stupid inlaws!

Once, when my fiance and I had been dating for a few years, his
mom ended up looking through stuff in his bedroom. She was "cleaning."
Sure enough, she found opened condom wrappers. Then she had to nerve
to joke about poking holes through his condoms so she could get
me pregnant with her grandchild! Nice try lady, I'm on the pill.
I mean, come on. My uterus is not for rent, and it never will be.
Geez! This women loves babies and children and wants to be a grandma
so bad. How do I break it to her that I don't want any kids?
But it should be my choice. Even my fiance is starting to want kids
too, probably from all the hinting from his parents (my inlaws).
Oh man, what to do......

Confront the situation NOW. Don't let this go any further. You can bet your ass his mother is wearing him down with all the baby-rabies talk. Get everyone on the same page about not ever having kids because if you don't and you guys get married, you'll be the "horrible daughter-in-law" who robbed her baby boy of the joys of fatherhood. Good luck!

Jumpin' Jaysus on a pogo stick! You mean, she went snooping, "found" condom wrappers, then joked about poking holes in them?

I'll be the other resident hardass here (Nooner, I've got your back, always) but you've got two very big problems: 1. the future MIL is a toxic bitch. I can guaran-Damn-tee that if you married SonnyBoy, she'd continue to be a toxic, interfering witch. In fact, she'd probably crank it up a notch after marriage because you'd be
family and she'd feel justified in hounding you to continue the family line.

But that is a survive-able condition in a marriage if #2 you have the full support of your spouse. SonnyBoy needs to be aware that Mom is a toxic, interfering bitch, and HE needs to be willing to put her in her place and stand behind you 100%.

If SonnyBoy won't do that + he has baby rabies, he is your bigger problem. If he wants keedz, marriage will make it worse. He too will feel justified in wanting kids or demanding you keep an accident because you are maaaaaarried.

DO NOT marry this guy. I'd be suspicious now, even if he says he can live without keedz, that he is just saying that in the hope you'll change your mind. Tell him you plan to get sterilized and see what he says. If he freaks, you have your answer, but I think you know what the answer is already.

It sound like you've put years into the relationship and that's gotta hurt, but having a kid you don't want would be worse. Better to cut your losses now.

I'm very lucky that I don't have to deal with this. Mum (Merc's Mum) is behind us not wanting to breed ever, and my dad suppoerts our CF decision.

StarDust, I see a disaster ahead if you marry this man and he doesn't change his ways. His interfering bitch of a moo will hound you even worse after marriage; she jokes about poking holes now, someday when she's really desperate, she may actually DO it. You can never trust wanna-breeds, even of the grand-wanna-breed sort. This is an extremely important decision for you right now, and I know it will hurt like no other if you have to leave, but it would be far worse leaving later stuck with a brat you never wanted on your heels. If he does not want to change his ways, or can't, maybe you can find a truly CF man. They ARE out there. It angers me that this bitch is trying to ruin a very serious relationship with her selfishness. Does he have a any siblings that might breed? Maybe that will put her off your trail. I agree with Bell_Flower. This is your fiancé's call, whether he is going to be loyal to you, and put this bitch in her place, or continue to cowe in her presence.

My ex-boyfriend of seven years thought I was just scared and would change my mind about kids. Like Bell_flower said, see what happens when you tell your fiancé that you plan on getting sterilized in the near future. Hell, I'd have a nice, shiny tubal brochure to show him.

With how many posts you have posted about your fiance's family, I'm beginning to wonder if your marriage with your fiance will be even good at all. The fiance (assuming he does grow some spine and actually stand up for you) might be an excellent husband, but his family (like my mother's side of the family) is nothing but a pain in the ass. Even if he is an excellent husband (which I hope for you that he actually is an excellent husband after you two become husband and wife), his family is going to make your life a living hell with the constant barrage of breeding conversations.

You want to get your point through that you are CF and plan on staying CF? Get a tubal done as soon as you possibly can. As soon as you possibly can after getting the tubal, call his mother and say, "I got a tubal, thus I can't have children. Get off my back, and stop forcing (because it's what it sounds like to me) your own son to abide by your morals and values. Also, stop with the selfishness--just because you want to be a grandmother is the worst reason to have a child. It's my life, don't try to run it as if it were your own."

Being on the pill isn't guarenteed. I'm proof of that, since my mother was on the pill when I was conceived. If your fiance's mother is joking about it, how long will it be until she actually get's serious about actually doing it? You're in dangerous territory at the moment, and who knows when she will actually do it.

