Hi there, I'm so glad I found this messageboard for people like
me who don't want kids. I used to feel like I was the only one.

Anyways, my fiance's family is starting to piss me off.
First of all, I wanted an adults only wedding and reception.
But that can't happen, because all his breeder cousins can't
afford babysitters, so they have to bring all their brats to
my wedding! I don't mind older well-behaved kids, but I don't
think screaming and tantrum throwing toddlers and babies need
to be there. Nevermind all the yucky diaper changing and cleaning
of spit up. I don't seem to have a choice in the matter, but this
seems unfair. Surely these people can do without their kids for
one night. You'd think they'd welcome a chance to have a break
from the brats for one night. Geez. Just had to rant.
It's a wedding for god's sake, not a daycare.

Girl, you DO have a choice and it depends on whether your guy can stand up to his famblee..
Make sure he is his own man and not a 'mama's boy' or a 'family boy'.
Elope comes to mind?
The choice comes down to this: do you want a sprogg free ceremony, quiet, in a little out of the way place with only a few friends (as the breeders have to drag their snotleighs and whatnot along) or a wedding where you have to have the constant irritant of these kids?
(Hey you never know, I've seen places where the kids behaved better..)
Also, you are going to have to field the 'baby rabies' from these folk. And, again, is your guy gonna stand up to the breeding brainwashing?
All you will need is him to start pressuring you in order to get his sprogging relatives off his back.
THINK!!!

Yeah, it should be our choice since it's our wedding afterall.
But my fiance loves his family and is too nice to say no.
I don't mind the older kids, it's just the toddlers and infants
that seem a little inappropriate to bring. They will probably get
tired and bored, and start throwing tantrums. Thats what I'm afraid of.
My cousin will have a 11 month old when she comes to my wedding and
she didn't even consider bringing him and will arrange a babysitter.
At least my family has smarts and knows what appropriate and
what's not.

But dear stardust, this is YOUR day, not theirs. What you think is more important than what his family thinks. Yes, he loves his family, but their wishes aren't above yours. Not when it comes to your own frickin' wedding. Maybe you guys could compromise and set an age limit, like say no one under 10 or something. I think your future spouse has made a very clear choice here.

I'll never understand why families think someone's wedding is a free- for- all. DH & I put on the invitations "Due to limited space, we are unable to accomodate children." Only two couples were considerate of our wishes. Everyone else showed up with their kids. I don't have one picture without someones' kid in it. Later on that afternoon, we found out that his father told everyone to bring them, because he felt that this was a family function, instead of an invitation- only event. The point is, it's going to be up to you to put your foot down, and insist that your hubby- to- be, understand that this is about the two of you, and unless his family is footing the tab, they have NO SAY in this. If the two of you allow his family to decide how your wedding is going to proceed, forget about a married life. They'll take Carte Blanche in every aspect of your marriage. In-Laws need to be kept on a leash, even if they aren't aware of it. I wish you both the very best luck. Please consider how this will effect things in the future before making a decision. Overbearing in-laws will destroy a marriage faster than you can imagine. If he's already "married" to his family, you may want to reconsider the whole thing. Please believe me when I say that he'll never put your marriage first if he's a people-pleaser (especially if those people are family).

I feel for you. I still don't understand why breeders can't afford babysitters. I'm sure they can afford their alcohol, drugs, plasma tv, tons of disposable diapers, videos for kids so they don't have to play/deal with rugrats, cell phones, computers, laptop computers, etc.

You get my drift.

They just won't waste their money on something that would add immeasurably to your day, showing what complete, thoughtless, worthless assholes they truly are.

When I get married (miracles can happen) NO CHILDREN WILL BE ALLOWED AT THE CEREMONY. If I have to have a bouncer there to enforce my wishes, so be it.

You need to stand up for yourself and hope your husband-to-be backs you up. If he doesn't, you're going to have a long row to hoe, believe me.

Best of luck, kiddo, and stick to your guns.

That's so horrible! It's your day to shine, and no one gives a crap about it! It is, after all, your wedding. I suggest you tell your fiance to grow some spine already. If your husband can't grow any spine, tell the breeder cousins that they can't come. Same with any other person invited who has children below the age requirement you have set.

