Doing Business With Breeders - A primer for the childfree

If you own a small biz like my partner and I do, inevitably you are going to be faced with doing business with a breederbrain. I'm going to share a little with you what we've learned and how to put controls in place so that you don't get sideswiped financially by one of these morons. It's easy to say "well I just won't do business with breeders" but considering how many customers out there are breederbints, if you refuse to do business with them you are going to be losing out $$$$ wise.

Here is a list of controls we have had to put in place in order to stay in business, because otherwise the breeder assholes would put us out of business. Breeders are always the slowest pays, the most hassle and the most unfair, and everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING is about their fucking crotchdroppings.

1. Breeders often use their children to excuse their lateness and lack of helping on a project they have agreed to help on. Just like in the corporate world. But god forbid you have a severely ill elderly relative or something similar, and are just a tad bit late on a project because they will try to rip you financially like there is no tomorrow. If you leave the corporate world because you don't like the special treatment breeders get, just be aware that in the freelance small biz world, breeders act like they can get the same treatment. --- THE KEY THING to listen for with one of these bad breeder accounts is how much and what they say about their keeeeyyyyuuuudddssss causing delays in payment and their end of the work. ------

The solution to this issue is pretty simple: Always get everything in writing, down to the most fussy detail. What they are obligated to do, what you are obligated to do. If you can, make sure they pay 50% up front for a project. Keep every email. Log every step of the way. And most importantly, be firm and to the point when you send the invoice. If payment isn't received by the due date, turn the damn thing over to your accountant for collection, immediately. Don't even talk to the fucking breeder again about it. If that doesn't work, file in small claims. There is no discussion with breederbutt. The judge will see all the paperwork and logs you have saved and breederbutt WILL PAY.

Usually though, the farthest I've seen this go is breeder getting served with small claims papers and then sprinting a check to you immediately. 99.9% of the time they will not want to go to court because Judges do not give a shit about breedermoos repugnancy and sprogs. And the breeders know this. They know that a court of law is the one place there are no breeder excuses. The court of law is the one place the childfree have equal rights to breeders, and it's important for you as a childfree small biz person to be prepared and willing to fight for you rights.

2. NEVER NEVER NEVER allow a breeder to run up any credit line with you or a tab that is greater than what you can collect in small claims, lawyers are expensive and you don't need to spend that money if you can battle it yourself in small claims. Now, we do extend 10 or 15 days to pay an invoice to everyone, but all of our breeders are consistently late pays that must be chased down for money. For this inconvenience we pad the invoices with hidden breeder fees. We don't do this with well behaved clients (some of which are parents, but don't pull the sprog out of the hat at every turn), but we do pad several extra hours on invoices just for the hassles and paperwork involved in servicing a breeder account.

3. ALWAYS be FIRM on all of your terms with breeders. If you give them and inch they will take a mile. DO NOT waver on any of your terms...EVER. NO. MATTER. HOW. MUCH. YOU. NEED. THE. MONEY. Just think about the old saying... don't cry if you miss the bus, another will come by in a few minutes. If a breeder does not want to accept your terms of doing biz with them, like a 50% deposit and strict enforcement of the terms, then tell them to blow off. Seriously. If you spend your hours working for pay you won't receive for 6 months because you have to take breederbutt to small claims, when you could have been working with a non-breeder or parent and get your money right away, the choice is clear.

4. If you have to work with any "stay at home moos" who are freelancers, the best idea is to get credit card payment in advance for all the work.
They are going to get paid on time by the company they are working for and they like to use their kids and pregnancies as an excuse not to pay on time or pay you at all. If you institute a credit card/full amount policy with stay at home moos, you will be better off.

Great ideas!

My ex was the manager of a mortgage company. He used to complain all the time that the ones he always had to chase down for their mortgages were the breeders.

The best excuse ever for not paying their mortgage was, "We don't have the money this month, we just had a BAYBEE."

He told them to pay up or they'd be evicted and foreclosed on so fast their heads would spin. Amazingly, they came up with the money by the end of the week. Assholes.

Now all I have to do is go into business...
those sound like valuable hints that you learned the hard way, that's for sure.

I agree with the glory of small claims. I had a breeder for a landlord once. She never did shit, I'm guessing because she was pregnant every time I saw her, and we rented for 2 years. Anyway when we moved out, we cleaned the crap out of that apartment (like we do every time), and waited patiently for our security deposit. Instead, a week after we were legally supposed to receive it, or an itemized list of deductions, we got a letter stating that the apartment wasn't cleaned, and she was withholding the deposit. My roommates and I took her to small claims where she showed up in all her repugnant majesty. We actually kept records and took photos upon our leaving, whereas all she had was a letter from the current tennants which proved our points that a. she never did anything to maintain the property, and b. the place was clean when they moved in. Her excuses for her poor record keeping, and inability to inform us of the witholding of our security deposit in a timely fashion? "I'm a pregnant moo with 4 boys." The judge awarded us 3 times what she owed us. YAY!

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Dear Feh,

What a bitch. I've also had my share of unscrupulous landlords who will take you for all you've got ( although none of them were breeders) and I applaud your foresight and good judgement. Finally! You got one of the bitches! Congratulations!!! Thank God you took photographs...

Feh, judges LOVE, and I do mean LOVE, to ride breedershitforbrains. _Even if they have kids themselves_. The only place the childfree truly have equal rights with breeders is IN the courtroom.

See... there is this funny little thing call the Bar. Now, to become a judge, you have to first be a lawyer for a number of years. To become a lawyer you have to pass not only the Bar exams of your state, but pass a background "ethics" investigation, like whether you pay your bills on time, have judgments against you, had CPS called on you for not taking care of your brats, and more serious stuff like a criminal investigation as well. -- And as you've already guessed, the ethics investigation part of the Bar does exclude the worst and moderate of the breeders. :-D Cause if they don't have a criminal record, they're sure to have bad credit! :-D LOL