112 Weddings--Might as well be called "torpedo your life/relationship with a kid."

I caught part of a documentary called 112 weddings--didn't see all of it but saw a lot.

A filmmaker who shoots weddings on the side made a documentary about some of the couples whose weddings he filmed. He followed up with them years later. A couple of the stories really stood out and were an example of what ill-chosen life partners and kids do to your life.

#1. a woman with a master's degree in music and a job offer at a university relocated herself and her life for a man. He promptly moved them to the suburbs and they had kids (no word on the number, but multiple). In the present day, music is not part of her life. He clearly did not want her talking to the filmmaker and expressing an original opinion of what the marriage was like for her. She looked very miserable.

#2. The female half of another couple looked so vibrant and attractive at her wedding. Fast forward five years: she took fertiliity drugs to get pregnant and by her own admission, spiraled into a deep depression. To the husband's credit, he seemed supportive and was hanging in there but as I watched it I couldn't help but think what a cost it was to all of them, particularly the woman. She looked flat, lifeless and like a different person as she discussed how hard it is to battle her illness and be there for her kid and husband

Let's hope she can pull out of it and these two dumbasses don't compound their problems with another kid, but if they are like 99% of people in the world, they will.

#3. A woman who got married at 21 to a Wall Street guy, popped out three kids and then dumped her for another woman afer 19 years. She found out after the turd went with her to marriage counseling for 8-9 months. His reasons were that he "grew" and she did not. He presented like any other high earning man who felt justified in trading up.

She admitted that she put the kids before him.

It was just an object lesson of how most people have kids and fail to think how it will affect their relationship.

What I saw looked generally well done. The general theme was that anyone can get married, but having a successful union is a different thing altogether. Unfortunately, many people have kids before they figure out they are with the wrong person.

These women get their heads stuck so far up their kids butts they forget everything else.. Including the fact they have a hubby. They are just gonna go looking for satisfaction elsewhere.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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#1. a woman with a master's degree in music and a job offer at a university relocated herself and her life for a man. He promptly moved them to the suburbs and they had kids (no word on the number, but multiple). In the present day, music is not part of her life. He clearly did not want her talking to the filmmaker and expressing an original opinion of what the marriage was like for her. She looked very miserable.

This reminds me of a book I recently read. Which is quite depressing but also well worth the read ~

http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Girl-A-True-Story/dp/0452285852

This 'girl', this woman's story - her mother wished to be a singer. Which she worked at even after she was born. But, the girl / Author was blamed and tormented and the mother resented her.

It's a very interesting tale, very depressing, I do think such things do need to be published and such people do need 'a voice' - I think things like this are *important*.
Of course most people will never see such things nor look for them.

It's a very interesting yet disturbing book. I do recommend it for those who can take such things. I found it in a library so others can probably find it at their local libraries too. For me, it made me think that my child hood was not all that bad - in comparison. And I thought - I did 'take control of myself'. This woman / Author - seemed to let her past define her too much. But then again, she was writing about 'those years' and her child hood, and did seemingly move on (somewhat). This is not discussed too much in the book. And the past did always seem to haunt her.

A mother who wished to be a pro singer and who had worked hard at it - and resented her child who dragged her down. If you can take such tales - it's an interesting book.

I am reading an esoteric book.
The authors state that the partner choice
is a vital choice because your whole
life, your destiny depends on it.

This is so true. When you have a great partner,
he will support you, you can become the best "you".
When you have a bad partner, the relationship will
only throw you off track. It will use up your resources
and in a worst-case-scenario even ruin your life.

The Uni. Of Cinci music woman's Dad sure looked liked he sure knew what was up. He was PISSED she married that guy.

I thought this movie was more a story warning about just giving up and deciding that "being a mom is the most important thing in my life" and just be a stay at home mom. Guess what, if your man has a midlife crisis, he's going to leave.

That is exactly what that smug Wall street guy did, trade up. Why would any woman want to put herself in that kind of risk?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby. And don't think maybe, if you can't feed your baby."
- The wisdom of the late Michael Jackson
"The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children." - Paul Ehrlich

Crap, I can't find the source on this one...will Google more thoroughly later...but I heard a longish, smartly-done piece on the radio about fancy weddings and duration of marriages. Once they controlled for "having to get married", aka accidental pregnancy, they found that bigger weddings tended to correlate with shorter marriages. The filmmaker in "112 weddings" probably has some data on his hands about that.

Quote
mrs. chinaski
I am reading an esoteric book.
The authors state that the partner choice
is a vital choice because your whole
life, your destiny depends on it.

This is so true. When you have a great partner,
he will support you, you can become the best "you".
When you have a bad partner, the relationship will
only throw you off track. It will use up your resources
and in a worst-case-scenario even ruin your life.

Add to the mix that sometimes people change or don't show all their colors at the beginning and marriage becomes a gamble.

I would recommend a good look at narcissism and narcissistic parents.
Many here have suffered at the hand(s) of narcs. Some have correctly identified their own parent(s) as a narc and have handled it. Others are still coping.
I am increasingly coming to think that a lot of kid problems, kid behaviors we do not like and almost everyone despises, are a result of narcissistic moos and sometimes duhs. The duh is either an enabler or also a narc.
Someone here mentioned a book 'the narcissism epidemic' or a similar sounding title: if it is taken all together, it explains a hell of a lot of things, the attitude of parents, the ill behaviored kids, etc.
There is normal child behavior because they simply have not matured. Then there are children who have no clue how to behave because their parent(s) do not teach them, could not be bothered to teach them, or the parent(s) are narcs and the kids are actually being victimized although the parents are the very model of (so called) decency. They are crazy making and the child does not know how to react.
Doesn't make me want to have them, however, a lot of children are the victims. And, given the increase in narcissism, the outlook really is quite bleak.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.