struggle with the decision are probably lying to ourselves about it.

I don't respect "the job" of parenting and know I'm not up for it. I have no interest in it, and I have little respect for the crappy job I see so many doing.

I hope my post wasn't too breeder-pleasing. When I used the word "tough" in that context, I meant it more of in the way of sheer demands that turdlets cause.

The constant annoyance of having to repeat oneself, deal with tantrums, fight with them to eat their food, and pick up after themselves...it never ends!

All of this and you could still wind up with a grown turd who doesn't have anything to do with you anyway and is a pimple on the ass of society.

That's only the beginning.

I'd much rather have sex whenever we want, take long baths and play games uninterrupted, sleep in, keep a tight vagina, etc.

There's some posts about it in The Library. I borrowed it from the library and it was a slog. It's a bunch of breeder pleasing drivel. Can summarize it as "I don't have kids but lurve my friend's brats/nieces nephews/stepbrats" and Childfree people are irresponsible and selfish.

Don't waste your time with it.

This is a back handed way of calling the CF lazy and self absorbed eyes2

I, personally, AM willing to do HARD WORK - IF - it's something I care about.

Such as today - I spent time doing 'hard core' cleaning - which included crawling under a large table and vacuuming and wiping underneath it. And I'm not as flexible as I used to be so this was HARD WORK.

And it is also 'training' for me - because I hope to become a Construction Worker! Yes I CAN! And I WILL! I was even sick to nearly dying recently, and have drug side effects that involve the bones and joints. And I do have that. But I am fixing it. I will fix it, I will have what I want!
I enjoy doing physical work and I WILL DO THIS.

I'm too old to become a 'regular' construction worker, join any Unions, get in as an Apprentice. But - I do have tech ed. (mech. eng.), and if I can read the mechanical I can read construction dwgs, I am studying bldg. const. on my own, and this is why I am interested in RE also - because if I *own it* - I will work on it. I can 'make my own job'. And for my interest in Interior Design as well. If I own it - then I can be my own Designer and Worker. Forget expensive school and hustling for clients - I'm buying things and DIYing it. I can be my own client.

And it's all really fucking HARD. All of it - from the paperwork to the physical work.

And on top of it I got sick which involved Gulf War Syndrome drugs which wreck your body. I will fix this, I try very hard, I will fix this and become a Construction Worker.

I WILL.

I have nerves of steel and a very strong will. And it's not to say that I don't ever fail. This last injury and subsequent illness - really laid me low. But now I am feeling better and I FORCE MYSELF to carry on.

I have never shied away from HARD WORK - in the biz arena I made it up to VP. I have extensive ed. about 10 years worth, in Sci and Biz - and I busted my ass with all that, too. And still do because I have a 'day job'. Which is actually my own biz, I can't say it's all mine because I do have partners, but we made this, is the point. No more Corporate Stoogin for us! We can, and will - do better. And we did.

I work my ASS off! No matter what it is! From work, to side work I hope to get into, to cleaning my house. I BUST ASS. Even when I was Sick!

Point - I'm not afraid of HARD WORK. But - it has to be something I CARE ABOUT. And that benefits ME!

Birthing and caring for children does NOT benefit you. Unless you can keep a faithful providing husband. And not even then - at best you will get a subsistence lifestyle. Which can be anything from Little House On The Prairie to The Real Housewives Of Wherever. You subsist, you are tied to some other person (s).

I control my life, hard work, easy times, paying others to help - *I* control this. I kiss NO ONE'S ass! I'm in control. And I have WORKED HARD my entire life! I've been on my own since 16.

I'm SURE kids are HARD WORK! But I don't avoid it because of that - I avoid it because it's *too shitty of hard work* - that leads no where and traps you. And The Wallet is looking at women - like me. He can, and will - given the opportunity - leave Moo in a hot second. Think I'm going to gamble on this? Think again. I don't kiss anyone's ass either - if I don't do it in the work arena, I sure as shit don't do it at home. I'm not going to try to manipulate some man via crying, batting eyelashes, doing fake elaborate sex, whining about 'The Children' - just to keep him home and working.

I will ONLY be with a guy who WANTS to be with me. Nothing less. No games.

In ANYTHING in life - I want it to be because I WANT TO - not because I *have to*.

Not afraid of hard work - IF it goes to something I WANT.

I do not want kids. It's pretty straight forward. And for anything else - those who write about this - it's pretty obvious that you have to parse hard work from kids.

You're not afraid of hard work - you choose not to do that work.

Speaking of Construction Workers - does anyone brow beat them with - What, are you TOO LAZY to work towards being an Architect or Engineer? NO, they don't. And in fact they - they make MORE MONEY than the office people.

What a FUCKED UP society we live in! And IMO it's all geared to breeding. The most obvious is to make sure men make more so they can pay women for sex. Not prostitutes - to woo a potential wife and get to breeding.

It's Animal Husbandry is what it is, applied to humans. So the Capitalists can make more money off of your back.

And I personally am willing to work myself to the bone, 24 / 7, whatever it takes - to get OUT of this system!

And I work for myself. Not Them.

And if I would have to (and have been close to it at times) - I'd rather live in squalor than clone up with them.

HARD WORK is for ME - NOT YOU, Fascists.

