Classic Placenta Brain Article

Enjoy.........

Some of the article is delusional, as usual, but it's just them trying to save face so they don't seem so stupid.

Also, read some of the silly linked articles.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/04/08/par.mom.brain/index.html

This one's a real doozie:

http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/-/71-New-Mom-Truths

Jesus Fucking Christ, the second article almost made me lose my breakfast! There's so much wrong with it. Here are some of my favorite gems:

22. You will pretend you don't smell your child's dirty diaper as you hand her to Dad.

32. You will get peed, puked, or pooped on when you have nothing handy to change into.

ALL I CAN SAY IS: HORK!!!!!

36. You will slide a picture of your bambino on top of the wedding photo in your wallet.

22+36=YOUR MAN CHEATING ON YOUR ASS BECAUSE HE IS RELEGATED TO SECOND PLACE BEHIND THE GOLDENSPROG.

40. You will e-mail friends and family pictures of the baby, always noting that if they want to stop receiving the updates you'll totally understand.
THEN YOU'LL STILL TALK SHIT ABOUT THEM BECAUSE EVERYONE SHOULD BOW DOWN TO YOU FOR BREEDING.

44. You will catch your husband or partner being moved to tears by the baby.
THOSE TEARS ARE HIM REALIZING THAT YOUR LIVES ARE GOING DOWN THE SHITTER AND HIS FREEDOM IS NON-EXISTENT NOW BECAUSE OF THE GOLDENSPROG. ALL HIS MONEY WILL GO TOWARDS YOUR UNEMPLOYED ASS AND EXPENSIVE KINDERCRAP FOR SHITLEIGH.

45. You will feel so lucky to have a child when you catch up with a friend who's been struggling to get pregnant.
SURE, MOO! WHAT BETTER WAY TO VALIDATE YOUR LIFE BY SCOFFING AT A FRIEND WHO'S HAVING FERTILITY PROBLEMS. I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE SINCE YOUR IDENITY NOW IS "MOMMY" AND FUCK HAVING A HOBBY, TALENTS, OR A CAREER.

52. You will not be in the mood for sex as he runs his foot along your unshaven legs and touches your greasy hair.
THIS MADE MY OVARIES SHRIVEL AND DIE. BECAUSE BRATS ARE SO DEMANDING, A WOMAN HAS NO TIME TO FIX HERSELF UP ANYMORE. GAH!

54. You will consider your husband's work commute his alone time, and be jealous of it.
OH LORD! YOUR WALLET IS SUPPORTING YOUR ASS. GET A JOB OR GET OVER IT. THEREFORE 22+36+52+54ON'T BE SURPRISED IF HE WANTS A DIVORCE.

71. You will marvel at the volumes of unconditional love you have for your most wonderful achievement -- your baby.
BECAUSE IN THE BREEDERIFIC YEAR OF 2008, THIS IS APPARENTLY ALL A WOMAN CAN ACHIEVE (NOT). JUNE CLEAVER CALLED AND SAID SHE WANTED THE 1950s BACK.

40. You will e-mail friends and family pictures of the baby, always noting that if they want to stop receiving the updates you'll totally understand.

Riight.

44. You will catch your husband or partner being moved to tears by the baby.

He's "moved to tears" because he's sick of you and your baby fetish and wishes he could get away from the baby for a few hours.

46. You will hear about criminals on the news and wonder what their moms are doing.

You won't give a shit about anybody anymore!

47. You will wake up feeling sick one morning but will muster the strength to get through the day with your baby because you have to.

You have to take care of the baby because you have to by law.

51. You will actually be in the mood for sex one night, only to find that your husband's passed out cold in bed.

He's actually pretending to be asleep because you are more in love with the baby and that's a big turn off.

Actually, for #51 I was thinking more of:

51. 'You will actually be in the mood for sex one night, only to find that your husband's passed out cold in bed.'

*see rule # 52.! After running his feet along your unshaven legs and touches your greasy hair*...hellllloooooo, he ain't passed out you stupid bitch, you're just NASTY!!!

That whole list makes me sick. It's nothing more than the worded-version of someone's life that has turned to a pile of ashes.

HORK!