Gotta Vent!

Hey Y'all! It's been a while, but I've got to vent on this one.
My fiancee and I are getting married in October and have been engaged since June of last year. That being said, since we are focused on the MARRIAGE and not just the wedding, which is a grand total of 1 day of our lives and we two are paying for this sucker and we're trying to keep it relatively simple and low-key (it's in a pumpkin patch at my church and we're having a BBQ afterward), we've been trying to economize and make the whole thing heartfelt, not fancy-schmancy--e.g., one of my Navy buddies married a pastry chef and he's doing the cake, one of my friends from church is doing the flowers, we snagged the bridesmaid dresses on sale at Macy's and Dillard's and I paid for them since I knew the 3 bridesmaids would have to pay for hotel and airfare--you get the picture. We also want to have people there who we really love and know well to be there and have a great time with us.

Anyhow, since I'm active duty here in the DC area, I blocked about 50 rooms at the Navy Lodge up here in DC at a rate of $77/night, which is a nice place (kind of like a Holiday Inn) and CHEAP for here!
The going rate for most hotels is around $200/night out-the-door.

This morning I noticed that AirTran had finally released seats for the weekend of 10 OCT (when we're getting married) and I wanted to provide my family with a quick heads-up so that they could get their tickets if they wanted, since just about everyone is in Atlanta.

WOULDN'T YOU KNOW, the one person who pitched a whiny-butt hissy fit is my cousin who is a single mom (long story on that one--short version = there's a drug store on every corner but she and he must've forgotten something after a few drinks + she decided not to abort = one little girl who is very sweet, but unfortunately whose mother does NOT want to be a mother and still wants to be a party girl, manicures, butt crack tattoo and all.) I haven't responded to her ranting yet (see below e-mail for details), but it kinda frosts me that:

1. This past Christmas I asked her if her daughter could be a flower girl, since I know that her daughter likes pretty princess stuff and I wanted to buy her a pretty flower girl dress so that she could use it for a first communion dress the next year.
2. I gave my whole family (including my cousin) a heads-up on this whole thing back in September, when we set the date.
3. My mom (who by the way uses a wheelchair) and I hauled up to Detroit in November 1997 for her wedding (and about froze our tails off there) which didn't even last 2 years and cost both my mom and I a plane ticket each, rental car, and 3 night hotel stay at the Marriott (no block rate there at that time--we were on our own!). Not to mention the fact that at that time, it was before I'd joined the Navy, had been working as a temp RD in a hospital in Hot Springs, Arkansas, and had a student loan and car loan to boot.
4. Don't even get me started on the part about her having to board her dog. I used to have two dogs, they lived good and relatively healthy lives and I miss them terribly! Having a dog and taking good care of it means that it costs money, dammit!

I haven't responded to her e-mail, but figure that if she's able to make it, great, but if not, okay then. I just don't have time for her whiny attitude! Not to mention the fact that I had to have a repeat mammogram this morning and up until 9AM when I got the results, I was concerned about what the radiologist was going to tell me. Fortunately, the results were normal (YAY!). The radiologist just needed 2 more shots to make sure. Still kind of unnerving though.

Thanks for listening!

E-mail (original & response) below:

RESPONSE FROM MY COUSIN:

Hi Kathy
There is no way on this earth that I can afford to pay $666.00 for the two tickets for me and Cate to come to DC. I am going to wait to book airfare to see if it goes down. I am going to have to find a place to board the dog which will be about $200.00 and then the cost of the room which will be and additional $200 so I am going to take a bit of time before I rush into booking the room. So far this will be costing me about $1100 for the weekend and that does not include food, car rental etc so I definitely have to wait and see if the airfare goes down.
I will keep you posted on my progress. I check prices a couple of times each week.
TTYL
Lisa
-------------- Original message --------------
From: Kat
Hello Family!

2 things really quick:

Air Tran has opened up their seats for the weekend of 10-13 OCT.
If you get the cheap seats (now $156 one-way), the out-the-door cost for the ticket is $333.
I checked DELTA for that same weekend and the same airport (DCA = Ronald Reagan Airport) and it's the same out-the-door cost of $333.
If you have booked your room with the Navy Lodge, please call me either tomorrow night (30 JAN 08) or Thursday night (31 JAN 08) after 8:30PM but before 9:30PM. I need to obtain some information from you for the base access list, otherwise you won't be able to get on the base.

Thanks and talk with y'all soon!

Love,

Kat

my wedding cost a grand total of $50 for the licence, $20 for the copy of it for me. and a burger because it was all done by 11 am. there was me, and rowan and her dad and her friend caroline. just the 4 of us. because it was our day its what we wanted.

of course i had the flight over $600, thats a 5000 miles trip, plus some spending money, i dont think i spent $1100 flying from the UK to america for the 7 weeks i was there. maybe a little more.

some airlines do under 4's fly free. depending on the carrier

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Something similar happened to a friend of mine. When she got married, she told us the date at least a year in advance. About a month before the wedding, we were going over who from our high school was coming and when I asked about this one girl, she rolled her eyes and said that she found out from another friend that the girl said "I'll only go if I can find a cheap ticket." The girl didn't have the decency to tell my friend.

