Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 23, 2022 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
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I'll fuck her, but I'm holding it against her that she didn't want to be Insta-Mommy when she was 20
My biggest issue is I’m about 70 percent sure I’m going to want at least one kid in the next 10-ish years. Before I found out about Rue, Rowan had said she’d be down with that. But is there really any chance she’d be an okay mom? Do I need to worry about her abandoning our kid if something happened to me? How can I begin to talk to her about this? And should I even try? Or is someone who would do what she did, and still defend it years later, a terrible person I can maybe enjoy sexytimes with, but shouldn’t plan a long-term relationship?
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 24, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,062 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 24, 2022 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 25, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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bell_flower
The OP even suggests she's a "terrible person," but of course he's still down with having sex with her.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 25, 2022 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 25, 2022 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,976 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 26, 2022 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,979 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 28, 2022 | Registered: 3 years ago Posts: 129 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 29, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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misskitty
but I judge Rowan a bit because Rue was 8. There's not much raising to do for an 8 year old when they're the type who support themselves at 18. Rue would have been able to look after herself by 11 or 12 save for a few rides or forms to complete, then Rowan would have had plenty of twenties remaining to enjoy. I don't think she's changed enough to be a good parent because she feels no regret for what happened to Rue.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 30, 2022 | Registered: 3 years ago Posts: 129 |
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kittehpeoples
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misskitty
but I judge Rowan a bit because Rue was 8. There's not much raising to do for an 8 year old when they're the type who support themselves at 18. Rue would have been able to look after herself by 11 or 12 save for a few rides or forms to complete, then Rowan would have had plenty of twenties remaining to enjoy. I don't think she's changed enough to be a good parent because she feels no regret for what happened to Rue.
How many children have you raised to adulthood? Because it sounds like you have zero clue what it takes to raise a functional human being. You think an 8 year old can essentially raise themselves, bar signing legal documents or driving? I mean, I guess if you're willing to neglect your kid, it's true, they can fend for themselves to an extent, but raising a child is a lot more than that. And it may be less expensive than starting from conception, but it's still not cheap.
This woman was absolutely within her rights (and absolutely right) not to raise this child, even with them being sisters. She never agreed to it, she wasn't ready for it, she didn't make the choice to bring the child into the world...it sucks they lost their parents, but she shouldn't have to completely upend her life because of it.
No one should have to be a parent if they don't want to be, under any circumstances. At all.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 30, 2022 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
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misskitty
No, I think Rue at 11 or 12 years old could have essentially raised herself, bar signing legal documents or driving. They're the type who leave at 18 and Rue had no disability. The only reason Rowan gave was enjoying her twenties (no mention of affording it), but she'd still have more than half her twenties left.
Rowan had the right to make that choice, but her boyfriend is perfectly reasonable to consider that choice if they're going to have kids. She left her "nice, normal" sister to foster care and possibly sex work for what seems to be just some extra dating or partying. Her right to do that, but he also has the right to decide that he doesn't want kids with her given this information.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 30, 2022 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 31, 2022 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,576 |
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yurble
It seems much more irresponsible to me for a man (of any age, but especially one who by virtue of his age should no longer be making impulsive teenage decisions) to continue having sex with a woman he doesn't deem fit to be a mother, potentially impregnating her and putting his own child at risk of having a bad mother, than it is for a woman to refuse at a young age to take responsibility for a child which isn't her own.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 31, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,062 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty July 31, 2022 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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cfdavep
The girl would've been 12 when this kid was born and maybe did not connect with the sister. I wonder if she was expected by the parents to look after it when she is was just starting her teens and there was a lot of resentment
She may have been mentally not in a place to help her and then 12 years later may have grown a lot and maybe in a place to have kids, but the guy is treating her like she is evil. I seems that he is judging her worth as a human on how he sees her to have valued family at 20, thinks she is that same person and thinks that such a female deserved to just be used for sex and tossed. Pretty diabolical, maybe the old, must really be a whore if she was not a Madonna.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty August 02, 2022 | Registered: 3 years ago Posts: 129 |
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yurble
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misskitty
No, I think Rue at 11 or 12 years old could have essentially raised herself, bar signing legal documents or driving. They're the type who leave at 18 and Rue had no disability. The only reason Rowan gave was enjoying her twenties (no mention of affording it), but she'd still have more than half her twenties left.
Rowan had the right to make that choice, but her boyfriend is perfectly reasonable to consider that choice if they're going to have kids. She left her "nice, normal" sister to foster care and possibly sex work for what seems to be just some extra dating or partying. Her right to do that, but he also has the right to decide that he doesn't want kids with her given this information.
And how many children have you fostered or adopted, or otherwise rescued from the system? Fuck off with foisting obligation not of her making on Rowan, unless you're stepping up for the role that she declined (in which case, why are you on a CF board?).
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yurble
Suggesting that Rowan has greater responsibility than you do because she happens to be related to Rue - even though she had zero culpability in Rue existing or Rue needing a parent - stems from the same toxic view of familial responsibility that would have us all reproducing in order to satisfy the expectations of our parents.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty August 02, 2022 | Registered: 3 years ago Posts: 129 |
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freya
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cfdavep
The girl would've been 12 when this kid was born and maybe did not connect with the sister. I wonder if she was expected by the parents to look after it when she is was just starting her teens and there was a lot of resentment
She may have been mentally not in a place to help her and then 12 years later may have grown a lot and maybe in a place to have kids, but the guy is treating her like she is evil. I seems that he is judging her worth as a human on how he sees her to have valued family at 20, thinks she is that same person and thinks that such a female deserved to just be used for sex and tossed. Pretty diabolical, maybe the old, must really be a whore if she was not a Madonna.
I wonder about this too. I'm also wondering why Rowan would think it will be different when it is her own when she is in her thirties as the only differences will be she can't give it back and she will be responsible as much as 100% of the time depending on her spouse. It is possible she will hit her thirties and decide not to participate in the shitshow known as breeding. By that time she'll likely know tons of regretful breeders, including this soon to be ex-boyfriend loser.
The default is that wimmin will do 100% of the care taking and it takes lots of will to refrain or reduce this expectation.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty August 08, 2022 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,979 |
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty August 08, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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freya
I'm also wondering why Rowan would think it will be different when it is her own when she is in her thirties as the only differences will be she can't give it back and she will be responsible as much as 100% of the time depending on her spouse.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty August 08, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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misskitty
I'm wondering about both these things too. I also wonder if she just wants to check off a box in her thirties given her "enjoy her twenties" statement. If she has grown a lot and is in a place to have kids, then why isn't she giving any support to her sister now? Even if her sister is not in sex work, she just aged out of the foster system so she's unlikely to be in a comfortable situation.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty August 08, 2022 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,576 |
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kittehpeoples
Any of those reasons is sufficient. This poor woman should not be judged, especially by someone who claims to love her, for being responsible enough to say "I'm not ready" when faced with sudden and forced motherhood.
Re: Dear Prudence: Man is judging his girlfriend for Not Raising her Sister when she was Twenty August 11, 2022 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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craftyzits
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kittehpeoples
Any of those reasons is sufficient. This poor woman should not be judged, especially by someone who claims to love her, for being responsible enough to say "I'm not ready" when faced with sudden and forced motherhood.
This man wants a fuck hole, not someone to love, and he most certainly does not love this woman.