high-flying wives ditch men they wanted to stay at home

i thought this was interesting, we say a lot about sahm, heres some sahd's who by staying home, end up as being thought of useless.. yet sahm's are worshipped.


Househusband backlash as high-flying wives ditch men they wanted to stay at home
By DIANA APPLEYARD - More by this author »

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=467390&in_page_id=1879

It's the bitterest of ironies: thousands of men who've given up work to care for their children are being ditched by their high-flying wives - who wanted them to stay at home in the first place

At the time it seemed like a good idea. After all, Richard Dean told himself, he was earning less than his wife Louise, a high-flying marketing executive. And did it really matter who was at home to look after their children?


With that in mind, it was not such a difficult decision for him to give up his career as a manager in the manufacturing industry to look after their ten-month-old son, Jack.

He hoped it would bring them closer together as a family. In reality, it sounded the death knell for their marriage.

sensed that Louise was becoming more detached and less interested in me sexually within a year of becoming a househusband," says Richard, 50. "She was always picking on me for silly little things she said I hadn't done, like the washing up or not tidying away the toys.

"It was as if she was losing all respect for me, just because I was the one at home, doing the domesworktic duties. Then, one day two years ago, she announced she was leaving me - and taking the children with her. She told me she was going to go and live with her mother 20 miles away. To say I was devastated does not do my feelings justice. It was as if the bottom had fallen out of my world."

Divorce lawyer Vanessa Lloyd-Platt says that in her experience, the decision to allow the wife to be the main wage earner will have a detrimental effect on as many as half of these relationships, and that divorce statistics in these cases have risen by at least five per cent in the past two years.

"My warning would be to think long and hard about letting the man stay at home,' she says. 'I know it is very trendy for the wife to be the breadwinner, but in my professional experience this decision will strain the marriage. It may be fun at first to say 'I have a househusband', but the wife will quickly begin to resent the fact the man is not pulling his weight financially.

(so the man has no choice in the matter, its work work work, then die)

She will think: 'You're not supporting me' - within all of us I think there is still a very deep-seated belief that men should be the protectors. A gradual lack of respect begins to eat into the relationship, and it puts men in a very vulnerable position

"I was happy to do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and washing, but I began to feel that Louise was taking me for granted," he says. "She'd come home exhausted after a ten-hour day, and I'd be desperate to chat, to have some adult conversation, but she'd say she was too tired."

James says that as a househusband 12 years ago he was very much in the minority, and many mothers were very distrustful of him.

"There weren't many couples doing this when we first made the decision, and I think some other mothers thought I was trying to seduce them when I'd chat to them at coffee mornings and play groups,' he says.

"In the park, they'd all be sitting chatting to each other while I rushed around physically playing with my kids and they ignored me.

"Then when my wife came home she'd plonk herself down in a chair and put on the TV or read a magazine and ignore me, too, while I was still running round with the children.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Yea, I often thought of this. SAHDs are thought of as useless slackers yet SAHMs are worshipped like a Goddess. Everyone pity's the poor women, out working to support her FAMBLEE while the mayun stays home.

I doubt it's so cut-and-dried.

I always thought it was a nasty double-standard if a man stayed at home with the kids if the couple felt the mom's income was better. My stepbro is a SAHD but he is a fucking slacker. That is why a really cool girlfriend of his broke off with him back in 1988. His wife is such a fool...

So true. When the woman gives up her career to care for the golden sprog, it's a sacrifice- but soooo worth it! A man does the same, and he's all of a sudden a burden on moo? He can't support her anymore? There are other ways to be supportive, besides lining wifey's palms with greenbacks.

IMO, only a really good man (unless he's a loser who just doesn't want to work) would give up his income to care for his kids. But of course, Moo wants it all.

Any parent can figure out a way to say "oh poor me" no matter what the situation. I really don't take much stake in their self-martyrdom. Yes, it's a bad scene when families break up, but that seems to be the way it goes no matter who does the leaving and who does the staying. I am pretty sure with divorce rates where they're at right now, the success/failure rates of marrages are the same whether or not someone is a SAHM vs a SAHD.

