My SIL did it again.....(long)

She is preggers with her FIFTH kid, and this is her SEVENTH pignancy in 10 years.

Now, they have money to afford it, and she and BIL are pretty good parents, but who the fuck has 5 kids these days...(and allegedly is working during the day, but I don't buy it)?!?!

They are both professionals in a medical field, even my breeder MIL and my less-militant CF hubby are like, isn't this enough?

I ranted 2-3 kids ago, her doctor told her to stop after the 2nd brat b/c it could kill her (I don't know why) and then one kyd did make her very ill for a very long time, and still she had more and now even MORE!

They claim one of the miscarriages and 2 or 3 of the kyds weren't planned. But this is ri-goddamn-diculous, especially from 2 highly educated people. I have no idea why they don't spend some dough on getting spayed or neutred, or just old-fashioned BC. She had money for plastic surgery....that then got ruined by babies afterwards(so my guess is they were 'mistakes')

Not to mention, I think between the nannies and the free babysitting she gets from family makes things a little too easy for them since they go on multiple exotic trips every year and have so much time and energy for unprotected sex. When you have this many kids, and work (allegedly), you should be a little more tired at bedtime.

I, in my own selfishness, am sick of traveling out of state for christenings, communions, and other child-centric events and gift grabs that my hubby is way too generous for, but that's his familiy. Or, being treated like evil oddballs because we don't fly out there for everything like the other breeders in the family. I tell you, I'm sick of it. I don't want to hear further crying and brattish behavior at holiday time. I'm just waiting for the brats in the family to grow up already, now, hear comes yet another one!

In my ideal dreamlife IL/family situation, I would love the 4 women in his family to have 2 or less kids, and just stop. And be lowkey parents and not breeders in one way or another, his family is too baby centric I think for even a non-CF. I can't believe I am being subjected to this by happenstance. The first 15 years of holidays were fun adult parties that I could get a little tipsy at :chug, now they have turned into nothing but scream fest, and everythings for the brats for the last 10 years. And they end super early, like the parunts are the only ones that count. The holiday parties don't even seem like they ever came from the same family. I can't believe me, the CF, accidentially married into this family and every holiday experience will suck. (not going is not truly an option b/c of hubby's obligation to his family and we do "opt out" on a ton of things already)

I was wondering....how are your guys' family/holiday experiences from the CF point of view? Did you end up marrying into non-stop too fertile breeders (even if they are PNBs) and end up being surrounded by brats for decades on end? or, a few kids here and there and it is tolerable? How far are you from what you wish your family life/holidays was? Obviously, for many, the CF ideal would be zero neices and nephews, but how far are you from what you thought you could stomach?

Misery loves company I guess.

I had a similar situation with my breeder cousins. Took me a while, but I finally packed the remains of my stuff (sold most of it, they were wondering why I was selling my stuff) and moved very far away. Now, if they bother me, I tell them the air fair is too expensive. Few years has passed, they do not bother me, in fact, they do not even remember who am I. Will keep it that way.

CF Uter, you may want to stop going to these breeder events. Only you can stop it. You don't even need to offer an explanation. "I cannot come" simply means that you cannot be there. You may want to tell your husband that you are no longer going to be in attendance. If he wishes to spend his money on the throngs of nieces and nephews, that is his business but you do not have to participate.

It goes to show how the myth of the Uber-Breeder of being poor is not always the case. I used to be a Catholic until I realised that I could not practice that faith in good conscience due to being childfree-by-choice and pro-abortion. I also stopped believing in the Bible.

At Roman Catholic church, I would see many mega-families where the father made good money. The wife had the $$$ from her husband to maintain herself well even though she still looked tired from dealing with the bratcare. The wealthier ones did have nannies to do the cunt work of taking care of babies. And...of course...the older kids were built-in babysitters for the broods.

Remember, CF Uter, it is YOUR choice to go to these things or to stay away. These people have the right to continue to crap out brats but you are not required to spend money on them or have to endure the endless screaming & crying.

I am fortunate to come from the world's smallest family. No natural brothers or sisters but two stepbrothers. One, who is 46, has a toddler. I only sent a card to make my mom happy. After that, I don't even bother with them. Even the childless stepbrother is an asshole...and I do not like the wives. I live three thousand miles away so that is a bonus!

