on britgirl someone needs advice

on thebritgirl.com, theres a topic about i want a baby and my husband doesnt, its about a story on an australian health board, now there is a new commenter, asking for advice.. i think what she asks is good, i made a comment myself, asking her what she really wanted, and the pitfalls, was just wondering if anyone else can think of any pitfalls. that i missed.. i think its good someone has come to her board and the people on it, to ask how to cope with being childfree


http://thebritgirl.com/2007/05/26/i-want-a-baby-but-my-husband-doesnt/#comment-7228


**Ellie (13:16:11) :

Hi,
I am hoping that you childfree people can help me with some pep talk. I am 39, no children, bad in relationships. Recently I met a wonderful man and I finally , after 10 years, dared to get involved in a loving relationship. This man has 2 children from a previous marriage. He does not want another child and says he does not know if he can ever change his mind.

I understand this. He does not want more children, period.
I on the other hand strongly long for a child. he has made clear that he understands if I chose to leave him since I am running out of time (if there is any).

I don’t wish to leave this man. I may not find somebody else I can rely on and I may not be able to have kids anyway because of my age. But it is a difficult decision and I don’t know how to NOT ruin the relationship and have this come between us. I have to accept there will be no children. I just don’t know how to get peace with myself and supress this strong longing. How did you people in the same situation manage it?

Grateful for comments**

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Maybe somebody should respond to her by posting a link to True Mom confessions and ask her if she REALLY wants to raise a kid, or if she's just romanticizing the idea of having a BABY -- there's a big difference.

good idea..

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Merc, I like [and totally agree with] your comment about how people can't compromise on the issue of whether or not to have a child because there's only "yes" or "no", since you can't have half a child.

And I've noticed that alot of the people who want kids get irked about how the CF always agree with the one who doesn't want kids. They seem to think that happens simply because the CF have chosen not to breed, and don't think anyone else should -- I think it's because the CF understand that in cases like these, it's always "better to be safe than sorry". In every case it's better to live a full life with only occasional regrets about not having a child, than to have a child and have everybody's lives filled with misery, resentment and regret.

Having a child is a completely irreversible decision, and I really think that a lot of these people are just in love with babies. Look at how many of them mention seeing their very young neices and/or nephews and oohing and aahing over them. Nobody ever talks about seeing a moody, sulking teenager and suddenly feeling compelled to have their own.

Not only that, but at 39, her fertility has taken a nose dive.

If she did decide she wanted kids and had the mayun to fulfill the duty, chances are she'd have problems and probably end up going the fertility drug route. And the fun begins...............

It is my opinion that she should count her blessings and realize that life is good.