SAHMs (not that I'm supporting them, but still) have felt the same way as this guy for as long as there have been SAHM's. It's funny to watch guys have to deal with the same issues, and I have to admit I don't feel much sympathy for him. For as long as there have been SAHMs, they've complained about their husbands not respecting them or their work, except when their husbands leave, they get stuck with the brats and must live in poverty.

I know some of those high-flying moos who have SAHduhds, and they are the most vicious, vile cunts under the sun. On one hand they talk about how duhddie is 'involved' in child raising and "seeing what it is like", and instantly turn on hubby by emasculating him at every turn and complaining when they do not go home to a Martha Stewart perfect life.

There is some sweet revenge to be had. One particularly nasty twat was fucking her male admin while divorcing her SAHduhd. The judge was not the least amused, and smacked her with a California child support judgment that has her bitching to high heaven about unfairness. The SAHduhd kept the house and is soaking it to the cunt to the tune of over $4,000 a month in child support. Her admin sued her and her employer for sexual harrassment and forced a very high out of court settlement in the matter. The bitch is still employed, but knowing her bosses they way I do, I can imagine they are just waiting for the slightest reason to shove her out the door. She bitches, moans and whines to every other female that comes into contact with her. I do not put up with this shit and now she hates me beyond words. I guess that my comment to her, "You are a useless piece of shit" hit home.

California child support enforcement is downright vicious, and if the cunt does not pay she will find her life a veritable hell.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

> The bitch is
> still employed, but knowing her bosses they way I
> do, I can imagine they are just waiting for the
> slightest reason to shove her out the door.

She is VERY lucky to be employed still! I wonder if part of it is due to sympathy for her ex husband, so he won't be left without an income. She best mind her P's and Q's from now on! Sweet Jesus, sexual harassment is radioactive at my university: she would've been terminated quick.

Childfree Chicago Lawyer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> SAHMs (not that I'm supporting them, but still)
> have felt the same way as this guy for as long as
> there have been SAHM's. It's funny to watch guys
> have to deal with the same issues, and I have to
> admit I don't feel much sympathy for him. For as
> long as there have been SAHMs, they've complained
> about their husbands not respecting them or their
> work, except when their husbands leave, they get
> stuck with the brats and must live in poverty.

I hate to say it but I feel the same way. One would think most men would be smart enough to not go the "stay-at-home" route when they know how most housewives of past eras were unmercifully dumped for a younger model and ended up with the brats living in poverty. When a woman wants valid child support (not talking alimony here...or high sums for the children), she is labeled as greedy...yet the poor men are swooned over by the same sort of people. Single women tend to be the biggest breeder pleasers and will act like a custodial dad is a saint while looking down on the single mother.

sharon j. Wrote:
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> She is VERY lucky to be employed still! I wonder
> if part of it is due to sympathy for her ex
> husband, so he won't be left without an income.
> She best mind her P's and Q's from now on! Sweet
> Jesus, sexual harassment is radioactive at my
> university: she would've been terminated quick.

You're right on about that! Even the most consenting of office romances can be labeled as sexual harassment once someone gets fired, the relationship ends with one person feeling bitter, or the subordinate trying to extort money just for the hell of it. Work is not the place to find bed buddies despite the fact how most people spend most of their waking hours at the job. This is the quickest way for a woman to be labeled as nothing more than a female who screws to get ahead or the "office slut". I've worked in male-dominated fields and knew better than to ever go out with any of my co-workers or supervisors.

I'm with Feh. It sounds like the failure rate of marriages is about the same no matter who stays home. Anecdotal evidence isn't enough to show that the SAHD-situation leads to more divorces.

Nour Wrote:
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> I'm with Feh. It sounds like the failure rate of
> marriages is about the same no matter who stays
> home. Anecdotal evidence isn't enough to show that
> the SAHD-situation leads to more divorces.

