I did it this weekend, I finally did it...in all my drunken interactions with children, I'd never acually knocked one over, but this weekend I got TWO! YAY!
I was at a beer festival where 3000 adults pay $30 each to drink all the microbrewed beer that over 300 midwest breweries can serve up. I don't even like beer all that much, but said YUM many times over at the meads and ciders that made a showing as well. Anyway, it's an event where adults get as drunk as they can and still manage to stay upright enough to get on the shuttle busses at the end. I did see a couple infants, but didn't hear them and thought "poor bastard's babysitters probably crapped out" and stumbled back to my favorite brewery's table.
I find it easiest to walk when I'm drunk if I look at my destination and head toward it without looking at my feet. I figure, if I know there's nothing at knee level then I don't have to worry. As I'm staggering back to my group's blanket I feel something fleshy bounce off my leg and become entangled in my feet. I stumble over it as another fleshy thing bounces off another leg and the wailing begins. Two toddlers are lying on the beer soaked ground, wailing at the top of their lungs, while a moo is running over with a look on her face like I just grabbed the kids and shat on their heads. As she picked them up, I slammed my beer, threw up my hands and said "I didn't know I'd have to watch out for children AT A BEER FEST FILLED WITH DRUNK ADULTS!! GREAT JOB!!!!" and shambled back to my group...which included parents of a kid about the same age as the toddlers I tripped over, who congratulated me on my graceful feet and pro-adult attitude.