If your fiance can't grow any backbone now, just think what will happen when are you are married. Will he cave in to his breederific family and want children of his own? Will his family annoy you to death every time you're over at their place asking when you two will have children, and won't back you up in your decision to be CF?

I know this does sound cruel considering a wedding is something that is supposed to be happy and you love your fiance, but you might want to think it over. Like I mentioned before, if he doesn't stand up to his relatives now, how will it be when you two are actually offically husband and wife?

Think of it this way, you're the Queen, the wedding is your kindom and you get to say whatever the hell happens in your kingdom. Explain that you envision a nice, quiet, clean kingdom and that will be impossible with children of a certian age tearing up the place. Perhaps it's possible for the poorer cousins to combine their resources and hire a couple sitters, or teenaged relations, to look after their kids in the church basement, hotel, or some place like that.

Thank you sproggless for putting it so succinctly...
actually, if a woman seeks out a mild, easy going man and not a warrior, it is usually because she wants to be in charge..
and if she thinks she is gonna beat out his family,, that is a sad state of mind.
of course, this may not be as extreme as all this, but I hear too many calls on talk shows like this..

It is a rock and a hard place that you are in. On one hand, you have the right to have your dream wedding, and I imagine you feel justified in doing so if you are paying for it. On the other hand, it isn't only your wedding. If your fiance is close to his cousins and family members who have children, then you either need to deal with that, or find someone who is less family centered. I don't think it is fair that you ask them not to come if your fiance wants them there. Then again, if he is just being a door mat, then you need to help him see the way.

I agree with everyone here. Stardust, you need to make a stand or his family will walk all over you in the future. They will think the only word that matters is the word of their son and nothing you ever have to say will have an impact or matter. If he is "too nice" to tell his family not to bring their brats, they will see this as you having no say in the matter. That's not fair to you. When I got married 12 years ago, I had 9 cousins with 2-3 kids apiece. I had my invites printed up as "Adult Reception......bla bla" and on the reply card, the line read "_____ adult will attend" There was "talk" behind my back but I didn't budge. And everyone was respectful and did not bring their brats. Everyone had a nice time and I'm sure, after thinking about it, my cousins were glad they had a day away from the brats. In my opinion, a wedding is NOT a place for children under 16.

Thank you for all your replies. Yes, I should have put my foot down
before even spreading the word of the wedding. Everyone just assumed
they were all invited, kids and all. It's sort of too late now, since
people have started making travel arrangements and such.
Maybe it won't be so bad. The older kids will be fine, and it will
be kind of fun having them there. But I honestly don't think it's
appropriate for infants and toddlers. They should be at home with a
babysitter. Plus, the event goes on past their bedtime anyway.
I hope the people with babies will have enough smarts not to bring them. My family wouldn't bring an infant. I know that. My aunt got
married when I was 2, and I wasn't invited, so my parents got me a
babysitter. I don't think theres anything wrong with that.
One time, one of my fiance's breeder cousins brought her baby to
an adults only dinner at a fancy restaurant for a 35th wedding anniversary! How inappropriate is that?! I know for a fact she's
gonna bring it to the wedding too, even if I say she can't
Theres not alot I can do. Hopefully it will turn out ok.

I had to deal with a similar situation when I got married 2 years ago. The only children I wanted at our wedding was the flower girl, my husband's niece who he adores to death and at that time she was almost 4 years old. old and my DH's first cousin who we see at every family function who at that time was 8. But my DH had 4 first cousins ranging from 4 to 6 out of state that had to come with his aunts and uncles because they don't have baby-sitters back home. One aunt is a stay-at-home mom and both sides of their family had dead in-laws, etc so they had to bring two kids and the other aunt was a single mother who depended on her live in boyfriend who she never takes anywhere to babysit and she didn't want to leave them behind overnight to travel. I tried to put my foot down, but I heard comments like if the one first cousin who we are so close to in town could go then the other 4 should be allowed to come and it is not fair, etc. Anyway we were very surprise, all of the kids were very well behaved, quiet at the church and very well mannered at the reception!! It total we only had 6 kids. I agree that infants and todlers are more of a problem. The older children can be better.

If you have out of town guests, you could arrange for a sitter for them. I am sure they would be grateful, and that would solve the problem of them bringing the kids to teh wedding. Unless of course, they are the type of people who can't bear to be away from bratney.