Even marriages with the childfree are no less immune to divorce. I am not the only one on this board or other CF sites who have gotten divorced.

Obviously, marriage itself is no guarantee that one won't end up in divorce. To be divorced, one must have been married, and if you aren't ever married, you won't ever have the chance to experience divorce. This doesn't mean that ALL marriages end up in divorce, or that ALL divorces are nightmarish trips through the 4th circle of hell (legal activities and court).

However I think a couple might increase their chances of staying married if they: know their partner and accept them for how they are, have a relationship built on mutual trust and respect, are willing to work with their partner, aren't willing to just say "I tire of you now" and end everything, are willing to focus on their partner's needs, and make their relationship with their partner an important part of their lives. At least that's how the relationships, not just marriages, I've seen lasting into the decades seem to work.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Well put, Feh.

Also, it has been my experience that childed couples who BOTH work, seem to have better relationships than ones where 1 parent stays home. I've heard from both situations where couples that have 1 parent who stays home, seem to live different lives.

There seems to be a disturbing trend among families these days in that The Family as a concept is to be put forth as the Most Important thing and gets talked up alot, and people in these situations seem to feel obligated to spend Every Free Moment together, but never actually do anything interactive together, or really anything alone.

For example, you have a family of four. Dad works, Mom stays home and the kids are in school. When Dad gets home, he's expected to then spend his free time at home where they each retire to their separate rooms to stare at screens (TV/computer), or "supporting" the children at their various clubs and classes where neither parent actually interacts with each other OR the children. Maybe they eat dinner once a week, but the kids are allowed their electronic fun, Dad's reading the paper, and Mom's unwrapping the premade delights. So, if they ever did try to actually talk to eachother, no one would really have anything interesting to say, because none of the adults are allowed to pursue any interests outside the family, and well, children are boring.

Does that make sense? It's like these people SAY they are a family, and do all the activities that might make an outsider think they are a family, but no one in that family ever actually interacts on a significant level with anyone else in the family.

Personally, I think it's a lot easier to throw away a group of people you hardly know, and relationships you've invested nothing in, when you become "bored", annoyed or something better seems to come along. What's the point of working through any problems that may arise with a group of people who are really no more than roommates you happen to be bound to legally, or genetically?

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

SAHMs (not that I'm supporting them, but still) have felt the same way as this guy for as long as there have been SAHM's. It's funny to watch guys have to deal with the same issues, and I have to admit I don't feel much sympathy for him. For as long as there have been SAHMs, they've complained about their husbands not respecting them or their work, except when their husbands leave, they get stuck with the brats and must live in poverty.

This is what I was going to say. When women leave stay-at-home men, the talk is all about "oh, the poooooor men! Those eeeeeeeeevil bitches!' But when men leave stay-at-home women, everyone's all about "he probably left because she was boring and didn't ever go anywhere. Stupid bitch just wanted to stay home and do nothing and expect him to pay for it. I can't believe she expects him to pay her alimony." How interesting.

That’s right, Kat. In either case, it’s about those poor men who are worthy of our sympathy and those stupid, ungrateful bitches. ::sarcasm::

Any breeder, of any gender, will use anything to play the martyr. I've never seen a group of people with more of a martyr complex than breeders, Never. Maybe if they got down off that baby-spit covered cross of theirs, and actually DID something...but then they couldn't be martyrs, could they? And then no one could ever fathom that breeding is...say it with me...The Most Important Job In The World (tm).

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

amethusos* Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Even marriages with the childfree are no less
> immune to divorce. I am not the only one on this
> board or other CF sites who have gotten divorced.

After I tell people I'm divorced after 13 years of marriage, and no, we did not spawn, some have gone as far as to say to me, "Well maybe you SHOULD have had kids, then you wouldn't be divorced!"

To which I smugly reply, "If we would have had kids, we would have NEVER seen 13 years."