Hi Stardust,
This woman is not going to change. May I suggest that the two of you get some pre-marital counseling? I hate to sound like Dear Abby, but your fiancee needs a neutral person to take his blinders off. A few questions for you-

Why is his mother permitted to snoop through his things?

Does your fiancee want kids, or does he want to please his mother?

Please consider this one very carefully. People-pleasers are toxic in themselves. If he's one of them, get used to being last on his list. I speak from experience on this one. He will never put you first. Your thoughts, feelings, opinions- they'll always be secondary to whoever he's trying to impress. It won't just be his mother, either. It's like a sickness. People-pleasers are conditioned to do whatever they're told. He needs to learn how to say "no."

Does he share details of your relationship with his mother? Is she privy to things that she shouldn't be?

None of these issues are going to go away, once you're married. They'll get worse. Faust is absolutely right on the money. It's imperative that you know where his loyalties lie. At this point, I'm guessing even he doesn't know. Please don't get married until you talk to a counselor.This is more than you can handle on your own, and I fear that he won't be very supportive until he gets a reality check. I don't want to come across as a hard assed bitch, but I've lived the trainwreck that Faust has described. His mother can only sabotage your relationship as much as he permits her to. Good luck, Stardust.

Thank you for your thoughts. The pressure has come off a bit since
my fiance's brother started seeing and became very seriously
involved with a women who has 2 young kids from a previous marriage.
We think they'll be engaged very soon, and my inlaws have basically
taken these children in as their grandchildren. This is to our
advantage, since they have grandchildren to be preoccupied with.
My fiance loves these little boys to death, and we attend their
soccer games, baseball games, birthdays, and babysit sometimes.
I'd just be happy being an auntie. They're not the inlaw's blood, but that hasn't been an issue, so I think everything's ok. As long as
my fiance doesn't change his mind and start really wanting kids.

WOW! That sounds like some form of divine intervention to me! Your fiancee's bro's girlfriend sounds like a great distraction- for now. You say he adores these kids, and that doesn't sound encouraging. But, if he can get his kid-kicks out of them, then maybe it won't be an issue. I hope so. I'm glad his mother is off your case. Forget her for awhile. She's preoccupied, that's to your advantage. With her out of the way, talk to him. See what he really wants.

Ahhh...but they're not genetic...and that's a big deal for lots of breeder types.

Just yesterday, my co-worker friend shared a story with me. Apparently, her daughter's new mother-in-law has been subtly "hinting" around about the newly-weds starting a family soon. Get this, she bought them baby clothes, toys and books for Christmas. Can you believe that shit? I can see trouble brewing already as the newly-weds aren't sure if they want a family or not. Why can't people just leave other people alone to live their lives as they see fit?

Dust, didn't you post earlier that all the breeder cousins want to drag their 'trophys' to YOUR day??
Now, future moo in law is yakking about poking holes in condoms?
So, you on birth control? You don't think guys who succumb to baby rabies munchausen (his moo wants baybeeeeees) won't switch them out to sugar pills? ????
IF I am right, that he is cow towing to moo and relatives about dragging sproggs to the wedding, he sure as hell ain't gonna stand up to baby rabies.
If you say "NO" the NO wins, even according to Dr. Laura because the negative individual will always be ambivilent, and at worst, hostile.

My mother-in-law has not bugged us about babies. My father-in-law is the one who is annoying sometimes. He comments things like that we will regret it and that my biological clock is ticking. Oh well. I just ignore him!

Sorry! Long post.
My pathetic in-laws were hinting while I was dating, engaged and now married to their son. That stopped ever since I told them, when bingoed once, "They day before I die." Stardust, unless you come face to face with your man about not wanting kids your relationship my be poisened, and forget marriage otherwise. I was lucky that my man stands by me and loves me and respects my decision. (and yes he IS happy) He also has little to do with his family. My in-laws have serious baby rabies. My own mother respects my decision. She will admit that it's not all "fun and games" raising children. (Like hello teenage years?!???) She has even said that I'm better NOT having children. (My mom's awsome!) Neither of my parents hint or harass my dh and I. (Thank God) They even admit that babies aren't for everyone. My in-laws act as if everyone has to have children. (uh, no) Ealier she had the gual to tell me to "wait a while." as if I WAS going to have children once married. (uh, no thanks!) I don't care not like people litterly "butting" into my personal business. While you may like or love your fiance, Stardust, a Personal space meddling, controling mil can wreak serious havoc on your relationship
Sorry about previous post!!!!

It's me ranter, just new name!