Yeah real nice especially since my friend flew all the way to NY for her Indian wedding. And for those who don't know, Indian weddings have LONG ceremonies.

The girl is in pig now and my friend got invited to the baby shower. Needless to say, she threw the invitation in the trash.

Single moos ALWAYS have to have something to bitch about. After all, they are doing TMIJITW, right? You gave her PLENTY of warning about this. She's got no excuse. She is either 1. looking to have you pay for everything or 2. bail out completely.

Either way, don't pander to her nonsense. Say, "Well, we'd love to have you here but if you can't afford it, we understand. Say hello to Cate for us!"

Breeders seem to think that the earth stops if they are experiencing hardship over something.

KidFreeLuvnLife Wrote:
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> Single moos ALWAYS have to have something to bitch
> about. After all, they are doing TMIJITW, right?
> You gave her PLENTY of warning about this.
> She's got no excuse. She is either 1. looking to
> have you pay for everything or 2. bail out
> completely.
>
> Either way, don't pander to her nonsense. Say,
> "Well, we'd love to have you here but if you can't
> afford it, we understand. Say hello to Cate for
> us!"

KFLL is right about this one. I worked with too many single moos and had a couple as friends before I bailed. These women always have something to bitch about even though they chose single moohood. I think it is more of a #1 where this bitch is looking for you to pay for every-damned-thing! I hear you, RESPONSIBLE ADULT, re: the butt crack tattoos. I am an inked woman so I should not point fingers but, at least, I have the self-respect to not have "tramp stamp" tattooed above my ass. One man I dated briefly -- like ONE time -- asked why I did not have one of those "lower back" tattoos after seeing my arms and back of the neck. I learned very quickly that he was only looking for easy piece of ass and that was how he viewed an easy lay: by the butt crack tats. I would never tattoo my breasts, either. Nasty...nasty!

amethusos* Wrote:
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> he was only looking for easy piece of ass and that
> was how he viewed an easy lay: by the butt crack
> tats.
There's a reason they're called "tramp stamps" in certain circles.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Why is the cousin selfish because she doesn't want to shell out over a thousand dollars to attend what essentially is someone else's party?

I sure the hell couldn't afford to spend so much to go to a wedding.

Frankly, I think expecting people to put themselves into debt to attend a social occasion is quite selfish.

Sounds like someone's quite the Bridzella.

Breeders are so stupid. So I'm assuming she told you she would be coming. Why didn't she think that it would cost her a little fundage then (even with you going out of your way to make it affordable for folks). Now as she realizes that it will actually cost money (!) she doesn't know if she can come. I think it's rude to confirm your attendance and then say you can't come or this passive-aggressive BS (I don't know if I can't make it ...). It's rude because people plan events based on how many people will be attending. I don't think this makes you a Bridezilla. If it's too much for her, she should have said that from the get-go. I would assume she ain't coming. No loss.

JoJo, I've dealt with bridezillas before-one of my best friends was a textbook one. She kept on moving the date/time of the wedding, expecting me to pay for tickets, showers, gifts, a bridesmaid's dress and hotel, and didn't make it easy on anyone-she went so far as to burst into tears when I told her (after the third date change) I couldn't make it, slam down the phone, only to call later and reset the date yet again. She's now doing TMIJITW and is no doubt pissed at me because I haven't made the drive two states away to have my weekend interupted by a screaming shitloaf. Responsible Adult sounds like she has done everything in her power to make the wedding go as smoothly as possible for her guests. I agree with the other posters-it's her cousin's problem, not hers.

I've traveled far for a few weddings, and had a lot of fun. I paid all my own expenses, too.

Equally, when I got married years ago, my ex and I knew a lot of people from out of the state/area that we invited and would have to make significant travel arrangements for themselves. We were on a very limited budget and could not pay for any out of town arrangements. The only thing we DID do was reserve a block of rooms at the local hotel that the guests would have to pay for themselves. We were footing the whole wedding bill ourselves. We told people that right up front, and everyone was fine with it. Most of them showed up and had a great time.

Oh please, the wedding isn't until October. It's not as if the cousin is bailing at the last minute and the couple will still have to pay for the meal.

I think expecting people to fly across country to attend a wedding is ridiculous.

JoJo Wrote:
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> Oh please, the wedding isn't until October. It's
> not as if the cousin is bailing at the last minute
> and the couple will still have to pay for the
> meal.
>
> I think expecting people to fly across country to
> attend a wedding is ridiculous.

