Met A New Childfree'er!

SO and I were out at some of the local wineries this past weekend and I met a really cool hostess at the one. As she was serving us, I saw her roll her eyes, I looked towards the door to see a couple hauling a newly hatched loaf in a stroller. I looked back at the hostess and we just started in. It was great.

She's 27 and was telling me how she never wanted kids and how everyone is up in her shit about it, etc. Of course I gave her my very militant speech on how NOT to let anyone talk her out of her decision - like the protective big sister. It was a hoot. We went on to talk about all the bingos and how misery loves company and all the other other jucy laughables we CF'ers get. And she goes, "And I don't even care, call me selfish, I didn't get an education and have hobbies that I like just to have to take care of some kid when I'm married." We talked about how hard it is to find a truly CF man.

there are a few out there, but its an even smaller group.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

KidFreeLuvnLife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> She's 27 and was telling me how she never wanted
> kids and how everyone is up in her shit about it,
> etc. Of course I gave her my very militant speech
> on how NOT to let anyone talk her out of her
> decision - like the protective big sister. It was
> a hoot. We went on to talk about all the bingos
> and how misery loves company and all the other
> other jucy laughables we CF'ers get. And she
> goes, "And I don't even care, call me selfish, I
> didn't get an education and have hobbies that I
> like just to have to take care of some kid when
> I'm married." We talked about how hard it is to
> find a truly CF man.

It IS hard to find a truly CF man...and a nice one at that! On alt.support.childfree years ago, there was this CF'er who threatened to rape women on the board who disagreed with him and loved to go to the strip clubs to put dollar bills in the single moms' garters. People are people regardless of lifestyle choices.

I thought we guys naturally leaned toward the CF side of the fence. I've always been CF in mind. Going to make it CF in body, er, so to speak, in less than 2 weeks. Eek.

yes, i think a lot of men are ambivalent about having children. but if we looked deep into our hearts, a lot of men are cf, by inclination, if nothing else.

of course there are some uber breeder males, just like uber breeder women.

bag of frozen peas, cfvter. and good luck,

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I disagree. I don't think that most males are CF by inclination. The majority of men want kids, just like women. People (both men and women) who are CF are in the minority.

Nour has a point. Society conditions people to pair up and reproduce. It seems that many males do not want to commit and are more OK with recreational sex than females. Women are taught to be a "good girl". Too many books are written re: 'dating rules' and how long to wait to have sex lest the man thinks she is an 'easy slut' despite his own sexcapades. Women are taught to date to look for a husband and to lie about the # of past lovers while men brag about who and what they have done sexually. Getting a reluctant man to the altar is considered a big achievement for a woman. Many fellows feel pressure to breed to carry on the family name and to look good in business. Most companies prefer their Presidents, VPs, CEOs, and other high-end people to be married men with children. The corporate bosses view marriage and kids as being 'more stable'. It is also easier to intimidate someone on the job who has all of those mouths to feed.

Merc is right about some men feeling ambivalent about having kids, but most will default on the side of having them because "that's what people do."

My BF's birthday should be fun. His father is flying out to visit him. Me and the BF think he's coming out to check up on him.
The BF is the oldest of the three kids (he will soon be 32) and his younger brother has a kid who’s around 2. The youngest, his sister, is current pignant. (She’s a real drama queen, BTW.) The family is Catholic; but my BF is not very religious. I’m sure they’re all: What’s up with him being 32 and having a GF for so long and not adding to their quiver of grandsprogs? HORK

i will say that most of my male friends, who i have spoken too all say the same thing, they arent very interested in having kids, same with my brothers friends.

maybe its a cultural, or it could be that some men only talk about certain things to other men, like there are things women talk about to other women and no men.

i agree there are some men like that. maybe i am lucky, but 90% of my male friends, dont want kids. they tell me this, they dont tell their girlfriends this. because some beleive that having a child is what to do when you get married as has been said, whatever the personal doubts someone has.

