Ashton:
Please excuse the unsolicited email from an AOL user in Kentucky. I read your comments about RR and would like to address them. Feel free to reply, delete or ignore and then have a good day.
I just think that women that have never had children have no idea what they are missing.
While spending time, including five-day babysitting jaunts, may not be exactly like having one "of your own" I was sure when I kept some of my six nieces/nephews that it gave a close enough picture to convince hubby and I we did not need one ourselves.
Do you question other's decision not to procreate out of a true concern for our happiness? To share ones' misery? To ensure the longevity of mankind? (which incidently, seems to be doing fine). Or because you just cannot imagine a life without children?
Do you truly, truly believe everyone is suited to be a parent? I mean, not all of us are suited to be world class runners. Or nurses. Or actors. Why would you think every single woman should be a mother?
They make the choice without even knowing what they are giving up.
You're right. I also made the choice to not have a tattoo without ever knowing what I am giving up. And tattoos and babies have a lot in common; both last a loooong time. If one decides that its "not for her", there is no turning back. A baby can NOT be sent back where it came from.
Would you prefer that those of us who knew at an early age that parenting looked like a long, hard, aggravating, thankless job to go ahead and birth anyway? Only to resent what resulted from it?
I just find it somewhat selfish for Rachel to say that she just doesn't have the time.
Well, then call me selfish too. My husband and I also do not have the time. He owns his own Structural Engineering Firm, I own my own antiques business, and on the weekends we have restored seven historic buildings and homes. (Perhaps your grandchildren can enjoy them some day). We also work out four hours/week, volunteer in our city on Habitat and neighborhood projects, take Salsa classes, hold weekly dinner parties, and spend time with our families.
You call not having children selfish. Have you heard the reasons people give for HAVING them lately? "To have someone take care of you when you get old". "So I didn't have to go to work (wives use this one)". "I wanted to see what it would look like". "I love all the little clothes". No kidding. People have actually given me ALL of the above reasons. I admired their candor.
And what is so unselfish about claiming another portion of the earth's resources for yourself and chidlren?
What is so unselfish about asking to be first in line at airports, movie theaters and buffets "because I have chidlren?"
What is so unselfish about expecting either a larger welfare check or larger tax break to take care of your OWN children?
What is unselfish about eating at restaurants where "children eat free"? (Who do you think pays for that...yep us. Well, not hubby and I. We will not go to restaurants where children are not charged.
Finally, what is selfish about hubby and I paying $ 6500 per year in school taxes for schools we will NEVER use. As his best friend (a mother) told him last year: "They should at least send people like you a thank you note".
We'd settle for not being called shallow, selfish, cold or barren. Well, that and the right to peace during an expensive dinner out.
Further: Did you know that your marriage is more likely to last without children?
That in a survey of her readers in the 1970's two thirds of Ann Landers readers confessed they would not have children if they had it to do over?
That depression is nearly twice as common among parents than non-parents?
No, I didn't think so.
Take Care,
Teri