Hello baby, goodbye friends: How having children tests friendships

VLM Wrote:
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> This morning, hubby and I were in the kitchen, and
> I saw the calendar on the counter (as we haven't
> even bothered to but it up..and more than likely,
> we won't...) and I said, "Remember when ***** used
> to make cool calendars?", and my husband, I guess
> in defense of his friend said, "I think you're
> letting your feelings about not having children
> get in the way!" and I replied back, "NO, I
> DON'T THINK SO!" Ok, again, I'm excusing his ass
> for that type of comment because he and his friend
> go back a long way, and I know I'm more hardcore
> childfree than he is, but his comment caught me so
> off guard! Like, WTF?

VLM, your husband's comment does set off alarm bells. Be very careful...if you know what I mean. He may be starting to secretly wanting those babies with the snarky-assed statement he made to you. His loyalty is to you unless you said something really horrible about the friend in question. There is nothing wrong with being hardcore CF as I am one, too. Problem is htat many childfree-by-choicers feel they must pander to breeders and please them. Fuck that shit. :cen

amethusos* Wrote:
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> VLM Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > This morning, hubby and I were in the kitchen,
> and
> > I saw the calendar on the counter (as we
> haven't
> > even bothered to but it up..and more than
> likely,
> > we won't...) and I said, "Remember when *****
> used
> > to make cool calendars?", and my husband, I
> guess
> > in defense of his friend said, "I think you're
> > letting your feelings about not having children
> > get in the way!" and I replied back, "NO, I
> > DON'T THINK SO!" Ok, again, I'm excusing his
> ass
> > for that type of comment because he and his
> friend
> > go back a long way, and I know I'm more
> hardcore
> > childfree than he is, but his comment caught me
> so
> > off guard! Like, WTF?
>
> VLM, your husband's comment does set off alarm
> bells. Be very careful...if you know what I mean.
> He may be starting to secretly wanting those
> babies with the snarky-assed statement he made to
> you. His loyalty is to you unless you said
> something really horrible about the friend in
> question. There is nothing wrong with being
> hardcore CF as I am one, too. Problem is htat
> many childfree-by-choicers feel they must pander
> to breeders and please them. Fuck that shit. :cen


I got Essure implants years ago, so no worries there. All this time we have been together (almost 8 years), he has talked a good game about not wanting kids, but sometimes, I really wonder. He still hasn't bothered to get a vasectomy, even after we talked about it. He keeps hemming and hawing about it, but nothing. He even has a urologist, but has not set up an appointment with him.

When hubby made his little comment, I just rolled my eyes at him and kept on going. *LOL* I think because he's her friend, he felt he had to defend her somehow. Good grief.......

I am glad you are protected, VLM. I often wonder about a man...or a woman...who is adamant about not having those babies but will not make it permanent to avoid the little screamers. My former husband said he was glad he had no kids but I believe he secretly wished he had the middle-class life with the "perfect" Carol Brady wife who never said bad words along with those 2.5 kiddies. However, the ex is a looter so there would not have been that suburban lifestyle...

No-one will do a tubal for a childless woman who's 25. No-one. I asked, and the doctor seemed sympathetic - he said that the hospitals are too afraid the woman'll change her mind later and sue. So they decide their policy based on that. Goddamn compensation culture, if it wasn't for this I might never have to go get injections or implants again....
Looks like my chance will come at over 37!!!!!!! Grrrrrrr......

Newbie, you gotta be a bitch when it comes to tubals. I did get my first one done at age 23 by a ob-gyn at Kaiser-Permanente in San Rafael, CA. It was the laser method and failed seven years later. I aborted ASAP. Most people here know the story. A year-and-a-half later in 1996 when I was 32, I got a second tubal in Central Florida by an ob-gyn who had no issue when it came to sterilizing a woman who did not have those squalling babies and nasty children at home. His attitude was that we all have to make our choices in life and deal with it if we find later that we really wanted something else. If you have health insurance, call your provider. Most insurance companies are GLAD...GLAD..GLAD if one of their insureds gets a tubal ligation or a vasectomy as it is mega-expensive to pay for health care for a pregnant woman and then the kid being added onto the policy after birth. Do not give up, Newbie...

Newbie Wrote:
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> No-one will do a tubal for a childless woman who's
> 25. No-one. I asked, and the doctor seemed
> sympathetic - he said that the hospitals are too
> afraid the woman'll change her mind later and sue.
> So they decide their policy based on that. Goddamn
> compensation culture, if it wasn't for this I
> might never have to go get injections or implants
> again....
> Looks like my chance will come at over 37!!!!!!!
> Grrrrrrr......


My GYN was very cool about my Essure procedure. I was given no guff about it. I was 31 at the time I got mine done. Perhaps you can get Essure done?

Here's a lovely article on this very topic...
http://savannahnow.com/node/452898
It's entitled "It can be hard to have friends who aren't moms"

It should be entitled, "I made my life suck, and am green with envy at the friends whose lives don't suck"
Some nuggets of joy I found...
"recently called a friend to see if she wanted to meet for a quick coffee because I was going to be on her side of town."
Of course, call childfree friend...she's not doing anything important anyway.