I feel the same way. I would not have gone to my stepbrother's wedding had my mom not used her miles for me to fly from Orlando to Boston. I did not have the money and was not about to use credit cards. I felt it was a waste of $$$ even though my mother had the free Hyatts due to her employment with the hotel. However, Mom still had to pay for a rental car and food. I would have never paid to go up there even if I was at a job where I was earning more money. I do not get the deal of paying for all of the costs for flying, lodging, and so forth to hear two people say, "I do." I do not know why people have to make their nuptials such a big deal. A simple ceremony is really best with a few close friends. Many states do not require witnesses so a couple can have a notary do it without any other people around or just go to the courthouse.

Can't blame the posters who wouldn't want to fly cross-country to attend a wedding. But why can't this "party girl" use some of her manicure and tattoo money to pay the airfare if she really wants to go? Or is that too much like sense?

I think weddings are a waste, I can care less about anyone getting married, more than half end in divorce anyway. I would NOT spend any money to fly to someones wedding. I think its self important to expect anyone to do so. Brides alway think, that everyone WANTS to go to THIER wedding. in reality, NO ONE CARES, but you!!

k-man Wrote:
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> Can't blame the posters who wouldn't want to fly
> cross-country to attend a wedding. But why can't
> this "party girl" use some of her manicure and
> tattoo money to pay the airfare if she really
> wants to go? Or is that too much like sense?

Because maybe she doesn't want to drag a toddler halfway across country to attend an adult function where the poor kid would be bored spitless just because Bridezilla thinks the kid would make a good 'princess' accessory? Because the cousin has the right to spend her money the way she pleases? Because no one really cares about your nuptials but you and expecting people to take time off from work, spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars, and disrupt their life to attend your wedding is a mite selfish?

Ok ok OK!

Time out!

I don't think she's a bridezilla, nor do I think her cousin is unreasonable for all that! Now can we just have a "my wedding was smaller than your wedding" contest? Please? Yeash.

I'll post my entry as soon as I pick up and eat my pizza. Be back soon.



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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

Yo.

Me, him, his mom, the clerk. City Hall. 8 am. 03-03-03, the day before Mardi Gras. Instant Camera. Airport. New Orleans. Ta Da.

Bye!



BTW, the pizza had olives, mushrooms, and broccoli on it.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

I'm a commited single (hence one of the reasons for my screen name) so I think most of the furor around weddings is silly, if entertaining.

If the cousin wants to attend the wedding, she will find a way to do so, but it sounds like she is either trying to give herself an out or trying to guilt the OP into paying for her expenses. Either way, playing it out like that is tacky.

Hope the OP just smiles and strikes her name from the guest list, one less hassle, if you ask me.

nokyds4me Wrote:
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> I think weddings are a waste, I can care less
> about anyone getting married, more than half end
> in divorce anyway. I would NOT spend any money to
> fly to someones wedding. I think its self
> important to expect anyone to do so. Brides alway
> think, that everyone WANTS to go to THIER wedding.
> in reality, NO ONE CARES, but you!!

Exactly...

Matush, KidFreeLuvnLife, Nour, Guest, and Poofy_puff, thanks for listening. I appreciate it! I wasn't feeling too good that day that I vented, as I'd had a repeat mammo that morning and was awaiting the results. Turns out it was normal (YAY!). Was pretty on edge since one of my friends was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer 2 years ago with a tumor too small to be palpated by a breast self exam and it already gone into her lymph nodes. She was 36 when she was diagnosed (my age now) and fortunately after chemo, radiation, and a mastectomy is now cancer-free. Considering that and my grandmother (who I loved very much and who was a rock for me when I was a kid) died of breast cancer, I didn't know what to make of the repeat mammo and was scared. The e-mail I'd received was kind of the cherry on top of the cake of that day. Probably went off half-cocked and shot from the hip. Didn't mean to sound like a whiny-butt, but thanks for listening.

JoJo, amethusos*, nokyds4me, solitary, nothing I say will probably change your mind about me since it looks like you think I'm some Bridezilla from hell. Funny thing is, we're all alike on this board in that we don't want to have kids ever and we get pissed off when parents don't control their kids. Food for thought.

In the meantime, it's a beautiful day outside here in Washington and I'm about to go outside for a run. More good news! Just found out I'm up for full Commander this promotion cycle! Here's hoping!
Have a great day y'all!

I'd just add here that while it is your wedding, it's up to each guest to decide if they can come or not. No one should go into debt to get married, or attend a wedding.

Personally, I'd be happy if no ensprogged people showed up at mine, but stupidly enough I'm either friends with them, or about to be their in-law. All I can say is YAY for my non-breeding family.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

SO and I are getting hitched sometime this year. No hoopla, just going to go away for a week and will do it there. Just us and a week of peace and quiet.