it doesnt always mean men want them. theres a pressure on them as well different to the pressure on women (some say you're only a real man if you have children etc). I think the male cf is there in a proto form in many men. maybe your right nour, and i have been lucky, or maybe a lot of these men dont talk about it to women or their partners so you dont know about it. a lot of the case its the path of least resistance. (like if you know she is gonna nag at you for months and years, you might as well give her what she wants, just to stop her bitching about it. WHICH IS WRONG but it happens like that, i used to be like that. i didnt talk about my disinterest of kids, a few of my girl friends way before rowan, talked about kids, i would have gone along with it (and luckily i avoided that trap,), and been disatisfied with my life. So i know that if it could have happened to me, it could happen to any male. not that i am knocking any comments just my view as a male from the same point in my own past about 7 years ago)

there are always exceptions. i think if you ask any of the male cf's on this board, about their friends a lot will be ambivalent, some will be breeders.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I never felt a great urge to have a kid; neither did/does my wife. Part of it is we're just not that into kids - and never have been. Don't hate them (generally; some are worthy of hatred).... just don't have the (to us) weird reverence that so many people seem to have for kids as the be-all/end-all of life.

But there are other factors, specifically monetary and also values-related. Having a kid today involves an immense financial/personal commitment; we have been lucky enough to build enjoyable and successful careers as self-employed workers - and a modicum of financial security in that we're not broke and can afford to do things like go out to a nice restaurant once a week or so. We aren't rich - but we aren't in debt - and don't worry about money nearly as much as our friends with kids do. We can drive a ten-year-old (and paid-for) regular cab pick-up; we don't need to buy a "kid-friendly" car... or spend money on all the other stuff (such as putting aside $100k-plus to fund an almost essential college degree), etc.

We understand that having a kid would entail huge sacrifices, as well as chain us to the system - a system we prefer to keep at a distance to the extent possible! The prospect of having to work well into our 60s (maybe longer) to support ourselves and a kid (vs. being in a position to throttle back in our 50s if we wanted and enjoy ourselves) is seriously unappealing. And for what? We don't feel a hole in our lives; we are happy and fulfilled and have plenty to do that we enjoy - including our hobbies and our animals - and which we would not have the time/money for if we had a kid.

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent - those who aren't really interested and fully committed to the responsibility are not "selfish" or defective for electing not to make themselves and a kid who had no say in the matter miserable.

I never felt a great urge to have a kid; neither did/does my wife. Part of it is we're just not that into kids - and never have been. Don't hate them (generally; some are worthy of hatred).... just don't have the (to us) weird reverence that so many people seem to have for kids as the be-all/end-all of life.

But there are other factors, specifically monetary and also values-related. Having a kid today involves an immense financial/personal commitment; we have been lucky enough to build enjoyable and successful careers as self-employed workers - and a modicum of financial security in that we're not broke and can afford to do things like go out to a nice restaurant once a week or so. We aren't rich - but we aren't in debt - and don't worry about money nearly as much as our friends with kids do. We can drive a ten-year-old (and paid-for) regular cab pick-up; we don't need to buy a "kid-friendly" car... or spend money on all the other stuff (such as putting aside $100k-plus to fund an almost essential college degree), etc.

We understand that having a kid would entail huge sacrifices, as well as chain us to the system - a system we prefer to keep at a distance to the extent possible! The prospect of having to work well into our 60s (maybe longer) to support ourselves and a kid (vs. being in a position to throttle back in our 50s if we wanted and enjoy ourselves) is seriously unappealing. And for what? We don't feel a hole in our lives; we are happy and fulfilled and have plenty to do that we enjoy - including our hobbies and our animals - and which we would not have the time/money for if we had a kid.

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent - those who aren't really interested and fully committed to the responsibility are not "selfish" or defective for electing not to make themselves and a kid who had no say in the matter miserable.