Ugh. I feel your pain, ALL of you.

Holidays and family gatherings, I agree, are ruined when there are too many shit loaves running around. Who the hell can relax amidst all that screaming, fighting, chaos, and noise? How can you have a conversation with family members when all anyone is interested in is running after the little ones or pandering to their meaningless needs? And yes, everything had to be scheduled around the parents and shitloaves. Like no one else matters. Somebody should start having adult only holiday gatherings and leave the breeders out - then they can see how it feels.

I live an hour from my hometown. That's right - 1 hour/45 miles. You would think I moved to Venus in 1991. To get anyone to visit takes an act of Congress. I have NEVER had my family at my home for a holiday gathering. It was too FAAAAAR to drive - and at the time, my brother didn't have children!

This topic takes me back to my cousin leaving my house a few weekends ago, right before dinner - her and my aunt just took off. See my post on 10/28 page 3 if you need a refresher.

They all suck.

Believe me, we go to probably less than 10-20%% of breeder events as it is. I only marginally care what they think about this. We go to the out of state ones even less. There are family events out of state every few months or so. We are very very often the only people who do not show up.

I'm always surprised how many people tell me to go to NO family events and even have hubby go w/o me 100% of the time. Do any of you CFs out there never ever go to any family events and In-Law events and have a close or good relationship with them? or any relationship? I'm not talking about a fall-out with family, but totally getting along but never seeing them.

I'm mean really, if you never ever ever saw your family or hubby's family, would you blame them for being hurt or angry? Would you consider them family? Are there CFs out there who have basically disowned their families who live in town with them or out of town, souly b/c you don't want to attend all the breeder events?

I don't want to be around brats and wish I never ever had to, but I can't imagine having any true relationship with my family if I opted out of every single family event that the kids would be present at, which would be a lot since people do have kids.

CF Uter, with both marriages it got to the point where I did not deal with the in-laws at all. I got tired of it...plain and simple. The soon-to-be ex's family acted like I was not as "good" as them so I just hid out from these people. Sure, neither of my husbands liked that I refused to deal with their families. TFB...I had to do what was best for me. As women, we are taught since birth to be the caretakers and to act so giddy around the toddlers of the family. It is not easy dealing with this issue when partnered; however, I have learned long ago to be true to myself.

I think I might be from the world's least productive child making family. My parents, aunts and uncles all had a kid, or 3, but none of us kids seems to be procreating any time soon, and we're all in "prime breeding age". My SO's two sisters each have two kids (and only stopped due to health reasons) but good doG, the amount of stuff they have is mind boggling. We don't spend a lot of time with any of our families, and I'm not sure why. We just don't swing that way, I guess.

> I'm mean really, if you never ever ever saw your
> family or hubby's family, would you blame them for
> being hurt or angry?
My mom's side of the family is large, drunk and very close knit. While I was growing up, they'd have huge family parties at least 3 times per year, and my mom and I would visit her home town with her parents and brother's family at least once a month. My dad's side of the family is small, sober and not close at all. While I was growing up, my dad visited my mom's side of the family once a year, at most. I'm not quite sure if anyone on her side of the family was hurt by this, but it certainly didn't seem to be a problem between the two of them.
I wouldn't blame my mom's side of the family if they felt hurt by this, but my dad just didn't "fit in", so I don't think they minded.

> I don't want to be around brats and wish I never
> ever had to, but I can't imagine having any true
> relationship with my family if I opted out of
> every single family event that the kids would be
> present at, which would be a lot since people do
> have kids.
I think it would be a hard thing for SO's family to accept if you stopped all visiting after doing it for so many years, and it sounds to me that you have limited the number of visits to the smallest number possible and not upset anyone.

I don't really look forward to family visits to either group, SO's side having 4 too many screachy kids, and my side always being in the midst of some interpersonal drama. However, I keep in mind that everyone seems happy to see us when we do show up, they're all good cooks (and I like to eat) and I have a wide variety of "coping strategies" that will keep me mellow and friendly even with children using me as a trampoline, family members screaming at each other or throwing bingos my way.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me