I've been working hard since I was 17 years old. I know what it is, thank you very much; and to you especially, SHAMS, don't dare whine to me how much harder you have it than I have.

The 'challenges' of parenthood and whether or not I'm 'up' for them are irrelevant. I have zero repsect for the shit job most breeders are doing, then have the sheer gall to call themselves 'parents.' The only reason I never took on that entirely voluntary servitude is because I couldn't be less interested in motherhood and have far too much respect for myself than to become nothing more than *so & so's* mom.

So yeah, breeders, just ask me why I never had kids. I won't tiptoe around your delicate little fee-fees one bit. And if you feel a little bit worse about your life once I'm done, maybe that's just your guilty conscience trying to prompt you to think about doing something constructive to improve your crap life.

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videogamesforeverkidsnever

Daum argued that: "People who choose not to have kids do so because they respect the job of parenting so much that they know not to take it on if they know it’s not something that they’re up for, and I don’t know what to be a bigger tribute to parenting than that."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha........

NO

Don't put words into my mouth lady.

Of all the reasons that I'm CF this isn't really one of them. Is parenting hard? Probably. But you know what? Plenty of things in life are hard but you get on with it. FFS you don't hear chimpanzees banging on about how sainted motherhood is.

I have nothing against parenthood in general but I really don't get why it's suddenly become the Greatest Most Important Job In The World EVAR. I'm sure it wasn't like that when I was a kid and I'm not that old (20s). My folks just got on with it.

Damn I'm feeling cranky today :/

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:BS
Daum argued that: "People who choose not to have kids do so because they respect the job of parenting so much that they know not to take it on if they know it’s not something that they’re up for, and I don’t know what to be a bigger tribute to parenting than that."

What a load of breeder pleaser bullshit!

I don't have kids because I DON'T WANT THEM. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever. The thought of caring for a baby is just disgusting, pregnancy even more so. I have no respect for parents, because I see them abusing, and neglecting their kids. Or, they put their spawn on a pedestal, because their speceale speauflayke can do no wrong, and everybody must worship at The Alter Of The Child.

Me being CF has nothing to do with creating a tribute to parents. Me being CF means I.Do.Not.Want.Kids. I own it. I don't make excuses for how I think on this issue. And, I won't whitewash or hide behind some politically correct statement to keep breeders happy and thinking they're special for fucking without birth control.

If this person Daum wants to lick breeder ass, then he's quite welcome to do it. Just don't do it in my CF name.

What a load of :BS :BS :BS

I don't respect parents for doing their job. While I realise that taking care of a kid, is an enormous responsibility, the aforementioned parents incurred that responsibility all on their own.
They decided to have a kid. It is therefore their duty to take care of it.

Deliberately dumping a jar of beets on the floor and then cleaning up the mess, doesn't make you a hero.

While all the reasons to be childfree are good and valid, they play a small supporting role to my central reason: I don't want to be a mother. I abhor sustained company of small children.

I do however, despise breeders for being derelict in their duties.

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" ... what's one more once you've already got two shedding on the couch?"

Respect parents and the parenting role ????

Ha hahhhaaaahaaaaa haaa ha HA HA !!!!

Very few parents are worthy of respect as a person and they created an unnecessarily difficult role for themselves!

I would not denigrate anyone, especially a child free person by saying that they are lesser for simply not being a parent.
What idiotic non-sentient lump came up with this stuff ?

Yeah, I think parenting is hard, and I am not up to it, but respect does not enter into it. Respect is something that individuals earn for being a good person. That is all. It has nothing to do with whether or not you are a parent. You can be a shitty parent and I will not respect you.

I think guys had a very hard job back in the days of the Wild West when they were playing the Russian roulette -voluntarily. Can you imagine how hard it must have been?

I don't think that the essay is for the CF. I think the essay is for wanna breeders. It is meant to softly appease them with the purpose of a statement that it is totally ok if they do not breed. It rubs breeders with a goose feather between their butt cheeks.

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Techie
I don't think that the essay is for the CF. I think the essay is for wanna breeders. It is meant to softly appease them with the purpose of a statement that it is totally ok if they do not breed. It rubs breeders with a goose feather between their butt cheeks.

Absolutley. Its screams "Ssshhhhh, shhhhhhh, it's OK now, those nasty CF are doing it for you. You're right, they're wrong. Shhhhhhhhhhh. Drink the Kool Aid like a good girl". *Pat, pat*.

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Very few parents are worthy of respect as a person and they created an unnecessarily difficult role for themselves!

QFT.

If you are going to be a parent, suck it up and don't expect ass-kissing for doing the job you signed on for. This article sounds really ass-kissy and I'm not reading it. Parents get all kinds of praise simply for reproducing and they won't get it from me.

As an aside, not only are they creating a difficult job for themselves, they are doing it at a time when we are running out of resources. There are 7+ billion humans on Earth and as much as Breeders like to delude themselves, the World does not "need" their specific child. Breeding in the current environment is all about "I WANT." Never mind that they are creating a being that eventually may have a really bad life due to crime, lack of resources,implosion of the economy, etc.

Oh no, it's more important that Mummy and Duddy receive udder rubs and my-dick-worked adulation, than address the quality of life for their spawn.