"I had to stop by a baby store first, but a quick errand turned into 45 minutes because the owner kept talking. The delay meant that Aubrey was already starting to lose her patience"
Yes, it's everyone else's fault you're running late...It's too hard to say "I've got to be somewhere, bye"

Lemme see, you know you're kid is done being out...but...go to the Starfucks anyway...
"I got Aubrey a cookie and sat her down, hoping the cookie would keep her busy. Nope. She thought we were playing musical chairs."
Sugar will calm the child. Smart thinking there. Now, inflict yourself and spawn on your friend...
"My friend and her coffee pal, who I could already tell does not have children, were confused at this game."
Because if you look at a woman with a sugar filled toddler destroying a crowded Starfucks with anything less than complete joy and thankfulness, you obviously don't have children. EVIL!

This part is awesome...
"Remember you said when you stopped working, you wouldn't have a Mommy uniform?" my friend continued.
Did I say that?
OK, so I have these corduroy jeans in every color from the same store - cream, chocolate brown, khaki and gray. I also bought solid-colored long-sleeved shirts in every color - just like Easter eggs, now that I think about it."
Hmmm...it appears you went to the store, found a pair of pants that fit and said "Gimme one in every color" same with the shirt. Sounds like a uniform to me. At least they're not stretch pants.

"I was slightly offended at her question.
But I didn't have time to be. Aubrey was emptying my diaper bag onto the floor. It was then that I noticed my friend's Coach tennis shoes. I didn't even know they made those. She was in slacks and a nice dress shirt and looked so relaxed sipping her coffee"
Bitter? I hardly knew 'er. Lessee...she expresses surprise that her friend, who is not wrangling a sugar enraged toadler, is well dressed and relaxed? Now that she's a Mom, she really picks up on things no one else can comprehend.

And the bingo-riffic capper...
"That night, I thought about the outing and how wrong it went. I know another mother would understand it's just what happens to all moms sometimes.
But I am a bit envious of my friend's free time, her tantrum-free life. Maybe even of her Coach tennis shoes. I hope she doesn't think my daughter behaves like that every day.
If she does, I'm just going to have to count on my friend to empathize a little - even if she doesn't have kids."
Are the childfree even capable of human kindness? The relaxed, well dressed BITCH WHORE!!! How dare she judge ME!! I'm a MOTHER!!! EVERYTHING I DO IS RIGHT!!! Even if I know it's time to take the kid home, even if I fill the child with sugar, even if I wait until it's completely freaking out screaming before I remove it from the Starfucks, even if I managed to only say 2 words to my friend before I just left with out even saying good bye, even though I just wrote a whole column about what an EVIL BITCH she is simply by being relaxed and well dressed....SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME!! I AM MOTHER...HEAR ME MOOOOOOOOOOO!

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Beginning of article: "If I didn't notice it before, I get it now: There is a huge difference between my girlfriends who have kids and those who do not."

Your girlfriends who have shitsacks are as boring and as self-centered as you. The ones who do not--if they haven't dumped you as a friend yet--are cool and interesting.

Here's Angie Moo again: "I was on borrowed time. But for some stupid reason, I still decided to meet my friend."

Angie, moos like you have all the time in the world. Fuck you and your attitude that you did a favor in meeting your so-called friend, who I hope crossed you off her friend list by now.

Keep working more hours, CF people! Millions of breeders depend on us.

"I hope she doesn't think my daughter behaves like that every day.
If she does, I'm just going to have to count on my friend to empathize a little - even if she doesn't have kids."

I wouldn't hold my breath, dearie.

The nerve of this woman, expecting anyone to "empathize" with her and her sociopathic little toadstool.

NO BODY is required to "empathize" with the moo and her uncivilized brat. Once the "children should be seen and not heard" attitude stopped, it became all about not hurting Bratney's aura or making him feel "bad" for being disruptive in public. The mother is one who has to make changes. Not the friends or acquaintances who chose a life without those children. I feel my head about to explode when I see the "little sweetie" messing with the store goods and taking everything apart while Mombie just looks on thinking WE have the problem.

Peppertree Wrote:
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> "I hope she doesn't think my daughter behaves like
> that every day.
> If she does, I'm just going to have to count on my
> friend to empathize a little - even if she doesn't
> have kids."

Please...moo knows her daughter behaves like that every single day. Even if she doesn't, that does not mean she gets a 'free pass' to tear apart Starbucks' merchandise.

That's what chaps my ass. The whole "empathize" thing. WHY should we empathize? Just because the moo made a mess of her life doesn't mean that everyone should pander to it. Sorry bitch, BED MADE LIE. I want no parts of childed messes which is why I have no friends with kids.

Hi,
Thanks for the tubal advice... I'll ask, but this is the UK and I'm a student, I can't afford to go private... Doesn't hurt to try though.

Good luck, Newbie.
Don't give up!

Newbie Wrote:
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> Hi,
> Thanks for the tubal advice... I'll ask, but
> this is the UK and I'm a student, I can't afford
> to go private... Doesn't hurt to try though.
>

Isn't there a Marie Stopes clinic in the UK that will give a woman a tubal with no questions and bullshit?

Oh, I thought Marie Stopes mostly did abortions no questions asked... I shall certainly call them and find out! Thanks!